I screwed up my life =). QQ blog.

On February 02 2013 13:18 Assault_1 wrote:
what kind of jobs can you get in political science? I couldnt imagine committing to a career path and then regretting it so late in the game, but it happens to alot of people.. maybe reading some of their stories will cheer you up/help you decide what to do.

I'll be that uninteresting fellow in a sea of uninteresting fucks, and once in a while I'll have an existential crisis

On February 02 2013 13:18 Assault_1 wrote:
what kind of jobs can you get in political science? I couldnt imagine committing to a career path and then regretting it so late in the game, but it happens to alot of people.. maybe reading some of their stories will cheer you up/help you decide what to do.

On February 02 2013 13:33 babylon wrote:

A lot of things, actually. You can work for the government (even the FBI/CIA), work for think-tanks, go into consulting, do political analysis for the military, get a PhD and become a prof, etc. It's not a bad field to go into if you build up your resume along the way and know exactly what you're gunning for. (I have two poli sci friends who are both heading down the analysis/think-tank route, for example, and they started their run for those careers three years ago. It is really a pretty decent field for employment, in my opinion.)


So do something interesting like, uh, most interesting people? :/ Sorry if I sound harsh, but interesting people aren't "interesting" by default. They're interesting because of their experiences. Sure, you screwed up and have wasted a big chunk of your life, but you should take that as motivation to get it back on-track. (Why do you want to apply to med school anyways ...?)

Get a boring job and stifle my ambitions for the rest of my life. That's what it's looking like. I'll be that uninteresting fellow in a sea of uninteresting fucks, and once in a while I'll have an existential crisis.

On February 02 2013 13:03 Djzapz wrote:
I typically start writing these blogs when I get bored/sad and feel the need to talk to someone without directly bothering anyone that I know. It leads to me writing my life story which can get quite extensive, but this time I'll do my best to be concise and I'll leave a lot of things out. Here goes. [Note: Sorry, it turned out messy]

On dec 23rd last year I got dumped by my gf of 7 years, technically we had been engaged for the previous 3 years or so. I didn't take it so well, and unfortunately these kinds of events have a tendency of putting things into perspective. Now, I realize that I am disappointed in myself, and I ought to be...

For reference, I'm 23 now. Anywho, when I was a kid, I was pretty great. The most notable thing is, I was happy. Probably because I felt like I had something to look forward to. I was told that I could accomplish great things (lol ikr!). When teachers did their orientation things I would say that I hoped to be a "scientist" which is funny in retrospect but whatever, it was cute I'm sure. However a series of events, some of which I'll probably never know about, led to me progressively lowering the bar all the way down to where I am now.

I assume this is common, but when I was about 11-12, I stopped caring about my grades, and although I was consistently miles above the class averages, I was no where in the elite which you need to be in to even hope to have the grades for med school. Let's say I was a B+ student, miles above a C- average. It obviously put me in the shadow of A+ students.

To make a long story short, when I was 14, one year of bad grades in math made me branch off in the wrong direction, and while I could have taken the additional class to catch up, I didn't have the drive, and I really wish I had had the maturity to go for it instead of aimlessly fucking around for years. That bad grade in math is the tangible tipping point of where my desire to go to med school went from "it'll be tough" to "fuck it I can't do it". I was lazy, I still am. It's because I'm not looking forward to anything anymore, I've given up.

Now like I said before, I'm 23, and I've been going in the wrong direction for 6 years. I've blown my way through a bachelor in political science and I'm currently working my way through a masters. I used to be at least a little bit proud of it but now I realize that it's dumb and useless. Why did I do this?

I feel like I'm checkmated, I really do. Some of my buddies tell me that I should "just fucking do it"' jump ship 1 year before getting my masters and try to work toward med school. However, the system is such that the B/B+ average that I had when I was 18ish still makes me look bad, so I likely would have to jump through hoops to get admitted to med school - we're potentially talking about needing an entire bachelor in something "related to medicine" like pharmacy for instance. Overall, it could take 13-15 years instead of the typical 10-12. I'd almost be 40. On top of that, I'm afraid I've racked too many bad habits. Maybe I wouldn't even pull it off.

I can only live once and no matter what I do now, I have severely fucked up and a huge chunk of my life is wasted, if not all of it because I'll never live up to the expectations that I have for myself. The expectations that I should have had when it mattered - when it was really time to get my shit together.


And for the longest time, I was almost proud to qualify myself as an avid gamer. It was my identity and there was nothing wrong with being passionate about something - right? Meanwhile, real life was rotting away. A 23 year old poli sci bachelor wearing his team dignitas jersey, ranting on forums about how SC2 isn't good enough for me... Fucking pathetic. And why was I so proud to be a gamer? Looking back, at least for me, it was clearly a weakness... I wasn't good enough to deal with my gaming addiction, and never bothered to put the necessary efforts into anything. And today I don't feel like I've earned anything. I got my bachelor while slacking off, I'll get my masters while slacking off. Then what?

Get a boring job and stifle my ambitions for the rest of my life. That's what it's looking like. I'll be that uninteresting fellow in a sea of uninteresting fucks, and once in a while I'll have an existential crisis. Years later I'll die a nobody. I'm tearing up a little writing this here. And to think I''m an arrogant megalomaniac most of the time...

On February 02 2013 14:24 Daray wrote:


I'm pretty sure that's like 99% of people right there. Most people aren't doing what they "really" want to do or atleast they don't think they're living an interesting life.

On February 02 2013 14:25 Rollin wrote:
Here in Australia the content of your degree doesn't matter so much as having the degree. My father's friend is an engineer with a bachelor of agricultural science or something, that just has been working in the engineering field so long that that's all that matters. If he didn't have that bachelor's it would be pretty hard to have gotten into the field though. I'm not sure how useful a masters would be though, but aren't they normally like only 2-3 years anyway?

It seems to me that you're just suffering from excessive sadness (from the breakup), or perhaps longterm depression, in which case even if you were at med-school you'd feel shit too. Part of life is realizing that everyone has a role to play, a doctor isn't all that more important than any other profession, unless you have a huge shortage of doctors or something in your country, to fill a dire need. I think if you were in med school at this time you'd be having doubts about completing another 5 years or whatever to do be stuck in a narrow, taxing field for the rest of your life (or basically having wasted the whole of your life doing med-school).

If you are [actually clinically] depressed though, there's nothing anyone can say to fix it, you'll have to wait for it to pass or take action against it, coming from someone with depression.

On February 02 2013 14:36 Darkren wrote:


I am a student of 21 who just started university in biophysics and i must say u have a very weird vision of the world. So either u go to med school and succed in one of the hardest life unimaginable (from your point of view) or end up failing and doing political science ( nothing against u guys i have alot of friends in that sector) how do u link the two. The goal of studies is to do something u like, not to take the hardest thing just because it is well seen by the society to be a doctor. There exist alot of jobs all inbetween, alot of people can make a difference in the world beside doctors.

Abandoning at 23 because u dont feel like doing is just a stupid thing to do ( and u know it!!!), maybe working on that arrogant megalomaniac thing might help u, meeting people and seeing what everyone is doing is an eye opener.

If u feel school is not for u and have to find your way in life, u could volunter around the world for the red cross or other things for charity and all the people who suffer around this world.

On February 02 2013 14:43 Djzapz wrote:

I'd settle with being at least mostly comfortable with what I do. Reading myself, I come off as condescending to people who have certain types of jobs, but I know there are janitors out there who have more heart than I do and are happier than I ever will be.


I've felt like this before the breakup as well, it comes and goes. I've been sad in general for a while, generally I just don't think about it... but I don't know that it's depression, I don't think so. Anyway I dunno so I can't really talk about it.

As for the doctor thing, it's just that I personally look up to them.


I would like to go to med school because I have a lot of admiration for doctors and I can see myself actually feeling good about what I'm doing if I were a doctor. I wouldn't do it BECAUSE it hard, I would do it because I would like to do that - and it happens to be a difficult domain to get into.

On February 02 2013 14:41 WarSame wrote:
Djzapz, I've talked to you on the forums a few times(most noticeably on the Quebec threads) and you were always an educating, pleasurable person to talk to. You've got at least that going for you, and likely much more you don't fully weight.

While it does suck to be 23 and have a degree in something you don't think will find you employment and you will enjoy, you are 23. Keep that in mind - you are 5 years out of high school. It is entirely possible to start another career path from now on. For example, depending on your school, engineering degrees don't require super high admission averages and yield high paying jobs(on the flip side they are a lot of work).

Your situation is not entirely hopeless - but it is an uphill climb. You dug yourself into a hole through your earlier actions, and now you have to dig yourself back out. You can do it, but it'll require you to care and devote yourself to it. And if you don't devote yourself to turning your life around then you'll become another one of those uninteresting people doing uninteresting things wasting your life away. And no one will care except you.

To be honest, it seems like you are going through a period of depression, maybe stemming from your breakup. The same thing happened to me earlier in the year. Things fell through with a girl, bad thought cycle occurred, had serious doubts about what I was doing, etc. If you feel it may be depression try breaking it ASAP. Here is some advice. The key points are get outside and get more exercise.

On February 02 2013 14:50 Darkren wrote:


U still haven't answered any of the points i bring up, there are alot of jobs that u could still get into and enjoy, (like how do u even know that u would like being a doctor, do you know what they do in first they a learn all the veins and bones in the body for a year), if u want it that badly that u cant see yourself in anything else, then that is enough motivation to go through with it.

On February 02 2013 14:58 Djzapz wrote:

Thank you, I'm glad you like my posting. I do tend to get overzealous sometimes, I hope you didn't see too much of my bad side =P.

And yeah I need to go outside but it's so f'ing cold =_=


I haven't really been able to think of many jobs that I'd like to do, frankly. It's not that I haven't thought about it either, I have - extensively. Nothing interests me very much. As for if I absolutely know that I would like being a doctor, not at all. I'm sure that job would actually slap me around quite a bit. But there are some elements that work for me - the challenge in general, the complexity and just the possibility to directly make some sort of difference. It's hard to explain but yeah.

On February 02 2013 15:14 M-buster wrote:
it's hard giving advice to someone in such a situation. you are very privileged in many ways, but are right to be disappointed since you are not where you should have been had you done what you had to way back when. it seems as if you feel like you are too smart and too good to be at your present situation, and it's probably true. 12 years is a long time, and that is if you even reach your goal. what if you quit six years in, how would you feel then? what if you become a doctor and it itsn't quite what you thought it'd be? to me it seems like you are right in questioning where your life is going, but are not ready to make a decision on what to do with it just yet. give it some time, think about what it really is that you want, what makes you happy about being a doctor, about yourself and you might discover some other area in which you could flourish. Life can surprise you when you least expect it. best of luck.

On February 02 2013 15:25 Darkren wrote:


Look seing as youve majored in political science and that u live in canada ( i also live in quebec), u need ur pure and applied or health science to get into medical schools, i know most big univerities give a program of like 1 year and a half to catch up in all courses in science. from there u will have classes in math, physic, chem and biology and u can see better which field of work might interest u. I would suggest by going that way. Good luck

On February 02 2013 15:32 Djzapz wrote:

Thanks. But yeah as much as I shouldn't make quick decisions that may turn out to be dumb, if I wait too much longer, I may end up digging myself even deeper in this hole. Maybe I'd be better off accepting this mess rather than trying something else, potentially failing and then I'd have to have to accept an even bigger mess -_-. Admittedly I'm not exactly confident in my ability to pull off med school. I think I CAN... I don't know if I would. I obviously have a tested and true history of under-performing.


Yeah I suppose unis may have better solutions than going all the way back to cegep. Thanks for the heads up.

On February 02 2013 14:43 Djzapz wrote:
I would like to go to med school because I have a lot of admiration for doctors and I can see myself actually feeling good about what I'm doing if I were a doctor. I wouldn't do it BECAUSE it hard, I would do it because I would like to do that - and it happens to be a difficult domain to get into.

On February 02 2013 18:02 Kuni wrote:
You cannot waste your lifetime. Everything you do provides you with more experience. You live, no matter what you do. There is no wasted lifetime. You only waste time towards reaching a specific goal and goals are replacable, self-imposed steps to make you feel like you have a meaning, but it is never too late to change, never too late to change your goals.

As long as you don't ruin your body or your mind, the rest is not really that important.

On February 02 2013 21:43 r.Evo wrote:

Someone has to tell you: You're lying to yourself. You don't want to go to medschool. You want to be able to say "I would have gone to medschool if this or that would have been different" to feel better about yourself.

You don't sound stupid from what I'm reading here. You just sound lazy as fuck. Get your shit together.

(<3)

On February 02 2013 23:28 r.Evo wrote:
Just because you didn't do good enough to achieve something doesn't mean that you are not good enough to achieve something.

Also damn, your desk is pretty cleaned up for a lazy person.

On February 03 2013 04:28 metbull wrote:
Pre-med is a science related field of study that includes fields of study that can be directly related to the human body, thus are desired by medical schools for acceptance into their programs.
A degree in biology (which is a pre-med) degree can be used to become a scientist and not a doctor.
BS Biology -> MS Biology (specialized field) -> PhD Biology (even more specialized field) -> Scientist
If you get a pharmacy bachelors degree, you might as well get your entire Pharmacy degree (they are "scientists" of a sort, and make a lot of money).

gl

On February 02 2013 13:03 Djzapz wrote:
I can only live once and no matter what I do now, I have severely fucked up and a huge chunk of my life is wasted, if not all of it because I'll never live up to the expectations that I have for myself. The expectations that I should have had when it mattered - when it was really time to get my shit together.

On February 03 2013 12:51 Masq wrote:
most med schools in canada only require a fraction of an undergrad to be relevant.

I think you need Bio/Math/Chem/Physics year 1+2 and maybe a stats class depending where you want to go.

You could make up those classes in 1 year if you were motivated enough without much trouble.

edit: and if youre doing your masters, I assume you have math + stats done already. Not that far off.

On February 04 2013 03:05 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
reading this made me realize how lost i am in my own life and how futile this pathetic existence is.

On February 03 2013 13:33 Djzapz wrote:

I started gathering up info for how to go about it but Quebec's education system is very different from the rest of Canada. I've done linear algebra, calculus 1 and 2 and a stats class, but it was all in the social sciences stuff, so they're dumbed down in comparison to the science maths. At this point though I can handle maths/stats just fine - it still would suck to have to do it all over again though.

On February 04 2013 07:13 GaNgStaRR.ElV wrote:
Maybe not but your life and details In blog are eerily similar to mine so it got me thinking

On February 04 2013 09:59 Darkren wrote:


U don't really need any math if ur going into premed no?

Like how well do you remember calc 2 (integrals) and linear algebra (matrice + complex numbers)

On February 02 2013 20:08 DanielHetberg wrote:
I suggest reading Ken Grimwood's "Replay" in that context, it moved me quite deeply and made me realize a couple of things about my own life.

On February 04 2013 15:31 Jibba wrote:
This is completely a guess, but I don't think your issues stem from your education path. I bet it goes deeper than that, and if you were in pre-med or med school right now, it wouldn't fix how you feel about your interests or self-value.

Why did you go into poli-sci and why do you think you want to go into medicine? Because you set high ambitions for yourself doesn't sound like a great reason. I think you can meet that satisfaction of helping people and meet high ambitions in almost any industry you choose, as long as you actually go for it. If there's something about helping sick people you like, you can always get a Masters in health policy or management or just a general public policy Masters. There's lots of opportunities right now for health related policy & management.

The good news is that you're young, you're not nearly as deep as you think you are, lots of people are similarly confused and sad (but don't publicly admit it) and we live in societies that are very accepting of second, third and fourth chances. I think you should figure out what's going on inside, while also figuring out what you want to do. Not just what title you want to have, but what you like about those titles, because you've probably got several opportunities to reach them that don't seem obvious yet.

On February 05 2013 00:24 Doodsmack wrote:
And here I thought you had actually screwed up your life. But in fact, you're young and will soon be getting a masters degree. You have no conception of what failure is, bud.

And to think, you probably only dreamed of med school because of the money.