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In the end, she left me.
We were together for almost a year. It was a rare story. I met her in junior high and I loved her to death: she never cared for me, because at that age she liked the bullies and I was always the shy guy. Then we meet again, ten years later, and we fall in love. She was home for Christmas, and we met in a club, just few words. Destiny wanted us to meet again a week later and we had the greatest days in our life. She had to leave because she was studying abroad and she still had 6 months to go (january to june). We kept in touch and after one month I visited her: we did this carousel until may, where I moved abroad with her 2 months and we lived together. Then we returned home and everything was so perfect... the first girl I pictured as a wife, we talked about kids, we talked about marriage.
Problem arose last month. I've always had troubles with accepting her past (the way she treats her past relationships, the way she has been with more people than I did) but that was my problem of the relationship. Her was jealousy: she would get mad even at friends' girlfriends and we would argue literally for nothing. It was ok: couples have they fights and no one is perfect. In the beginning of december she told me that she felt things were not ok: she believed we were not compatible. She wrote me a list of those problems she considered huge:
1-the past
2-the way I behave with people
3-we laugh for different things
While the last two points are ridicolous, and we discussed about that, the problem was with the main one. Basically, one time we fought harshly and I told her something similar to 'I don't like your slutty past.' She got terribly mad at this and, according to her, from that day things changed. I did everything in my power to explain her that when people fight, they often say things they don't believe! This is so common. How many times did she offend me when we fight? How comes I always forgive her? Because it's NORMAL. You have to be mature enough to understand that. It's so basic...
After that fight, we had a pause of 2-3 days, after those she wrote me 'I miss you too much' and we got back together. Things were going perfectly then, after another 10 days, she started with all the same stuff again and left me. She didn't even want to meet me in person to say goodbye: I had to force her (because I also wanted to give her my speech). This is so ridicolous... I've always been in good relationship with her family and her friends. Her family tells me 'we have really no idea.' Her sister told her 'stop behaving like he's the only one suffering: you're suffering too, because you like him. that's stupid.'
I spoke with her best friend, a girl who studies psychology, who was more on my side rather than on hers. She told me that my ex gf has some problems, derived from her parents divorce, and that she is completely immature are 23 years old. She always ended all of her previous relationships: she just can't seem to be happy and everytime she is in a relaxed state, anxiety devours her.
So now I'm here, one week after the break up. I'm basically getting drunk every night and going to bed in the hope she comes back. I loved her to death. I'm trying to act hard when I go out, when I see her friends... I try to be the 'I'm ok' guy, but when I'm home alone I'm dying. I've never drunk as much as these past 7 days. The last thing I bought from my riflession was this: I convinced myself that I can always hope for her to come back, and this reassures me a LOT. Meanwhile, I will not stay all day at home weeping... I'll go out, have fun, do stuff. If she comes back, I'll pose condition for a sane relationship to work. If she doesn't, I'll hope I'll find a nicer girl to forget her.
This is my rant, drunk again, at 01.16... to whoever who red this far, thank you.
 
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I can't really offer any advice, but I can offer my moral support I guess .__. you seem like a really really nice guy, and I hope you get through this alright  perhaps she really isn't the one for you, if only because of how she's acted.
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Ah, I remember this one. You, sir, were a little overworried about her slutty past. Well, now you don't have to worry about that anymore at least.
Stop getting drunk. Try to sleep with one of her friends.
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Alcohol can't bring her back, buddy. Neither will your dreams. Sober up!
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I don't know what you mean by "hope that she ll come back" but personally, if you do nothing, nothing will happen. Maybe you should wait a little while till all those "heat of the moment" things have calm down (maybe 1 week's been enough), then probably talk to her again. Girls are by nature less likely to take actions, so chances are not high that she ll initiate something even if she might want to. At least, it's lower than the chances of her agreeing to work things out with you should you choose to take the first step.
Of course, it might just not work out at all. In that case =/ well do something about it ur own way, hahaha.
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On December 30 2012 09:34 Tommie wrote:
Ah, I remember this one. You, sir, were a little overworried about her slutty past. Well, now you don't have to worry about that anymore at least.
Stop getting drunk. Try to sleep with one of her friends.
I was, but as I told her when we clarified: ' I don't care about your past now: I've grown on this matter... I don't have to accept everything you did in your past and be happy about it. I love it as you are NOW.'
She doesn't believe me still. She's got some serious mental problems, but I want help her to get through them because I want her to be my wife.
Also, her friends are ugly as shit and everyone got a boyfriend.
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idk how is where you live but talking about marriage and kids at the age of 23 ist too much? also is obvously that she has problems, maybe she would come back when she can solve them, dont destroy yourself, man up
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Aerisnky, thanks for you reading this. It already helps to have nice people supporting me...
Ffreakk, I think I'll wait a bit and see how it goes. A lot of her friends are studying abroad and now they are here for the holidays and she is hanging out with them - their comments on facebook pictures are so stupid I would kill myself to redeem whole mankind. Since she is the one who left me and did all the mess, I believe she should be the one getting back at me...
Thank you guys. I love you all 
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On December 30 2012 09:42 Topin wrote:
idk how is where you live but talking about marriage and kids at the age of 23 ist too much? also is obvously that she has problems, maybe she would come back when she can solve them, dont destroy yourself, man up
I mean talking in my head, not talking to her: I believed she was the right girl for me, the one I would have seen me right to have a family.
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If she (or any girlfriend of yours) is showing that her past relationships aren't affecting who she is now (e.g. maybe she had many boyfriends or had an odd past but she's since reformed), you need to do your best to get over it and focus on the present and the future. Unless she directly hurt you by doing something in the past, you can't stay bothered by it forever (or you have to take that into consideration long before you agree to start going out with her). Don't hold grudges in a relationship; especially when they're not related to you.
If she's going to start some superficial bullshit or unjustified jealousy, and you can't explain to her that there's no reason for her to act that way, then the relationship might not be worth it. Note that that doesn't mean you should be fooling around or flirting with any girl that passes your way and expect her to be okay with it (and vice-versa). She should care about you and who you hang out with, and you should only be showing those feelings for her if you two are actually exclusive. Even emotional cheating (as opposed to physical) can hurt and cause trust issues in a relationship.
The relationship seems spotty at best, in my opinion. It doesn't really look like the foundation is there. You can hope that you two will get back together again, but you both seem to have fundamental issues with one another and I would keep an open mind on what the future may bring.
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On December 30 2012 10:01 SoSexy wrote:
On December 30 2012 09:56 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
If she (or any girlfriend of yours) is showing that her past relationships aren't affecting who she is now (e.g. maybe she had many boyfriends or had an odd past but she's since reformed), you need to do your best to get over it and focus on the present and the future. Unless she directly hurt you by doing something in the past, you can't stay bothered by it forever (or you have to take that into consideration long before you agree to start going out with her). Don't hold grudges in a relationship; especially when they're not related to you.
If she's going to start some superficial bullshit or unjustified jealousy, and you can't explain to her that there's no reason for her to act that way, then the relationship might not be worth it. Note that that doesn't mean you should be fooling around or flirting with any girl that passes your way and expect her to be okay with it (and vice-versa). She should care about you and who you hang out with, and you should only be showing those feelings for her if you two are actually exclusive. Even emotional cheating (as opposed to physical) can hurt and cause trust issues in a relationship.
The relationship seems spotty at best, in my opinion. It doesn't really look like the foundation is there. You can hope that you two will get back together again, but you both seem to have fundamental issues with one another and I would keep an open mind on what the future may bring.
Well, I've done mistakes, but lately I've changed as a person. I've realized that she is the girl I want and therefore I do not care about her past. I may not like it, but I don't care about it. She doesn't believe this and she says ' you're only saying this because you've been scared that I may leave you.'
That's not true, I really not care, but she is such a pride girl. If she argues with her mother for a little thing, even if she is wrong she will remain angry for a week before calming down.
When she was with me, she was so relaxed and ok... She even stopped smoking! How calm do you have to be to achieve something like that?? I just want to be with her... sleeping alone is so bad, I can't take it the bed is just cold.
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lol you mention more than once not liking her pass but tell her that you didnt mean it when you told her it. you sound like a douche
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On December 30 2012 10:15 SoSexy wrote:Show nested quote +On December 30 2012 10:13 QuanticHawk wrote:
lol you mention more than once not liking her pass but tell her that you didnt mean it when you told her it. you sound like a douche Man, I didn't like her past, and I still don't. But I changed my attitude: at first I was like 'THis is disgusting, bleah.' Now it's like 'I don't like it, but I don't care. I love you as you are now to me.' A relationship is made of compromises. What about all the times she offended me, she told me 'you and your friends idiot, you don't know anything about life?' I always forgave her. I'm a not a douche. I'm the man who loved her more than anyone else.
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You basically called your gf a slut and dont understand why she feels that was the turning point in the relationship. And then you lied to her face that you didnt believe it. you might love her or whatever still, but that is pretty damn douchey
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Yeah, she'd be mad not to leave you. That's the stone you cannot break.
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TLADT24920 Posts
That's pretty rough but it sounds like she has problems that she has to deal with. As mentioned, getting drunk won't help bring her back. It's best to just let her go and keep busy. If she comes back, then do as mentioned and set the rules for a stable sane relationship otherwise it might be best for you to move on. You've already went through one week so I'm pretty confident you can get through this. GL!
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Hey man sounds pretty rough. Doesn't sound like the kind of girl I'd want to stick with though; she doesn't sound very nice.
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The relationship sounds like it was going not too well, but that it's still hard to deal with it.
I think what you need to do is take a break until you have a chance to think things through clearly, when you have a clear head. Then, you can figure out what went wrong and whether or not that is worth fixing.
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So you say to her, "I'm happy with who you are now"? And you mentioned that you aren't happy with her past but you can bear it. Well who the fuck are you to judge her and her past. If you're willing to admit how you feel in a public forum chances are you're showing it pretty clear in person. I agree with others here, you're a douche.
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Wow you guys are very harsh/judgmental lol.
It's partly a matter of personal philosophy I think. There are certain things we value more than others in a partner. Some of you may not particularly care at all. But OP does apparently harbor a Jay Gatsby-esque sadness that the girl wasn't pure etc. You guys can judge him all you want but it's a matter of differing personal opinions and weights on certain qualities. There must be things that would set you guys off in a girl for sure...you guys would call those opinions defensible, but it's honestly a different view on life. Just whoa, so harsh.
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On December 30 2012 15:20 Aerisky wrote:
Wow you guys are very harsh/judgmental lol.
It's partly a matter of personal philosophy I think. There are certain things we value more than others in a partner. Some of you may not particularly care at all. But OP does apparently harbor a Jay Gatsby-esque sadness that the girl wasn't pure etc. You guys can judge him all you want but it's a matter of differing personal opinions and weights on certain qualities. There must be things that would set you guys off in a girl for sure...you guys would call those opinions defensible, but it's honestly a different view on life. Just whoa, so harsh.
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Girl Blogs!  People vent, and other people give their advice  If you can't take the heat...
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Get some rest. You can't think clearly drunk and sleep deprived.
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"I don't like your slutty past."
Nice bro.
She said she didn't like the "way you behave with people," a point you called "ridiculous." So basically, you called her a slut, and dismissed her feelings and criticisms of you because you don't feel you're doing anything wrong. It's just SHOCKING she doesn't want to date you anymore!
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On December 30 2012 16:37 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On December 30 2012 15:20 Aerisky wrote:
Wow you guys are very harsh/judgmental lol.
It's partly a matter of personal philosophy I think. There are certain things we value more than others in a partner. Some of you may not particularly care at all. But OP does apparently harbor a Jay Gatsby-esque sadness that the girl wasn't pure etc. You guys can judge him all you want but it's a matter of differing personal opinions and weights on certain qualities. There must be things that would set you guys off in a girl for sure...you guys would call those opinions defensible, but it's honestly a different view on life. Just whoa, so harsh. Welcome to the Wonderful World of Girl Blogs! People vent, and other people give their advice If you can't take the heat...
I dunno. Sure, he pulled a lot of stupid shit, but this isn't so much advice as people telling him he's a douche.
I just went back and saw your post, and that wasn't addressed at you (you actually took the time out to write something and give him some advice). I just think it's lamentable when a guy is clearly drunk, kind of sad, writes a girl blog, and others just stone him. A 1-3 line post essentially saying "you're a douche, should have just bore it" doesn't come across to me as advice, just my 2 cents. That was sort of an overreaction on my part though for sure--people weren't THAT mean. Just felt bad for the guy I suppose >.<
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Thank you for the advices guys! Some of them are really nice to read
About the 'I don't like your slutty past' part, I know that I've made a mistake: I never tried to defend that position when we argued. The only thing that I cared about was our present. She is using some double standards here... you call a big offense a line like 'I don't like you slutty past'? What about the things she told me when we argued, stuff like 'I don't trust you because you have not been with enough girls, if you'd had been with more you would be less inclined to cheat me' which is the absolute OPPOSITE of how men reason. Is this nice?
It's simple to me...when you fight you say stupid things you regret. I always regretted mine, asked for forgiveness and tried to move on while ignoring her offenses. She did not, her pride makes her always want to stand on top of everything. Her view of a relationship is sad, destroyed by her parents divorce and by the fact that her mother never found another man. I just wish I could help here
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If you really love her, why does her past matter to you? The person you love is present, her past is gone. I never ever bring up my gf's past unless she brought that up. Even if she did so, I always hush hush and changed the subject.
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you keep on trying to justify what you did based on shit she said to you. probably in response to you saying fucked up shit to her
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Yeah I remember your previous blog, and I see now that it didn't help much... shame. Hope you find someone else (I mean it, find someone else!!) who you can accept as a whole.
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On January 03 2013 00:38 OpticalShot wrote:
Yeah I remember your previous blog, and I see now that it didn't help much... shame. Hope you find someone else (I mean it, find someone else!!) who you can accept as a whole.
Holy shit. Dreaming about killing ex boyfriends, judging her because she wasn't a virgin like your other ex's, loads of hypocritical, misogynistic statements
go get therapy—not even joking
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On January 03 2013 01:02 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 03 2013 00:38 OpticalShot wrote:
Yeah I remember your previous blog, and I see now that it didn't help much... shame. Hope you find someone else (I mean it, find someone else!!) who you can accept as a whole. Holy shit. Dreaming about killing ex boyfriends, judging her because she wasn't a virgin like your other ex's, loads of hypocritical, misogynistic statements go get therapy—not even joking
Oh yeah just read it.
To the OP: people make mistakes, and you do too. Her mistakes are no worse than yours; you aren't perfect. Don't her hold her up to unrealistic hypocritical expectations. You have to mature before you find another girl.
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From my experience, trying to have a long term relationship with a girl in her twenties (especially early-mid twenties) is a lose/lose situation. They aren't right in the fucking head, at least with regards to relationships. And even if you do manage to get it to work, believe me, you have no clue how she will act or what she will look like in 10 years time.
I got this advice late in my twenties, and I wish I would have gotten it (and believed it) in my early twenties.
Hope that helps, even though it probably won't right now. Just have fun in your early and mid twenties, you really don't want to be playing for keeps at that stage, trust me.
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There are 7 billion people in the world today. The chances that you found the "one" are infinitesimal. It is more likely you found someone who you think would be compatible and are willing to make the changes necessary to make it work.
She is not. You can't force someone to be who they don't want to be. Little problems such as you described will only get worse. If you manipulated things to make a couple that suffered misery for a few years before divorcing, how is that good?
Move on. Remember the good times you had, contemplate what could have been, and actively search for a better future.
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EPT
