EPTI met Emily (a fake name) freshman year (college, not highschool), in my computer science discussion section. I noted her beauty from the first time I saw her, but I didn't think too much about it. I cracked jokes in that class, and tried to change my long held habit of extraordinary shyness. This is college, I said to myself, I'm going to make friends here. I don't think I even knew her name then, but I developed a familiarity.
Nothing in particular happened betweeen us freshmen year. I didn't know how to ask a girl out because I had never done it before. Besides, Emily's just some girl in my class. Although I had considered what it would be like to go out with her, I never seriosly considered actually doing anything about it.
About half way through the second semester, Sam (one of my good friends) mentioned he had a thing for Emily. I didn't even know they knew each other, but I took note and that pretty much guaranteed that I'd not do anything for a while.
Sophomore year (this year), I got lucky again, Emily was in my discussion section again. Since she was one of the only familiar faces in the room, I was able to sit in the front next to her every week.
A month or two in, Sam and I were having a long discussion. It turned to love (and our lack thereof), and I asked him if he still had a thing for Emily. He said if I wanted to ask her out, I should go for it. So with my friend's blessing, I resolved to ask her out in class next monday.
So next monday I decieded to sit next to her in Lecture (in other lectures, I had sat next to other friends, previously I only sat next to her in discussion). I fully intended to ask her to lunch or dinner the first day, But for some reason lecture came and went, discussion came and went, and I hadn't asked her yet. I think it took either a week or two or three before I actually said, "Hey do you want to get dinner tonight?" But even then she was busy. So she said she'd tell me when she was free. I don't think she actually did, but I sent her an email that weekend, and she said she could have dinner sunday evening.
I was quite pleased. Almost ecstatic. We went to noodles and company, and I learned that she was a bit of a gamer (although she had never played starcraft). After that I proposed that we go to the nearest grand piano because I enjoy playing piano. I play improv piano, no sheet music, just play whatever comes to mind as I feel my way along a nice tune. I'm actually quite good at it, mainly because I've spent hundreds of hours doing it. She decided to come along, and I played quite well that night.
I wanted to kiss her while we were waiting for the bus, but I had no clue how. (Of course I know how to kiss, I just have no idea how to get into the right position and signal my intention in a smooth way). It might have been a bad idea anyway. So the night ends; she goes to her dorm; we agree to go out again, but don't make any specific plans.
We have another couple dates, but nothing much happens. No kisses, no holding hands, not even hugs. I'm not very suave, I guess.
There is a group class project, and I offer to be her partner. She accepts, and we do a bunch of pair programming together. She's about as smart as I am, and quite pleasant to work with. We did pretty well on that project.
Near the end of the semester, I'm quite stressed. Sleep deprivation, homework, and difficult assignments. After class I ask Emily for a hug. Somewhat reluctantly, she accepts, but she does say the word 'love-hug' somewhere in there. I do like the sound of 'love-hug'.
A week later, the semester is over, finals are coming, and wednesday is my last day on campus. I tell Emily I'd like to see her before the semester ends. So we meet up, twenty minutes before she has to leave. I bring a bag of hershies kisses, a bit as a christmas gift (not really, but kinda) and mostly because I was hoping to get a kiss. I was hoping to get my fist kiss. But as I broach the subject, she mentions that she doesn't want to kiss anyone until she gets married. Woah. That's the first time I've heard that one before. I'm kind've shocked, and mostly dissapointed. Oh well, 2012 isn't the year jrkirby gets his first kiss.
So she's mentioned several time that she goes to christian events and church and all that. This isn't a problem to me, even though I'm an athiest. Just because I don't believe in God and think most of the bible is pretty ridiculous doesn't mean that everyone else has to think like I do.
But no kissing before marriage sounds a little extreme to me. Why on earth would someone propose to someone who wouldn't even want to kiss him? Perhaps this is a red flag. But I want to feel self-rightous, so I'm not going to be the one to break up with her. Or is it I truly don't care and still want to spend my money taking her out to meals when things are never going to escalate between us? So instead, I decide to let her know I'm an athiest. I never mentioned it yet because it never specifically came up, and I knew she was christian so I was putting it off. I send her an email. Excerpt:
I know you are a devout christian, and it's only fair that I let you know that I am an athiest. I was raised a christian, and I have no problems with christians, but I personally don't believe in God anymore. I hope that you don't mind, but I know that some christians choose not to associate with non-christians romantically. If you want to stop going out with me because of what I believe, I'll be quite disappointed, but I'll try to understand. I don't want to stop you from living your life the way you think is right.
On the other hand, if you don't mind, I'd like to make sure you know I still like you. Even if you don't want to kiss me, I still enjoy spending time with you, talking with you, and getting to know you. I just want to kiss you because it shows you how much I care for you and is (supposedly) enjoyable. But if you don't want to, I'll respect your wishes.
On the other hand, if you don't mind, I'd like to make sure you know I still like you. Even if you don't want to kiss me, I still enjoy spending time with you, talking with you, and getting to know you. I just want to kiss you because it shows you how much I care for you and is (supposedly) enjoyable. But if you don't want to, I'll respect your wishes.
And she replies:
I'm sorry I wasn't clearer earlier about my beliefs. I should have told you straight out. I'm not very good at blunt communication, or experienced in dating matters. Please forgive me for getting your hopes up unnecessarily.
I enjoy talking with you too, but I won't date you anymore. Thank you for understanding.
I enjoy talking with you too, but I won't date you anymore. Thank you for understanding.
And that's the story of my first girlfriend. I'm dissapointed, but it's good. Rejection isn't so bad. I found one woman who won't work for me. Only 2,999,999,999 left to check. Besides, I get to tell people I got dumped.
I kind've relieved. I got a girlfriend and broke up with her, and no one really got hurt. And I did it all in a mature (if awkward) way. I got exerience asking a girl out, and the times I spent with her were quite nice. Next semester I can move on and ask another girl out, and maybe things will go even better. Maybe I'll still get my first kiss before I turn 20.
TL;DR: Date a christian, get dumped when I tell her I'm an athiest
