|
My first girlfriend was extremely beautiful. Tall, thin, pale, brown hair, brown eyes, and a shy smile that clears my mind. Small tits, a nice hat, and an air of elegance. If you pay a bit of attention to her, you'll notice she's a hardworking student, doesn't procrastinate much. If you asked her, she'd tell you she got a 36 on her ACT. All these things are very attractive to me.
I met Emily (a fake name) freshman year (college, not highschool), in my computer science discussion section. I noted her beauty from the first time I saw her, but I didn't think too much about it. I cracked jokes in that class, and tried to change my long held habit of extraordinary shyness. This is college, I said to myself, I'm going to make friends here. I don't think I even knew her name then, but I developed a familiarity.
Nothing in particular happened betweeen us freshmen year. I didn't know how to ask a girl out because I had never done it before. Besides, Emily's just some girl in my class. Although I had considered what it would be like to go out with her, I never seriosly considered actually doing anything about it.
About half way through the second semester, Sam (one of my good friends) mentioned he had a thing for Emily. I didn't even know they knew each other, but I took note and that pretty much guaranteed that I'd not do anything for a while.
Sophomore year (this year), I got lucky again, Emily was in my discussion section again. Since she was one of the only familiar faces in the room, I was able to sit in the front next to her every week.
A month or two in, Sam and I were having a long discussion. It turned to love (and our lack thereof), and I asked him if he still had a thing for Emily. He said if I wanted to ask her out, I should go for it. So with my friend's blessing, I resolved to ask her out in class next monday.
So next monday I decieded to sit next to her in Lecture (in other lectures, I had sat next to other friends, previously I only sat next to her in discussion). I fully intended to ask her to lunch or dinner the first day, But for some reason lecture came and went, discussion came and went, and I hadn't asked her yet. I think it took either a week or two or three before I actually said, "Hey do you want to get dinner tonight?" But even then she was busy. So she said she'd tell me when she was free. I don't think she actually did, but I sent her an email that weekend, and she said she could have dinner sunday evening.
I was quite pleased. Almost ecstatic. We went to noodles and company, and I learned that she was a bit of a gamer (although she had never played starcraft). After that I proposed that we go to the nearest grand piano because I enjoy playing piano. I play improv piano, no sheet music, just play whatever comes to mind as I feel my way along a nice tune. I'm actually quite good at it, mainly because I've spent hundreds of hours doing it. She decided to come along, and I played quite well that night.
I wanted to kiss her while we were waiting for the bus, but I had no clue how. (Of course I know how to kiss, I just have no idea how to get into the right position and signal my intention in a smooth way). It might have been a bad idea anyway. So the night ends; she goes to her dorm; we agree to go out again, but don't make any specific plans.
We have another couple dates, but nothing much happens. No kisses, no holding hands, not even hugs. I'm not very suave, I guess.
There is a group class project, and I offer to be her partner. She accepts, and we do a bunch of pair programming together. She's about as smart as I am, and quite pleasant to work with. We did pretty well on that project.
Near the end of the semester, I'm quite stressed. Sleep deprivation, homework, and difficult assignments. After class I ask Emily for a hug. Somewhat reluctantly, she accepts, but she does say the word 'love-hug' somewhere in there. I do like the sound of 'love-hug'.
A week later, the semester is over, finals are coming, and wednesday is my last day on campus. I tell Emily I'd like to see her before the semester ends. So we meet up, twenty minutes before she has to leave. I bring a bag of hershies kisses, a bit as a christmas gift (not really, but kinda) and mostly because I was hoping to get a kiss. I was hoping to get my fist kiss. But as I broach the subject, she mentions that she doesn't want to kiss anyone until she gets married. Woah. That's the first time I've heard that one before. I'm kind've shocked, and mostly dissapointed. Oh well, 2012 isn't the year jrkirby gets his first kiss.
So she's mentioned several time that she goes to christian events and church and all that. This isn't a problem to me, even though I'm an athiest. Just because I don't believe in God and think most of the bible is pretty ridiculous doesn't mean that everyone else has to think like I do.
But no kissing before marriage sounds a little extreme to me. Why on earth would someone propose to someone who wouldn't even want to kiss him? Perhaps this is a red flag. But I want to feel self-rightous, so I'm not going to be the one to break up with her. Or is it I truly don't care and still want to spend my money taking her out to meals when things are never going to escalate between us? So instead, I decide to let her know I'm an athiest. I never mentioned it yet because it never specifically came up, and I knew she was christian so I was putting it off. I send her an email. Excerpt:
I know you are a devout christian, and it's only fair that I let you know that I am an athiest. I was raised a christian, and I have no problems with christians, but I personally don't believe in God anymore. I hope that you don't mind, but I know that some christians choose not to associate with non-christians romantically. If you want to stop going out with me because of what I believe, I'll be quite disappointed, but I'll try to understand. I don't want to stop you from living your life the way you think is right.
On the other hand, if you don't mind, I'd like to make sure you know I still like you. Even if you don't want to kiss me, I still enjoy spending time with you, talking with you, and getting to know you. I just want to kiss you because it shows you how much I care for you and is (supposedly) enjoyable. But if you don't want to, I'll respect your wishes.
And she replies:
I'm sorry I wasn't clearer earlier about my beliefs. I should have told you straight out. I'm not very good at blunt communication, or experienced in dating matters. Please forgive me for getting your hopes up unnecessarily.
I enjoy talking with you too, but I won't date you anymore. Thank you for understanding.
And that's the story of my first girlfriend. I'm dissapointed, but it's good. Rejection isn't so bad. I found one woman who won't work for me. Only 2,999,999,999 left to check. Besides, I get to tell people I got dumped.
I kind've relieved. I got a girlfriend and broke up with her, and no one really got hurt. And I did it all in a mature (if awkward) way. I got exerience asking a girl out, and the times I spent with her were quite nice. Next semester I can move on and ask another girl out, and maybe things will go even better. Maybe I'll still get my first kiss before I turn 20.
TL;DR: Date a christian, get dumped when I tell her I'm an athiest
 
|
|
|
Awww...but yeah, on the bright side, that was better than expected. You seem like a pretty chill guy, and best of luck :D
|
What the fuck?
Won't kiss you?
She has got to understand that if she wants to be in a relationship with 99.9999999999999999% of men she's going to have to fucking KISS THOSE LIPS FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. That is just. You got to experience a cruddy relationship. Congrats. Now you know what to avoid. Make sure to bring these things up earlier if you are getting really committed.
|
Ok so I'm going to tell you what I think. If you really really liked her I think you should've tried harder, not as in force her but as in getting to know her better. Most of the time is girls like this that are really worth working for, and to be realistic, if you guys kept dating chances are she was going to kiss you eventually. You can also try to go to her church or whatever to know if she is really a devote Christian, religious Christian or just some crazy girl, might like it, might not.
At the end of the day is your decision. But a pretty-smart-fun-kindagamer girl that also asks for respect is a keeper and will let you grow a lot as a person. But if she is just fanatic then you better stay out. You got nothing to lose right?
|
Bearded Elder29903 Posts
No kissing before the marriage? I understand some people/couples not having sex before the marriage, although it's really, really goddamnn stupid idea but KISSING? I'd totally just BACK OFF.
|
Were you guys actually dating though?
Sorry to put that out there, but from what I read, I wouldn't really class you two as dating, you went out a few times, but...
Maybe that's just how I view relationships?
|
From what I understand, there wasn't a THING going on, so no, you did not get dumped.
|
On December 27 2012 18:38 Qwyn wrote:
What the fuck?
Won't kiss you?
She has got to understand that if she wants to be in a relationship with 99.9999999999999999% of men she's going to have to fucking KISS THOSE LIPS FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. That is just. You got to experience a cruddy relationship. Congrats. Now you know what to avoid. Make sure to bring these things up earlier if you are getting really committed.
heh, on one of Ray William Johnson's videos he showed a video of a pair who had married and had their first kiss ever after being pronounced wife and husband. It was akward.
edit: nice to see you're also a good guy atheist
|
She sounds like a sheltered nutjob, that whole last message from her is super formal:
"I enjoy talking with you too, but I won't date you anymore. Thank you for understanding."
I'm not sure how old you guys are but you probably should've just gone for it at some point. It's a lot harder to reject a kiss when it's happening than a verbal request for one. I've done it a few times (and some of the girls were pretty conservative), just pick a private moment and dart in there, usually works well if you've been on a few dates already. Once you've broken the ice it's a cake walk. Plus she'd probably realise she's kinda into it and that her belief in no kissing before marriage was retarded.
|
immediately thought of Christiansinglemingle.com
|
Wtf that sucks man! Anywho why are you communicating through email? J mean that's fine but a subject like that wwhere your words can be misinterpreted should be spoken not written Imo so something to think about in the future ff
|
Russian Federation748 Posts
I didn't even know girls like that existed. You're one lucky bastard to know her.
|
My brother had not kissed his wife before they married either. I understand them... Cuz if your not going to have sex before marrige, why go down the kissing path. Most likley it will lead to sex or something similar that aint acceptable for a Christian girl. If you push her into kissing (or go futher) against her morals, you will probably just destroy her pretty much and you will not only get dumped but do damage. She did the right thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you should find someone with your standards and ideals. Good Luck man
|
you guys werent going out you never even kissed lol
|
On December 27 2012 18:17 krndandaman wrote:
that sucks but why are you guys so formal when you guys send messages to each other? i almost felt as if i was reading an email from my professor
Like a Sirs.
I think it still counts as dating. You asked her to a date: ergo dating. You should be happy (if you aren't) that your life choices were not compromised and you were able to admit your beliefs, and she hers, and you went your separate ways.
|
On December 27 2012 17:53 jrkirby wrote:
My first girlfriend was extremely beautiful. Tall, thin, pale, brown hair, brown eyes, and a shy smile that clears my mind. Small tits, a nice hat, and an air of elegance.
What?
Nice blog, btw. Pretty enjoyable read. And don't worry: there's plenty of fish in the sea. It was for the best.
|
SoCal, USA3955 Posts
I'm not here to be mean, but it didn't even sound like she was even your girlfriend. Not even hugs? (She said she was inexperienced but wow hugging is very basic.) In no where in your post said you guys declared being gf and bf it seems to me anyways your head was telling yourself she was your gf, in reality probably not. Don't even take it hard on this situation it's not worth really looking back on. Just be happy you're not stuck with her (imo.) You'll find a girl, not the end of the world. Don't worry too much about your first kiss it will come to you eventually. :D
|
My tip would be to avoid dating self righteous over the top christian nutjobs. In my opinion you should try to date more open minded people, who are better at accepting you as a person and your views on various topics. You shouldn't have much trouble finding more open minded people on campus. If you want to get laid, dating religous girls is a waste of time/money and effort
I personally would not date a girl who describes herself as christian or religious, I want to share leisure time together and I will certainly not visit christian meetings/gatherings with her.
|
On December 27 2012 20:44 ktimekiller wrote:
From what I understand, there wasn't a THING going on, so no, you did not get dumped.
I'm afraid that this man speaks the truth.
|
at least your first girlfriend had a nice hat...
|
I dated some very Christian girls in high school, and they all knew of my then agnosticism; one took it upon herself as a sort of challenge, to date an agnostic and try and change his beliefs. Unfortunately for her, I pretty much robbed her of her faith, got her into continental philosophy and excessive weed smoking, and got her to forgo her religious principles. Now she's an atheist and I'm a quasi-Christian. Funny how life works out sometimes. OP, I'd just move on, but don't forgo dating religious girls just because they are religious; they can be quite a lot of fun
|
On December 27 2012 18:17 krndandaman wrote:
that sucks but why are you guys so formal when you guys send messages to each other? i almost felt as if i was reading an email from my professor
I guess we're pretty awkward, that's all.
On December 27 2012 19:37 pevergreen wrote:
Were you guys actually dating though?
Sorry to put that out there, but from what I read, I wouldn't really class you two as dating, you went out a few times, but...
Maybe that's just how I view relationships?
The way I see it is: I asked her out to eat alone. Going out = a date. A date + other dates = dating. Dating = Girlfriend. Maybe I skipped a step?
|
On December 28 2012 02:46 AngryMag wrote:My tip would be to avoid dating self righteous over the top christian nutjobs. In my opinion you should try to date more open minded people, who are better at accepting you as a person and your views on various topics. You shouldn't have much trouble finding more open minded people on campus. If you want to get laid, dating religous girls is a waste of time/money and effort I personally would not date a girl who describes herself as christian or religious, I want to share leisure time together and I will certainly not visit christian meetings/gatherings with her.
Christians are not self-righteous, they realize that they're not saved by their actions, but saved by grace. All they did was accept what was given to them for free. Therefore how could they be self-righteous? Christians do proclaim to have truth, yes, but do you not as well? You have your take on spirituality, or non-spirituality, and Christians have theirs, both parties claim exclusivity.
She didn't reject the guy because she didn't accept him as a person, she just wisely knew that the relationship wouldn't work in the long-term. Within a relationship, if one person lives their life for God and the other believes it's a mindless fairy tale, there's going to be problems. Both people have to be on the same page, otherwise the relationship just isn't worth-while.
|
lol reminds me of someone i know who wouldnt kiss his gf cuz he was too religious.
honestly sex is one thing but kiss? cmon
|
Personally I think it's cute to converse in such a formal way. I was semi-seeing this girl and I always talked to her this way in emails and such.
And the two of you are quite young, so I think it can be expected that she is, well, crazy in the sense of wanting to cling to the things she was taught when she grew up. I don't necessarily think that you should try to give her another chance/convince her etc. being religious is kind of a red flag anyway (imo), but there is always a chance for someone like her to change after the experience she had with you.
|
On December 28 2012 04:27 jrkirby wrote:Show nested quote +On December 27 2012 18:17 krndandaman wrote:
that sucks but why are you guys so formal when you guys send messages to each other? i almost felt as if i was reading an email from my professor I guess we're pretty awkward, that's all. Show nested quote +On December 27 2012 19:37 pevergreen wrote:
Were you guys actually dating though?
Sorry to put that out there, but from what I read, I wouldn't really class you two as dating, you went out a few times, but...
Maybe that's just how I view relationships? The way I see it is: I asked her out to eat alone. Going out = a date. A date + other dates = dating. Dating = Girlfriend. Maybe I skipped a step?
you went out a couple times, that's all and you didn't even kiss lol. you just went out a couple times. that isn't dating, and definitely not a girlfriend.
to be more matter of fact about the whole situation, the whole 'dont kiss until marriage' thing is pretty clearly a lie she said to easily let you down.
|
Dude. You are, respectfully, in denial. Eating alone with someone, or grabbing coffee, is not a date. If you were every lucky enough to have a REAL date, that does not mean you even have a girlfriend. It would mean you have a date. And dating someone doesn't mean you're even bf/gf/. The common official declaration of bf/gf is a spoken or implied agreement to be monogamous, or at the very least date exclusively. Why this argument cannot assist you is because: you weren't even dating to begin with.
|
Facedesk...
Well at least that Day9 linked video was funny as hell.
|
On December 28 2012 08:05 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Dude. You are, respectfully, in denial. Eating alone with someone, or grabbing coffee, is not a date. If you were every lucky enough to have a REAL date, that does not mean you even have a girlfriend. It would mean you have a date. And dating someone doesn't mean you're even bf/gf/. The common official declaration of bf/gf is a spoken or implied agreement to be monogamous, or at the very least date exclusively. Why this argument cannot assist you is because: you weren't even dating to begin with.
This, I think you are making this into way more than it was. This was not rejection, this was a girl giving cop out reasons for not wanting to actually go on a date with you or her being incredibly weird. This was the most awkward night out I've ever read about, and from what I read, the chemistry was not there whatsoever. With that said, Kirby, go for a girl who is much more normal than that. If you want to get extra crazy, go for a more permiscuous girl if you want. The thing you are doing wrong is that you are looking at the wrong places for girls. Don't look for love in the beginning if you can help it, look for something that will blossom into it. Don't look for girls who want to hold out on you, because those girls don't allow love to blossom by doing so, you have to give a part of you to receive a part of them. /rant, good luck OP, keep calm and date on.
|
Not to split hairs here, but if you consider this thing you had with her to be a romantic relationship, than I have had like a kazillion homosexual relationships... kinda confused now...
But hey, kudos to her for being a girl that tells you things straight up. Not a lot of those going around.
Holy shit docvoc thats actually pretty deep :D
|
are every Christians not allowed to have sex before marriage?
About OP: like above comments said, it seems like you weren't even in a relationship, and that girl probably didn't think so either.
|
That's some shit haha. Christian girls usually start like that and then after you wear away at them chuck their morals out the window when they get too horny. And then again, some are just crazy.
Be happy she gave you an easy out, because you did not want to be stuck with her. As nice as you say she is, that kind of stuff will definitely wear on you. And if you break up with her because she won't do anything you look like a real douchebag. It's always hard to make in work with a christian girl if you're atheist when she's a hardcore christian. Usually when that's the case it encompasses a majority of the things they do, and you can only go to church so much as a non believer before you flip out.
Good luck on your next one, well written blog.
|
On December 28 2012 22:49 fire_brand wrote:
That's some shit haha. Christian girls usually start like that and then after you wear away at them chuck their morals out the window when they get too horny. And then again, some are just crazy.
Be happy she gave you an easy out, because you did not want to be stuck with her. As nice as you say she is, that kind of stuff will definitely wear on you. And if you break up with her because she won't do anything you look like a real douchebag. It's always hard to make in work with a christian girl if you're atheist when she's a hardcore christian. Usually when that's the case it encompasses a majority of the things they do, and you can only go to church so much as a non believer before you flip out.
Good luck on your next one, well written blog.
Lack of sexual chemistry is a perfectly valid reason to break up. Sexual attraction is the main reason most people start a relationship to begin with.
|
On December 28 2012 22:20 Garnet wrote:
are every Christians not allowed to have sex before marriage?
One of the many rules to follow if you want to be a devout christian 
|
yey, USA!
you and your religion are crazy^^
|
Ahahaha dumped for being atheist that's a good one. Sorry that I'm getting a laugh at your expense, but that was unexpected haha.
|
a) She wasn't your girlfriend, you weren't her boyfriend
b) You were hardly even dating, you didn't even show any romantic intentions until after the semester ends (which i'm guessing is at least a month or two.
c) Whether she's lying about her 'no kissing before marriage' or not it doesn't matter, she's not interested.
d) Someone who won't date another person purely based on religious preferences is not worth it.
e) Now you can stop wasting your time on her
f) Find someone else
|
On December 28 2012 02:46 AngryMag wrote:My tip would be to avoid dating self righteous over the top christian nutjobs. In my opinion you should try to date more open minded people, who are better at accepting you as a person and your views on various topics. You shouldn't have much trouble finding more open minded people on campus. If you want to get laid, dating religous girls is a waste of time/money and effort I personally would not date a girl who describes herself as christian or religious, I want to share leisure time together and I will certainly not visit christian meetings/gatherings with her.
Just because you're dating someone who's religious doesn't mean you have to attend services with her. I just broke up with my girlfriend (or rather, she broke up with me). She was pretty religious while I wasn't. Our conclusions to certain issues, however, were usually the same. The only thing that differed was the way we got there. We both respected each others convictions as well.
In the end you don't choose who you fall in love with.
|
On December 29 2012 15:38 FractalsOnFire wrote:
a) She wasn't your girlfriend, you weren't her boyfriend
b) You were hardly even dating, you didn't even show any romantic intentions until after the semester ends (which i'm guessing is at least a month or two.
c) Whether she's lying about her 'no kissing before marriage' or not it doesn't matter, she's not interested.
d) Someone who won't date another person purely based on religious preferences is not worth it.
e) Now you can stop wasting your time on her
f) Find someone else
pretty much this. sorry to break it to you, OP, but what you described hardly sounds like a romantic relationship of any sort. there are people out there who "go out" together and have dinner/coffee and such, but I don't see it as dating until mutual romantic interest is expressed between the two people.
|
On December 29 2012 19:34 maartendq wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2012 02:46 AngryMag wrote:My tip would be to avoid dating self righteous over the top christian nutjobs. In my opinion you should try to date more open minded people, who are better at accepting you as a person and your views on various topics. You shouldn't have much trouble finding more open minded people on campus. If you want to get laid, dating religous girls is a waste of time/money and effort I personally would not date a girl who describes herself as christian or religious, I want to share leisure time together and I will certainly not visit christian meetings/gatherings with her. Just because you're dating someone who's religious doesn't mean you have to attend services with her. I just broke up with my girlfriend (or rather, she broke up with me). She was pretty religious while I wasn't. Our conclusions to certain issues, however, were usually the same. The only thing that differed was the way we got there. We both respected each others convictions as well. In the end you don't choose who you fall in love with.
depends on how religious the person is and how flexible they're willing to be with you. I dated a super religious girl once for a pretty long time (she didn't let on how truly "devout" she was until months into the relationship) and our religious differences ended up being one of the primary reasons we broke up. it depends on the religion (some are a lot more relaxed than others), but in my experiences, dating a very religious person almost always leads to a "convert or we're done" ultimatum somewhere down the line. I feel like it's not worth trying a relationship like that because the odds of success are so low.
|
It's only been a month since I've turned 21 and I have yet to engage in a relationship >.< You are my idol and have inspired me for my new year's resolution to be more outgoing and social with girls :D
I'm more afraid of a relationship ending because I might have done something wrong (which is why I thought I'd wait for a couple more years), but I definitely agree college is where you should experience everything. Sending her an email was the best move and I'm happy for you to be able to accept her rejection. Now you have more experience towards a more awesome relationship!
|
You should probably consider the fact that her telling you "no kissing before marriage" was just an exuse because she was not interested just like girls will tell you they have a boyfriend instead of saying no to a date. Like most people here I would also not consider the two of you as boyfriend/girlfriend but then again that does not really matter, best of luck in the future!
|
Going with the flow here, you basically weren't alpha enough for her to break out of her shell. Or maybe her little sheltered views are looking for someone so fucking alpha+ that it'll take at least another decade before she realizes she's been (and still is) a depreciating asset and her value is about to hit the floor. Whatever dude, you seem to be okay with starting up a conversation and taking first steps so you should be fine. Better luck next time!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
