Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her by admitting that you messed up by kissing her. Make it clear that everything is your fault, (which it actually is) and apologise.
Give her a chance, you might end up liking her, just casually date (and casual sex of course when it comes to it).
If after a while you realize its not really going anywhere, tell her you really like her as a friend and love hanging out with her but can't see this going anywhere in the long run and you don't want to lead her on to believe that.
EDIT* Real life =/= the movies. You don't date people because you love them. You can't figure out if you love someone over a short period of time. You date people that you like personally, and are physically attracted, and by dating you get to know someone on a completely different level (whether that be for the best or the worst)
IMO
Also, dating is not SRS Bzness, its for fun. Most dating will not lead to full life committment.
You can't know if you like her unless you actually spend some quality time with her. So do that, then decide. But be honest with her about it. By that I don't mean you telling her you don't really like her. Just say that everything went a bit fast and you want to see what happens if you take it slowly. Thats not anywhere close to a lie.
Also think of it this way: Dating and relationships are like games. At first you suck at it but you get better by trying and correcting your faults. Better screw up in some non competitive match then when you are with the girl of your dreams who then slip away because you hadn't learned not to do X or say Y.
Last but not least remember that losing ones virginity isn't really something special. It can be but doesn't have to be. Just do it if you feel it is right and vice versa.
Well okay first of all I'm honoured for the mention and of course as you said I enjoy reading these girl blogs!
As you've observed already from the first page of responses there are multiple ways to approach this situation. Broadly speaking it divides into two streams - the first is to go with the flow and enjoy(?) a relationship with minimal effort from your end, and the second is to tell her it was a mistake and you don't feel the same way she possibly does.
More of the obvious, there are gains and losses whichever way you proceed. Being single during the holidays (Christmas in two and a half weeks!) sux unless you have lots of close friends in similar situations, then you can meet up and drink up which isn't too bad really. Excuse me for my vulgar analogy but she basically served herself up on a dish in bite-size pieces cooked perfectly for you to just reach out and enjoy. Opportunities like this don't come exactly day-to-day, unless you are one physically attractive motherfucker... which leads to a different story. Anyhow.
If you honestly don't hold special feelings for this girl, you will feel guilty every time something like this happens. This piles up in you but sooner or later the girl is going to know too - that her feelings aren't being reciprocated in the same way. It can lead to a big mess and the more emotionally invested she was, the harder it's going to hit. It really depends on the girl, but messy break-ups are better avoided altogether.
The most simple way out of this would be to do :
On December 07 2012 23:37 Absentia wrote: Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her by admitting that you messed up by kissing her. Make it clear that everything is your fault, (which it actually is) and apologise.
I scratched out the everything is your fault part because it's not all your fault. In fact I'd go as far as saying that it's not right to point and distribute faults in this situation - she wanted you and you enjoyed the moment, oh well, stuff happens! I still believe it'll be good for you to be on an apologetic tone because the disappointment is going to hit her and you want to do whatever you can to soften the blow.
Im sorry, but you are wayyyyy overthinking this. The girl likes you, but she is in puppylove, she isnt in LOVE with you. If that breaks her heart, that is just sad and she should work on that. You should go out and have some fun. Dont have sex with her if you dont love her, that is my personal dogma, but Im your age and for you to have this as your first kiss is just not bueno. Here are your two choices
She likes you, but she just wants to have some fun: in this case, go for it (btw that is not what heavy petting means) have some fun with the girl, maybe you will both find you like each other, if not, oh well and you find another girl,
She is already attached and thinks she LOVES you: GTFO, GTFO, GTFO, you need to let her down softly in this case. I don't think this is the case in this case, but if it is, don't milk this girl's love cuz it will hurt her.
Just tell her about your inexperience (you could phrase it as "not much experience with relationships"), and that because of that reason you are unsure about your feelings. Tell her you like her (not love! like! and yes you like her, you don't make out for 1.5 hours with someone you dislike) and that the making out was great (I suppose it was. see how she responds, you could add that it was your first time).
Chances are high she finds your inexperience cute and the kissing goes on a little longer and maybe leads somewhere else. If not, and she is searching for a really serious relationship she will tell you I think.
Maybe she is much more experienced than you, maybe she is as inexperienced like you, but finding out where both of you stand might help. Option A: she is more experienced and will "guide you" through your relationship. Makes it easier. Option B: she is as inexperienced, this will take weight off of both your shoulders (not left+right, your's and the girl's ofc) and make things easier for both of you.
As you are clearly overthinking things, asking yourself if you want to lose your virginity with her might be wise. Are you the guy that wants to save himself for the perfect woman or not? There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun.
Please have a talk with your parents. They are anti-girl, but you are 18 years old. If they are not overly religious, they can't want their boy to be a virgin until he moves out at age let's say 25. I hope you can find an arrangement. Don't start the conversation with "hey pops, hey mom, there's this asian girl I'd like to fuck, you're in my way", you'll find a more sensitive approach.
On December 08 2012 03:40 xpldngmn wrote: Just tell her about your inexperience (you could phrase it as "not much experience with relationships"), and that because of that reason you are unsure about your feelings. Tell her you like her (not love! like! and yes you like her, you don't make out for 1.5 hours with someone you dislike) and that the making out was great (I suppose it was. see how she responds, you could add that it was your first time).
Chances are high she finds your inexperience cute and the kissing goes on a little longer and maybe leads somewhere else. If not, and she is searching for a really serious relationship she will tell you I think.
Maybe she is much more experienced than you, maybe she is as inexperienced like you, but finding out where both of you stand might help. Option A: she is more experienced and will "guide you" through your relationship. Makes it easier. Option B: she is as inexperienced, this will take weight off of both your shoulders (not left+right, your's and the girl's ofc) and make things easier for both of you.
As you are clearly overthinking things, asking yourself if you want to lose your virginity with her might be wise. Are you the guy that wants to save himself for the perfect woman or not? There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun.
Please have a talk with your parents. They are anti-girl, but you are 18 years old. If they are not overly religious, they can't want their boy to be a virgin until he moves out at age let's say 25. I hope you can fi an arrangement. Don't start the conversation with "hey pops, hey mom, there's this asian girl I'd like to fuck, you're in my way", you'll find a more sensitive approach.
GL + HF!
That's exactly the problem. They are super super religious. My dads a pastor and everything. However, the thought process in the beginning was the tentative way that i was going to phrase todays conversation. Im going to meet with her in a few hours and talk. These kinds of talks are really not possible with my parents.
She's pretty much throwing herself at you, if it were me unless she was that unattractive I'd give her a chance. Spend time with her, get to know her better and of course enjoy the physical intimacy that comes with it.
Also it sounds like you have sexual anxiety due to your inexperience. If you're holding back because you're afraid of not being any good then its all the more reason you should pursue this.
Don't tell your parents either. Though normally I would be against that, when it comes to super religious parents, they can be frighteningly unreasonable. Proceed with caution.
EPT
