Dam, I love reading these, but like most writers of Girl/Blogs you often don’t think you would ever write about your own personal feelings. However today I bring to you the dilemma that is currently facing me today. Optical shot, Chill, and the others that frequent these girl blogs. I look to you for help in these somewhat troubling times.
Let’s start off with a bit about me. Im 18 years old and a junior in college, right now im currently taking organic chem, and biology at a community college. My girl credentials is quite dim. I’ve never had a problem talking to girls or in fact anyone. However, throughout my 18 years of existence I have only held hands with a girl maybe 3x, no kissing, for the most part no hugging, and I have never had an official girlfriend.
Anyway today was like any day in the Seattle area, Kind of cold with some wind and the threat of a light drizzle. I made my way to my 8 am bio class, the last class of bio before the finals next week. Anyway because I am quite young for the classes I am taking, not to mention that most people in community college are several years older. However in Bio there is this (I think Vietnamese) Asian girl, let’s call her Felicity. Anyway Felicity sits on my left and is the same age as me. Unlike what usually happens we ended up walking after class. Felicity was telling me about her piano finals and how she has to learn this really hard piano piece. We were messing around and I asked her to play for me. However she refused and we continued walking around campus were we ended up in the library sitting on the couch. She started yawning and put her head on my shoulder. Since im such a naïve nerd I had no clue what was happening. After sitting in this position for about 10 minutes, another girl from our bio class came in and started talking to us. For the next 20 minutes we were in the same position. Both of us sitting on the couch with her head on my shoulder, after our classmate left, we ended up making small talk for about 5 minutes when all of a sudden she started kissing me. Complete first for me.
As my innocent teenage mind went blank and enjoyed the feeling, we ended up making out for about 20 minutes before we left the library and walked to a more private place. At first it was great. Here I am experiencing “making out for the first time” but honestly after about 10 minutes I realized that I actually don’t really like her in that sense. While she was telling me how she liked me from the beginning of the quarter which is why she sat next to me. While she was confessing in the middle of said make-out session I realized that the only reason I was here was because I’ve never kissed a girl and my mind was still empty. All-in all we ended up making out for about 1.5 hours.
So what is the problem you might ask TL netizens? Didn’t you score big Mystery, experiencing the adult life and such. Well the thing is, I have another close friend lets call her M. M and me are just friends even though we are kind of close. M once told me that doing such things with girls that you don’t like or doing things with boys you don’t like is boring and it hurts that person in the end. The longer it progresses the more it hurts. I have realized that M is in fact right. Even though this girl really likes me, and I can still feel her lips on mine, I don’t feel anything mentally.
Instead of letting this continue and letting her get hurt, I will talk to her tomorrow and explain my feeling to her. I believe this is absolutely necessary and even though I might lose a friend, it will make the next two quarters of biology much easier since we will probably in the same class.
Thanks for reading, it helps writing about these things.
-MysteryMeat1
TLDR: C’mon guys why the heck would you read a TLDR for a girl blog.
With all do respect, the last time a girl fed me that crap while we hooked up ("Oh I've liked you since blahblahblah this whole time"), by liked, she meant wanted to blow me. I respected that request.
Making out for 1.5 hours? Dude I think you were getting the green light for some "heavy petting."
On December 07 2012 13:23 MountainDewJunkie wrote: Woohoo! A fellow Washingtonian!
With all do respect, the last time a girl fed me that crap while we hooked up ("Oh I've liked you since blahblahblah this whole time"), by liked, she meant wanted to blow me. I respected that request.
Making out for 1.5 hours? Dude I think you were getting the green light for some "heavy petting."
Heavy petting did indeed happen (If you mean groping). However since my parents were home and their anti girls, we ended up just making out around campus. If it was another time we would have ended up at my place, but i think i might have regretted that even more.
On December 07 2012 13:23 MountainDewJunkie wrote: Woohoo! A fellow Washingtonian!
With all do respect, the last time a girl fed me that crap while we hooked up ("Oh I've liked you since blahblahblah this whole time"), by liked, she meant wanted to blow me. I respected that request.
Making out for 1.5 hours? Dude I think you were getting the green light for some "heavy petting."
Heavy petting did indeed happen (If you mean groping). However since my parents were home and their anti girls, we ended up just making out around campus. If it was another time we would have ended up at my place, but i think i might have regretted that even more.
Maybe...
Dude you sound too much like the old me. You're brain is cock-blocking you. You're a gentleman, but overly analytical. You could associate emotions with sexual desires. Maybe you really have to care about someone to taste their flesh. You're concerned with her true motives, and rob yourself of an experience because you don't want X to happen. And on the other hand, this fear is not causing you to seek information, it's causing you to doubt your actions. Your concerns should spur you to test the limits here.
My point remains fair: she might just want to have a little fun. Not even sex itself. But just a little fun. How many times did I read into too deeply about having a little fun? Oh the fool I was... girls are human just like us. Most of them are not crazy obsessive and are not weaklings who allow their hearts to break over a mere crush. So being afraid of something that is not too likely seems overly risk averse.
When you say that that you don't feel anything for her, do you actually mean that you're not sure if she's pretty enough for your standards? I find it hard to believe that a virgin would turn down makingout/sex because he worried too much about the girl's feelings.
If she's pretty enough and you're not embarrassed of her, then just go with the flow and stop thinking so much.
On December 07 2012 13:34 TheKwas wrote: When you say that that you don't feel anything for her, do you actually mean that you're not sure if she's pretty enough for your standards? I find it hard to believe that a virgin would turn down makingout/sex because he worried too much about the girl's feelings.
If she's pretty enough and you're not embarrassed of her, then just go with the flow and stop thinking so much.
pretty much that, i guess i just want to make sure were on the same page.
On December 07 2 012 13:35 GhostKorean wrote: DM;MO
On December 07 2012 13:35 MysteryMeat1 wrote: so should i still talk with her tomorrow and clear this up, or just let things ride?
Potential pun overload, and yes. Trust me: not even just in the courting realm, but this type of overanalysis will rob you of experiences that you have not yet even thought of in all aspects of life.
Can you imagine yourself in her situation? Imagine that you have a crush on a girl in your class. You sit next to her all the time. She doesn't display any real interest in you, but you work up the courage to start a conversation, and eventually you make the first move and kiss her, and she reciprocates.
Would you want her to tell you if she wasn't that into you? How would you feel if she turned you down the next day? How would you feel if she hooked up with you even if she didn't really like you?
If you have enough empathy to imagine how you would feel in her situation, you don't need me or anyone to tell you what to do. In spite of what advertisers tell you, women are just people.
In the strategy threads people post their rank so you know where the advice is coming from. There's no ranking to relationships, but so you know where I'm coming from: I'm 26 and I've been happily married for four years.
one time in college I went out with someone I wasn't sure if I even really liked "mentally." I wasn't sure if I should do it because it felt a little awkward. ended up dating four years
@above she'd probly be pretty fucking pissed if he wouldn't even give her a chance
On December 07 2012 14:18 emeraldemon wrote: Can you imagine yourself in her situation? Imagine that you have a crush on a girl in your class. You sit next to her all the time. She doesn't display any real interest in you, but you work up the courage to start a conversation, and eventually you make the first move and kiss her, and she reciprocates.
Would you want her to tell you if she wasn't that into you? How would you feel if she turned you down the next day? How would you feel if she hooked up with you even if she didn't really like you?
If you have enough empathy to imagine how you would feel in her situation, you don't need me or anyone to tell you what to do. In spite of what advertisers tell you, women are just people.
In the strategy threads people post their rank so you know where the advice is coming from. There's no ranking to relationships, but so you know where I'm coming from: I'm 26 and I've been happily married for four years.
The truth hurts sometimes, but then it sets you free.
On December 07 2012 14:18 emeraldemon wrote: Can you imagine yourself in her situation? Imagine that you have a crush on a girl in your class. You sit next to her all the time. She doesn't display any real interest in you, but you work up the courage to start a conversation, and eventually you make the first move and kiss her, and she reciprocates.
Would you want her to tell you if she wasn't that into you? How would you feel if she turned you down the next day? How would you feel if she hooked up with you even if she didn't really like you?
If you have enough empathy to imagine how you would feel in her situation, you don't need me or anyone to tell you what to do. In spite of what advertisers tell you, women are just people.
In the strategy threads people post their rank so you know where the advice is coming from. There's no ranking to relationships, but so you know where I'm coming from: I'm 26 and I've been happily married for four years.
Im more inclined to go with this. She said something about how she was waiting for me to notice her or something. What she said got lost in between the kissing, but honestly I never really noticed her. Today happened purely by accident and a whole lot of luck.
Emotional pain is self inflicted. By denying someone the whole truth about a situation you deny them the ability to correctly analyse what they could do differently next time. Garbage in garbage out. The easy way is always ends up being the hard way. The real challenge is discerning truth from lies/assumptions. Do you think you're making any assumptions about the situation? How about your knowing for a "fact" that you will hurt this girl? Fact or assumption? (or self-fulfilling prophecy... ;-)
From my experiences, I have learned that nothing is more important than honesty. First of all, be honest with yourself... are you willing to try? Are you interested in the sex?
Approach her candidly. If you are willing to try (who knows, maybe you will develop feelings for her), then tell her honestly that you do not feel the same way about her... but you are willing to try. Leave it to her to make that decision for herself, whether she wants to risk going through emotional pain or if she would rather end it right there.
Advantage of not trying: In the long run, you might hurt her less Advantage of trying: You might develop feelings for her Advantage of having a fuck buddy: Sex. Cuddling, but mostly sex.
OMG Dude wtf? Free girlfriend for the winter, christmas coming. DON'T CALL THIS OFF, STOP YOUR SILLY MENTAL GAMES!!!
What i read into this is, you realli like "M" and think you have a shot with M or that you connect and she is the one for you. But by the sounds of it, she pretty much BroZoned you and you have no chance. BUT if she see's you with Felecity, a pretty Asian student, she might get jelaous and you might eventually get M. Sounds a bit duochebag'y but, this is how the world works.....
Also lets look at the very bad negatives from this. You have to see this girl (nearly) everyday in your college? She sat next to you because she was physically attracted to you. If you break her heart, you will have a very "frosty" classmate for the rest of your college life. If you just go along with it, it might last till the end of the month, 3months, 6months, who knows, but seriously don't think just because your kissing her your going to have to marry her and have kids etcetc. You might aswell go with it, live a little and enjoy some casual sex with a nice girl.
TL;DR - Don't Break it Off - M might get jealous if your with another girl - Casual Sex is the best sex
Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her by admitting that you messed up by kissing her. Make it clear that everything is your fault, (which it actually is) and apologise.
Give her a chance, you might end up liking her, just casually date (and casual sex of course when it comes to it).
If after a while you realize its not really going anywhere, tell her you really like her as a friend and love hanging out with her but can't see this going anywhere in the long run and you don't want to lead her on to believe that.
EDIT* Real life =/= the movies. You don't date people because you love them. You can't figure out if you love someone over a short period of time. You date people that you like personally, and are physically attracted, and by dating you get to know someone on a completely different level (whether that be for the best or the worst)
IMO
Also, dating is not SRS Bzness, its for fun. Most dating will not lead to full life committment.
You can't know if you like her unless you actually spend some quality time with her. So do that, then decide. But be honest with her about it. By that I don't mean you telling her you don't really like her. Just say that everything went a bit fast and you want to see what happens if you take it slowly. Thats not anywhere close to a lie.
Also think of it this way: Dating and relationships are like games. At first you suck at it but you get better by trying and correcting your faults. Better screw up in some non competitive match then when you are with the girl of your dreams who then slip away because you hadn't learned not to do X or say Y.
Last but not least remember that losing ones virginity isn't really something special. It can be but doesn't have to be. Just do it if you feel it is right and vice versa.
Well okay first of all I'm honoured for the mention and of course as you said I enjoy reading these girl blogs!
As you've observed already from the first page of responses there are multiple ways to approach this situation. Broadly speaking it divides into two streams - the first is to go with the flow and enjoy(?) a relationship with minimal effort from your end, and the second is to tell her it was a mistake and you don't feel the same way she possibly does.
More of the obvious, there are gains and losses whichever way you proceed. Being single during the holidays (Christmas in two and a half weeks!) sux unless you have lots of close friends in similar situations, then you can meet up and drink up which isn't too bad really. Excuse me for my vulgar analogy but she basically served herself up on a dish in bite-size pieces cooked perfectly for you to just reach out and enjoy. Opportunities like this don't come exactly day-to-day, unless you are one physically attractive motherfucker... which leads to a different story. Anyhow.
If you honestly don't hold special feelings for this girl, you will feel guilty every time something like this happens. This piles up in you but sooner or later the girl is going to know too - that her feelings aren't being reciprocated in the same way. It can lead to a big mess and the more emotionally invested she was, the harder it's going to hit. It really depends on the girl, but messy break-ups are better avoided altogether.
The most simple way out of this would be to do :
On December 07 2012 23:37 Absentia wrote: Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her by admitting that you messed up by kissing her. Make it clear that everything is your fault, (which it actually is) and apologise.
I scratched out the everything is your fault part because it's not all your fault. In fact I'd go as far as saying that it's not right to point and distribute faults in this situation - she wanted you and you enjoyed the moment, oh well, stuff happens! I still believe it'll be good for you to be on an apologetic tone because the disappointment is going to hit her and you want to do whatever you can to soften the blow.
Im sorry, but you are wayyyyy overthinking this. The girl likes you, but she is in puppylove, she isnt in LOVE with you. If that breaks her heart, that is just sad and she should work on that. You should go out and have some fun. Dont have sex with her if you dont love her, that is my personal dogma, but Im your age and for you to have this as your first kiss is just not bueno. Here are your two choices
She likes you, but she just wants to have some fun: in this case, go for it (btw that is not what heavy petting means) have some fun with the girl, maybe you will both find you like each other, if not, oh well and you find another girl,
She is already attached and thinks she LOVES you: GTFO, GTFO, GTFO, you need to let her down softly in this case. I don't think this is the case in this case, but if it is, don't milk this girl's love cuz it will hurt her.
Just tell her about your inexperience (you could phrase it as "not much experience with relationships"), and that because of that reason you are unsure about your feelings. Tell her you like her (not love! like! and yes you like her, you don't make out for 1.5 hours with someone you dislike) and that the making out was great (I suppose it was. see how she responds, you could add that it was your first time).
Chances are high she finds your inexperience cute and the kissing goes on a little longer and maybe leads somewhere else. If not, and she is searching for a really serious relationship she will tell you I think.
Maybe she is much more experienced than you, maybe she is as inexperienced like you, but finding out where both of you stand might help. Option A: she is more experienced and will "guide you" through your relationship. Makes it easier. Option B: she is as inexperienced, this will take weight off of both your shoulders (not left+right, your's and the girl's ofc) and make things easier for both of you.
As you are clearly overthinking things, asking yourself if you want to lose your virginity with her might be wise. Are you the guy that wants to save himself for the perfect woman or not? There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun.
Please have a talk with your parents. They are anti-girl, but you are 18 years old. If they are not overly religious, they can't want their boy to be a virgin until he moves out at age let's say 25. I hope you can find an arrangement. Don't start the conversation with "hey pops, hey mom, there's this asian girl I'd like to fuck, you're in my way", you'll find a more sensitive approach.
On December 08 2012 03:40 xpldngmn wrote: Just tell her about your inexperience (you could phrase it as "not much experience with relationships"), and that because of that reason you are unsure about your feelings. Tell her you like her (not love! like! and yes you like her, you don't make out for 1.5 hours with someone you dislike) and that the making out was great (I suppose it was. see how she responds, you could add that it was your first time).
Chances are high she finds your inexperience cute and the kissing goes on a little longer and maybe leads somewhere else. If not, and she is searching for a really serious relationship she will tell you I think.
Maybe she is much more experienced than you, maybe she is as inexperienced like you, but finding out where both of you stand might help. Option A: she is more experienced and will "guide you" through your relationship. Makes it easier. Option B: she is as inexperienced, this will take weight off of both your shoulders (not left+right, your's and the girl's ofc) and make things easier for both of you.
As you are clearly overthinking things, asking yourself if you want to lose your virginity with her might be wise. Are you the guy that wants to save himself for the perfect woman or not? There's nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun.
Please have a talk with your parents. They are anti-girl, but you are 18 years old. If they are not overly religious, they can't want their boy to be a virgin until he moves out at age let's say 25. I hope you can fi an arrangement. Don't start the conversation with "hey pops, hey mom, there's this asian girl I'd like to fuck, you're in my way", you'll find a more sensitive approach.
GL + HF!
That's exactly the problem. They are super super religious. My dads a pastor and everything. However, the thought process in the beginning was the tentative way that i was going to phrase todays conversation. Im going to meet with her in a few hours and talk. These kinds of talks are really not possible with my parents.
She's pretty much throwing herself at you, if it were me unless she was that unattractive I'd give her a chance. Spend time with her, get to know her better and of course enjoy the physical intimacy that comes with it.
Also it sounds like you have sexual anxiety due to your inexperience. If you're holding back because you're afraid of not being any good then its all the more reason you should pursue this.
Don't tell your parents either. Though normally I would be against that, when it comes to super religious parents, they can be frighteningly unreasonable. Proceed with caution.
EPT
