• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 05:50
CEST 11:50
KST 18:50
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Team TLMC #5: Winners Announced!3[ASL20] Ro8 Preview Pt2: Holding On9Maestros of the Game: Live Finals Preview (RO4)5TL.net Map Contest #21 - Finalists5Team TLMC #5: Vote to Decide Ladder Maps!0
Community News
5.0.15 Patch Balance Hotfix (2025-10-8)60Weekly Cups (Sept 29-Oct 5): MaxPax triples up3PartinG joins SteamerZone, returns to SC2 competition285.0.15 Balance Patch Notes (Live version)119$2,500 WardiTV TL Map Contest Tournament 154
StarCraft 2
General
TL.net Map Contest #21 - Finalists PartinG joins SteamerZone, returns to SC2 competition 5.0.15 Patch Balance Hotfix (2025-10-8) Geoff 'iNcontroL' Robinson has passed away Classic Games #3: Rogue vs Serral at BlizzCon
Tourneys
Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament SC2's Safe House 2 - October 18 & 19 RSL Offline Finals Dates + Ticket Sales! SC4ALL $6,000 Open LAN in Philadelphia $2,500 WardiTV TL Map Contest Tournament 15
Strategy
Custom Maps
External Content
Mutation # 494 Unstable Environment Mutation # 493 Quick Killers Mutation # 492 Get Out More Mutation # 491 Night Drive
Brood War
General
Any rep analyzer that shows resources situation? Whose hotkey signature is this? BW General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ I'm making videos again
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [ASL20] Ro8 Day 4 Small VOD Thread 2.0 [ASL20] Ro8 Day 3
Strategy
BW - ajfirecracker Strategy & Training Siegecraft - a new perspective TvZ Theorycraft - Improving on State of the Art Current Meta
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread ZeroSpace Megathread Dawn of War IV Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion LiquidDota to reintegrate into TL.net
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
SPIRED by.ASL Mafia {211640} TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread The Games Industry And ATVI Stop the Construction YouTube Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine
Fan Clubs
The herO Fan Club! The Happy Fan Club!
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023 NBA General Discussion TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
SC2 Client Relocalization [Change SC2 Language] Linksys AE2500 USB WIFI keeps disconnecting Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
The Automated Ban List Recent Gifted Posts
Blogs
Inbreeding: Why Do We Do It…
Peanutsc
From Tilt to Ragequit:The Ps…
TrAiDoS
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1221 users

some new poems i have written - Page 2

Blogs > AiurZ
Post a Reply
Prev 1 2 All
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21244 Posts
November 30 2012 09:32 GMT
#21
this is depressing on so many levels
TranslatorBaa!
Fishgle
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States2174 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-30 10:15:37
November 30 2012 10:15 GMT
#22
Yes. Yes you are writing as paul fussel says you shouldn't do. Your poems are loaded with abstractions and no sense for music. Think more about how you say things over what you say. write some short stories. What applies to good prose applies to poetry.

your influence's so called "originality" is nothing but horrorcore and anti-intellectualism. It sounds like Lil B. An angsty Lil B, but white, privileged, and high on LSD instead of weed. He's stated himself that he's writing bad poetry on purpose (i've been googling this shit madly the last hour, don't deny it.) Lil B music is purposely shit in the same vein. It's just ironic, meme-influenced, txt-talk-like, blithe hipster pointlessness.

There is very little to any of his poems. Nothing past the initial shock (the love poems too, really solely on shock). Read palanhiuk's short story "Guts" if you want something like this done well. Read Ginsberg. Read Burroughs. Read Bukowski. Read something serious. Learn to write serious work. Learn to actually feel.

Does any of this actually speak to people? Sure you might get some laughs, or some pseudo-intellectual blather, but does anyone care for it past the microphone, past the stage?

http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/m_r/pound/retrospect.htm
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/learning/essay/237880
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/5893
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/how-to-live-without-irony/
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/article/244760

EDIT: no, I am not a fun person.
aka ChillyGonzalo / GnozL
GnarlyArbitrage
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
575 Posts
November 30 2012 10:57 GMT
#23
I need to take tips from these poems. My last poem is still lonely without a single comment.
meteorskunk
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada546 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-30 14:18:07
November 30 2012 13:48 GMT
#24
Hey AiurZ, It interests me to see what you compose. I admire parts of your work. The images are interesting and effective. The tone evokes emotion. i think it's something good you are doing. I advise u to write what you want to and to disregard people who tell you what is poetry(though i'm totally into the links that that guy posted up above) That said, I think there it is important to rememeber that art and expressing emotions are different??(if that makes sense, i'm really not clear on this whole "art" thing)

I was emotionally taken by the guy reading in those videos you posted. I think you may be stealing his style a bit too much for your own good. I couldn't help but notice you both replaced "fuck" for "frick". I think it suits him more. I think it is because he has a more specific style of voice that he is trying to use. Like, he has something one might name a "tone" in colour a "key" or a style? Tell me if you agree.

I think if his work strikes you as something you would like to do, it might be helpful to keep in mind that a large part of his effect is the way he says it. That means like.. so his work is primarily an oral craft and so that would mean you'd be better off going to an open mic night and reading it out at a bar so you can communicate more of the nuance of the emotions.

Also to the people who don't understand why someone would write "drop me onto a spike", that type of writing is interesting just for its impact. It's not all the time one thinks about such painful things. It is interesting ot see waht the imagination can make of language.
Girl Blog Credentials: Comfortable talking to some women. Tried the sex once
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
November 30 2012 15:08 GMT
#25
Frost is dissapoint dude =_=;;
[image loading]
Read some of Frost, and go to iTunes U and look up the Yale explanations of his poems, that will do you a lot of good.
User was warned for too many mimes.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18834 Posts
November 30 2012 17:35 GMT
#26
Now now Docvoc, OP took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. Instead of "stopping by woods on a snowy evening", he'd prefer he stop by the satanic bubblegum rape factory on a sordid rainy twilight and have his eyes gouged out by penises. And why shouldn't he?
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
AiurZ
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
United States429 Posts
December 01 2012 03:27 GMT
#27
@fishgle

i dunno what u mean by filled with abstractions, because i think that most of these poems are composed of concrete images. outlandish, unrealistic, impossible aside (these are all choices that i make in my creative process) they are still concrete images.

i dunno what u mean by lacking in music because i took some time to scan thru satanic bubble gum love poem and i think that not only is it regular and not only does it employ the sort of devices that you would want to employ in a loosely structured poem but it also variates from this in meaningful way.s i would say more about my own work but i am more interested in talking about poetry generally instead

i disagree when you say that steve roggenbuck writes intentionally bad poetry. i think that useing the word "bad" and "good" to describe poetry is dubious. i think that generalizing steve roggenbuck as "horrorcore" and "anti-intellectual" is way off base and wrong. i think that these are kinds of criticisms that u might have seen levied on poets like allen ginsberg.

if u want to argue that there is little in the way of textual substance to steve roggenbucks poetry i think that you are approaching it from entirely the wrong angle. i think that his poetry goes beyond the page and part of its power comes from his readings and his web presence and his brand. not only that, i think that his poems offer a lot textually, and that have a lot of power even beyond the initial "shock" that u try to describe

ie this passage from somewhere in the bottom of the rain:
i turn you with slow animals
i turn you in the
dark trees
i have you with me in the dark trees
i am tryig to put you somewhere else in the
dark trees too
i am like the giraffe of you
wow
i am kising 25 birds when i kis you


i think that if walt whitman were a poet in these times that he would be writing lines like these. u find these kinds of lines all throughout steve roggenbucks poetry.

i think its funny that u would mention chuck palahniuk especially "guts" in criticizing the poems i posted above because i have read a lot of chuck palahniuk and even the story u mentioned and i think that for the most part that chuck palahniuk is unsuccessful and boring and relies on his own sort of shock value and gimmicks just as much if not more than steve roggenbuck.



@meteorskunk
i am trying to develop my craft and it is interesting to me to make the same sort of creative decisions as other poets do. it helps me in trying to understand why they make the choices that they make and what sorts of things are successful and unsuccessful about it. the choice between "frick" and "fuck" in satanic bubble gum love poem is a conscious one. the line as i originally conceived it read "fuck" but i think that "frick" fits better within the poem and within the meaning of the line itself. i think that other parts i borrow without the same mindfulness but i am confident in the choice of "frick".




@docvoc
i think that frost would be deeply appreciative of my poem because it is in the loose iambic meter.
picture of dogs.jpg
Prev 1 2 All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 11m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
mouzHeroMarine 374
SortOf 168
StarCraft: Brood War
Larva 983
Shuttle 936
Hyuk 680
Leta 289
Mini 274
Pusan 225
PianO 193
Stork 154
sSak 86
EffOrt 77
[ Show more ]
Sharp 55
ToSsGirL 54
Backho 52
Sacsri 46
Movie 32
yabsab 31
soO 25
Shine 24
NotJumperer 21
Free 13
ajuk12(nOOB) 13
ivOry 12
Dota 2
XcaliburYe931
Counter-Strike
Stewie2K855
allub298
Super Smash Bros
Westballz25
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor251
Other Games
singsing1542
Mew2King58
Organizations
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• LUISG 37
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• WagamamaTV9
League of Legends
• Jankos2475
• Stunt496
• HappyZerGling139
Upcoming Events
Sparkling Tuna Cup
11m
Map Test Tournament
1h 11m
Zoun vs Spirit
Reynor vs herO
Clem vs MaxPax
OSC
2h 11m
IPSL
9h 11m
Bonyth vs Art_Of_Turtle
Razz vs rasowy
Afreeca Starleague
1d
Barracks vs Snow
Afreeca Starleague
2 days
Soma vs Bisu
OSC
2 days
OSC
2 days
The PondCast
4 days
OSC
4 days
[ Show More ]
CranKy Ducklings
6 days
Safe House 2
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Acropolis #4 - TS2
Maestros of the Game
HCC Europe

Ongoing

BSL 21 Points
ASL Season 20
CSL 2025 AUTUMN (S18)
C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
WardiTV TLMC #15
EC S1
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2
BLAST Open Fall 2025
BLAST Open Fall Qual
Esports World Cup 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall 2025
BLAST Bounty Fall Qual
IEM Cologne 2025

Upcoming

SC4ALL: Brood War
BSL Season 21
BSL 21 Team A
RSL Offline Finals
RSL Revival: Season 3
Stellar Fest
SC4ALL: StarCraft II
eXTREMESLAND 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
SL Budapest Major 2025
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.