• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 09:16
CET 15:16
KST 23:16
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Revival - 2025 Season Finals Preview8RSL Season 3 - Playoffs Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups C & D Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups A & B Preview2TL.net Map Contest #21: Winners12
Community News
ComeBackTV's documentary on Byun's Career !8Weekly Cups (Dec 8-14): MaxPax, Clem, Cure win4Weekly Cups (Dec 1-7): Clem doubles, Solar gets over the hump1Weekly Cups (Nov 24-30): MaxPax, Clem, herO win2BGE Stara Zagora 2026 announced15
StarCraft 2
General
When will we find out if there are more tournament ComeBackTV's documentary on Byun's Career ! Weekly Cups (Dec 8-14): MaxPax, Clem, Cure win RSL Revival - 2025 Season Finals Preview Weekly Cups (Dec 1-7): Clem doubles, Solar gets over the hump
Tourneys
Winter Warp Gate Amateur Showdown #1 Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament $5,000+ WardiTV 2025 Championship RSL Offline Finals Info - Dec 13 and 14! Master Swan Open (Global Bronze-Master 2)
Strategy
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ?
External Content
Mutation # 504 Retribution Mutation # 503 Fowl Play Mutation # 502 Negative Reinforcement Mutation # 501 Price of Progress
Brood War
General
Klaucher discontinued / in-game color settings Anyone remember me from 2000s Bnet EAST server? BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ How Rain Became ProGamer in Just 3 Months FlaSh on: Biggest Problem With SnOw's Playstyle
Tourneys
Small VOD Thread 2.0 [Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL21] WB SEMIFINALS - Saturday 21:00 CET [BSL21] RO8 - Day 2 - Sunday 21:00 CET
Strategy
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Game Theory for Starcraft Current Meta Fighting Spirit mining rates
Other Games
General Games
Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Mechabellum PC Games Sales Thread Path of Exile
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas Survivor II: The Amazon Sengoku Mafia TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
Russo-Ukrainian War Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine US Politics Mega-thread The Games Industry And ATVI YouTube Thread
Fan Clubs
White-Ra Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
TL+ Announced Where to ask questions and add stream?
Blogs
The (Hidden) Drug Problem in…
TrAiDoS
I decided to write a webnov…
DjKniteX
James Bond movies ranking - pa…
Topin
Thanks for the RSL
Hildegard
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1446 users

some new poems i have written - Page 2

Blogs > AiurZ
Post a Reply
Prev 1 2 All
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21244 Posts
November 30 2012 09:32 GMT
#21
this is depressing on so many levels
TranslatorBaa!
Fishgle
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States2174 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-30 10:15:37
November 30 2012 10:15 GMT
#22
Yes. Yes you are writing as paul fussel says you shouldn't do. Your poems are loaded with abstractions and no sense for music. Think more about how you say things over what you say. write some short stories. What applies to good prose applies to poetry.

your influence's so called "originality" is nothing but horrorcore and anti-intellectualism. It sounds like Lil B. An angsty Lil B, but white, privileged, and high on LSD instead of weed. He's stated himself that he's writing bad poetry on purpose (i've been googling this shit madly the last hour, don't deny it.) Lil B music is purposely shit in the same vein. It's just ironic, meme-influenced, txt-talk-like, blithe hipster pointlessness.

There is very little to any of his poems. Nothing past the initial shock (the love poems too, really solely on shock). Read palanhiuk's short story "Guts" if you want something like this done well. Read Ginsberg. Read Burroughs. Read Bukowski. Read something serious. Learn to write serious work. Learn to actually feel.

Does any of this actually speak to people? Sure you might get some laughs, or some pseudo-intellectual blather, but does anyone care for it past the microphone, past the stage?

http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/m_r/pound/retrospect.htm
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/learning/essay/237880
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/5893
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/how-to-live-without-irony/
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/article/244760

EDIT: no, I am not a fun person.
aka ChillyGonzalo / GnozL
GnarlyArbitrage
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
575 Posts
November 30 2012 10:57 GMT
#23
I need to take tips from these poems. My last poem is still lonely without a single comment.
meteorskunk
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada546 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-11-30 14:18:07
November 30 2012 13:48 GMT
#24
Hey AiurZ, It interests me to see what you compose. I admire parts of your work. The images are interesting and effective. The tone evokes emotion. i think it's something good you are doing. I advise u to write what you want to and to disregard people who tell you what is poetry(though i'm totally into the links that that guy posted up above) That said, I think there it is important to rememeber that art and expressing emotions are different??(if that makes sense, i'm really not clear on this whole "art" thing)

I was emotionally taken by the guy reading in those videos you posted. I think you may be stealing his style a bit too much for your own good. I couldn't help but notice you both replaced "fuck" for "frick". I think it suits him more. I think it is because he has a more specific style of voice that he is trying to use. Like, he has something one might name a "tone" in colour a "key" or a style? Tell me if you agree.

I think if his work strikes you as something you would like to do, it might be helpful to keep in mind that a large part of his effect is the way he says it. That means like.. so his work is primarily an oral craft and so that would mean you'd be better off going to an open mic night and reading it out at a bar so you can communicate more of the nuance of the emotions.

Also to the people who don't understand why someone would write "drop me onto a spike", that type of writing is interesting just for its impact. It's not all the time one thinks about such painful things. It is interesting ot see waht the imagination can make of language.
Girl Blog Credentials: Comfortable talking to some women. Tried the sex once
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
November 30 2012 15:08 GMT
#25
Frost is dissapoint dude =_=;;
[image loading]
Read some of Frost, and go to iTunes U and look up the Yale explanations of his poems, that will do you a lot of good.
User was warned for too many mimes.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18840 Posts
November 30 2012 17:35 GMT
#26
Now now Docvoc, OP took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. Instead of "stopping by woods on a snowy evening", he'd prefer he stop by the satanic bubblegum rape factory on a sordid rainy twilight and have his eyes gouged out by penises. And why shouldn't he?
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
AiurZ
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
United States429 Posts
December 01 2012 03:27 GMT
#27
@fishgle

i dunno what u mean by filled with abstractions, because i think that most of these poems are composed of concrete images. outlandish, unrealistic, impossible aside (these are all choices that i make in my creative process) they are still concrete images.

i dunno what u mean by lacking in music because i took some time to scan thru satanic bubble gum love poem and i think that not only is it regular and not only does it employ the sort of devices that you would want to employ in a loosely structured poem but it also variates from this in meaningful way.s i would say more about my own work but i am more interested in talking about poetry generally instead

i disagree when you say that steve roggenbuck writes intentionally bad poetry. i think that useing the word "bad" and "good" to describe poetry is dubious. i think that generalizing steve roggenbuck as "horrorcore" and "anti-intellectual" is way off base and wrong. i think that these are kinds of criticisms that u might have seen levied on poets like allen ginsberg.

if u want to argue that there is little in the way of textual substance to steve roggenbucks poetry i think that you are approaching it from entirely the wrong angle. i think that his poetry goes beyond the page and part of its power comes from his readings and his web presence and his brand. not only that, i think that his poems offer a lot textually, and that have a lot of power even beyond the initial "shock" that u try to describe

ie this passage from somewhere in the bottom of the rain:
i turn you with slow animals
i turn you in the
dark trees
i have you with me in the dark trees
i am tryig to put you somewhere else in the
dark trees too
i am like the giraffe of you
wow
i am kising 25 birds when i kis you


i think that if walt whitman were a poet in these times that he would be writing lines like these. u find these kinds of lines all throughout steve roggenbucks poetry.

i think its funny that u would mention chuck palahniuk especially "guts" in criticizing the poems i posted above because i have read a lot of chuck palahniuk and even the story u mentioned and i think that for the most part that chuck palahniuk is unsuccessful and boring and relies on his own sort of shock value and gimmicks just as much if not more than steve roggenbuck.



@meteorskunk
i am trying to develop my craft and it is interesting to me to make the same sort of creative decisions as other poets do. it helps me in trying to understand why they make the choices that they make and what sorts of things are successful and unsuccessful about it. the choice between "frick" and "fuck" in satanic bubble gum love poem is a conscious one. the line as i originally conceived it read "fuck" but i think that "frick" fits better within the poem and within the meaning of the line itself. i think that other parts i borrow without the same mindfulness but i am confident in the choice of "frick".




@docvoc
i think that frost would be deeply appreciative of my poem because it is in the loose iambic meter.
picture of dogs.jpg
Prev 1 2 All
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
SC Evo League
12:30
#18
LiquipediaDiscussion
WardiTV 2025
11:00
Playoffs
Reynor vs MaxPaxLIVE!
SHIN vs TBD
TBD vs Cure
Solar vs herO
Classic vs TBD
TBD vs Clem
WardiTV1830
ComeBackTV 1415
TaKeTV 538
IndyStarCraft 272
Rex166
CosmosSc2 144
LiquipediaDiscussion
CranKy Ducklings
10:00
Master Swan Open #99
CranKy Ducklings65
LiquipediaDiscussion
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Lowko351
IndyStarCraft 267
Rex 161
CosmosSc2 133
MindelVK 41
trigger 16
StarCraft: Brood War
Stork 712
EffOrt 705
firebathero 351
Leta 280
ggaemo 248
Last 176
Zeus 125
Larva 125
Bonyth 51
Mong 39
[ Show more ]
ajuk12(nOOB) 34
zelot 34
Shinee 32
ToSsGirL 26
yabsab 26
ivOry 13
SilentControl 10
Terrorterran 4
Rock 4
Dota 2
Gorgc5619
singsing3830
qojqva1459
XcaliburYe227
League of Legends
rGuardiaN90
Heroes of the Storm
Khaldor267
Other Games
B2W.Neo1696
Pyrionflax385
crisheroes351
DeMusliM280
Hui .171
XaKoH 134
KnowMe59
QueenE35
Trikslyr28
Organizations
Other Games
PGL351
StarCraft: Brood War
lovetv 8
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 15 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• C_a_k_e 2229
• Gemini_19 27
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• intothetv
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• Michael_bg 2
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
League of Legends
• Jankos1950
• Nemesis1237
Upcoming Events
Ladder Legends
4h 44m
BSL 21
5h 44m
Sziky vs Dewalt
eOnzErG vs Cross
Sparkling Tuna Cup
19h 44m
Ladder Legends
1d 2h
BSL 21
1d 5h
StRyKeR vs TBD
Bonyth vs TBD
Replay Cast
1d 18h
Wardi Open
1d 21h
Monday Night Weeklies
2 days
WardiTV Invitational
3 days
Replay Cast
4 days
[ Show More ]
WardiTV Invitational
4 days
ByuN vs Solar
Clem vs Classic
Cure vs herO
Reynor vs MaxPax
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Acropolis #4 - TS3
RSL Offline Finals
Kuram Kup

Ongoing

C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 4
YSL S2
BSL Season 21
Slon Tour Season 2
CSL Season 19: Qualifier 1
WardiTV 2025
META Madness #9
eXTREMESLAND 2025
SL Budapest Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22

Upcoming

CSL Season 19: Qualifier 2
CSL 2025 WINTER (S19)
BSL 21 Non-Korean Championship
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2026
HSC XXVIII
Big Gabe Cup #3
OSC Championship Season 13
ESL Pro League Season 23
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter Qual
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.