As a jellybean connoisseur, I find myself on a quest to find the tastiest of beans. As a stickler, I take it upon myself to investigate any shortcomings. As a man with access to pens and paper, I realised that it is within my reach to just send people scrawled letters complaining about just about anything.
Last week, I found a jellybean that was a number of different colours/flavours fused together, with a sort of fizzed outer shell. Naturally, I sent a letter to The Jelly Bean Factory. I'll be honest, it was a spur of the moment thing. It was an oddity, so I threw it into an envelope along with a handwritten letter that said something to the effect of:
To whom it concerns,
I have enclosed one (mutant) jellybean, which I was saddened to find in a bag I was eating. I send you this not in the hope that you will motivated to send me some conciliatory jellybeans, but in the hopes that you will know best how to destroy this mistake of creation.
With luck, I hope that it will be possible for you to find the source of the aberration and rectify it, if not for me then just so that no one else need face the horrors I have.
Love,
At this point, I was aware that I had worded things in such a way that a reply was unlikely, but I figured that it might at least provide enough entertainment for someone to feel as though they should reply.
Today, I received an envelope from them, containing a letter. The letter read:
Greetings from the Jellybean Factory and thank you for your letter in regards to your damaged jellybean, and apologies for the delay in responding.
Our quality team have inspected the bean and assured me that the bean was perfectly safe, just a little squashed. I am enclosing some beans for your enjoyment. Apologies if I got your name incorrect, as it was difficult to make out.
Kind Regards The Jellybean Team
Gaze upon my bounty in wonder.
I can only be thankful that An Post (the Irish postal service) has done such a fine job that it managed to destroy the offending bean. Their skill in that area is unparalleled.
You'll note in the above mage the presence of multiple layers of different types of radioactive decay. The bean appeared to be composed of some superheavy substance so substantial that its decay was visible even as I watched. I feared I might be irradiated by it, and so consigned it to its return trip quite swiftly.
On October 17 2012 09:04 heyoka wrote: Also how do you know it had multiple flavors fused together if you didn't eat it?
It was a hideous, chimera bean. There were a number of different colours apparent. It was like a jellybean equivalent of Jeff Goldblum in The Fly.
So in the Jelly Bean Factory world, one slightly diseased bean error is rectified with ten new bean bags and one bean box? Did they throw in the bean box because of the bean fizz? If you find another bean of equal or lesser value will you return it again?
This is such an epic blog. I came in here expecting software as well. Lol at your chimera bean and funny company response.
This reminds me of that time somebody sent some blob monster pictures to Blizzard claiming to be the owner's son or something and they sent him pictures back showing what they would look like professionally drawn.
1) Find deformed bean 2) Write a letter about said bean 3) Send bean and letter back to manufacturer 4) Receive complimentary beans 5) Repeat step 1 -4 as necessary ... ???
On October 17 2012 10:36 lazyitachi wrote: 1) Find deformed bean 2) Write a letter about said bean 3) Send bean and letter back to manufacturer 4) Receive complimentary beans 5) Repeat step 1 -4 as necessary ... ???
n) Profit!!!! BEANSSSSSSSSS :D
If only that worked with money, oh this note is bent, this note has a rip in it, please for my troubles i require compensation of more money kekeke
On October 17 2012 10:36 lazyitachi wrote: 1) Find deformed bean 2) Write a letter about said bean 3) Send bean and letter back to manufacturer 4) Receive complimentary beans 5) Repeat step 1 -4 as necessary ... ???
n) Profit!!!! BEANSSSSSSSSS :D
why not just use 1 of the beans they sent you, squash it and send it back
Is this a jelly bean factory in Ireland? I live near the Jelly Belly Jelly Bean factory in Vacaville, Ca. I suppose I naively thought that they were the sole producer of all non off brand jelly beans.
I cannot possibly believe that they took you seriously, so I will just hope they sent those as a kind of reverse troll maneuver. Anyways, baller as fuck.
On October 18 2012 00:33 Rucho wrote: Is this a jelly bean factory in Ireland? I live near the Jelly Belly Jelly Bean factory in Vacaville, Ca. I suppose I naively thought that they were the sole producer of all non off brand jelly beans.
There's also a Jelly Belly factory outside of Chicago
EPT
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