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Jellybean

Blogs > SirJolt
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SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4016 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-10-16 23:42:41
October 16 2012 23:24 GMT
#1
As a jellybean connoisseur, I find myself on a quest to find the tastiest of beans. As a stickler, I take it upon myself to investigate any shortcomings. As a man with access to pens and paper, I realised that it is within my reach to just send people scrawled letters complaining about just about anything.

Last week, I found a jellybean that was a number of different colours/flavours fused together, with a sort of fizzed outer shell. Naturally, I sent a letter to The Jelly Bean Factory. I'll be honest, it was a spur of the moment thing. It was an oddity, so I threw it into an envelope along with a handwritten letter that said something to the effect of:

To whom it concerns,

I have enclosed one (mutant) jellybean, which I was saddened to find in a bag I was eating. I send you this not in the hope that you will motivated to send me some conciliatory jellybeans, but in the hopes that you will know best how to destroy this mistake of creation.

With luck, I hope that it will be possible for you to find the source of the aberration and rectify it, if not for me then just so that no one else need face the horrors I have.

Love,

[image loading]


At this point, I was aware that I had worded things in such a way that a reply was unlikely, but I figured that it might at least provide enough entertainment for someone to feel as though they should reply.

Today, I received an envelope from them, containing a letter. The letter read:

Greetings from the Jellybean Factory and thank you for your letter in regards to your damaged jellybean, and apologies for the delay in responding.

Our quality team have inspected the bean and assured me that the bean was perfectly safe, just a little squashed. I am enclosing some beans for your enjoyment. Apologies if I got your name incorrect, as it was difficult to make out.

Kind Regards
The Jellybean Team


[image loading]
Gaze upon my bounty in wonder.


I can only be thankful that An Post (the Irish postal service) has done such a fine job that it managed to destroy the offending bean. Their skill in that area is unparalleled.

Is this the proudest I have ever been? Perhaps.

****
Moderator@SirJolt
Russet
Profile Joined August 2010
United States48 Posts
October 16 2012 23:36 GMT
#2
We can only hope you don't find another in the ones they sent.
FuDDx *
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
United States5018 Posts
October 16 2012 23:43 GMT
#3
Love !!!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Balloon-Man-FuDD/237447769616965?ref=hl
Atom Cannister
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
Germany380 Posts
October 16 2012 23:45 GMT
#4
Man, the excitement!
...
AnachronisticAnarchy
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States2957 Posts
October 16 2012 23:49 GMT
#5
That's a pretty cool story, right there.
"How are you?" "I am fine, because it is not normal to scream in pain."
Durak
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Canada3685 Posts
October 16 2012 23:52 GMT
#6
Delicious justice.
riotjune
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United States3394 Posts
October 16 2012 23:55 GMT
#7
nice beans you got there
Iranon
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States983 Posts
October 16 2012 23:55 GMT
#8
One of the best blog posts I've ever read.
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
October 16 2012 23:58 GMT
#9
As boes would put it,

this is gr9
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
StorrZerg
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States13922 Posts
October 17 2012 00:01 GMT
#10
omg i see my name lol
Hwaseung Oz fan for life. Swing out, always swing out.
HawaiianPig
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Canada5155 Posts
October 17 2012 00:04 GMT
#11
Now the question remains... what did they think your name was?
AdministratorNot actually Hawaiian.
Heyoka
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Katowice25012 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-10-17 00:05:50
October 17 2012 00:04 GMT
#12
Do you have pics of the mutant bean? Can you do whip up a recreation for us?

Also how do you know it had multiple flavors fused together if you didn't eat it?
@RealHeyoka | ESL / DreamHack StarCraft Lead
HawaiianPig
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Canada5155 Posts
October 17 2012 00:16 GMT
#13
Now that you mention it, I had a similar experience with a peanut M&M, but I didn't have the foresight to send a letter:

[image loading]

Perhaps you could use this as a base to create an artist's impression of what you experienced
AdministratorNot actually Hawaiian.
Nazza
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1654 Posts
October 17 2012 00:18 GMT
#14
5/5 thanks for going out and buying some jelly beans and putting them on your desk so that you could secretly plug ThSL.
No one ever remembers second place, eh? eh? GIVE ME COMMAND
SirJolt
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
the Dagon Knight4016 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-10-17 00:25:35
October 17 2012 00:25 GMT
#15
Artist's impression:

[image loading]

You'll note in the above mage the presence of multiple layers of different types of radioactive decay. The bean appeared to be composed of some superheavy substance so substantial that its decay was visible even as I watched. I feared I might be irradiated by it, and so consigned it to its return trip quite swiftly.

On October 17 2012 09:04 heyoka wrote:
Also how do you know it had multiple flavors fused together if you didn't eat it?


It was a hideous, chimera bean. There were a number of different colours apparent. It was like a jellybean equivalent of Jeff Goldblum in The Fly.
Moderator@SirJolt
strongandbig
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States4858 Posts
October 17 2012 00:25 GMT
#16
JellyBelly 4evr!
"It's the torso" "only more so!"
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
October 17 2012 00:27 GMT
#17
damn those chimera beans...
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
Shock710
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Australia6097 Posts
October 17 2012 00:27 GMT
#18
hahahaha i knew it was gonna be awesome when it saw it was a Sir Jolt blog hehe so many jellybeans!
p.s please read more erotic novels
dAPhREAk gives Shock a * | [23:55] <Shock710> that was out of context -_- [16:26] <@motbob> Good question, Shock!
fire_brand
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada1123 Posts
October 17 2012 00:28 GMT
#19
The real question is, what happened to that godless abomination? It could still be out there spreading its corruption upon our unsuspecting planet.
Random player, pixel enthusiast, crappy illustrator, offlane/support
Flaccid
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
8927 Posts
October 17 2012 00:30 GMT
#20
You've bean busy.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
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