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Parents and Parenting
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Azera
3800 Posts
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NonFactor
Sweden698 Posts
My parents simply didn't give a shit about my academics. (Which can be both good and bad.) I didn't get pressured, nor did I get heavily rewarded for doing good. If I asked my parents ''what you guys want me to do when I grow up'' they would simply say ''just do whatever makes you happy'' which I'm grateful for. Though I think I would have done better in school with some shouting. ;o Lucky we don't put as much importance apparently to what school you went to. | ||
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Ghin
United States2391 Posts
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Alala-P
34 Posts
I know it doesn't seem like it, but I think your dads trying to make you do things he thinks are helpful to you. He should be more rewarding though from the sounds of things. Out of curiosity, what is it you want to do in life? | ||
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Azera
3800 Posts
On July 04 2012 21:21 Alala-P wrote: So you're 15/16(?). Just do your work and do well, set little goals for yourself(for your hobbies) that make you happy and then just do what your dad says. Once you're done with school I presume you'll be going to uni or studying elsewhere so you'll be living away from home. Just think of all the things life has to offer once you're over this difficult phase. I think most teenagers go through similar negative thoughts. Once you live on your own you'll have more time to do the things you enjoy. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I think your dads trying to make you do things he thinks are helpful to you. He should be more rewarding though from the sounds of things. Out of curiosity, what is it you want to do in life? Law/Sociology, English based things. I'm aiming for Lawyer or Politician. Professor is okay too. | ||
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Alala-P
34 Posts
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RogerX
New Zealand3180 Posts
On July 04 2012 20:53 NonFactor wrote: I keep reading these stories about asian parents and it seems so strange to me. My parents simply didn't give a shit about my academics. (Which can be both good and bad.) I didn't get pressured, nor did I get heavily rewarded for doing good. If I asked my parents ''what you guys want me to do when I grow up'' they would simply say ''just do whatever makes you happy'' which I'm grateful for. Though I think I would have done better in school with some shouting. ;o Lucky we don't put as much importance apparently to what school you went to. You don't know how jealous I am of you. If my parents told me; "Do whatever makes you happy." I would probably burst in tears of joy. | ||
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OpticalShot
Canada6330 Posts
You can't always only do what you like in life. This should be obvious. Without discrediting your efforts too much, I think it's safe to say that your mind state is firmly rejecting your father's suggestions before giving it a proper evaluation. Give a little, a little more maybe, and show your father that you at least understand his intentions and appreciate his attention. Once you've given him the respect he deserves, you'll get some of it back - perhaps all of it - and then you can start talking to him on equal footing. When you show him that you can accomplish things outside of your comfort zone, he'll probably be more comfortable about you choosing your own path. Don't hit the GG life button yo, it ain't over until you've fought every battle. | ||
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ArcticMuse
Australia93 Posts
My dad, long suffering with depression committed suicide about a month ago (he wasn't discovered for some further two weeks), and the experience is devastating and traumatic that I would never wish the situation on anyone, no matter how horrible or mean they are (i.e. your dad). Don't you dare do it. Things get better, they always do! You just need to reach out there and make things the way you want them, be that moving country or just moving house. You can do, I know you can. | ||
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Lightwip
United States5497 Posts
And to an extent, maybe your father is right. You yourself admit that you're lazy, and he's really teaching you an important lesson: you can't always do only what you like to do. Sometimes, you have to do what matters that is at the same time not very interesting. If that isn't good enough for you, there's plenty of ways to avoid him as much as possible or to simply convince him that you're done doing what he asks of you. At the same time, I'd suggest you give his methods a fair chance before you complain about how it's not your area of interest. | ||
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3FFA
United States3931 Posts
On July 04 2012 22:27 RogerX wrote: You don't know how jealous I am of you. If my parents told me; "Do whatever makes you happy." I would probably burst in tears of joy. This as well for me. Oh man how I would love to hear that. I think I only heard that when I was very young maybe 1-2 times. After that it was "here's what we want you to do... now do it. No pressure but we'll be checking on you for years until this is done." | ||
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N3rV[Green]
United States1935 Posts
On July 04 2012 20:53 NonFactor wrote: I keep reading these stories about asian parents and it seems so strange to me. My parents simply didn't give a shit about my academics. (Which can be both good and bad.) I didn't get pressured, nor did I get heavily rewarded for doing good. If I asked my parents ''what you guys want me to do when I grow up'' they would simply say ''just do whatever makes you happy'' which I'm grateful for. Though I think I would have done better in school with some shouting. ;o Lucky we don't put as much importance apparently to what school you went to. I'm right there with you bro, I mean, I haven't seen my dad since I was like 10, but my mom has certainly never done any of these things so common with "Asian parents". My mom understood that highschool in the USA is utter bullshit and worthless (in Moab Utah at least where there are only 500 kids in the entire highschool, if that). I mean, I was always expected to go to college....but I feel like that's not that big of an expectation. This "good grades, study hard, do your work, study more, do more work, get a job, do more school activities, do more studying" shit is seriously alien to me. I mean fuck dude, I pulled a D in Ochem II, Phys II and DiffyQ last semester and my mom was so happy I didn't fail anything, why can't more parents just be chill? So ya, sorry to go off a bit, but also dude, thinking about "suicide" really isn't the worst thing. It might even be a good thing, cause it might help remind you just how much you would destroy the people around you if you were to go through with it. And here's my protip for the feeling of "I hate my life, I hate school, my parents are assholes, fuck everything". Just look at the sky and remind yourself a few things. You probably ate food recently, had clean water to drink, could go to a store and buy something you wanted to eat/drink/consume just on a whim, nobody in your family was killed/raped/other recently and nobody has shot at you. These are all things MANY people on this planet have to deal with on a daily basis. You're life seriously can't be so bad can it? | ||
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Hnnngg
United States1101 Posts
On July 04 2012 22:27 RogerX wrote: You don't know how jealous I am of you. If my parents told me; "Do whatever makes you happy." I would probably burst in tears of joy. On July 05 2012 01:03 3FFA wrote: This as well for me. Oh man how I would love to hear that. I think I only heard that when I was very young maybe 1-2 times. After that it was "here's what we want you to do... now do it. No pressure but we'll be checking on you for years until this is done." The grass is always greener on the other side. | ||
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EPO
Canada341 Posts
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
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3FFA
United States3931 Posts
On July 05 2012 01:21 Hnnngg wrote: The grass is always greener on the other side. Except its really just ur eyes playing tricks on you. If you look down on either side, its the same grass. | ||
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chaosfreak11
Singapore367 Posts
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Tazza
Korea (South)1678 Posts
U just have to get through it man. U can go to college and never have to deal with him again. Just think about how many years u have left of school, and how many years of life u will have. When u look at it like that, it doesn't seem like a long time. U just have to tough it out. I might suggest u go to a psychologist if ur dealing with an inferiority complex and anxiety, which is what I'm dealing with now. This might not seem like a big deal, but it will bite u in the ass later in life I'm here for u man. Talk to me whenever u feel like. Just dont commit suicide man. It's not worth it. | ||
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sathin
United States46 Posts
your dad wants to succeed not for you but for himself he may say otherwise but realistically its his own selfish goal its in parental psychology and this can be looked up for those who wish but he wants you to achieve his own goals for you instead of your own many parents are blinded by their own goals and consider it "best" for their kids to follow the goals they set for them he is an authoritarian parent The only way your going to get him to realize is to make a scene and bring it to his attention that he is literally the reason u cant be happy and do well remind him that you are thankful for what he provides you and that you have material things and everything you need to live but he isnt a good parent and hasnt been a good parent tell him that all you really want is for him to be proud and to tell you that he is i remember the first time my dad told me he was proud of me that i remember and that i think he was being sincere was when i finally brought it to his attention that he fucking sucked flat out as a parent and nothing he was doing actually helped me in anyway TL;DR tell him exactly how you feel that he's making you feel depressed and that you just want him to be proud of you the way any dad should be proud of their son let him know everything thats going on in your head it could be a huge turning point P.S sorry for lack of grammar been writing school essays all day didnt plan to write this and didnt know if anyone did and i hope they did but i feel like its so essential that parents realize their kids emotions are real and kids need to be rewarded and acknowledged for behavior and achievement Also PM me if you have any questions or need help i sincerely try and help people in your situation cuz its too easy for others to downplay and call YOU the selfish one but ur problems and emotions are real and struggle in honest psychology is incredible like that and having your dad doing what he is doing to you is only damaging you long term and you cant let him do that it isnt right | ||
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sathin
United States46 Posts
On July 05 2012 00:37 Lightwip wrote: No, not everyone has contemplated suicide. Your reason, however, is an extremely stupid one for doing so and you know it. Others have already described what suicide is like: not only do you lose the chance to do everything you wanted to do, but you also seriously harm everyone else you ever knew. And for what, for the chance to get away from some math? And to an extent, maybe your father is right. You yourself admit that you're lazy, and he's really teaching you an important lesson: you can't always do only what you like to do. Sometimes, you have to do what matters that is at the same time not very interesting. If that isn't good enough for you, there's plenty of ways to avoid him as much as possible or to simply convince him that you're done doing what he asks of you. At the same time, I'd suggest you give his methods a fair chance before you complain about how it's not your area of interest. people like you honestly make me sick... no reason for seriously contemplating suicide is a stupid one do you even understand the reasoning behind suicide science of the brain that makes those sorts of thoughts pop up? its imbalance in chemicals in the brain leading towards a very depressed state which cause these things that imbalance isnt something that can be prevented by the person it just happens he cant help it no one can his father isnt right to bully him into his own thinking your wrong there as well and i hope to god that u dont really think its okay to do that to your kids its not teaching them you cant always do what you want to do cuz that doesnt make any sense in this situation this kid CAN do what he wants to do he DOES have a future in it the father just doesnt agree with it this kid doesnt sound remotely lazy to me either fuck he's winning academic awards wanna know the worst thing you can tell some one whos depressed or contemplating suicide btw? and one of the most common reasons people who are thinking about suicide go through with it? because people like you tell them they have stupid reasons for being depressed i may be coming down harshly but SERIOUSLY? emotions are real what this kid feels is honest and anything but stupid think about the circumstances and how you would feel in them if you were HIM and not yourself working your ass off every day to make some one proud but having them never show it is completely demoralizing and humiliating on a daily basis it could be compared to being in the friend zone with a girl something almost every guy can relate to and its torture | ||
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flashimba
225 Posts
Unless your dad is a real asshole, he probably does realize you excel at those subjects and IS pleased inside, but like you said, wants you to cover your weaknesses. He may be the type to withhold compliments in fear of letting you become overconfident. | ||
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On July 04 2012 20:53 NonFactor wrote: I keep reading these stories about asian parents and it seems so strange to me. My parents simply didn't give a shit about my academics. (Which can be both good and bad.) I didn't get pressured, nor did I get heavily rewarded for doing good. If I asked my parents ''what you guys want me to do when I grow up'' they would simply say ''just do whatever makes you happy'' which I'm grateful for. Though I think I would have done better in school with some shouting. ;o Lucky we don't put as much importance apparently to what school you went to. This to an extent. When I was a little kid my dad did force trigonometry and calculus down my throat, but now both my parents have kinda relaxed a bit. Now they're just leaving me to my own devices, if I pull high grades they leave me alone. The other day my dad explained two things that kinda justify it all, "Every father wants his son to exceed him in every way, physically and mentally" and "I'm doing this because this is the best way I can think of to set you up for success". But otherwise, both my parents, and especially my mother have backed off of it. Like even though I bombed this year's math final (and beat myself up for it), my English scores were amazing this year (I don't even like the subject) and they kinda said "Yeah it's not good at all that you screwed up, but at least good job on your essays." | ||
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Recognizable
Netherlands1552 Posts
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DRTnOOber
New Zealand476 Posts
I'm not going to give you (too much) advice, it would be impossible to do that justive. All I can say is that; 1) I always appreciate your posts on TL. You're a very good writer and have a talent. It's pretty much a given that your dad isn't going to acknowledge this in the near future, and there isn't much you can do about that, but here's one random guy in New Zealand who says "you rock!". 2) I'm not in your position, I'm 28 now and my dad's opinion of me isn't such a big deal anymore because we live over 1000km away from each other, but some things in life we can control and some we can't. It sounds like your dad's opinions just are what they are, for whatever reason. It's not worth putting any effort into trying to do something about it when you're in effect powerless. The best you can do is manage, and keep your eye on the prize; know what matters to you and what you want out of life, and when you leave home that's when you can really immerse yourself in the stuff you love, completely. I went to drama school for three years and studied to be an actor in-between a computer science degree and then working in IT. It was the most liberating and important three years of my life... all I can say is that look forward to a time when you get to have adventures on your own terms with people who think like you and care about the stuff you care about. See you around TL! (PS from your writing I would have sworn you were 25+) | ||
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Azera
3800 Posts
so many feels | ||
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ScruffyJanitor
Australia108 Posts
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Kukaracha
France1954 Posts
One day, you will be free. | ||
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Azera
3800 Posts
On July 06 2012 17:44 Kukaracha wrote: Don't kill yourself if you don't actually have a strong reason. As the saying says, death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. One day, you will be free. I think you're wrong in that death is not only just a permanent solution to a currently existing problem and it also prevents any other problem from occurring. | ||
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Kukaracha
France1954 Posts
Following this logic, you could kill yourself because you may sometimes feel sick after eating too much. The sickness will go away forever! But you won't, since you will never feel the warmth of the sun on your skin again if you do put an end to your days. In this case, the benefits outweight the problems. You wouldn't terminate a profitable business because it is causing problems in the short term, would you? A couple of depressing years are well worth a life of hedonistic opulence. Just make sure that these shitty times give birth to a happy life - not that you can plan your life, but you can create a positive context (a good job, good friends, plenty of money, fulfilling passions) and give yourself the tools to have it easy later on. In the end, if all else fails, you could maybe consider suicide, if chronic depression follows you through adulthood. But then again, if your computer is slow, would you throw it out the window first, or would you start by rebooting it? Edit : let's be clear, I'm not talking about reincarnation. | ||
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