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So I have been pining over one girl for about two years or so, maybe. I don't know her that well and she doesn't either. Maybe she doesn't even know I exist. Anyway, to cut the shit, I don't have much of a chance of her realistically. I can't confirm this thought because I'm a beta.
Now it seems that my feelings for this particular girl are getting weaker and weaker. So another girl, let's call her X, enters this story. She's in my class. I see her about everyday or so and she's rather attractive.
* To raise a point that I feel is important - the girl I barely know, right? Evidence says that I only like her for her looks or because of the person that I made her out to be (putting her on a pedestal). *
First thing to ask is am I shallow for liking girls that are attractive? I'm going to confidently answer my own questions and say that it's fine because I'm an adolescent.
The problem with X is that she isn't perfect. Granted she is more real than the girl I barely know, but some things bother me. For one she doesn't take things that I take seriously as serious as I do - politics, etc. I think I'm shallow for this because her taste of music is pretty bad to me and that is like a major "urgh" thing for me. However, I think if we were to get together 1 day I can change her to suit MY preferences. ( So bad because I'm only using her for dat face )
So the choice for this is whether I should abandon ship Girl I Barely Know (GBIK) and get on-board ship X.
My proposed game-plan is to first approach GBIK and I should be able to do this easier because the feelings aren't as intense as the first few stages of infatuation and such. Doing this there can only be 2 things
1) Become friends with GBIK, scale the situation, if able to girlfriend, girlfriend. Otherwise,
2) Go to X
This isn't based on anything of particular importance (eg 1 is more important than 2), it's only the logical course of action guys.
Poll: Proceed with game plan?No (24) 96% Yes (1) 4% 25 total votes Your vote: Proceed with game plan? (Vote): Yes
(Vote): No
 
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Wait. You're not in a relationship with either. Why go for x or y.
Go for both.
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Why do you need to decide or force yourself to go out with either of them?
from what i get from your post there's no boats or plans, you have a crush on some hot chick and are friend with another one.
If you're inflatued with that girl, by all means plz go talk to her. don't be a creep, be casual and lighthearted. like you don't only go towards chicks you want to bang, you can make friends with everyone and if you feel particulary well with someone, get it a step further.
about the other, less desirable one. what's the plan B mentality... you know you don't HAVE TO date anyone, if there's no attraction you don't need to force it, go meet new people, there's surely someone out there to match your interests.
also there's not one girl "more real" than the other one, they're both humans, they both poop, they both have troubles and ugly sides.. you're a teenager, you don't need money or looks to date a girl, just some confidence.
in conclusion, don't make weird social hierarchy you invented control your life, socialize with many people, don't "make plans" just have some fun with other people (guys and girls) and surely you will meet someone you will like as a whole.
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37096 Posts
Do nothing.
Get to know both of them first. There's no need to just think to yourself "oh, gonna have to go for her cause the other doesn't like me." How will you know? You've never even asked girl a if she likes you.
Now granted she probably doesn't because it sounds like you haven't tried to get know her, so do that first.
Get to know them both, and if you like one more than the other, than that's who you should ask out
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Im not forcing myself. I think Im slightly infatuated with X, that's why.
Good advice anyway SagaZ
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On June 29 2012 19:14 SeeKeR wrote:
Do nothing.
Get to know both of them first. There's no need to just think to yourself "oh, gonna have to go for her cause the other doesn't like me." How will you know? You've never even asked girl a if she likes you.
Now granted she probably doesn't because it sounds like you haven't tried to get know her, so do that first.
Get to know them both, and if you like one more than the other, than that's who you should ask out
Sorry I forgot to add something
I'm trying to get to be friends with X. Our conversations are of matters that interests her, and such. Like I saw her reading the Hunger Games, so I went up and talked to her about the series and other books.
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Chat to them both, and a few other chicks as well while you're at it, see what happens.
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On June 29 2012 19:20 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
Chat to them both, and a few other chicks as well while you're at it, see what happens.
Is avoiding girls i dont find attractive (not only looks i mean.) bad manner?
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I cant really help u, but i just noticed the "girl i barely know" and GBIK...=) good luck tho
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You shouldn't get either, you don't sound old enough to be dating.
"I think if we were to get together 1 day I can change her to suit MY preferences" - REALLY?!
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Look man this shit usually doesn't work like 'pick a girl and success'. You gotta get out there, chat with all the girls and see what happens. You'll be surprised how a girl with mediocre looks can turn into a hot chick just because she's awesome. Don't go around looking for a chick that pretty tand try to shape her into your ideal woman. not only is that lame. You'll fail at it. Gotta like them girls for who they are, not what you can mild em into.
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On June 29 2012 19:09 mizU wrote:
Wait. You're not in a relationship with either. Why go for x or y.
Go for both.
LoL thats the best advice ever.
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But you don't actually have to pick, you can try with both since you're not dating either of them.
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United States12129 Posts
Yeah mizu and arcanefrost have some pretty good advice there 
But yeah, overall BIG said exactly what I wanted to say. You don't just pick a girl and get success. Just go out on a limb meet girls. Beauty is a depreciating asset, eventually the girl you end up with for good will not be as pretty as when you first met her or whatever, and looks can be changed a lot with makeup and surgery and whatnot (not so much surgery in the US though). Maybe you just want to "get with" pretty girls as much as possible as something, in which case your rationale is largely justified but it doesn't make what you want to do any less silly.
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Every person entering a relationship to "change the other one" is being really really really really foolish (and I am being nice here)
Do yourself and her a favor, don't try to change her.
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United States12129 Posts
On June 29 2012 20:41 Otolia wrote:
Every person entering a relationship to "change the other one" is being really really really really foolish (and I am being nice here)
Do yourself and her a favor, don't try to change her.
I thought this was pretty obvious; you are being pretty nice . I cannot imagine that after writing out "I will change her during the relationship" and then reading that oneself, that one would actually think that that's a good idea. Seriously? Just flip it around, do you think that it's a good idea for a girl to go into the relationship and honestly expect you to change to meet her expectations? Whatever you do, don't actively try to change her in this way. Sheesh.
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"However, I think if we were to get together 1 day I can change her to suit MY preferences." This is a recipe for disaster. Don't plan on molding someone else into something they're not. If you continue with this gameplan you're going to push any potential girlfriends away, quickly. Focus on your own self-improvement if you like, or learn why she likes what she does and just enjoy it.
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First of all "I'm a beta" that really bothers me, hell maybe that's why you wrote a blog on TL instead of going for her (whichever one) already. Get some confidence dude!
Based on the text I'm going to assume this is a high school level of girl problem, in which case the answer is almost always just go for whoever and see what happens.
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There are so many things wrong in that OP
If you have an attitude like you do right now, don't even bother with relationships with girls. Improve yourself first.
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EPT
