I'll start by talking about how I was reflecting. I went back through my memories and thought about everything I've done for the past 5 years. As I was doing this, it became apparent to me that certain memories were more vivid than others, some brought back emotions, others were so foggy I could barely remember them. When I thought about this further I also began to categorize these memories and "rank" them on how important they were to who I am, and where I've been.
One memory, which I view as the most important, is of a girl. I was laying on my bed, she was to the right of me, her head on my chest tucked gently into my neck as my arm was around her. Her arm gently placed across my chest and her hand on my side at the bottom of my ribs. Her index finger pressing into me like she did not want me to move. Her eyes, closed peacefully and a small smile was on her lips. I remember laying like this for a long time. Our breathing in unison just enjoying the moment. I couldn't tell you what day it was, or the date or what time of day. None of that matters. What matters was the moment itself. It was the first time, the only time, that I've felt like I had found the person I was supposed to be with. That I was in love, completely. When I remember this, my room is a blur, there is nothing in focus, except the two of us.
That girl is gone from my life now. I realize now that I had many opportunities to prevent it, but I had no clue that she would ever be gone, it was not something I could even consider. I was more concerned with the unimportant aspects of my life, than the one thing that I've always wanted. Now that girl, I do not know if she felt the same way as me then. I may never know. But what I do know, is that if she ever comes back into my life, or I ever feel that way again. Hell will have to open up to keep me from love. I am not an old man, I am a child in the scheme of things, only 21 but love has always been the guiding force for me. It always will be.
So I urge those of you who have found love, who have these moments in their lives, please do not forget, do not waste those memories. Embrace them and make them part of you, hopefully until you enter your grave. If you are no longer with those people, think back to the memories of the two of you, what have you learned since then, what have you done because of that person. The connections we make between each other, that is what decides who we become. Never forget, never give up, love is there, you only have to keep it from escaping you. I wish you all well Teamliquid. I hope that even one person who reads this, takes it to heart and learns from my loss. Never give up on love. It is the only thing that can keep us sane.