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Hey guys. I've recently been through a really rough patch of my life emotionally, and it led me to go back and reflect on everything in my life. I learned a lot about myself and about life by doing this, I just wanted to share some of this with you guys.
I'll start by talking about how I was reflecting. I went back through my memories and thought about everything I've done for the past 5 years. As I was doing this, it became apparent to me that certain memories were more vivid than others, some brought back emotions, others were so foggy I could barely remember them. When I thought about this further I also began to categorize these memories and "rank" them on how important they were to who I am, and where I've been.
One memory, which I view as the most important, is of a girl. I was laying on my bed, she was to the right of me, her head on my chest tucked gently into my neck as my arm was around her. Her arm gently placed across my chest and her hand on my side at the bottom of my ribs. Her index finger pressing into me like she did not want me to move. Her eyes, closed peacefully and a small smile was on her lips. I remember laying like this for a long time. Our breathing in unison just enjoying the moment. I couldn't tell you what day it was, or the date or what time of day. None of that matters. What matters was the moment itself. It was the first time, the only time, that I've felt like I had found the person I was supposed to be with. That I was in love, completely. When I remember this, my room is a blur, there is nothing in focus, except the two of us.
That girl is gone from my life now. I realize now that I had many opportunities to prevent it, but I had no clue that she would ever be gone, it was not something I could even consider. I was more concerned with the unimportant aspects of my life, than the one thing that I've always wanted. Now that girl, I do not know if she felt the same way as me then. I may never know. But what I do know, is that if she ever comes back into my life, or I ever feel that way again. Hell will have to open up to keep me from love. I am not an old man, I am a child in the scheme of things, only 21 but love has always been the guiding force for me. It always will be.
So I urge those of you who have found love, who have these moments in their lives, please do not forget, do not waste those memories. Embrace them and make them part of you, hopefully until you enter your grave. If you are no longer with those people, think back to the memories of the two of you, what have you learned since then, what have you done because of that person. The connections we make between each other, that is what decides who we become. Never forget, never give up, love is there, you only have to keep it from escaping you. I wish you all well Teamliquid. I hope that even one person who reads this, takes it to heart and learns from my loss. Never give up on love. It is the only thing that can keep us sane.
 
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United States1719 Posts
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as the beatles said, all you need is love, love, love is all you need
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This is why i'm glad i've found love in my hobbies. I know I will always be able to look forward to them and nothing will ever tar the memories of the past (say through a break up). My female love may be hundreds of miles away from me for the time being but there's always a rugby pitch or gym nearby that will never fail to make my day better.
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Is this the girl that was your girlfriend or the one that was her roommate?
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Russian Federation3631 Posts
a cheater spurned, how
can this be? how terrible,
a situation
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I had to log onto TL just to rate this thread, a good read. Wise words for one so young.
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Great read, thank you. =)
On June 07 2012 08:48 decafchicken wrote:
This is why i'm glad i've found love in my hobbies. I know I will always be able to look forward to them and nothing will ever tar the memories of the past (say through a break up). My female love may be hundreds of miles away from me for the time being but there's always a rugby pitch or gym nearby that will never fail to make my day better.
You can find things like that everywhere, you just need to grab them. <3
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Which girl is she? Your ex or your ex's rm? (Or another girl?)
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Great read, true love is so important in so many things we do, believe it or not.
419 may have written the worst haiku I have ever read lol. (no offence ;P)
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On June 07 2012 13:31 Aerisky wrote:
Great read, true love is so important in so many things we do, believe it or not.
419 may have written the worst haiku I have ever read lol. (no offence ;P)
Your post history is the most underwhelming collection of vapid one-liners I have ever read (no offence ;P).
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I apologize ^^
I would try to cut out whatever is misrepresenting my post history as potentially awesome and thus attempt to avoid being underwhelming, but I'm not sure I could do anything about that. Though it's possible that the majority of my posts are just that useless and that no amount of advertising could possibly prepare any plenitude of potential poor persons perceiving my posts for the vapidity to follow 
+ Show Spoiler +
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On June 07 2012 13:26 babylon wrote:
Which girl is she? Your ex or your ex's rm? (Or another girl?)
My Ex's Roommate.
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On June 07 2012 13:48 Aerisky wrote:I apologize ^^ I would try to cut out whatever is misrepresenting my post history as potentially awesome and thus attempt to avoid being underwhelming, but I'm not sure I could do anything about that. Though it's possible that the majority of my posts are just that useless and that no amount of advertising could possibly prepare any plenitude of potential poor persons perceiving my posts for the vapidity to follow + Show Spoiler +
I hate to derail this amazing topic but:
"My posts aren't meant to be amazing. They might be bad, and I could be unable to convince you they aren't."
+ Show Spoiler [For Length] +I apologize in a generic sense for singling you out here. Groups of words are not the essential ingredient in interesting content. No amount of sparseness or verbosity, no amount of alliteration or advanced vocabulary can compete with an insightful post crafted with conviction, presented with intelligence, and posted with deliberate intent to add something tangible to a discussion. Let's have a look at another specific example (I invite you to do the same to me, I'm sure I'm just as guilty): On June 06 2012 17:06 Aerisky wrote:
As the first two replies said, go find professional medical help as soon as possible. Living life suffering panic attacks and whatnot will be downright terrible, and if you're somehow able to overcome or learn to cope (though arguably that's not your ultimate goal), it will help you immensely. "As others before me said, do x. Living life suffering y is bad, but if you're able to overcome y then that's good." What is added to the discussion here? This is such a tautological statement. What insight have the OP or thread browsers gained by reading your post? Where is the sense of conviction? The impassioned plea that a fellow man seek help for a problem with which you can identify because of your advanced empathetic sensitivities? Is there a need to "+1" or "upvote" or "give rep" to the two replies you referred to? Is the thread a vote on what to do rather than a discussion, and you're just casting your vote? Rather than reading the thread and then following up by emptying the RAM contents of your brain onto this site, consider each time you post whether your post is remarkable or even an acceptable addition to the discussion at hand. Embrace the things in which you are intensely interested and post about them. Bask in the joy of subtlety, the subtext of the interplay between the members of the sub-communities in which you are involved, the details and grand designs of the topics you adore. And let other things sit as they will, free from half-hearted influences and dispassionate outlooks and opinions.
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Russian Federation3631 Posts
On June 07 2012 13:31 Aerisky wrote:
Great read, true love is so important in so many things we do, believe it or not.
419 may have written the worst haiku I have ever read lol. (no offence ;P)
ok
**
tis a crying shame
when girls reject "nice guys" for
non-philanderers
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i'm pretty sure this is called "getting what you deserve."
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I've got a question for the OP.
I'm 16 (almost 17). I've never had a girlfriend before, but I was bloody close. This girl, I honestly had the same exact feelings as you. I honestly can't give her up. Unfortunately, I have seriously gone insane over my loss. (I actually ended up going to the mental hospital for beig depressed and having borderline suicidal thoughts). You tell us to never give up on love, but what I'd moving on is the ink way to survive? I don't want to pull off a Jay Gatsby or anything.
Also, random question, do married people ever miss their ex's?
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Brutaxilos. Re-read my last paragraph. Never giving up on love, doesn't mean never giving up on a love. There will be others, there always will be. Remember her, and know how she changed you and what you learned from loving her to make you a better person. Love her by improving yourself, so that next time you find her in life, years down the road, or next time you find a girl like you, you will be strong enough to keep her love in your life.
Remember that I let this girl go, I can only hope someday we meet again, when we are both ready, but I cannot rely on that. She has made me realize the importance of love and people in my life. That is how I choose to love her. Through my actions.
EDIT: I read your blog post. I've felt that way in the past. Twice actually. once when i was 15, and I jumped off a building. Broke my ankle, realized that things could always be worse, I could be alone, miserable, feel like I've lost everything, or I could be alone, miserable, feel like I've lost everything, and cannot get to the bathroom in time to piss because I can't walk. And again, May 30th this year, When I cut my neck with a knife, barely nicking the vein I intended to slice, in an instant I panicked and wanted to live, I was too proud to see a doctor, but luckily the damage wasn't going to be enough to kill me unless untreated, so i bandaged myself up and began to think about my life, and about the scar I am going to carry forever. I am happier now than I was in my three year relationship that ended recently. I am not as happy as when I was with the girl I spoke of here. But I am happy, I am lucky, and I learned something important about myself. I am not advocating attempting suicide. I am advocating reflection on your life, and how you need to adapt to continue being happy. I am now patient, the time will come where her, or another will enter my life, and I will fall in love again. I will be ready this time. Nothing more, nothing less. There is plenty of time ahead of both of us, who knows what it will bring, but we cannot let the past repeat itself. We are smart enough to adapt. So adapt. Suicide is selfish, and shortsighted. Why end things, when we can look forward to better things. That is what keeps me going now. I suggest trying something similar. We only have one shot at every moment, Reflect on each and learn what the right decision would have been.
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So I am over 30.
21 and in love... I can remember feeling just like you.
The best advice I can give is to be patient. Don't feel preasured into comittment. Try to meet and fall in love with as many people as you can. Show me a man that has never lost love and I will show you a man that hasn't experienced part of life. Look at your experience for what it was. But do not dwell in the past. Live in the moment, look for new love. It will come. Focus on trying to be a man. Focus on trying to be successful. Focus on trying to better yourself. And when you have a love, focus on him/her.
Be patient. Enjoy your 20s. You will be a different person at 31.
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On June 07 2012 17:17 PrinceXizor wrote:
Brutaxilos. Re-read my last paragraph. Never giving up on love, doesn't mean never giving up on a love. There will be others, there always will be. Remember her, and know how she changed you and what you learned from loving her to make you a better person. Love her by improving yourself, so that next time you find her in life, years down the road, or next time you find a girl like you, you will be strong enough to keep her love in your life.
Remember that I let this girl go, I can only hope someday we meet again, when we are both ready, but I cannot rely on that. She has made me realize the importance of love and people in my life. That is how I choose to love her. Through my actions.
EDIT: I read your blog post. I've felt that way in the past. Twice actually. once when i was 15, and I jumped off a building. Broke my ankle, realized that things could always be worse, I could be alone, miserable, feel like I've lost everything, or I could be alone, miserable, feel like I've lost everything, and cannot get to the bathroom in time to piss because I can't walk. And again, May 30th this year, When I cut my neck with a knife, barely nicking the vein I intended to slice, in an instant I panicked and wanted to live, I was too proud to see a doctor, but luckily the damage wasn't going to be enough to kill me unless untreated, so i bandaged myself up and began to think about my life, and about the scar I am going to carry forever. I am happier now than I was in my three year relationship that ended recently. I am not as happy as when I was with the girl I spoke of here. But I am happy, I am lucky, and I learned something important about myself. I am not advocating attempting suicide. I am advocating reflection on your life, and how you need to adapt to continue being happy. I am now patient, the time will come where her, or another will enter my life, and I will fall in love again. I will be ready this time. Nothing more, nothing less. There is plenty of time ahead of both of us, who knows what it will bring, but we cannot let the past repeat itself. We are smart enough to adapt. So adapt. Suicide is selfish, and shortsighted. Why end things, when we can look forward to better things. That is what keeps me going now. I suggest trying something similar. We only have one shot at every moment, Reflect on each and learn what the right decision would have been.
That was a very deep response. Thank you for that. Truth is, I have been feeling relatively better since my time at the hospital. I have been trying to get over her (I actually asked someone else to prom this time). But I do t think I can ever completely let her go. Anyways, I'm glad that I heard your story. Hope the best for you!
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EPT
