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Turning, rolling, changing positions. Nothing works, I just can't fall asleep. Thoughts are spinning in my head uncontrollably. I am worried about everything, everything from losing my job, from relations to my best friend, my mum and my girl. All these thoughts flying in my head at light years/sec. My head is so messed up right now, and I keep thinking about every. single. fucking. problem, even if it is the tiniest thing ever. Fucking hell, I hate lying, restless not being able to sleep. Lately sleep has been hard for me to aqquire, and I know it is so god damn stupid for me to be even the slightest worried.
Losing my job is a pretty big deal to me. I've had it for 1 year and 8 months now, a couple weeks down the road, and I'm done. I am going to hang my coat and I won't be able to work until I find a new place to work. And in this tiny village, all positions you could imagine are already taken. Even if there is a spot available, 9 people have already been down to talk to the employer before I even hear about it. So my mind keeps blowing this whole thing up, exaggerating the consequences of not having a job, big time... My brain has already thought a year ahead in different expenses I will encounter. And this is while I live with my parents. I don't have to pay for shit, other than gifts for my friends/family and stuff for myself, like games and stuff.
Right now, my mum is giving me a damn hard time. Like, the other day, we were at my aunt and uncles house, most of the family was there (on my mothers side), and I sit and have some drinks with my cousin. After a couple glasses of wine and a beer, my eye starts to water a little because I didn't sleep well, I am a pretty big guy, alcohol doesn't affect me very much compared to others, but it went over quickly. My mum sees my eye watering, and says something about me drinking and bla bla, can't bother to listen to that crap over and over again. The annoying part is, I have talked endless times to her about alcohol, and we had agreed that I am old enough to handle drinking, and I have told her many times, that I DO NOT wish to drink so much that I throw up and pass out. And I really don't, not remembering a night, is like it never happened. And I don't enjoy puking all that much (obviously). So, she sees my eye, and then she starts saying to me that it is fine that I have some drinks here with family, but she didn't want me to drink with friends. F***. YOU. I am 16, and here in Denmark, most teens start to drink when they are 14. And I have always in my life, been the guy that wasn't allowed to do anything. But it wasn't too bad, my mum had finally understood I could manage my shit, and I was looking forward to getting some pints with my mates at a local festival after passing my exams. But no. Fuck my life. I just guess I will isolate myself, because I am apparently not allowed to do anything.
And my girlfriend, we have been together for over a year now, and I am in love with her, really. Everything has been great up till now, but suddenly she doesn't answer my text's, and I know she carries her phone everywhere, and she just doesn't seem present when we are together. She also broke a promise she made me. I asked her if she could not tell any of her friends about a personal thing I won't mention here. A couple days later, I walk to class, and I walk by one of her friends I don't like. I just say "hi" and walk past her, "Insert comment ebout personal thing I won't mention." her friend says. Guess she forgot to mention to her friend that she shouldn't mention it to me, eh? I can only imagine us breaking up very soon.
And the thing that hurts me the most, is that also my best friends is seemingly losing interest in our friendship/more interested in other people. We have been best mates for years now, and when in a room of all my friends, I would choose him any day. But apparently he won't anymore. When we talk over Skype, with my brother also, it's like they talk over me, and they don't seem to give a shit what I have to say. And if one of them finds a funny pic, they send it over skype and say: "Look at this Shane." Shane is my older brother who has moved to a city a short distance away. And I'm like, I'm fucking here too. Here's an example, I got home from school, and I am ready to chill with some DotA. I see that my best mate is on skype, I call him and we talk. I ask him if he is in on a game. He says that he can't be bothered. Yeah, that's fine, maybe later. I start the game, and right after load screen (in other words, 2 min after I asked him if he wanted to play), he says: "Shane is on, I'll just ask if he wants to play." That was like taking a needle to the heart. He might as well have said: "I don't want to play with you, but I do want to play with Shane."
That wasn't TOO BAD, but still a little hurtful. But what hurt me most was the following:
We were in the showers after P.E. at school. We start talking about the upcoming LINKIN PARK concert 2 months from now. (I have waited 2 years for them to come to Denmark again. Huge fan) Then he says the following to me: "I am probably not going." Then I tell him that Shane is most probably coming, if he can find time for it. Then he says: "If Shane is coming, I am most definately coming." At that point I was just like, fuck me. I am losing the one person in my life I have a significant bond to, who I can tell everything, and do everything with. That sucks. That was a fucking machete to the heart. Later that night, I shed a tear for the first time in years...
Sorry for the wall of text, and sorry for ranting on my life and shit, but if you read it all, it was your own choice.  It was nice though to write some of all those things on my mind and think about it in an other way.
TL;DR My life atm feels like a mess, though I am pretty sure I am blowing the whole thing up.
 
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your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend
that was the first thought after reading that.
i am sorry 
(the general first several things to work on to help you feel better though - eat well, work out, sleep on a regular schedule, get some sun)
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Sucks man :/
I am trying to think of someone that doesn't incredibly cliched but "There is always light at the end of the tunnel."
>.<
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On April 03 2012 06:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend that was the first thought after reading that. i am sorry (the general first several things to work on to help you feel better though - eat well, work out, sleep on a regular schedule, get some sun)
Nah, I am absolutely sure that isn't what is going on. 
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You're only 16? You still have a much better life than many others out there.
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For perspective you're only 16. Life gets a lot better when you get out of highschool.
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When you look back on your high school years a couple of years from now, you will realize that these problems aren't as bad as you thought they were. A lot of it is just the high school mentality blowing things up to be bigger than they really are. My advice is just to deal with things as they come, and deal with them as level-headed as possible. If you do that, then you will find yourself a lot more relaxed in the long-term.
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On April 03 2012 06:21 Athos wrote:
For perspective you're only 16. Life gets a lot better when you get out of highschool.
Depends on what country you go to high school my friend. I for one miss going to high school, with the future of what I can do to look forward to, seeing my friends every day (which now I barely see them). I mean yeah your only 16, but enjoy it whilst you still can my friend.
Regarding the girl:
Don't worry about it, there are many things in life to worry about but at 16, girls are NOT one of them. You think your in love, but trust me there are much better relationships out there to be had. To quote one of my friends fathers 'you need to play the field, son'.
Regarding the Job:
I've been out of a job for nearly 4 months. I've been looking to get back to Korea in that time and thank god that I got a job at the end of April. It sucks, probably the most depressing time for me as before this the longest I went without a job was 2 weeks....I live for work (by the way, I'm 24, moved around jobs quite a bit but always had one, went to Korea 2 years ago to work and the rest is history). And this last few months has been super hard. I can't really afford to go out with friends or travel to them. You just find a way to keep your self going. I played ALOT of starcraft for the first 2 months, but as its a ghost town I lost the enjoyment. I still watch, but can't get motivated to play until I'm back in Korea and have friends to talk about shit too.
Regarding Friends:
They come and go. Some of my closest friends I've known for only a year, my best friend is 18 years. All you can do is try to be friends with them, just be yourself and if they start to slip away then try to grab hold, but you can't stop them
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16 is always a shit age, no matter how good your life is. Just remember that you've got many great years still to come :D
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On April 03 2012 06:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend
that was the first thought after reading that.
My first thought was actually that his best friend is going out with his brother, lol.
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dude, you're 16, not 61. it's perfectly normal to live at home and not have a job at that age. In fact, if i calculate that correct, when you started to work a year ago, you were 15. over here you are - by law! - not even allowed to work anything besides walking newspaper deliveries. You're definitely not at an age where you have to feel bad about unemployment. Whoever taught you differently, stop listening to them. And if it's your own idea: fix your perspective!
As for your gf: talk to her, not to us. Neither do we know her reasons nor can we fix her.
In general, you just seem to think of yourself as a few years older than you actually are. That's pretty much all that's wrong with you i think 
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Regular work out helps you sleep. Could also get rid of some of that awful stress. Go for a run tomorrow.
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i've gotta say, being able to write out your feelings like this will help you immensely to deal with them.
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Sorry to hear this bro. I agree with the other guys here in saying you're only 16. Life gets better.
Best thing I have found when I get anxious, is to clean (and organise my apartment in the process) and each time I get worried, I write that worry down in a list. That way I can deal with that worry when I'm ready to and I can let it slip my mind for the time being to enjoy the moments now.
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On April 03 2012 06:42 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 06:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend
that was the first thought after reading that. My first thought was actually that his best friend is going out with his brother, lol.
This is what I thought too
Do you discuss these things with them? People are surprisingly tolerant towards feelings if you take a moment of their time.
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On April 03 2012 07:04 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 06:42 babylon wrote:On April 03 2012 06:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend
that was the first thought after reading that. My first thought was actually that his best friend is going out with his brother, lol. This is what I thought too Do you discuss these things with them? People are surprisingly tolerant towards feelings if you take a moment of their time.
I wouldn't go around trying to talk about my feelings, especially not if I was still a 16 year old boy. Can't think of a better way to seem like a weirdo than to try and engage in an adult conversation at 16.
If you have plenty of friends, beside your best friend, then I really don't see the problem.
Your mom doesn't want you to drink? No mom wants their kids to drink, they don't want you to grow up either.
You have a GF that might break up with you? Plenty people on this forum would love a luxury problem like that.
Best friend seems interested in your brother's dick? Yeah, I don't know how you should handle that.
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On April 03 2012 06:42 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 03 2012 06:15 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote:
your girlfriend is cheating on you with your best friend
that was the first thought after reading that. My first thought was actually that his best friend is going out with his brother, lol.
that was my second thought.. but i didn't want to edit my post again 
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About your GF. Talk to her in a respectful manner. You've talked to yourself you've talked to us, You probably have a good hunch on what you're thinking about and want to talk about. Try to do it without laying out a bunch of guilt and putting her in a position of defence so you can discuss it together.
Our intelligent minds can at times build up huge fantasies of how the world and our girlfriend are against us. Just try to be empirical about it, not worry about things you don't know.
"Even if there is a spot available, 9 people have already been down to talk to the employer before I even hear about it. So my mind keeps blowing this whole thing up,"
Then work for the next one. Worrying about the last work applications which other people already been at won't help you with the next one. Though learning from it will. How can you show up there before them?
Also about that, if you've got better experience/ education than the other 9 then showing up as the tenth won't matter.
I still struggle with my selfesteem, negative spiral thoughts, using logic against it has always been my strongest weapon. Life's a war and you're at times your own enemy.
Just try to be yourself.
If your friends don't like that and you try to adapt it's just a postponal of trouble.
Live and learn dear Samurai!
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welcome to being 16-18, this is pretty much what it's like, first world problems
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Best friend seems interested in your brother's dick? Yeah, I don't know how you should handle that.
This really cheered me up xD After watching Inception + seeing this, I am definitly in a much better mood than when I wrote all this.
Regarding the work out thing many have mentioned, I do work out, but since my calf's + knees suck (got it from my father) it doesn't really help much to have exploded calfs and aching knees. I usually take a 4-5 mile run 3 times a week, and try to do 20 pushups, 20 crunches and 15 min on rowing machine (if that is what it is called) every day.
Thanks for support/advice
Stay cool!
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EPT
