I actually do have depression and I am going to a psychiatrist for help, but I still don't really feel much better.
My problem is that I am too ambitious and I won't quit anything. Because of this, I often get into situations where I am overloaded with goals and in the end I fail to achieve anything.
Almost a year ago, I felt like I had lost everything. I'm a high school student. My grades in school were pretty bad, I competed poorly in track and field, and I competed poorly in my academic teams. The only redeeming factor in my life was a really good friend that I had. She's a girl.
However, one day, I really felt depressed as hell and I called her, and I kinda broke down. I kinda realize that I'm not really sane anymore and I do a lot of crazy things. Anyways, after that call, she stopped talking to me. It was really painful because I knew that it was my fault, but she was always there for me and now I really have nothing.
It's been a long and painful year and I had tried really hard to maintain relationships with that friend but just a few days ago, she told me that it really wasn't going to work out and pretty much forbid me from getting close to her again.
The problem is, my life is repeating itself again. I feel like I've lost everything too (same problems as last year). The only difference is that its worse. My parents... are sort of getting depressed as well (mostly from my breakdowns). And I really can't concentrate on schoolwork anymore.
I end up talking to myself in my head a lot and I don't really have anyone who will listen. I've tried making new friends but there's generally just this barrier between those you can really tell all your problems about.
I've been having thoughts almost everyday about suicide but I really don't have any way that I can do it (my house is a pretty safe place).
Once again, I'm really sorry for my teenage hormone story. I just need to get my voice heard. It's too frustrating to take it all in. If anyone else has any personal advice, I would love to hear some, but I still kinda doubt it will help me. Thank y'all for taking the time to read this.
Edit #1 I'm not religious. Don't give religious advice.
Also, I won't do any form of illegal drugs (pot). If I will take any anti-depressants it will be something that my doctor will prescribe.
Edit #2 Everyone is saying how this girl isn't really a friend. I understand that already. Please don't say it anymore.
Edit #3 I eat well. I'm actually fairly healthy although I'm getting a little chubby right now.