Here's my response to some of the things you guys have pointed out
1.) Exercise I know exercise makes me feel better. The problem with exercise... is that it only makes me feel better for like... 30 minutes. After that I feel like crap again.
2.) Friends I do try and make friends. Honestly, I was in this situation a few years back. And then I met that girl, who really helped me out SO much. Even when all my other friends stopped caring, she stuck to my side (and I did the same for her). I really felt like she was my only real friend. Now, I honestly don't know if I can trust people. Any new friend has the potential of having the same situation again. And I really don't want to go through this heart break again. (I guess I started to like her a bit because it seemed like she felt the same to me)
On March 12 2012 08:57 aebriol wrote: Have you tried any kind of medicine / drugs for it? I know that they can stabilize a lot of people, while others don't notice an effect at all. Have you considered trying it?
I have three friends who have struggled with similar things ... two were helped with medicines, the last wasn't and he said he didn't notice any difference at all when he was on or off.
Those drugs have a lot of side effects, are addictive and hard to stop and people often don't want to stop them afterwards for fear of their depressive thoughts returning. It's not a good idea to suggest such a thing without really knowing the person/case. They're not a bad option; they are however over-prescribed. I've seen so many people that took them being a student in pharmacy for 3 years, and honestly no one can justify the amount of people that take them.
Fact is, when someone is having serious problem, and considering suicide, then going to an expert and asking for help is the smart thing to do.
And drugs help a lot of people.
Of course they are addictive and hard to stop with ... they don't fix what is really wrong with your mind, but they trick it into feeling fine regardless so you can function. And obviously that means you have to work with a therapist, or come to some sort of realization on your own as well.
But it sounded serious enough that I wanted to ask if he had considered it ... because, for serious depression, it is actually working very well for two of my friends (and the last didn't have any effect at all, or so he says).
I understand your point and I don't entirely disagree. I just don't think you should throw that idea around to a stranger without much consideration. People cling to those type of ideas and many people would expect the drugs to work miracles. Others would enter a phase of thought where they start thinking they need to take those drugs to feel normal, etc.
Like I said, I know they are a valuable product that work. But only a qualified person should suggest them and only after knowing the person well enough.
On March 12 2012 08:57 aebriol wrote: Have you tried any kind of medicine / drugs for it? I know that they can stabilize a lot of people, while others don't notice an effect at all. Have you considered trying it?
I have three friends who have struggled with similar things ... two were helped with medicines, the last wasn't and he said he didn't notice any difference at all when he was on or off.
Those drugs have a lot of side effects, are addictive and hard to stop and people often don't want to stop them afterwards for fear of their depressive thoughts returning. It's not a good idea to suggest such a thing without really knowing the person/case. They're not a bad option; they are however over-prescribed. I've seen so many people that took them being a student in pharmacy for 3 years, and honestly no one can justify the amount of people that take them.
Fact is, when someone is having serious problem, and considering suicide, then going to an expert and asking for help is the smart thing to do.
And drugs help a lot of people.
Of course they are addictive and hard to stop with ... they don't fix what is really wrong with your mind, but they trick it into feeling fine regardless so you can function. And obviously that means you have to work with a therapist, or come to some sort of realization on your own as well.
But it sounded serious enough that I wanted to ask if he had considered it ... because, for serious depression, it is actually working very well for two of my friends (and the last didn't have any effect at all, or so he says).
I understand your point and I don't entirely disagree. I just don't think you should throw that idea around to a stranger without much consideration. People cling to those type of ideas and many people would expect the drugs to work miracles. Others would enter a phase of thought where they start thinking they need to take those drugs to feel normal, etc.
Like I said, I know they are a valuable product that work. But only a qualified person should suggest them and only after knowing the person well enough.
he already has a psychiatrist. lets leave that discussion to them.
On March 12 2012 08:55 Wurdjschridit wrote: You've watched too many dramas.
I don't watch dramas. I don't really appreciate that comment.
For everyone else, everyone tells me that people like that aren't your real friends and stuff. But, I really find that really really difficult to accept. I tend to see people in black and white (good people or bad people). I honestly don't think that she did anything wrong, it was my fault.
I will confess that I am not really stable anymore. I have gone in these two or three hour sessions where I basically scream, cry, and destroy stuff (which stresses my parents out a lot). It's pretty bad.
I just wish someone (preferably female and my age) would be there for me and tell me its okay. I realize that I kinda think like a girl honestly. The way I act seems to fit into the descriptions of what girls do when their boyfriends dump them.
Aside from that, the girl isn't my only problem though. How can I remain motivated in school?
These are pretty much the problem then. First is learning self-control for your emotions. We all feel like going berserk once in a while (at least I do) but I've never done it because I have self-control. It's important to be able to control your emotions in the face of adversity. If you always blow up like that, no one can help you.
Second, you're asking for a person you can be clingy with pretty much. Why not just want a friend instead? You're already putting that next girl you meet on a pedestal and expecting her to listen to your stories constantly. What's the motivation for the girl to do so? You should wish to meet someone that interests you and that you enjoy being around instead! Sure, if you have a girlfriend you can confide in her... but you can't want a girlfriend for that reason primarily.
On March 12 2012 08:55 Wurdjschridit wrote: You've watched too many dramas.
I don't watch dramas. I don't really appreciate that comment.
For everyone else, everyone tells me that people like that aren't your real friends and stuff. But, I really find that really really difficult to accept. I tend to see people in black and white (good people or bad people). I honestly don't think that she did anything wrong, it was my fault.
I will confess that I am not really stable anymore. I have gone in these two or three hour sessions where I basically scream, cry, and destroy stuff (which stresses my parents out a lot). It's pretty bad.
I just wish someone (preferably female and my age) would be there for me and tell me its okay. I realize that I kinda think like a girl honestly. The way I act seems to fit into the descriptions of what girls do when their boyfriends dump them.
Aside from that, the girl isn't my only problem though. How can I remain motivated in school?
These are pretty much the problem then. First is learning self-control for your emotions. We all feel like going berserk once in a while (at least I do) but I've never done it because I have self-control. It's important to be able to control your emotions in the face of adversity. If you always blow up like that, no one can help you.
Second, you're asking for a person you can be clingy with pretty much. Why not just want a friend instead? You're already putting that next girl you meet on a pedestal and expecting her to listen to your stories constantly. What's the motivation for the girl to do so? You should wish to meet someone that interests you and that you enjoy being around instead! Sure, if you have a girlfriend you can confide in her... but you can't want a girlfriend for that reason primarily.
Unfortunately, that was what I had with the other girl. She really had all the right qualities for a friend. I honestly think that she may be going insane from stress as well, and I can't really blame her for that.
On March 12 2012 08:57 aebriol wrote: Have you tried any kind of medicine / drugs for it? I know that they can stabilize a lot of people, while others don't notice an effect at all. Have you considered trying it?
I have three friends who have struggled with similar things ... two were helped with medicines, the last wasn't and he said he didn't notice any difference at all when he was on or off.
....................................is that some sort of a bad joke? Sure go ahead take medicine if you want permenant brain damage
dont be so fucking dense. depression can be a medical issue and drugs have successfully treated some forms of depression.
Some really stupid suggestions here. Suggesting a depressed guy to start taking illegal drugs? Really.. To the OP: I would suggest that you sit down and analyze what went wrong and could go better. Kind of reconstructing your own life. And then, set goals, both short and long term and work for it.
IN general, exercising and meeting new people -- and don't be narrow-minded in who you meet -- will help you get over the hump. Planning things out daily/weekly/monthyl will help you on being track for academics.
Also, try get yourself out there more, in any form to anywhere;even going to the library and studying would be preferable to staying cooped up at home.
I'm gonna be more precise than most people: Don't excercice, you need to follow a well layed out strength training program for 2-4 months and then reevaluate. Squat a lot. When you are contstantly making progress and you can measure it provides a constant source of happyness.
You just can't be miserable when you are constantly squatting more weight and looking better. Also everyone there is really supportive and helpful, considering most of us where skinny (or chubby) litle kids .
On March 12 2012 09:46 phosphorylation wrote: Some really stupid suggestions here. Suggesting a depressed guy to start taking illegal drugs? Really.. To the OP: I would suggest that you sit down and analyze what went wrong and could go better. Kind of reconstructing your own life. And then, set goals, both short and long term and work for it.
IN general, exercising and meeting new people -- and don't be narrow-minded in who you meet -- will help you get over the hump. Planning things out daily/weekly/monthyl will help you on being track for academics.
Also, try get yourself out there more, in any form to anywhere;even going to the library and studying would be preferable to staying cooped at home.
the term "drugs" is very generic, some drugs can help fight depression
On March 12 2012 08:55 Wurdjschridit wrote: You've watched too many dramas.
I don't watch dramas. I don't really appreciate that comment.
For everyone else, everyone tells me that people like that aren't your real friends and stuff. But, I really find that really really difficult to accept. I tend to see people in black and white (good people or bad people). I honestly don't think that she did anything wrong, it was my fault.
I will confess that I am not really stable anymore. I have gone in these two or three hour sessions where I basically scream, cry, and destroy stuff (which stresses my parents out a lot). It's pretty bad.
I just wish someone (preferably female and my age) would be there for me and tell me its okay. I realize that I kinda think like a girl honestly. The way I act seems to fit into the descriptions of what girls do when their boyfriends dump them.
Aside from that, the girl isn't my only problem though. How can I remain motivated in school?
I'm going to give a full disclaimer and say that depression isn't something that I have had to deal with a lot in my life. I had a few spurts, but no more than any average person. My wife deals with depression on a more regular basis, and while none of that makes me qualified to try to give you advice, I'm just going to attempt to talk with you for a bit, if that's okay.
I think you and I have pretty similar thoughts on how people work and friendships. I would tend to agree that she probably was your friend, and that I don't think that you pushed her away as much as your situaiton. I heard an analogy once that I think applies to what's going on. Relationships are like bank accounts. It is important to note that you cannot just continually withdrawl without ever depositing into the account. Since you are struggling right now with your life, you are probably just "overdrafting". I know that it might be tough to have that realization when you are going through what you are, but in the end relationships aren't just one way.
I also find it interesting that you seem to have a pretty stable understanding of a situation that you claim to be so unstable. Do you mind me asking, do you have any idea what triggers the differences?
I think the biggest thing to note, with friendships, with school, with everything the reason to stay motivated is because it gets better. You're young, there is a lot of life left, soon you can make all of your own decisions, control your life. I recently got some advice about work that I think also is applicable in life: Look for things that lead towards making your current situation what you want it to be, and then go for it. Instead of focusing on what it can't be, focus on what it can be.
I know that we're two people that have never met, but if you ever need someone to chat to or just to listen, let me know.
On March 12 2012 08:55 Wurdjschridit wrote: You've watched too many dramas.
I don't watch dramas. I don't really appreciate that comment.
For everyone else, everyone tells me that people like that aren't your real friends and stuff. But, I really find that really really difficult to accept. I tend to see people in black and white (good people or bad people). I honestly don't think that she did anything wrong, it was my fault.
I will confess that I am not really stable anymore. I have gone in these two or three hour sessions where I basically scream, cry, and destroy stuff (which stresses my parents out a lot). It's pretty bad.
I just wish someone (preferably female and my age) would be there for me and tell me its okay. I realize that I kinda think like a girl honestly. The way I act seems to fit into the descriptions of what girls do when their boyfriends dump them.
Aside from that, the girl isn't my only problem though. How can I remain motivated in school?
I'm going to give a full disclaimer and say that depression isn't something that I have had to deal with a lot in my life. I had a few spurts, but no more than any average person. My wife deals with depression on a more regular basis, and while none of that makes me qualified to try to give you advice, I'm just going to attempt to talk with you for a bit, if that's okay.
I think you and I have pretty similar thoughts on how people work and friendships. I would tend to agree that she probably was your friend, and that I don't think that you pushed her away as much as your situaiton. I heard an analogy once that I think applies to what's going on. Relationships are like bank accounts. It is important to note that you cannot just continually withdrawl without ever depositing into the account. Since you are struggling right now with your life, you are probably just "overdrafting". I know that it might be tough to have that realization when you are going through what you are, but in the end relationships aren't just one way.
I also find it interesting that you seem to have a pretty stable understanding of a situation that you claim to be so unstable. Do you mind me asking, do you have any idea what triggers the differences?
I think the biggest thing to note, with friendships, with school, with everything the reason to stay motivated is because it gets better. You're young, there is a lot of life left, soon you can make all of your own decisions, control your life. I recently got some advice about work that I think also is applicable in life: Look for things that lead towards making your current situation what you want it to be, and then go for it. Instead of focusing on what it can't be, focus on what it can be.
I know that we're two people that have never met, but if you ever need someone to chat to or just to listen, let me know.
That analogy does not apply to what happened to me. The argument started partially because I felt like I was as you would say "depositing too much in" and she would not let me "withdraw" anything. Basically, I felt like she was not doing enough to help me even when I had helped her so much. So we argued that one day and I felt really bad about it later. So I made a vow not to make her so mad at me so I started to give her a lot of stuff and help her and stuff (this was within the first week). But she just got pissed cause it seemed like I was just spamming. That's basically it. I don't really wanna talk about the relationship so much because it makes me feel bad. Basically my problem is life in general.
On March 12 2012 08:55 Wurdjschridit wrote: You've watched too many dramas.
I don't watch dramas. I don't really appreciate that comment.
For everyone else, everyone tells me that people like that aren't your real friends and stuff. But, I really find that really really difficult to accept. I tend to see people in black and white (good people or bad people). I honestly don't think that she did anything wrong, it was my fault.
I will confess that I am not really stable anymore. I have gone in these two or three hour sessions where I basically scream, cry, and destroy stuff (which stresses my parents out a lot). It's pretty bad.
I just wish someone (preferably female and my age) would be there for me and tell me its okay. I realize that I kinda think like a girl honestly. The way I act seems to fit into the descriptions of what girls do when their boyfriends dump them.
Aside from that, the girl isn't my only problem though. How can I remain motivated in school?
As much as I dislike the cliche, I don't think you should look at people as black and white because that is looking at people way too simply. Its difficult to accept that she wasn't a good friend because she meant a lot to you but as you saw you don't mean the same to her as she does to you. If you honestly were just telling her how hard it is for you right now then if she was really a good friend of yours she would have listened and tried to help you, not push you away. Friends are for when someone is having a tough time to be there for them, not leave them when they need them most. Right now just get over her. I don't think its wrong to want someone to be there for you to hear your problems but in your case I want to tell you to suck it up. You don't need someone right now to be there and tell you its okay. You're expecting someone else to tell you its okay when you know it isn't. Your problems are yours and instead of taking responsibility for it you just want to be comforted that its okay to just stand around and do nothing. Stop trying to escape from your problems and confront them head on. Its a bit harsh but I really think right now its what you need to hear and I'm not saying this to be condescending.
EPT
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