I used audacity and some crappy mic that i borrowed to record this. If your want more please subscribe and show some support thanks. If you don't like it please rip me apart in comments. By the way there were tons of spelling errors till the most badass English major fixed them.
lyrics: If I could show you my dreams and everything that I've seen maybe you'd believe I'm not quite what I seem. I've got appreciation for things that you cant even conceive have aspiration to be something that I cant perceive. I cant see where I'm going, guess it's destined to be but falling's not eZ take that lesson from me. Everything's in my head I just press to receive I fast forward time I don't have patience to see . I don't see eye to eye with anybody. I'd die before I choose to sit on somebody's side and pacify. Live so fast I'm passing you by, I strive to try always, if I'm still alive, I promise i'll make it I know I'll survive
Look in the mirror in your eyes what do you see? I see opportunity. I see the possibilities. Gambling's the enemy you have to jump and just believe no one's standing under me. I'm fucking probability .
Good is enough for the good not the great. I won't wait for my life because I'm faster than fate. So you can try to erase the past, but the future is coming fast. I won't take no for an answer. I would have rather have failed but at least took the chance. There's no looking back. Success and failure follow but I just walk down the path. It's eZ to make it, but hard to believe that.
It's time to die, bitch! Honestly why do I still try to see eye to eye when the higher I climb the brighter the fire inside of my whole soul ignites my desire to find a way out of my mind? I'm not rapping, I'm just passing the time between being alive and winding up inside of the ground with a smile on my face and the crown on the place where it belongs on top of my head. Yeah, when I said forever., I even meant when I'm dead.
I've got your heart trapped inside of my prison, cardiac arrest, and you don't even know why you listen. In fact, I must confess that I'm faithless but I feel blessed to have known you. You have my respect. never let nobody tell you better mistakes will fade but dead's forever.
The second your eyes open the clock starts ticking and with it your life's limit is slimming and your visit on earth and each moment spent sitting is worse than not knowing it's over. Is it a gift or a curse?
Good is enough for the good not the great. I won't wait for my life because I'm faster than fate. So you can try to erase the past, but the future is coming fast. I won't take no for an answer. I would have rather have failed but at least took the chance. There's no looking back. Success and failure follow but I just walk down the path. It's eZ to make it, but hard to believe that. (C)
You know, I think the lyrics are actually pretty good. You've got some talent in writing. The music and rapping I felt was kind of weak, but I'm sure you'd get better with practice. Thanks for sharing.
It kind of sounds like you didn't practice actually singing the song itself too much, but like the other said, the lyrics are pretty sick. Maybe just take some more time to really learn to enunciate everything properly while singing and practice more ^^. Nj though
lol. ok it actually ended so abruptly because the beat goes on for 1 more verse but i didnt write another verse and didnt want to write one for the sake of writing one cause it wouldn't have meaning then. but for the fading im defiantly going to add that i should have done it before but im lazy. and sorry for the slurred i kept trying to record the same thing like 2 or 3 times so it would have a chorus effect but since it sounds slurred im just going to record once then add a delay effect to make chorus. ty for advice (:
I used audacity and some crappy mic that i borrowed to record this. If your want more please subscribe and show some support thanks. If you don't like it please rip me apart in comments. By the way there were tons of spelling errors but some badass English major fixed them.
lyrics: If I could show you my dreams and everything that I've seen maybe you'd believe I'm not quite what I seem. I've got appreciation for things that you cant even conceive have aspiration to be something that I cant perceive. I cant see where I'm going, guess it's destined to be but falling's not eZ take that lesson from me. Everything's in my head I just press to receive I fast forward time I don't have patience to see . I don't see eye to eye with anybody. I'd die before I choose to sit on somebody's side and pacify. Live so fast I'm passing you by, I strive to try always, if I'm still alive, I promise i'll make it I know I'll survive
Look in the mirror in your eyes what do you see? I see opportunity. I see the possibilities. Gambling's the enemy you have to jump and just believe no one's standing under me. I'm fucking probability .
Good is enough for the good not the great. I won't wait for my life because I'm faster than fate. So you can try to erase the past, but the future is coming fast. I won't take no for an answer. I would have rather have failed but at least took the chance. There's no looking back. Success and failure follow but I just walk down the path. It's eZ to make it, but hard to believe that.
It's time to die, bitch! Honestly why do I still try to see eye to eye when the higher I climb the brighter the fire inside of my whole soul ignites my desire to find a way out of my mind? I'm not rapping, I'm just passing the time between being alive and winding up inside of the ground with a smile on my face and the crown on the place where it belongs on top of my head. Yeah, when I said forever., I even meant when I'm dead.
I've got your heart trapped inside of my prison, cardiac arrest, and you don't even know why you listen. In fact, I must confess that I'm faithless but I feel blessed to have known you. You have my respect. never let nobody tell you better mistakes will fade but dead's forever.
The second your eyes open the clock starts ticking and with it your life's limit is slimming and your visit on earth and each moment spent sitting is worse than not knowing it's over. Is it a gift or a curse?
Good is enough for the good not the great. I won't wait for my life because I'm faster than fate. So you can try to erase the past, but the future is coming fast. I won't take no for an answer. I would have rather have failed but at least took the chance. There's no looking back. Success and failure follow but I just walk down the path. It's eZ to make it, but hard to believe that. (C)
Fixed that for you. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't actually really like the lyrics.
I was pleasantly surprised, especially liked the beats - simple, elegant, catchy (maybe not top #1 billboard earworm status but very good)
overall rhymes and playing with sounds and stuff was pretty good, the biggest constructive comment I have (besides the abrupt ending) is on a conceptual level - I don't see an overall point/direction, or a structure to the song, other than a sort of basic nebulous message of "i'm tough and i'm gonna make it". I wanna hear what you physically did or can do, like specifically tell me how great your rap is or how certain people were hating or doubting or something.
Also, just my personal taste but I especially love clever metaphors, can consider using some : P
Sometimes when I'm bored in class I'll try and write raps, it's hard to get em to actually sound good - this stuff is actually pretty impressive
i dont have other stuff yet br3ezy ive only been writing for about a year now and this was the first time i ever tried to record aside from rap battles with friends
jubil. to be honest i really had no direction with the song i sort of just kept writing and then there it was i my self am not completely sure what it means but in the future i will defiantly prioritize progressing and building a song up to the end. as for the clever metaphors i've got a couple in other songs hopefully you'll like them. ty for criticism and you should consider recording some of your rhymes im not gonna lie its pretty fun
The lyrics are pretty sweet...my favorite rapper is Tupac, and that's because of his lyrics. You can always improve your vocal sound, but the inspiration to write is a whole different matter.
The lyrics are pretty good and you understand how the song is supposed to work. That is good.
I think you need to either find some dedicated producer or work on the instrumental part of the song. Also, with those lyrics, I think your style needs to be big in-your-face style, so if you could make your vocals more "dirty"-sounding it would be great. If your voice was a guitar i'd tell you to play electric for this song.
Overall, you have the foundation and that is so much better than the flashy kids who only have the execution.
Some tough love for you! I don't like the way you sound. Your voice, delivery, and cadence all really bother me. All of these can be worked on.
Voice is the trickiest one. To me, your voice doesn't radiate with that charisma that all emcees must possess. In my eyes, you could never rock a crowd sounding like that. And maybe that's not a goal of yours or anything, but I don't even feel comfortable grooving out to this song as is. What I did was record myself speaking with different voices until they became more natural. This was necessary for my daily life because I used to use a whiny bitch voice often.
Delivery's related. Practice practice practice. Never sound like you're stumbling over your words. Try rapping as fast as you can, try shouting your rhymes, try crying them out, try sprinkling in various amounts of emotion. You're a bit monotonous as is.
Cadence is more with your writing. Right now everything seems so linear and even (boring). You shouldn't be chasing the beat, you should be riding it and chopping it up. Have any rappers you like? They probably mix it up too. I listen to cats from project blowed anytime I notice myself sounding stale. I end up biting but whatever ;/ Try writing for a lower tempo?
Lyrically you're alright. I generally prefer rap that's less full-sentence-y and more poetry-y, but if this is your style then keep at it. Some lines like 'It's time to die bitch!' seem out of place. Wordplay please though!
And no joke, I hear the closet's a great place to record if you have a shitty setup.
Fav bit below
On December 11 2011 15:06 kamkerx wrote: Honestly why do I still try to see eye to eye when the higher I climb the brighter the fire inside of my whole soul ignites my desire to find a way out of my mind? I'm not rapping, I'm just passing the time between being alive and winding up inside of the ground with a smile on my face and the crown on the place where it belongs on top of my head. Yeah, when I said forever., I even meant when I'm dead.
I thought the beat was terrible (sounds more like pop than hip-hop). The problem with your delivery is that you only get as loud as you need to for the mic to pick you up; it will (hopefully) sound much better if you're louder. That'll also help you to enunciate your lines.
As for as the lines themselves, they're pretty good. I kind of wish you'd include more polysyllabic and internal rhymes.
first off thanks pupatree i will work on all the things you have said especially delivery i think i was so quiet because the mic input volume was at 0.1 so im going to switch that to 1 and i think ill try recording in my bathroom for the fullness and resonance. as for rap influence eminem, jay-z,proof, lil wayne (sorry), the game, royace 59, and pac are the best.
dernebel hey i agree i sound super weak and need to try to find a way to be edgeir hopefully by turning my mic up like i said that will help a little. also and this is off topic do you like the band rammstein because your name is 1 of there songs
anyways thank you guys for advice and everyone who commented you gave a lot of good criticism.
You know, what I really liked about this is that you're not just a person with talent, you're a person who can take criticism. I haven't seen you get mad at anyone, you just take the criticism and try to improve on what you think needs improving. You can go really far with that. Great work, and I'm looking forward to an improved version
ty for showing support Latrommi (: the only time would get mad is if someone was just like "wow you suck" or "gay" or "your not a gangster" but if people have helpful things to say im open to improve
i think u need to work on your delivery. i feel like if u improved ur intonation it would sound a lot better, because like someone said it's monotone in some parts.
EPT
