I used to be a guy who said fuck bitches and did my own thing. I never really had a 'real' relationship. Then they just started falling all over me and I got caught up in a big 4 year relationship. Long story short I cheated on her once or twice very early in the relationship but stopped, and I found out she had cheated on me more than a few times throughout the entire relationship (after the fact).
I then realized that is not the way to do it. Either hit and quit or commit, no inbetween shit. (yes this all rhymes and sounds stupid as fuck but its the truth). If you don't do this, someone will get hurt (including you).
So anyways. With my last most recent gf (2 relationships later). I got into a debate with her one night about whether or not it is just as bad as cheating if you are dating someone (but not labeled as bf/gf) and still dating/seeing other people. (just to make it clear, dating is doing bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate).. She said that dating multiple people at once is ok and I just couldn't understand how she could think like this. Especially since she said things before like "I'm a one man kind of girl", "You need space between relationships" etc. She ended up lying, and misleading me and dating some other dude while she was dating me and I found out and told her to fuck off. To be honest it's just as much my fault for not making sure she was mine or getting her to commit.
I actually read some women's dating article that said women should always date 3 people at once (but no sex). Which even sounds kind of shitty to me as well.
So the question is. Is it morally just as bad as cheating if you are dating someone and then start dating another person/people. Again, the definition of dating here is: not actually having the label of bf/gf, but doing bf/gf things, calling/texting everyday, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also sex and being intimate.
Poll: Is it similar or equal to cheating to your moral code?
Yes (76)
81%
No (11)
12%
Other (explain please) (7)
7%
94 total votes
Your vote: Is it similar or equal to cheating to your moral code?
(Vote): Yes (Vote): No (Vote): Other (explain please)
On November 08 2011 16:27 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote: dating multiple people at a time is not the same as cheating on a steady relationship
though, there should be at least some level of info about that being shared in regards to intimacy if being promiscuous
Therein, the problem lied for me. I didn't think she was capable of cheating but I forgot that every single person is.
Also, I forgot to mention this girl was my gf from june to august. then we were off and on dating til last week. So where is that in your idea of cheating?
On November 08 2011 16:27 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote: dating multiple people at a time is not the same as cheating on a steady relationship
though, there should be at least some level of info about that being shared in regards to intimacy if being promiscuous
Therein, the problem lied for me. I didn't think she was capable of cheating but I forgot that every single person is.
Also, I forgot to mention this girl was my gf from june to august. then we were off and on dating til last week. So where is that in your idea of cheating?
if she was not your girlfriend, she can date as many guys as she wants IMO
though she should let you know if the legs are spreading
I'm hardly surprised about the women's dating article, since most of them are full of nonsense.
If the situation had been the other way round - i.e. you were seeing many people, then she would be making a big fuss over it. Hence, you are 100% right. And it is also not your fault because it is implied - if she didn't feel that it was wrong, she wouldn't have been lying about it.
On November 08 2011 16:33 Azzur wrote: I'm hardly surprised about the women's dating article, since most of them are full of nonsense.
If the situation had been the other way round - i.e. you were seeing many people, then she would be making a big fuss over it. Hence, you are 100% right. And it is also not your fault because it is implied - if she didn't feel that it was wrong, she wouldn't have been lying about it.
Exactly what I was saying to her slut friend arguing with me on fb. Thank you
On November 08 2011 16:35 DystopiaX wrote: Similar, not equal though.
So is that a yes vote then? lol
OT but, does anyone ever wish their ex's new bf(s) didn't believe the crap they told them about their past relationships/you. So that you could just talk to the guy man to man and give him the 411 like a hero, instead of him hating you are threatening you or trying to fight you?
I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things.
On November 08 2011 16:37 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote: you really just made this blog and waiting for people to agree with you so you can win a facebook argument?
no, I'm not talking to those bitches. I've talked to a number of people (both male and female) on this subject with varying replies so I'm actually curious what the majority thinks now.
On November 08 2011 16:38 RedJustice wrote: I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things.
Hmm, so you're basically saying as long as the communication is fantastic and everyone knows the good and the bad its ok even if it's only 1 person doing the dating?
On November 08 2011 16:33 SpoR wrote: That's the thing for me. I don't like this idea of needing a label to allow me to do or not do Z or X. People are too hung up on labels. http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=282427
you're being stupid about this. that's not a label - being in a steady relationship is a mutual agreement of said relationship and to (unless said otherwise) be exclusive in it
On November 08 2011 16:37 LaSt)ChAnCe wrote: you really just made this blog and waiting for people to agree with you so you can win a facebook argument?
no, I'm not talking to those bitches. I've talked to a number of people (both male and female) on this subject with varying replies so I'm actually curious what the majority thinks now.
seems like you're more curious about convincing us to agree with you - just based from your responses prior to this
What's wrong or right in this case isn't clear cut, man. You have to define these rules for each individual relationship. You can have your own rules that you want to stick to, but if she doesn't, then of course there will be problems.
In this case, she seems to have lied and misled you. Guess she's not for you, then.
On November 08 2011 16:43 Wolf wrote: Didn't expect this from CharlieMurphy.
What's wrong or right in this case isn't clear cut, man. You have to define these rules for each individual relationship. You can have your own rules that you want to stick to, but if she doesn't, then of course there will be problems.
In this case, she seems to have lied and misled you. Guess she's not for you, then.
It seems so silly to have to have to have this talk with potential girlfriends though. This is what gf/bf is to me, is this what it is to you? This is what dating is to me, is that what it is to you? But I guess you have to find a way to have this talk before getting serious. And that's where I went wrong. I just assumed we both agreed on what was going on and that words mean the same things to everyone.
Just like Love means 1000000000 different things and people have no clear definition of it if you ask 100 strangers.
If YOU don't think it's ok, then it's not ok for YOU and your relationships.
It's all about the personal preferences. I for one would not be involved in a relationship where I didn't fully trust the other. It doesn't matter anymore to me because I'm married now, but just the morality of it for my OWN personal preferences. My wife shares the same preferences.
On November 08 2011 16:38 RedJustice wrote: I see people 'dating' around very casually with a few people they kind of like but aren't sure about. It's not your definition of dating, but they call it that. I think that's ok, and at that point you shouldn't even have to clarify whether or not your are seeing other people because your actions have zero commitment.
From personal experience-- I have done the whole "bf/gf things, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also fucking and being intimate", and pretty much been in a serious relationship with someone who absolutely refused to commit in any way because he wanted to keep looking for someone (and did 'date' other women very casually from time to time with no intimacy or regularity). In that case I think whatever I do with other people is my own business, if he wants to make the relationship that way. There was an understanding though that if we became serious with someone else we would stop being intimate with each other.
But in that case, we had had this conversation multiple times. In my mind, it mostly boils down to-- it's not cheating if everyone knows and is ok with things.
Hmm, so you're basically saying as long as the communication is fantastic and everyone knows the good and the bad its ok even if it's only 1 person doing the dating?
1. If you can't communicate with someone you're being intimate with you are far too immature to be doing that shit in the first place. 2. If everyone is ok with it, what's wrong with it?
So if you've gotten past those two steps... seems to me you're mature enough to make your own choices, and everyone's happy. Yay.
In your case, your significant other did something you were not ok with. Either this was cheating (probably), or you failed to communicate with her. If you did not express your desire for a closed relationship or didn't know she is not into closed relationships, that is your mistake and one you will rectify with time, I am sure. Otherwise, she's a bitch, move on happily. :D
EDIT: It may seem silly-- but seriously always error on the side of clarification. I truly believe about 90% of all fights and drama in relationships come from miscommunications and differing perceptions of what something means. You really do have to lay out-- I like you. I want a relationship with you. Here's what that means to me. What do you think? (Listen.) Ask clarifying questions.
Through I haven't actually dated more than one girl at the same time. The girl I am currently with had a bf and was also dating some other guys when I met her. She used to be a girl I fancied all along since primary school but we lost contact for 8 years. Then one day I found her back on facebook and started going out and chatting. I broke up with another girl just a month before that, so when we talked about relationship, she told me that she has a boyfriend now but she doesn't love him and still misses her ex. (when I asked her why doesn't she just break up with this guy, she would give me answers like "he is rich" or something like those, super scary) So I got convinced that I should get her out from that relationship with her bf because apparently they started talking about marriage as well and I was totally against that because she wasn't happy with him and I thought he isn't doing enough to make her move on from the past relationship.
She also got a few guy friends who were chasing after her (all are just like the relationship between me and her, just going out, movies, eat dinner etc, but nothing like kissing or holding hangs). Eventually they broke up on valentine's day because he found another girl that he likes. Then she told me she wants a fresh start of her relationship side and just stopped meeting up with those other guys except me.
So I would say that dating multiple person is wrong and mostly is because they don't know how to handle their relationship side. I wouldn't mind competition through, but you will have to trust her that she knows her boundaries.
(damn, am I going off topic? but I will post it anyway since I wrote that much already)
If one person believes that they are in an exclusive relationship, and the other person is not upfront about the fact that they don't feel it's an exclusive relationship, then yes, it's cheating... if they're both fully aware of it and happy and understand that either of them can date other people if they wish, then it's all good.
This thread is actually making me want to apologize to her for not making it clear what my intentions were (verbally) and for letting her know that she wasn't verbally making it clear either. But she still was being deceptive to me which is pretty terrible.
On November 08 2011 17:01 SpoR wrote: This thread is actually making me want to apologize to her for not making it clear what my intentions were (verbally) and for letting her know that she wasn't verbally making it clear either. But she still was being deceptive to me which is pretty terrible.
fuck her don't apologize for shit, you didn't do anything wrong. She should have made it clear to you that she was dating and banging other dudes.
On November 08 2011 17:01 SpoR wrote: This thread is actually making me want to apologize to her for not making it clear what my intentions were (verbally) and for letting her know that she wasn't verbally making it clear either. But she still was being deceptive to me which is pretty terrible.
For what its worth, you probably don't need to be with this girl anyways. You two both have different 'standards'. Not that either of you are wrong or right, just different views, as a poster alluded to earlier.
That's not to say that you can't 'make it right' with her. But You definitely need to both be open about what you truly want in the relationship.
Hai2u, it is my fault to a degree for not getting clarification from her. Even though I had no idea in the first place, so why would I question it? But I have learned from the relationship something invaluable for the next girl which is what she has given me.
Sleeptech, yes I am aware. There are a number of things we had as common ground at first. But the more we got to know each other the more there were things that were uncommon. I'm still not sure about this thing issue with relationships though, because I believe those superficial things can be overlooked and just written off. Ultimately the main thing was the 'dating' definition which sealed the deal.
The reason I want/need the difference thing to be overlooked is because the things I am into almost no one I meet is into. Esports, Underground hip hop, graffiti/art, dubstep, watching films and docus, etc. And things that bug the shit out of me, country music, pop music(radio in general), religious people, people that are always going out to bars or drinking every other day, people ignorant to social issues, Am I just not being picky enough?
If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
Emotional cheating is pretty much on par with physical cheating for me. That's always been the case. I accept that people have different views and none are right or wrong, but I honestly can't see the difference between the two. As matter of fact, a simple sexual encounter might be better compared to your partner baring his/her soul to someone else whilst they lie and deceive you.
I guess being raised by an old fashioned romantic couple has shaped me this way. It might seem outdated or what-not in this day and age, but I'm happy with it.
On November 08 2011 17:30 Telcontar wrote: I guess being raised by an old fashioned romantic couple has shaped me this way. It might seem outdated or what-not in this day and age, but I'm happy with it.
Usually the people that had divorced parents or at least parents in big trouble are the ones seeking for a steady relationship with full honesty.
I'm one of these kind as well. If you say "I love you", or anything related to it, anything that closely comes near that, you either mean it or you are an asshole. Saying "I don't love you" hurts much less than having to see that somebody cheated on you. Both hurs a fuckton, but being betrayed is a lot harder than being treated with proper respect, which honesty brings with it.
But as everything, other people have different views on the topic, and so it's important for you to make your intentions clear, as you already said. If you are searching for a woman that only sees you and commits to you, make that clear. If you don't make it clear it's really...well, it's your fault, too. A relationhship is between two individuals, and both are responsible for mistakes.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
I used to have the same line of thinking until everything in my life went bad one by one until I had nothing. I think It's important to have a mutual loyal, trusting, respectful relationship with a significant other to help you through the good and bad times. You can keep yourself happy when you're good with dating around all the time, but once you aren't at your tip top shape you will find that no one will want to be with you.
keksx where did you read that thing about parents? My parents have been separated (not legally divorced) but apart and in other relationships for years. And all throughout my childhood actually they just fought and shit.
At this point in my life, I actually prefer to casually date rather than commit. The guy always knows this up front though, I think being honest about the status of your relationship with someone is important. So you avoid the whole "this feels like cheating" dilemma.
My conclusion: You used to be messed up when it came to girls; now you are alright. But now you date messed up girls when it comes to guys. So basically you're fucked bro.
On November 08 2011 17:56 SpoR wrote: keksx where did you read that thing about parents? My parents have been separated (not legally divorced) but apart and in other relationships for years. And all throughout my childhood actually they just fought and shit.
It's more ore less an experience I made myself which pretty much was confirmed by everything I've seen so far, also I think I remember an article about that, but don't ask me where. Forgot it
I would say, yes, it's the same as cheating. From adecdotal experience, men and women seem generally on an equally fucked up moral compass. Why not try to get away with having as many sexual experiences and partners as possible, regardless if these experiences have any meaning. It's all just part of "the game." I guess if you enjoy playing games with human emotions and don't really care for other people that you can put your penis in, then the answer would be, no. In that regard, it's really up to the person, but I would never date someone who answered "no," because they like getting lots of attention from many different people.
On November 08 2011 16:23 SpoR wrote:doing bf/gf things, calling/texting everyday, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also sex and being intimate.
it sounds like you are in a relationship and just afraid of labels. And rightfully so if the girl is sleeping around I guess.
Dating multiple people in general is fine if you don't get particularly serious with any of them, and no one thinks they're in a committed relationship. It's not for everyone but for those that are okay with that kind of business, good for them.
But that's not what we're talking about here at all so
On November 08 2011 16:23 SpoR wrote:doing bf/gf things, calling/texting everyday, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also sex and being intimate.
it sounds like you are in a relationship and just afraid of labels. And rightfully so if the girl is sleeping around I guess.
Dating multiple people in general is fine if you don't get particularly serious with any of them, and no one thinks they're in a committed relationship. It's not for everyone but for those that are okay with that kind of business, good for them.
But that's not what we're talking about here at all so
I guess tldr: sorry you got played bro
it was actually her who was afraid of the labels. They don't mean shit to me in the literal sense of the words. I'm more interested in the idea of being committed, loyal, and exclusive than saying we're bf/gf. It just so happens that the generally accepted term for those ideals are bf/gf.
On November 08 2011 17:56 SpoR wrote: I used to have the same line of thinking until everything in my life went bad one by one until I had nothing. I think It's important to have a mutual loyal, trusting, respectful relationship with a significant other to help you through the good and bad times. You can keep yourself happy when you're good with dating around all the time, but once you aren't at your tip top shape you will find that no one will want to be with you.
Problem is though that people are selfish by nature. I've found that women have the propensity to be far more selfish(and downright ruthless) than men. Its not mutual if you care more than her. To me relationships are about power. The one that cares less wields more power.
The only chance id say that guys have is to get with a younger and relatively naive girl preferably one where you are her first sexual partner. Usually these girls still have a romantic and idealistic view of relationships and tend to be quite loyal and loving mainly because she hasn't yet been damaged by the pain that comes from faulty relationships such as neglect or at worst abuse or to take the middle ground, she gets with a guy or guys who attack her self esteem quite often. These things serve to damage the once pure person and any guy that comes after with good intentions suffer the consequences of her warped personality.
On November 08 2011 17:56 SpoR wrote: I used to have the same line of thinking until everything in my life went bad one by one until I had nothing. I think It's important to have a mutual loyal, trusting, respectful relationship with a significant other to help you through the good and bad times. You can keep yourself happy when you're good with dating around all the time, but once you aren't at your tip top shape you will find that no one will want to be with you.
Problem is though that people are selfish by nature. I've found that women have the propensity to be far more selfish(and downright ruthless) than men. Its not mutual if you care more than her. To me relationships are about power. The one that cares less wields more power.
The only chance id say that guys have is to get with a younger and relatively naive girl preferably one where you are her first sexual partner. Usually these girls still have a romantic and idealistic view of relationships and tend to be quite loyal and loving mainly because she hasn't yet been damaged by the pain that comes from faulty relationships such as neglect or at worst abuse or to take the middle ground, she gets with a guy or guys who attack her self esteem quite often. These things serve to damage the once pure person and any guy that comes after with good intentions suffer the consequences of her warped personality.
I tend to agree, but at the same time there is also the problem of she wants to have at least a few partners before deciding to settle down. She may get bored/curious after a long period of time and just leave to see what's out there even though she may have the best for her already.
She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
On November 08 2011 20:57 SarR wrote: She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
The discrepancy in these two posts is deliciously ironic.
On November 08 2011 20:24 Phayt wrote: I voted other because at this point:
On November 08 2011 16:23 SpoR wrote:doing bf/gf things, calling/texting everyday, hanging out a lot, going out on dates [obviously], and also sex and being intimate.
it sounds like you are in a relationship and just afraid of labels. And rightfully so if the girl is sleeping around I guess.
Dating multiple people in general is fine if you don't get particularly serious with any of them, and no one thinks they're in a committed relationship. It's not for everyone but for those that are okay with that kind of business, good for them.
But that's not what we're talking about here at all so
I guess tldr: sorry you got played bro
it was actually her who was afraid of the labels. They don't mean shit to me in the literal sense of the words. I'm more interested in the idea of being committed, loyal, and exclusive than saying we're bf/gf. It just so happens that the generally accepted term for those ideals are bf/gf.
Yeah you've basically nailed it in one. As everyone has said, it just comes down to communication. Only you know if she deceived you or not. Sounds like you're leaning towards she didn't. I voted No for the record. Not because I see dating multiple people as fine in any circumstance, but simply because I think it comes down to values and communication. If someone dates multiple people but is reasonably upfront about it, or at least doesn't hide it and deceive their partner, then no problem. Honesty is the important factor.
If your girl isn't sexing you well enough, then go and get pussy elsewhere. If she is, then you won't be having this moral dilemma.
Also, keep in mind that the same goes for the girl: if you aren't fucking her or fucking her well enough, she should go and get sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
On November 08 2011 20:57 SarR wrote: She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
The discrepancy in these two posts is deliciously ironic.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
On November 08 2011 20:57 SarR wrote: She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
The discrepancy in these two posts is deliciously ironic.
How so ? Please elaborate.
You really don't see it? The fact you say the guy should go fuck other girls but for the girl she should stay committed?
On November 08 2011 16:54 ReachTheSky wrote: I've cheated on every chick i've dated hahaha
HAHAHAHAHA AWESOME BRO HIGH FIVE!
On November 08 2011 16:58 Asrathiel wrote: If one person believes that they are in an exclusive relationship, and the other person is not upfront about the fact that they don't feel it's an exclusive relationship, then yes, it's cheating... if they're both fully aware of it and happy and understand that either of them can date other people if they wish, then it's all good.
Exactly this. There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people, as long as both people know it's not an exclusive relationship. It's no excuse for one to say that they never said they were exclusive, even though they knew the other person thought they were. Dating multiple people is pretty common, I don't know how common it is to fuck multiple people though.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
On November 08 2011 20:57 SarR wrote: She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
The discrepancy in these two posts is deliciously ironic.
How so ? Please elaborate.
You're basically saying you should fuck everyone and anything you can, just try not to get caught, but even if you do, 'lol'. Then you say that dating multiple people has an emotional cost on the other person, and that doing so is seflish, and you would prefer to have honor by giving a relationship your all.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: If you can bone other chicks, then go for it. This commitment bullshit is just burdensome pseudo-moral nonsense that some bronze age stoner made up....just like the bible.
Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
On November 08 2011 20:57 SarR wrote: She is keeping her options open without considering the emotional cost you have to bear for her actions. This to me is very selfish. If I valued someone, Id give then my all and risk finding out later that it was not meant to be. There is more honor in that. What she is doing clearly shows how little she values you. She doesn't deserve your understanding.
The discrepancy in these two posts is deliciously ironic.
How so ? Please elaborate.
You're basically saying you should fuck everyone and anything you can, just try not to get caught, but even if you do, 'lol'. Then you say that dating multiple people has an emotional cost on the other person, and that doing so is seflish, and you would prefer to have honor by giving a relationship your all.
Fuck everyone, big lols =/= Honor in relationship
Apologies. I should have clarified that those two views are mutually exclusive ideas. My first post is what I've come to know as the safest route for one's emotional well being when dealing with women. However, my seemingly contradictory post after is basically like saying "but if you want love, loyalty and all that true love stuff romantic stuff then.....". In other words, its like another route one can take that may work the way you want it to.
So to condense everything: Hey bang as much chicks as you can...dont get caught....yada yada yada.....but if you really want something solid and true, the best way I believe is to get someone while they are still innocent otherwise you're almost guaranteed to get hurt.
Yet another way of putting it: Be as emotionally distant and care very little with the majority of females who most likely are damaged goods but if you happen to get one who is not spoiled yet, then you may take the chance with your feelings(loyalty, love etc).
On November 08 2011 16:43 Wolf wrote: Didn't expect this from CharlieMurphy.
What's wrong or right in this case isn't clear cut, man. You have to define these rules for each individual relationship. You can have your own rules that you want to stick to, but if she doesn't, then of course there will be problems.
In this case, she seems to have lied and misled you. Guess she's not for you, then.
It seems so silly to have to have to have this talk with potential girlfriends though. This is what gf/bf is to me, is this what it is to you? This is what dating is to me, is that what it is to you? But I guess you have to find a way to have this talk before getting serious. And that's where I went wrong. I just assumed we both agreed on what was going on and that words mean the same things to everyone.
Just like Love means 1000000000 different things and people have no clear definition of it if you ask 100 strangers.
on one hand you gotta be mature and laid back with particular values that allow you to do that and on the other you gotta listen to your emotions and take a stand
it helps to remember that attraction works differently to her than it does to you, which means that even when you are finding her adoreably sexy, she herself might just be annoyed and bored! i think this is how a lot of breakups happen, leaving a lot of confused men behind
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
Fuck that, if that's the kind of thing you want then be upfront about it. I'm sure there are plenty of women who'd want that too... if 'your girl' wants committment and you don't, fucking tell her that, don't be an asshat like this guy.
On November 08 2011 17:26 SarR wrote: Your girl wants commitment ? Try not to get caught. If you get caught then tough luck, for her that is. She can either choose to stay or leave. If she stays, please re-evaluate your game so as not to get caught. To make things easier you could just avoid the commitment thing altogether. Friends with benefits type of thing.
Fuck that, if that's the kind of thing you want then be upfront about it. I'm sure there are plenty of women who'd want that too... if 'your girl' wants committment and you don't, fucking tell her that, don't be an asshat like this guy.
WTF are the throwing insults at me for ? You looking for a boyfriend ? If you cant be more civilized then STFU plz.
EPT
