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I turned on my DS for the first time since April 11th. The familiar GameFREAK logo jumped out at me, seemingly eager to see me after being confined in my desk drawer for eleven weeks. Being the gentlemanly intangible creation that it is, the logo humbly receded to make way for Mr. Big Gunz.
The Pokémon logo magicked itself into existence. Glorious as ever. The legendary electric dragon mascot, Zekrom, stood at attention, waiting for me to press the A button to continue my Pokémon White adventures after a long hiatus. But once I had selected my save file from the menu screen, I was hit with a queer sort of self-questioning.
What do I even want to do?
As a longtime card-carrying Pokénerd, I had dedicated myself in past months to devising a competitive battling team consisting only of the Bug type. I had chosen the Bug type as my base because the fifth generation of Pokemon had heralded the rise of several new and powerful insectoids, the kingpin of these being the fire moth, Volcarona. However, I had constructed all of my team members prior to my Pokémon sabbatical. I had bred, trained, and raised five of six faithful creepy-crawlies to deliver divine punishment unto my hapless foes.
All except Heracross, the Bug/Fighting beetle that wreaked havoc ever since its introduction into the series upon the release of Gold and Silver. Unfortunately, Heracross was not yet attainable for me. A new mechanic in Black and White, the Dream World, allows Trainers to obtain Pokémon with different passive abilities than the standard fare. Heracross was no different, and I desired his Dream World ability, Moxie, a skill that increases the Pokémon's Attack stat by 50% when defeating an opposing Pokémon. A powerful ability, to be sure... but Moxie Heracross had not yet been released into the Dream World. I was stonewalled, unable to complete my Bug team and out of tasks in the Unova region.
I came close to turning off my DS and placing it back into the Desk Drawer of Eternity, but something came to mind. A voice, a faint wisp of a voice fluttered through the air on gossamer wings. It spoke of TeamLiquid and its moderators. I listened, and then I understood the source of this ethereal voice.
It was Waxangel. He wanted a Snorlax. And I would oblige. My heart was set to refine the most powerful and physically beautiful gluttonous Pokémon yet devised. It would be a specimen truly worthy of the TeamLiquid moderator who bears the sigil of Snorlax. And so I set myself to this task, not knowing the folly I had brought about.
I flew atop my Volcarona to Striaton Town, the site of the largest Pokémon whorehouse Day Care Center in Unova. There, my faithful whore Ditto squealed with pleasure joy to see me back at the center. It knew that it would once again be given the company of a Pokémon to stave off its loneliness.
...Ah, who am I kidding, it just wanted to fuck. So I threw my Snorlax in the Day Care Center with the two old geezers who ran the place and waited for Casanova to get things done. And, in due time, an egg was laid. Of course, the Day Care man didn't know where the egg had originated from, but I couldn't fault the man for being old and senile. I took the egg, and commenced my journey up and down the route... because the arcane workings of the Pokémon universe allowed eggs to hatch only after walking a predetermined amount of steps. And because Snorlax is big, it clearly had to take a long time.
About an eternity and a half later, the egg shook of its own accord. The Pocket Monster within shattered the shell with its massive girth, and made its presence known to the world by promptly eating the remnants of its egg and falling asleep. But despite acquiring a freshly hatched Snorlax, my work was not yet done. I first had to examine the genetics of the Snorlax, its Individual Values, to determine that its battling prowess was up to my perfectionist standards. I would accept nothing less than the finest Snorlax possible.
I took my PokéDex out of my backpack, and was pleased to see that 3G connection was available in this backwater town. Punching in the stats for this Snorlax and hitting Calculate on MetalKid's calculator, I thought for a brief moment that I had heard my Ditto cry out in ecstasy. Of course, having sex as a full-time job can do that to you, so I chalked it up to another day at the office for Casanova. It was then that the results were fed to my 'Dex.
A Snorlax unlike any other I'd seen. Perfect IV's in all of its stats, save for Special Attack, which was mediocre. But Snorlax doesn't use Fire Blast without a damn good reason, so for all intents and purposes, my creation was flawless. I fistpumped the air in a small victory celebration.
Then the unthinkable happened. Due to a small oversight, my fistpumping hand was the one that held my DS. I naturally have a sweaty grip, and that tendency drove me to despair as the DS flew from my hand onto the carpet.
Landing on the off switch.
+ Show Spoiler +
Sorry, Wax. It was a really good Snorlax, too.
+ Show Spoiler +This was a true story, by the way. Happened about thirty minutes ago. I'n so bummed. D:
 
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United States33432 Posts
sad
Maybe Elly will cheer you up
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5003 Posts
Just RNG abuse like all the cool kids do it, breeding Pokemon to feed your OCD is the worst idea ever
this advice is coming from a guy who got a 31/29/31/31/31/31 timid vulpix once. Stop while you still can :O
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5003 Posts
Also Snorlax sucks now, so its no biggie ^_^
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:[
thats the shittiest feeling
but you know what fuck IV breeding :[
cool kids use battle sims 
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On July 01 2011 12:31 Milkis wrote:
Also Snorlax sucks now, so its no biggie ^_^
Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch.
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lol Aeres
Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e
Why can't it be simple like the first gen
And OP special stat 
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Poll: Surprized that Waxangel was first responder?No. (66) 81% I'm a retard. (15) 19% 81 total votes Your vote: Surprized that Waxangel was first responder? (Vote): No.
(Vote): I'm a retard.
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...
And I was thinking I had a bad time because I lost a few ladder games. It gives a man perspective to see Snorlax perfection slip through your fingers like electric current.
So back in the desk drawer it goes huh?
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5003 Posts
Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch.
Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere
Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O
Time to accept reality :O
On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat
There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D:
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On July 01 2011 12:38 Milkis wrote:Show nested quote +Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch. Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O Time to accept reality :O Show nested quote +On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D:
That's why I was planning on using a Choice Band variant. Snorlax's bulk is amazing, and its 110 Attack base stat is impressive as well. Nothing is gonna enjoy being clobbered by a Choice Banded Body Slam that might paralyze the foe and let others on my team sweep unhindered. And CurseLax is still a formidable opponent if you're not ready for it.
When did you become such a Gloomy Gus, Milkis? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME!
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This is a tragedy, sorry for your loss bro.
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5003 Posts
On July 01 2011 12:41 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2011 12:38 Milkis wrote:Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch. Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O Time to accept reality :O On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D: That's why I was planning on using a Choice Band variant. Snorlax's bulk is amazing, and its 110 Attack base stat is impressive as well. Nothing is gonna enjoy being clobbered by a Choice Banded Body Slam that might paralyze the foe and let others on my team sweep unhindered. And CurseLax is still a formidable opponent if you're not ready for it. When did you become such a Gloomy Gus, Milkis? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME!
Choice Band just says "hello, I'm gyarados/salamence bait" since you dont even have elemental punches from Emerald (unless they found a way to put them in gen V)
I'm just promoting the use of better pokemon ^_^
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I remember when I used to breed...then I got tired of IVs failing and started using pokesav to make a few adjustments kekeke.
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On July 01 2011 12:43 Milkis wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2011 12:41 Aeres wrote:On July 01 2011 12:38 Milkis wrote:Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch. Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O Time to accept reality :O On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D: That's why I was planning on using a Choice Band variant. Snorlax's bulk is amazing, and its 110 Attack base stat is impressive as well. Nothing is gonna enjoy being clobbered by a Choice Banded Body Slam that might paralyze the foe and let others on my team sweep unhindered. And CurseLax is still a formidable opponent if you're not ready for it. When did you become such a Gloomy Gus, Milkis? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME! Choice Band just says "hello, I'm gyarados/salamence bait" since you dont even have elemental punches from Emerald (unless they found a way to put them in gen V) I'm just promoting the use of better pokemon ^_^
You make it sound like I wouldn't be dealing with Snorlax's main threats before sending him out. >_< And even if Gyarados and Salamence eat Snorlax alive, neither wants to be paralyzed at all.
He has Fire Punch anyway, so Ferrothorn is out of the picture at least.
Also, he gets Wild Charge too, so Gyarados isn't really a counter if you have that move.
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im so happy TL has pokemon nerds omg
milkis = hero
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5003 Posts
On July 01 2011 12:46 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2011 12:43 Milkis wrote:On July 01 2011 12:41 Aeres wrote:On July 01 2011 12:38 Milkis wrote:Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch. Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O Time to accept reality :O On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D: That's why I was planning on using a Choice Band variant. Snorlax's bulk is amazing, and its 110 Attack base stat is impressive as well. Nothing is gonna enjoy being clobbered by a Choice Banded Body Slam that might paralyze the foe and let others on my team sweep unhindered. And CurseLax is still a formidable opponent if you're not ready for it. When did you become such a Gloomy Gus, Milkis? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME! Choice Band just says "hello, I'm gyarados/salamence bait" since you dont even have elemental punches from Emerald (unless they found a way to put them in gen V) I'm just promoting the use of better pokemon ^_^ You make it sound like I wouldn't be dealing with Snorlax's main threats before sending him out. >_< And even if Gyarados and Salamence eat Snorlax alive, neither wants to be paralyzed at all. He has Fire Punch anyway, so Ferrothorn is out of the picture at least. Also, he gets Wild Charge too, so Gyarados isn't really a counter if you have that move.
Eh, the thing is that Normal STAB at 30% paralysis isn't that big of a threat in the long run anyway (obviously if a gyarados switches in a body slam and it gets paralyzed you'll be happy). I don't know much about Gen V but Gen IV it was really annoying using Choice Band/Specs on anything (Scarf is an exception, for obvious reasons) mostly because it always just gets your opponent a free set up as they're going to be swapping to something that resists snorlax well anyway :p
Basically Offensive teams will set up on it ezpz and it's not good enough to dent defensive teams :p
In general normal STAB hasn't been great since Gen IV since everything just hits so much harder (which makes snorlax's bulkiness kind of useless since he's not Blissey level bulky). You can probably find something better to use on your team ;p
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FREEAGLELAND26781 Posts
I thought this was going to be a blog about Waxangel.
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On July 01 2011 12:50 Milkis wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2011 12:46 Aeres wrote:On July 01 2011 12:43 Milkis wrote:On July 01 2011 12:41 Aeres wrote:On July 01 2011 12:38 Milkis wrote:Shut your filthy whore mouth. Snorlax rules.
And I'm good at breeding, so I'll get another good Snorlax eventually. But it takes sooooooo long to hatch. Normal type without recovery in a generation where 120 bp stab moves are everywhere Sorry but Restalk just aint good enough anymore. Wish Passing kind of sucks on it too :O Time to accept reality :O On July 01 2011 12:34 JSH wrote:lol Aeres Ugh hate the new uh IV training or w/e Why can't it be simple like the first gen And OP special stat There was IVs in the first gen, only 0~15 though which was the nice part about it D: That's why I was planning on using a Choice Band variant. Snorlax's bulk is amazing, and its 110 Attack base stat is impressive as well. Nothing is gonna enjoy being clobbered by a Choice Banded Body Slam that might paralyze the foe and let others on my team sweep unhindered. And CurseLax is still a formidable opponent if you're not ready for it. When did you become such a Gloomy Gus, Milkis? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME! Choice Band just says "hello, I'm gyarados/salamence bait" since you dont even have elemental punches from Emerald (unless they found a way to put them in gen V) I'm just promoting the use of better pokemon ^_^ You make it sound like I wouldn't be dealing with Snorlax's main threats before sending him out. >_< And even if Gyarados and Salamence eat Snorlax alive, neither wants to be paralyzed at all. He has Fire Punch anyway, so Ferrothorn is out of the picture at least. Also, he gets Wild Charge too, so Gyarados isn't really a counter if you have that move. Eh, the thing is that Normal STAB at 30% paralysis isn't that big of a threat in the long run anyway (obviously if a gyarados switches in a body slam and it gets paralyzed you'll be happy). I don't know much about Gen V but Gen IV it was really annoying using Choice Band/Specs on anything (Scarf is an exception, for obvious reasons) mostly because it always just gets your opponent a free set up as they're going to be swapping to something that resists snorlax well anyway :p Basically Offensive teams will set up on it ezpz and it's not good enough to dent defensive teams :p In general normal STAB hasn't been great since Gen IV since everything just hits so much harder (which makes snorlax's bulkiness kind of useless since he's not Blissey level bulky). You can probably find something better to use on your team ;p
The thing about Gen V is that there are far more special-based threats. Chandelure, Reuniclus, Volcarona, Kyurem, and the like. Snorlax excels on switching in on such Pokemon (especially with Thick Fat to essentially gain two resistances) and forcing them out and eating a CB Body Slam or Return. And if it's Chandelure or Reuniclus, then you Pursuit them for huge damage.
Snorlax is obviously not the king it used to be back in the day, but I don't think that it's outclassed just yet. It's still got some life left in it. :D
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EPT![[image loading]](/staff/HawaiianPig/ellyicon.png)
