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So second semester has started, which is going to be the final period of the lease at our apartment. Currently, I'm living with 3 high school friends, all of whom I have known for a while, 2 of which are who I'd call my best friends. We took the last guy in, let's call him Bob, to minimize costs, figuring that it's better to get somebody who we all know instead of gambling with a stranger where things wouldn't be as comfortable personally.
Yet Bob has been the source of most of the problems in the apartment. For one, he's been spoiled rotten by his parents.... it's ridiculous some of the shit he does/doesn't do. One time he asked me, "O'Min, how do you close the blinds?" And he also loves to argue, usually over the stupidest shit. I lit a candle cuz the room smelled funny, and he was like "OMG isn't that a fire hazard???? What if there's an earthquake and it falls over and starts a fire???" He goes home every weekend, taking all his dirty laundry which his mom does then packs in plastic wrap, which ends up all over the floor in our room. His mom carries an ice chest full of prepared food for him to eat throughout the week.... which he hasn't offered once to any of us. He's messy, he doesn't know how to cook, he can be disagreeable, loud, and never offers to pay for his cut of the groceries. Don't get me wrong though... I dislike him, but I don't hate the guy. He can be nice and is helpful in regards to asking homework questions and stuff.
Anyway, I could rant on and on about the problems Bob causes and the stupid shit he does. But let's cut to the chase.
I know there's roommates much worse than Bob out there (the blog about that guy who got it on with black dudes while the blogger was sleeping comes to mind lol), and my situation is definitely livable. But it's a matter of fact that me and the other 2 guys would be happier if we didn't have to deal with him. So we've been discussing how and when we want to break the news to him, and we've come up with a few options:
-Tell him early in the semester in order to give Bob more time to find people to live with/consider his options for housing next semester. This would be the most mannered to do, but I feel that he may take this fact to his advantage and be messier/more annoying than ever since he has no incentive to be on good terms with us. And it might also be kind of awkward for a bit.
-Tell him in the middle of the semester so that he still has time to plan his living situation while my time dealing with possibly heightened messiness and whatnot is shortened.
-Tell him at the end of the semester. Though the lease ends 2 months after the semester, I feel this is kind of rude as I don't really hate the guy.
-Just move out without telling him: I'm a nice guy and not inclined to do this cuz its pretty fucking douchy.
It would be great to hear some advice from other people, especially about how they'd feel from Bob's perspective in such a situation. If you feel there's a better option than the above mentioned, I'd love to hear it. A last bit for consideration is that... I feel Bob doesn't really have many friends at school, so I'm pretty sure he might have a hard time finding roommates again.
Should I try to give it to him straight up that we don't want to live with him anymore and be very matter fact about the whole deal, or should I try to soften it up as much as I can?
Thanks a lot
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tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder. I told my old roomate we were leaving super early so he could find a roommate. its not as awkward as you'd expect. ur guys, you'll get over it quick.
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so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
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On January 24 2011 14:12 mOnion wrote:
tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder.
mm thats definitely not the type of guy he is. he's messy by nature becuse his mom has been picking up after him his entire life, and he hasn't improved much despite our combined efforts to not leave a mess wherever he goes lol
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
he eats their groceries and leaves his laundry on their floor?
On January 24 2011 14:14 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2011 14:12 mOnion wrote:
tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder. mm thats definitely not the type of guy he is. he's messy by nature becuse his mom has been picking up after him his entire life, and he hasn't improved much despite our combined efforts to not leave a mess wherever he goes lol
well I doubt he'll get worse. i'd tell him mid february ish, the closer to valentines day the better
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
No. "He goes home every weekend, taking all his dirty laundry which his mom does then packs in plastic wrap, which ends up all over the floor in our room"
If I were to live with Bob, I would be pissed as well. Bob's not living at home with his mom anymore.
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slurp hit quote instead of edit
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Yeah, just tell him early. Guys don't tend to hold grudges or act stupid if they are treated in a mannered manner.
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First and foremost his mom sounds amazing. If your other roommates feel the same as you do then I would suggest approaching him as a group and tell him whats up. It sounds like he is so used to having everything done for them that he might not realize what a total slob he is and an intervention might do wonders for him.
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint \
if you'd like me to expound on the issue:
1) he's gone to the point of physically fighting/wrestling with one of my other roommates cuz they're both super stubborn several times.
2) even the neighbors complain about how loud he talks
3) he is inconsiderate of other people. he used to walk around the house in just boxers, which we would be fine with as we are all men.... except none of his boxers fucking close in the front, so all of us have seen parts of him that we don't want to see on several ocassions. on another occasion, several guests asked for some milk, and he had a carton of milk and he drinks half the carton before giving it to them to share.
4) he leaves a mess wherever he goes. used napkins/utensils/wrappers on the table after eating, clothes strewn on my side of the room.
5) he not only does not do his share of housekeeping duties, but actually contributes to most of the mess. he leaves puddles in the ground after showering, doubles the rate the trash fills up, never takes initiative in taking trash out or any other cleaning duty etc.
i could list more things but i definitely feel the above make a legitimate complaint in not wanting him as a roommate again
On January 24 2011 14:19 Gulabi wrote:
First and foremost his mom sounds amazing. If your other roommates feel the same as you do then I would suggest approaching him as a group and tell him whats up. It sounds like he is so used to having everything done for them that he might not realize what a total slob he is and an intervention might do wonders for him.
we've tried.... we spent the entire semester trying to get him to clean up after himself and stuff. he's gotten a bit better, but not by much. for instance, i told him he needs to wipe the floor after he showers and leaves a puddle so i dont step in water when i want to pee... and now he just tosses paper towels on the water and just leaves them there.....and he never takes initiative, so when it's his turn to take out the trash bag which is getting flies in the house but he's not home, then one of has to do it for him anyways. sometimes, us having to tell him what to do when becomes more of a burden in itself than us actually doing it ourselves.
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Osaka27139 Posts
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that.
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On January 24 2011 14:24 Manifesto7 wrote:
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that.
should we tell him soon or later in the semester?
and we wouldnt ever do something like that to him. hes been responsible at the least for paying his share of the rent so thats not even an issue. well probably get him to pay us for his cut of groceries but other than that money isnt the issue here.
On January 24 2011 14:27 GenesisX wrote:
Secretly eat his food.
id rather not.... i caught him picking his nose once right in front of my face, and i asked him to go wash his hand. he told me to "relax", and then went to grab the juice carton that everybody drinks out of 2 minutes later with the same hand. :/
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you can tell him now, or suffer some more and tell him later. i say tell him now. and make sure all 4 of you are there so the other two can nod their heads in agreement when you break the news.
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Just get someone else to take all the responsibility of when to tell him and how to tell him.
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I read it under the impression you were kicking him out, but at the end you said that you were the one moving out. If that's the case, you don't owe him anything. Just tell him you're finding another place to live at the end of semester and leave.
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I find that communicating things like this via post-it is by far the best way to go about it.
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Unless you expect his actions to change if you tell him now, I see no reason why it's important to tell him now. I would say wait until middle/end of the semester. If you're planning on moving out then it definitely makes sense this way. Just tell him around the time you're considering looking at some places to live. Or slightly before that. I don't think the super early notice is going to accomplish much other than make it awkward for you guys.
I think if I were in his situation I would prefer it this way. If you told me right now then I'd just be bitter the rest of the semester. If you told me that when you guys move out you don't want to be roommates with me anymore then I'd be angry for a while but eventually understand. Especially if I look back on the semester and realize that I suck as a roommate.
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Be cool with him tell him things your way, and if he STILL DOESN'T GET IT... tell him how he is. Maybe he will learn from it and man the hell up. You really don't need to put up with this bullshit, he's just another roommate, there are a lot of people like him out there ( and sadly, they never learn or understand the logistics of life). If he moved out and still has his mom doing shit for him, he's not ready to move out. And yes, I know moms are suppose to do things for their kids, but sometimes kids need to tell their parents to back off a little and let them take care of themselves.
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On January 24 2011 14:27 GenesisX wrote:
Secretly eat his food.
This made me burst out in laughter...
I guess the best thing to do is just tell him fairly early on since that's the most mature way to handle it and he it doesn't sound like he's that intolerable that he'd purposely make things worse.
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Out of curiosity: is this guy Asian?
I have a hard time grasping how someone could be spoiled to the point of being useless...
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I think you just don't like the guy. The story doesn't sound nearly as bad as you make it out to be. At least give him an option, tell him you will not live together if he doesn't start cleaning after himself. I'm sure he will. Problem is - you don't like the guy and it won't be enough. You don't like the way he acts, you don't like the way he talks - there's really nothing he can change to stay.
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Chairman Ray's guide to making roommates leave:
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On January 24 2011 15:35 news wrote:
I think you just don't like the guy. The story doesn't sound nearly as bad as you make it out to be. At least give him an option, tell him you will not live together if he doesn't start cleaning after himself. I'm sure he will. Problem is - you don't like the guy and it won't be enough. You don't like the way he acts, you don't like the way he talks - there's really nothing he can change to stay.
I won't deny that I dislike him, but it's definitely not the reason I don't want to live with him anymore. In fact, I proposed to my other roommates that maybe we should live with him because I liked him then. But he really hasn't been doing his part as a member of the household - I feel I've talked about it enough. his overall attitude and progress in learning to live with other people in mind has lowered my opinion of him, which has lead me to not want to live with him anymore.
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On January 24 2011 15:43 Chairman Ray wrote:
Chairman Ray's guide to making roommates leave:
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wow .. now this is an awesome suggestion!
you could wipe your hand with his shirt scattered all over the floor .. and then tell him .. "Relax"
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On January 24 2011 15:50 aimaimaim wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2011 15:43 Chairman Ray wrote:
Chairman Ray's guide to making roommates leave:
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lmaooo
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On January 24 2011 15:43 Chairman Ray wrote:
Chairman Ray's guide to making roommates leave:
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ROFL
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it does sound like a plan until he puts one hand on your shoulder and starts caressing your balls with another while you are going at it
who knows, this might actually give you some new motivation to keep the guy around
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On January 24 2011 16:04 news wrote:
it does sound like a plan until he puts one hand on your shoulder and starts caressing your balls with another while you are going at it
who knows, this might actually give you some new motivation to keep the guy around
wow srsly .. LOOOOOOOOOOOOL :D
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Osaka27139 Posts
On January 24 2011 14:30 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2011 14:24 Manifesto7 wrote:
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that. should we tell him soon or later in the semester?
Personally? I would tell him now. He needs to find new people right? As long as he can't kick you out before hand or something stupid. It might make the next month or so more bearable, and you won't have this feeling building up inside of you.
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you can always try to tell him about his issues and give him like 3 chance (dont tell him about the chance) just keep him reminded that he needs to manner up or gtfo (in that sense). it wont even matter when will you tell him.
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On January 24 2011 15:49 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2011 15:35 news wrote:
I think you just don't like the guy. The story doesn't sound nearly as bad as you make it out to be. At least give him an option, tell him you will not live together if he doesn't start cleaning after himself. I'm sure he will. Problem is - you don't like the guy and it won't be enough. You don't like the way he acts, you don't like the way he talks - there's really nothing he can change to stay. I won't deny that I dislike him, but it's definitely not the reason I don't want to live with him anymore. In fact, I proposed to my other roommates that maybe we should live with him because I liked him then. But he really hasn't been doing his part as a member of the household - I feel I've talked about it enough. his overall attitude and progress in learning to live with other people in mind has lowered my opinion of him, which has lead me to not want to live with him anymore.
Tell him exactly that. Exactly what you just explained here, say to him, very bluntly.
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sounds like my old roommate, except im in university and he's in some lowrate college and learns how to use microsoft powerpoint/excel/word as a programming course, so with regards to homework help he isn't nice and he's completely worthless
i ended up moving out without letting him know a thing and on the day i moved i complained to my landlord about everything he's done/hasn't done
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Try to act like you don't care about him. If he texts you, don't respond and then make up some lame excuse. You've got to let your roommate know that you don't need him. When he gets the hint, he'll leave you.
Oh and don't be a pussy. Just grab your courage, go up to him, and tell him you don't like him as a roommate.
edit: oh wait...
This isn't a girl blog. People are giving good advice
Just be honest.
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On January 24 2011 15:26 lutarez wrote:
Out of curiosity: is this guy Asian?
I have a hard time grasping how someone could be spoiled to the point of being useless...
lol wat's that supposed to mean? Most asians that I know only managed to come overseas is cause they got scholarships etc. Thus are extremely hard-working.
The ones that ARE overseas cause of their rich-ass parents usually have their own cliques to hang out with. And USUALLY they cbf learning the national language anyways so won't be comfortable leasing with non-countrymens.
Asians that DO lease with non-countrymens are usually very mannered and if they're able to speak english, it means they put in the hardyards and at least respects social values to not be douches.
ALSO, the OP stated that the guy goes home for the weekend so his mum can do the laundry for him. That rules out the fact he's an Internaional Asian Student as living overseas is extremely expensive so no point in renting TWO places. And if he flies back to his country every weekend then he's a rich fucker who wouldn't care to lease with 3 other guys.
My Conclusion is: OP's tenant is not asian.
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Katowice25012 Posts
On January 24 2011 14:24 Manifesto7 wrote:
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that.
Threads don't need to go on once Mani explains a situation. This is the best solution, be straight with him, say you're moving in another direction and he needs to find a new place. It very simple, seems like it should suck but it won't because you're all getting a better deal next year.
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Just tell him that he's a sleazy bastard that needs to get his act together. Tell him that he's dirty and no one in your apartment appreciates it. Either 1) he will get his act straight and you might let him in again next sem or 2) he will get his own place or get with other ppl.
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Anyways, you don't need to justify yourself or give any reasons. Simply say that you wish for him to move out. Say it early, be mannered and don't try to 2nd guess reactions.
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I'm in the camp of telling him precisely what he doing wrong, and that you guys have had enough.
I hate how people are so passive-aggressive these days(myself included, sometimes). He will never learn if you beat around the bush.
This is all part of being a man, think of it as a lesson for both of you.
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Tell it to him straight and see how he takes it.
Having lived both in "student corridor" and shared an apartment with some friends i can say that the best way to deal with things is to set crystal clear rules, and if they are not followed bring it up right away. Some things feel kinda odd in your story, like him not wanting to share food/milk. Unless it was his friends i dont see the problem, when i was living with two friends and they had someone over for beers if they wanted to bum one of me i always made sure i got enough first. he needs to respect your rules for laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping etc, and you need to respect "his" possesions aswell.
People have different customs, even when living with some of my best friends we had to sit down and agree upon and write down some rules for the household. Another guy i knew who shared an apartment (pretty common when you study) had rules that stated things like if you dont clean the day when you are supposed to one of the others can do it and claim two sixpacks of beer from whoever forgot it. One sixpack for not doing dishes etc. Worked like a charm iirc...
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Bob. Bob has bitch tits.
Perhaps you are too nice. This guy sounds like a doucher. Quit letting him do all this shit!
You let him
walk around with his fucking dick wagging out of his boxers
eat your food
act like a shit head
leave HIS clothes on your shit
leave his garbage laying around
Be generally disrepectful
Make most of the problems, stress, and mess, and not contribute to fixing any of it
There's what-3 other guys including yourself?
Here's what I think;
Grow a pair of balls, man up, and tell this prick to clean up his act or take a hike. Seriously. You're adults now, fucking act like it. You don't have to take this crap. From anyone. Not to mention there are 3;1 odds. So what's the problem? If anything, this should bring you three together, making a trifuckta of problems for "Bob"
Look man you only live once, and if you can't feel at home when you're at home, that trickles down and seeps into every pore, putting a damper on every other aspect of your life, and productivity. You know what you need to do, you're just looking to be "nice"
admirable, but only needed to a point. Don't be nice. Be civil. There is a great difference.
In summary- kick this mama's boy lazy dumb spoiled fuck to the curb if that's what you want. Or give him an ultimatum. Talk to your boys and decide your course of action. Are you giving him a chance, or kicking him out? If you're kicking him out, decide when. If you're giving him a chance, write it down, have all three of you sign it, and discuss it with him.
Grab your fucking pair man, and get it over with.
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Okay, OP says that he's ignorant: "how do you close the blinds?" "Isn't a candle a fire hazard?"
And that he leaves a mess with packaging.
And he doesn't "offer to pay for his cut of groceries."
And he's loud.
They're all valid reasons for not liking the guy, and not liking a guy is a valid reason to not room with him. That's pretty much all there is to it, at least from your end.
The phrases like "doesn't take initiative" and "doesn't offer" imply that once you ask him to, he does do stuff. Maybe he's just ignorant as hell about housekeeping, he's probably never lived away from his parents before.
He's basically got 3 options:
*Get his own place. No one to bitch at him. Or get a roommate who's as dirty as he is, and as loud as he is. Same result, he lives in filth and no one cares.
*Hire a maid. You implied that he's from a rich family? He might be able to afford one. Maids generally won't complain about the noise.
*Learn how to keep the place clean, and manner up. If he's not okay with living in filth and can't/won't hire a maid, it's the only option left for him no matter where he lives.
Of course it's not your responsibility, but you could make this clear to him that the fourth option of living with other guys and letting them pick up his trash isn't an option any more.
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
You take two examples shared in the OP and conclude those are the only things he does? From the sounds of it, he is a terrible roommate, get your friends together and tell him to pick his shit up(literally and metaphorically) or hes getting the boot. When you're living with people you have to learn to compromise. It's not like hes gonna go through life without someone teaching him this lesson, mind as well teach it to him now.
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it seems you dont like him more than having a valid reason (but that's just as good as any for not wanting to live with someone)
but tell him asap, and dont be surprised if he says fuck you and im saying through my lease, because he has every right.
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On January 24 2011 22:20 BottleAbuser wrote:
The phrases like "doesn't take initiative" and "doesn't offer" imply that once you ask him to, he does do stuff. Maybe he's just ignorant as hell about housekeeping, he's probably never lived away from his parents before.
That in itself is part of what bothers us. He has no intrinsic sense of consideration for other people. Having Bob offer us some of his food, or take out the trash of his own accord is different from asking him "Hey Bob, could you please offer us some of your food since you eat our food without paying for it anyway?" The fact is, the other 3 of us clean up or do dishes, even for each other if other people are studying for tests and stuff, but he's pretty much a non participant in this matter. We've tried the whole semester in a civilized non-degrading manner to help him become a better participant in housekeeping matters, but he really hasn't shown much improvement.... so we don't have much reason to believe that he can improve all of a sudden, so id really rather just not live with him again.
On January 24 2011 22:04 AtomicTon wrote:
Bob. Bob has bitch tits.
Perhaps you are too nice. This guy sounds like a doucher. Quit letting him do all this shit!
You let him
walk around with his fucking dick wagging out of his boxers
eat your food
act like a shit head
leave HIS clothes on your shit
leave his garbage laying around
Be generally disrepectful
Make most of the problems, stress, and mess, and not contribute to fixing any of it
There's what-3 other guys including yourself?
Here's what I think;
Grow a pair of balls, man up, and tell this prick to clean up his act or take a hike. Seriously. You're adults now, fucking act like it. You don't have to take this crap. From anyone. Not to mention there are 3;1 odds. So what's the problem? If anything, this should bring you three together, making a trifuckta of problems for "Bob"
Look man you only live once, and if you can't feel at home when you're at home, that trickles down and seeps into every pore, putting a damper on every other aspect of your life, and productivity. You know what you need to do, you're just looking to be "nice"
admirable, but only needed to a point. Don't be nice. Be civil. There is a great difference.
In summary- kick this mama's boy lazy dumb spoiled fuck to the curb if that's what you want. Or give him an ultimatum. Talk to your boys and decide your course of action. Are you giving him a chance, or kicking him out? If you're kicking him out, decide when. If you're giving him a chance, write it down, have all three of you sign it, and discuss it with him.
Grab your fucking pair man, and get it over with.
Honestly, I don't want to room with him again period. We've tried for the duration of last semester to fix his act (nicely for a good part of it!), but he really hasn't shown much improvement. And he doesn't take our complaints seriously.... like we hounded him for weeks about the boxer issue, and he kept blowing us off, until we finally got fed up with it and just stapled all his fucking underwear shut.... it's just the kind of guy he is.
On January 25 2011 01:25 Hawk wrote:
it seems you dont like him more than having a valid reason (but that's just as good as any for not wanting to live with someone)
but tell him asap, and dont be surprised if he says fuck you and im saying through my lease, because he has every right.
Nah I liked the guy before he started living with us... like Mani said living with someone and knowing someone are totally different.
but im not so worried about that... considering that the lease ended up being under his name because that was the most convenient at the time, I think we will probably end up moving out on him. Though that might seem like it's convenient for him, I know he's not gonna have an easy time filling up the place with 3 new roommates cuz he doesn't have that many friends.
But thanks for your input everybody, we will approach him and just tell him straight up that we don't want to live with him anymore probably sometime this weekend.
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On January 25 2011 02:53 OMin wrote:
but im not so worried about that... considering that the lease ended up being under his name because that was the most convenient at the time, I think we will probably end up moving out on him. Though that might seem like it's convenient for him, I know he's not gonna have an easy time filling up the place with 3 new roommates cuz he doesn't have that many friends.
folks. This is why you don't fill out a lease under your own name if you are going to depend on other people (especially kind of guys that 'staple your underwear shut' if you walk around them in it, oh no). My roommates can be wearing their boxers even when my gf is in the living room, not like they do it all the time. Maybe you should stop staring at his gorgeous cock through the opening and you won't see it for once. Maybe all your hate stems solely from this untamed jealousy, think about it.
Like I said, he is probably repulsive to you, the things you mention are nowhere near severe. Plus you have decided already, haven't you.
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On January 25 2011 04:39 news wrote:Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 02:53 OMin wrote:
but im not so worried about that... considering that the lease ended up being under his name because that was the most convenient at the time, I think we will probably end up moving out on him. Though that might seem like it's convenient for him, I know he's not gonna have an easy time filling up the place with 3 new roommates cuz he doesn't have that many friends.
folks. This is why you don't fill out a lease under your own name if you are going to depend on other people (especially kind of guys that 'staple your underwear shut' if you walk around them in it (oh no)). My roommates can walk around in their boxers even when my gf is in the living room, not like they do it all the time. Maybe you should stop staring at his cock through the opening and you won't see it for once. Like I said, he is probably repulsive to you, the things you mention are nowhere near severe. Plus you have decided already, haven't you.
so are you saying i should be happy that he is paying the same amount that any of us are but doesn't do his cut of work? yes, i stated in the OP that this situation isn't the worst case ever. but the fact is, Bob is the source of most of the disagreement in the house, and so life would just be simpler for me and the others if he werent an issue.
wed have np with him walking around in boxers if they buttoned in the front... but guess what, they dont. and its not like were immature brats who stapled his boxers shut for kicks - all 3 of us repeatedly asked him over and over for weeks to put his pants on in the living room, but he refused to listen to us. either we did something to really get the message across as words obviously did not get it done, or we just let Bob keep getting away with something that 3 other people disagreed with (theres something wrong with that picture no?)
And the boxer issue is but a small aspect of the many things that just piled up over the semester.... for instance, having paid $0 for the $500 worth of groceries expenditure that everybody else has willingly taken turns to pay.
it seems you are trying to tell me that i dont have a good reason to want to not live with him anymore.... go ahead and think so. but i feel i am perfectly justified in wanting to make my life easier by finding people more considerate and agreeable to do their share of housework.
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not liking him is a good reason not to live with him. It's justified. It sucks that he ate your food, what does he say about it?
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On January 25 2011 04:56 news wrote:
not liking him is a good reason not to live with him. It's justified. It sucks that he ate your food, what does he say about it?
ok, then i dont see why exactly you seemed so against what ive said in your post. its not like were gonna skip out on paying the rent when move out or anything.... everyone will pay their equal share till the lease is over. well all just be living in different places after that.
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did you consider talking to him like a man and saying "yo, clean up your act... for serious" ??
just kicking him out without a talking to first is a dick move, just talk it out first... tell him if he doesnt comply he can go elsewhere
if all the others agree with you, then what can he do about it?
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I know there's roommates much worse than Bob out there (the blog about that guy who got it on with black dudes while the blogger was sleeping comes to mind lol), and my situation is definitely livable.
hey man, that was some funny shit. i didn't even mind.
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10387 Posts
tell him if he doesn't clean his act up you guys are gonna kick him out
and if he doesn't then oh well, you gave him a chance and he blew it : P
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Show him this blog, so he can know what you think of him if you don't want to say it directly to him, and what other people think of him from what you have described so far.
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Wow, this takes me back to being an RA and dealing with roommate conflicts. Unlike most those situations you all seemed to have communicated your issues. I suppose it all comes down to whether or not he decides to work with you (despite the fact you're trying really hard)
On January 25 2011 02:53 OMin wrote:
... considering that the lease ended up being under his name because that was the most convenient at the time, I think we will probably end up moving out on him.
That makes it a tad more difficult. But there's a way you can play it...
If you all want to move out just get together and tell him you're leaving and since he's the one on the lease he need to find some roommates or get a huge bill. Either (A). he decides he doesn't want to pay that much and tries harder or (B). he doesn't really care, you all move out, and his parents pay the huge bill or the fine for breaking lease and moving back in with them. There's also random choice (C). No one feels like doing anything, put up with Bob until the lease ends, and tell stories for the rest of your life about Bob the terrible roommate.
Personally whatever you do I don't think Bob is going to learn any valuable life lessons. But those aren't yours to teach. Good luck!
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dude suck it up and deal with it. My roommate was EXACTLY
EXACTLY the same way. his mom sent him with a months food in tin foil and frozen. he asked me in june where the garbage dumpster was. so on and so forth.
kid was, is, and always will be my BEST friend. if its only your first couple months with him, give it some time.
also, kids like that are use to being taken care of. it doesnt even strike him as odd that you all do his dishes. ask him. point out he doesnt do any while you all do. he will probably see sense in it. its not fair to him that you all start holding resentment against him because you dont want to ask him to help out. if you ask and he says no, then its different.
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meh if you all hate him then have a group pow wow, and say you're contemplating a different living arrangement that only allows for 3 roommates and you thought he should know.
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lol? all i got from the OP is that he's messy (the other things you brought up are imho, you making a deal out of things that are ridiculous and would make me dislike you as a roommate haha)
if you can't get him to clean his shit up, that's fine and is a good enough reason to dislike him/move out. i hate living with messy roomies myself. but something tells me you haven't tried talking to him about any specific issues at all. you just kind of clean up after himself with your roomies and hope he'll get the hint? that won't work, he just thinks you're nice.
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On January 25 2011 07:58 Gene wrote:
dude suck it up and deal with it. My roommate was EXACTLY
EXACTLY the same way. his mom sent him with a months food in tin foil and frozen. he asked me in june where the garbage dumpster was. so on and so forth.
kid was, is, and always will be my BEST friend. if its only your first couple months with him, give it some time.
also, kids like that are use to being taken care of. it doesnt even strike him as odd that you all do his dishes. ask him. point out he doesnt do any while you all do. he will probably see sense in it. its not fair to him that you all start holding resentment against him because you dont want to ask him to help out. if you ask and he says no, then its different.
the thing is, this guy isn't exactly a close friend, or else id be much more willing to tolerate it. his personality clashes with one of my other roomies, to the point where they were yelling at each other and trying to throw each other to the ground several times... if it was just me complaining, i would say im not in a position to think about changing roommates, but my other 2 roommates also dont like how things are right now either.
On January 25 2011 09:20 JeeJee wrote: lol? all i got from the OP is that he's messy (the other things you brought up are imho, you making a deal out of things that are ridiculous and would make me dislike you as a roommate haha) if you can't get him to clean his shit up, that's fine and is a good enough reason to dislike him/move out. i hate living with messy roomies myself. but something tells me you haven't tried talking to him about any specific issues at all. you just kind of clean up after himself with your roomies and hope he'll get the hint? that won't work, he just thinks you're nice. i do have my share of flaws, and maybe some people would better tolerate my situation than i would.
lol im not into the whole passive aggressive deal. weve clearly reiterated repeatedly about the things he needs to do better... as we speak he is napping, while there are crumbs from his meal left all over the dinner table. weve told him a million times that he cant do stuff like that, so how are we supposed to get him to fix his act without being control freaks if reminders ad naseum are obviously not working?
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you should at least give him a chance to fix the things he does before you ask him to leave
sure the guy has sloppy habits and is a bad roommate but maybe he was just brought up like that and doesnt know any better, as you've said, he might not have ill intentions
just because the way your lifestyle doesn't fit his lifestyle doesn't warrant you kicking someone out. that's a really asshole move
Have a serious conversation with him, fix the things between you guys that need to be worked out (ask him to stop doing things you don't like) and give him a chance. If things continue to be bad AFTER the conversation, THEN you should take action.
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People's suggestions telling you to try and change him are completely stupid and pointless. Think about how hard it is to change negative aspects of yourself and then you'll realize how futile it is to try to get someone to do a 180 in their day to day habits. It ain't happening. DO NOT TRY AND REMEDY THE SITUATION. Even if he changes for a little while he'll go back to his old habits. It's like someone who does P90X for a week and then goes back to not working out at all.
If he has two months at the end of the semester to find new roommates or get his living situation in order then that sounds like plenty of time. You could put it off until that late but that seems kinda douchy. The sooner the better I'd say.
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On January 25 2011 11:16 ci_esteban wrote:
People's suggestions telling you to try and change him are completely stupid and pointless. Think about how hard it is to change negative aspects of yourself and then you'll realize how futile it is to try to get someone to do a 180 in their day to day habits. It ain't happening. DO NOT TRY AND REMEDY THE SITUATION. Even if he changes for a little while he'll go back to his old habits. It's like someone who does P90X for a week and then goes back to not working out at all.
If he has two months at the end of the semester to find new roommates or get his living situation in order then that sounds like plenty of time. You could put it off until that late but that seems kinda douchy. The sooner the better I'd say.
thats what i feel as well
i have been bearing in mind during the semester that he's lived his entire life this way and its not gonna be easy to change. so i was nice to him about reminders on cleaning up and whatnot, and that didn't work well, and i started being a little sterner about it, and that hasn't been very productive either. ur analogy to the p90x really stuck out to me because its exactly like you said; id sit him down and tell him stuff hes gotta do as a responsible housemate, and it seemed like weve come to a clear agreement. it would go well for a few days, and then he would start slacking and blowing it off again. considering that this temporary improvement and back into regression cycle has been persisting throughout the semester, i honestly feel hes gonna regress again after he feels like things have cooled down a bit.
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I am a bit curious on how you managed to live together with two friends and then take in a third guy and having the lease end up in his name?
To me it sounds like you are just living in a bit of chaos with no rules or schedule, i can imagine that is going bad. If you are really tight with someone and share habits with them it can work not having any rules but generally it is a crapshot. When i shared an apartment it was pretty simple stuff:
* Once a week (friday saturday or sunday) the shared areas are cleaned, meaning kitchen, batchroom, common room and hallway. This mean vacuum cleaning and wiping clean everything in the kitchen, bathroom and tables etc. It rotates who does it, if the person whoose week it is cant he must trade with someone else to do it before friday.
*Once a month a more thorough cleaning, also rotate who does it. (or all do it together)
*Everytime you you have used the kitchen, wipe clean, do dishes, put your shit away. Leaving dirty dishes = death.
*In the fridge have separete shelves, if you share some groceries set up a separete budget for this and split the costs each month. Taking some of the others milk/whatever is okay as long as you dont take the last and YOU can buy new whatever it is before he runs out of it.
We also had general rules for having friends over, sound levels early mornings/late nights, walking around naked (at least once a week, if possible once a day), leaving your shit in the shared areas (dont. just dont. if you do it is assumed everything lying around is garbadge since you obviously dont give a shit about it. If you did you would not leave it out). Last one is a bit fluid, we left stuff like books and magasines out bit it was all sorted out during the cleaning every weekend. Clothes was a big no-no and it happened that someone sweater went out with the garbage if they did not learn.
When i was living in a student corridor (8 "apartments" sharing a kitchen) it was even more strict. Each week one person was responsible of taking out garbage and stuff like that, and if you ate something that did not belong to you it was pitchfork time.
If someone was not following the rules usually it meant:
1) Talking to.
2) Increased % of rent being paid. This usually works wonders, if a lazy slob has to pay twice the rent a month he usually shapes up. Just set down the rules and the "fine" for screwing up beforehand, do not come and say afterwards that soemone has to pay extra, that just pisses them off.
3) Kicked to the curb if none of the above works. Or kept if you feel the lower rent is worth it 
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OK is the OP done trolling so we can get off this now
"Honestly, I don't want to room with him again period. We've tried for the duration of last semester to fix his act (nicely for a good part of it!), but he really hasn't shown much improvement. And he doesn't take our complaints seriously.... like we hounded him for weeks about the boxer issue, and he kept blowing us off, until we finally got fed up with it and just stapled all his fucking underwear shut.... it's just the kind of guy he is."
THis is you, the OP, being a pussy.
You "...dont WANT to get in a room with him again, period. "
Ok, so there you have it. Grow a pair and tell the dipshit to move out. It's pretty cut and dry at this point, I don't see what else there is to talk about. Kick the shithead out, tell him how you feel, and quit being such a fucking pansy about it.
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On January 25 2011 22:56 InFdude wrote:
TBH i don't know if i wouldn't like Bob but I definitely wouldn't be able to live with the OP.What are you a housewive?To me you sound a bit jealous of how easy he has it.And it sounds like you are missing alot of things.He didn't pay for groceries ...ok but didn't he have his own food?Or how many rooms do you have and does he leave a mess in his own room and stuff like that.
Anyway just tell him it's not working out but don't list the reasons or he might wrestle your annoying ass.
This is how I feel too. OP was fortunate to live with some of the neatest cleanest teenagers in the country and one semi-normal guy definitely made himself look like an outcast. What can I say, if perfection is all OP wants he should go for it. Plus he can't really start liking someone he currently hates, no matter what that guy does to improve.
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On January 25 2011 10:48 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 07:58 Gene wrote:
dude suck it up and deal with it. My roommate was EXACTLY
EXACTLY the same way. his mom sent him with a months food in tin foil and frozen. he asked me in june where the garbage dumpster was. so on and so forth.
kid was, is, and always will be my BEST friend. if its only your first couple months with him, give it some time.
also, kids like that are use to being taken care of. it doesnt even strike him as odd that you all do his dishes. ask him. point out he doesnt do any while you all do. he will probably see sense in it. its not fair to him that you all start holding resentment against him because you dont want to ask him to help out. if you ask and he says no, then its different. the thing is, this guy isn't exactly a close friend, or else id be much more willing to tolerate it. his personality clashes with one of my other roomies, to the point where they were yelling at each other and trying to throw each other to the ground several times... if it was just me complaining, i would say im not in a position to think about changing roommates, but my other 2 roommates also dont like how things are right now either. Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 09:20 JeeJee wrote: lol? all i got from the OP is that he's messy (the other things you brought up are imho, you making a deal out of things that are ridiculous and would make me dislike you as a roommate haha) if you can't get him to clean his shit up, that's fine and is a good enough reason to dislike him/move out. i hate living with messy roomies myself. but something tells me you haven't tried talking to him about any specific issues at all. you just kind of clean up after himself with your roomies and hope he'll get the hint? that won't work, he just thinks you're nice. i do have my share of flaws, and maybe some people would better tolerate my situation than i would. lol im not into the whole passive aggressive deal. weve clearly reiterated repeatedly about the things he needs to do better... as we speak he is napping, while there are crumbs from his meal left all over the dinner table. weve told him a million times that he cant do stuff like that, so how are we supposed to get him to fix his act without being control freaks if reminders ad naseum are obviously not working?
well, aside from the fact that complaining about crumbs immediately post-meal is a wee bit insane, you really can't do much. if you've explicitly told him your standards, and he refuses to conform and you all feel that you cannot live like this (..), then move out/kick him out when lease is finished. you owe him nothing, so i don't really see the problem. doesn't really matter when/what you tell him; you didn't make a specific agreement to lease for longer than the term (i assume) so you don't even have to tell him anything. he needs a place to live, he'll find one. he needs to find roomies to replace you guys, he'll find them. neither is very hard
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On January 26 2011 04:23 news wrote:Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 22:56 InFdude wrote:
TBH i don't know if i wouldn't like Bob but I definitely wouldn't be able to live with the OP.What are you a housewive?To me you sound a bit jealous of how easy he has it.And it sounds like you are missing alot of things.He didn't pay for groceries ...ok but didn't he have his own food?Or how many rooms do you have and does he leave a mess in his own room and stuff like that.
Anyway just tell him it's not working out but don't list the reasons or he might wrestle your annoying ass. This is how I feel too. OP was fortunate to live with some of the neatest cleanest teenagers in the country and one semi-normal guy definitely made himself look like an outcast. What can I say, if perfection is all OP wants he should go for it. Plus he can't really start liking someone he currently hates, no matter what that guy does to improve.
Sorry for not making this clear, but as a friend, hes a pretty good guy and i dont hate him. i just dislike having him as a roommate. im not trying to pin a bunch of shit onto this guy for no reason; i only decided to room with him in the first place because i liked him as a person.
as for the food issue, yes, he has his own food, BUT he still eats some of our stuff too without paying for it.
his room is also my room. if his issue was limited to just disorganization/messiness, i would just bear with it as i am not the neatest guy in the world either. but its more than that. i was about to list some more reasons, but thought twice as i learned the hard way from the rest of the thread that its not gonna foster helpful comments.
I know ive been kind of belligerent in some of my responses, and being a relatively nice guy, i dont like doing/shouldnt have done that, so i apologize. I was just really tired of seeing unhelpful responses focusing on one detail telling me stuff like "you cant complain just cuz hes messy" when obviously thats only one of the many issues that have snowballed up to this point. I know that I am a reasonable guy who isn't doing this just cuz im neurotic about little things or spiteful.
Anyways, I would like to give you guys a small update. What some of you guys have said on here really makes me want to give him a second chance. So I went to discuss this thought with my other roommates to see how they feel about that option last night. Though they werent wholly opposed to it, they both pointed to a habit that Bob has: we will agree on and set a rule, which Bob will abide by nicely for a period, but after things cool down a bit, he starts being lax about it and doesnt follow the rule anymore. I feel that my roommates are right in that this same pattern could occur at a bigger scale if we were to give him an if-you-improve-we-wont-move ultimatum, where he would show improvement for the given time period he has to show it, but once he knows hes safe, he will just start blowing it all off again. That would just perpetuate the issue and probably lead us to think about moving out again next year. We havent come to a conclusion on what to do, but we will be talking to other people and getting opinions and finalize things this weekend before we approach Bob.
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tell him your problems
mutually agree with your other roommates.... any dirty he shit he leaves out just put it on his bed... dishes clothes..random food whatever jus throw it on his bed so he gets used binning it otherwise he will have to clean his bed out every night x]
or call terry tate ;]!!!
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On January 25 2011 16:56 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 11:16 ci_esteban wrote:
People's suggestions telling you to try and change him are completely stupid and pointless. Think about how hard it is to change negative aspects of yourself and then you'll realize how futile it is to try to get someone to do a 180 in their day to day habits. It ain't happening. DO NOT TRY AND REMEDY THE SITUATION. Even if he changes for a little while he'll go back to his old habits. It's like someone who does P90X for a week and then goes back to not working out at all.
If he has two months at the end of the semester to find new roommates or get his living situation in order then that sounds like plenty of time. You could put it off until that late but that seems kinda douchy. The sooner the better I'd say. thats what i feel as well i have been bearing in mind during the semester that he's lived his entire life this way and its not gonna be easy to change. so i was nice to him about reminders on cleaning up and whatnot, and that didn't work well, and i started being a little sterner about it, and that hasn't been very productive either. ur analogy to the p90x really stuck out to me because its exactly like you said; id sit him down and tell him stuff hes gotta do as a responsible housemate, and it seemed like weve come to a clear agreement. it would go well for a few days, and then he would start slacking and blowing it off again. considering that this temporary improvement and back into regression cycle has been persisting throughout the semester, i honestly feel hes gonna regress again after he feels like things have cooled down a bit.
honestly, if you're just going to agree with the comments that corresponds with your view while not responding to the ones that criticizes your view, what is the point of this thread? why do you even need it?
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On January 26 2011 07:42 lastmotion wrote:Show nested quote +On January 25 2011 16:56 OMin wrote:On January 25 2011 11:16 ci_esteban wrote:
People's suggestions telling you to try and change him are completely stupid and pointless. Think about how hard it is to change negative aspects of yourself and then you'll realize how futile it is to try to get someone to do a 180 in their day to day habits. It ain't happening. DO NOT TRY AND REMEDY THE SITUATION. Even if he changes for a little while he'll go back to his old habits. It's like someone who does P90X for a week and then goes back to not working out at all.
If he has two months at the end of the semester to find new roommates or get his living situation in order then that sounds like plenty of time. You could put it off until that late but that seems kinda douchy. The sooner the better I'd say. thats what i feel as well i have been bearing in mind during the semester that he's lived his entire life this way and its not gonna be easy to change. so i was nice to him about reminders on cleaning up and whatnot, and that didn't work well, and i started being a little sterner about it, and that hasn't been very productive either. ur analogy to the p90x really stuck out to me because its exactly like you said; id sit him down and tell him stuff hes gotta do as a responsible housemate, and it seemed like weve come to a clear agreement. it would go well for a few days, and then he would start slacking and blowing it off again. considering that this temporary improvement and back into regression cycle has been persisting throughout the semester, i honestly feel hes gonna regress again after he feels like things have cooled down a bit. honestly, if you're just going to agree with the comments that corresponds with your view while not responding to the ones that criticizes your view, what is the point of this thread? why do you even need it?
my intent in posting this was to get a range of opinions and advice in order to gauge the best way to approach my roommate.
the thing is, a lot of the comments that are against me trying to move out stemmed out of misunderstanding whats going on or focusing on a small part of the big picture, so i couldnt help but argue against them or disregard them. im partly to blame for this confusion since i didnt utilize this blog in the most productive way when i got riled up by negative comments that werent fairly based... i guess that also makes me foolish for expecting people to be able to accurately grasp the situation through a forum post.
but through the helpful comments people have left, i got what i needed. so were going to talk to Bob and get this thing sorted out when everyones home next week.
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Okay this is easy, if he is actually your friend you can tell him to shape up or gtfo.
Or you can live with his shit and just ignore it. Eventually the house will look like shit so someone will have to clean up. Let it be him or nobody at all.
As for food, if he is still eating your food without paying for it even after you've told him to stop, just take his and see how he likes it. If he doesn't say anything, win-win, you didn't lose anything at all.
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Hey guys. I owe everybody who posted here a final update on how things went.
So the household convened today and we all had the big talk today... I was honestly gritting my teeth for the worst and trying to break it as nicely as possible, but after the first sentence came out of my mouth, Bob was like: "Sure, no problem, I was thinking about moving out as well". From there, there was no explanation needed as that was no longer an issue as he was thinking about moving out if we were gonna stay anyway.
I'm really glad it worked out so painlessly and easily. We're all probably gonna be living somewhere else once the lease ends. I really do wish I wasn't so afraid of a bad response and kept beating around the bush, as it turned out really really well.
Thank you everyone for the input and advice!
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EPT
