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So second semester has started, which is going to be the final period of the lease at our apartment. Currently, I'm living with 3 high school friends, all of whom I have known for a while, 2 of which are who I'd call my best friends. We took the last guy in, let's call him Bob, to minimize costs, figuring that it's better to get somebody who we all know instead of gambling with a stranger where things wouldn't be as comfortable personally.
Yet Bob has been the source of most of the problems in the apartment. For one, he's been spoiled rotten by his parents.... it's ridiculous some of the shit he does/doesn't do. One time he asked me, "O'Min, how do you close the blinds?" And he also loves to argue, usually over the stupidest shit. I lit a candle cuz the room smelled funny, and he was like "OMG isn't that a fire hazard???? What if there's an earthquake and it falls over and starts a fire???" He goes home every weekend, taking all his dirty laundry which his mom does then packs in plastic wrap, which ends up all over the floor in our room. His mom carries an ice chest full of prepared food for him to eat throughout the week.... which he hasn't offered once to any of us. He's messy, he doesn't know how to cook, he can be disagreeable, loud, and never offers to pay for his cut of the groceries. Don't get me wrong though... I dislike him, but I don't hate the guy. He can be nice and is helpful in regards to asking homework questions and stuff.
Anyway, I could rant on and on about the problems Bob causes and the stupid shit he does. But let's cut to the chase.
I know there's roommates much worse than Bob out there (the blog about that guy who got it on with black dudes while the blogger was sleeping comes to mind lol), and my situation is definitely livable. But it's a matter of fact that me and the other 2 guys would be happier if we didn't have to deal with him. So we've been discussing how and when we want to break the news to him, and we've come up with a few options:
-Tell him early in the semester in order to give Bob more time to find people to live with/consider his options for housing next semester. This would be the most mannered to do, but I feel that he may take this fact to his advantage and be messier/more annoying than ever since he has no incentive to be on good terms with us. And it might also be kind of awkward for a bit.
-Tell him in the middle of the semester so that he still has time to plan his living situation while my time dealing with possibly heightened messiness and whatnot is shortened.
-Tell him at the end of the semester. Though the lease ends 2 months after the semester, I feel this is kind of rude as I don't really hate the guy.
-Just move out without telling him: I'm a nice guy and not inclined to do this cuz its pretty fucking douchy.
It would be great to hear some advice from other people, especially about how they'd feel from Bob's perspective in such a situation. If you feel there's a better option than the above mentioned, I'd love to hear it. A last bit for consideration is that... I feel Bob doesn't really have many friends at school, so I'm pretty sure he might have a hard time finding roommates again.
Should I try to give it to him straight up that we don't want to live with him anymore and be very matter fact about the whole deal, or should I try to soften it up as much as I can?
Thanks a lot
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tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder. I told my old roomate we were leaving super early so he could find a roommate. its not as awkward as you'd expect. ur guys, you'll get over it quick.
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so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
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On January 24 2011 14:12 mOnion wrote:
tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder.
mm thats definitely not the type of guy he is. he's messy by nature becuse his mom has been picking up after him his entire life, and he hasn't improved much despite our combined efforts to not leave a mess wherever he goes lol
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
he eats their groceries and leaves his laundry on their floor?
On January 24 2011 14:14 OMin wrote:Show nested quote +On January 24 2011 14:12 mOnion wrote:
tell him early. he'll feel bad and hopefully pick up his shit for the rest of the semester. or at least try harder. mm thats definitely not the type of guy he is. he's messy by nature becuse his mom has been picking up after him his entire life, and he hasn't improved much despite our combined efforts to not leave a mess wherever he goes lol
well I doubt he'll get worse. i'd tell him mid february ish, the closer to valentines day the better
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint
No. "He goes home every weekend, taking all his dirty laundry which his mom does then packs in plastic wrap, which ends up all over the floor in our room"
If I were to live with Bob, I would be pissed as well. Bob's not living at home with his mom anymore.
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slurp hit quote instead of edit
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Yeah, just tell him early. Guys don't tend to hold grudges or act stupid if they are treated in a mannered manner.
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First and foremost his mom sounds amazing. If your other roommates feel the same as you do then I would suggest approaching him as a group and tell him whats up. It sounds like he is so used to having everything done for them that he might not realize what a total slob he is and an intervention might do wonders for him.
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On January 24 2011 14:13 phosphorylation wrote:
so you need to kick him out because
1) he argues about things like lighting a candle
2)he doesn't share HIS food
3) you don't like him
and
4) you don't like him
it sounds more like a cliquish thing than a legitimate complaint \
if you'd like me to expound on the issue:
1) he's gone to the point of physically fighting/wrestling with one of my other roommates cuz they're both super stubborn several times.
2) even the neighbors complain about how loud he talks
3) he is inconsiderate of other people. he used to walk around the house in just boxers, which we would be fine with as we are all men.... except none of his boxers fucking close in the front, so all of us have seen parts of him that we don't want to see on several ocassions. on another occasion, several guests asked for some milk, and he had a carton of milk and he drinks half the carton before giving it to them to share.
4) he leaves a mess wherever he goes. used napkins/utensils/wrappers on the table after eating, clothes strewn on my side of the room.
5) he not only does not do his share of housekeeping duties, but actually contributes to most of the mess. he leaves puddles in the ground after showering, doubles the rate the trash fills up, never takes initiative in taking trash out or any other cleaning duty etc.
i could list more things but i definitely feel the above make a legitimate complaint in not wanting him as a roommate again
On January 24 2011 14:19 Gulabi wrote:
First and foremost his mom sounds amazing. If your other roommates feel the same as you do then I would suggest approaching him as a group and tell him whats up. It sounds like he is so used to having everything done for them that he might not realize what a total slob he is and an intervention might do wonders for him.
we've tried.... we spent the entire semester trying to get him to clean up after himself and stuff. he's gotten a bit better, but not by much. for instance, i told him he needs to wipe the floor after he showers and leaves a puddle so i dont step in water when i want to pee... and now he just tosses paper towels on the water and just leaves them there.....and he never takes initiative, so when it's his turn to take out the trash bag which is getting flies in the house but he's not home, then one of has to do it for him anyways. sometimes, us having to tell him what to do when becomes more of a burden in itself than us actually doing it ourselves.
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Osaka27151 Posts
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that.
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On January 24 2011 14:24 Manifesto7 wrote:
Just tell him, plainly, that it is not working out. Being friends with someone and living together are two very different things. Tell him what you are planning. I don't think it is necessary to even go into specifics (that just creates arguments). Just tell him it isn't the situation you want to live in. Don't be a douche about money or notice though, that isn't cool. Nothing he has done sounds like he deserves that.
should we tell him soon or later in the semester?
and we wouldnt ever do something like that to him. hes been responsible at the least for paying his share of the rent so thats not even an issue. well probably get him to pay us for his cut of groceries but other than that money isnt the issue here.
On January 24 2011 14:27 GenesisX wrote:
Secretly eat his food.
id rather not.... i caught him picking his nose once right in front of my face, and i asked him to go wash his hand. he told me to "relax", and then went to grab the juice carton that everybody drinks out of 2 minutes later with the same hand. :/
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you can tell him now, or suffer some more and tell him later. i say tell him now. and make sure all 4 of you are there so the other two can nod their heads in agreement when you break the news.
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Just get someone else to take all the responsibility of when to tell him and how to tell him.
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I read it under the impression you were kicking him out, but at the end you said that you were the one moving out. If that's the case, you don't owe him anything. Just tell him you're finding another place to live at the end of semester and leave.
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I find that communicating things like this via post-it is by far the best way to go about it.
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Unless you expect his actions to change if you tell him now, I see no reason why it's important to tell him now. I would say wait until middle/end of the semester. If you're planning on moving out then it definitely makes sense this way. Just tell him around the time you're considering looking at some places to live. Or slightly before that. I don't think the super early notice is going to accomplish much other than make it awkward for you guys.
I think if I were in his situation I would prefer it this way. If you told me right now then I'd just be bitter the rest of the semester. If you told me that when you guys move out you don't want to be roommates with me anymore then I'd be angry for a while but eventually understand. Especially if I look back on the semester and realize that I suck as a roommate.
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Be cool with him tell him things your way, and if he STILL DOESN'T GET IT... tell him how he is. Maybe he will learn from it and man the hell up. You really don't need to put up with this bullshit, he's just another roommate, there are a lot of people like him out there ( and sadly, they never learn or understand the logistics of life). If he moved out and still has his mom doing shit for him, he's not ready to move out. And yes, I know moms are suppose to do things for their kids, but sometimes kids need to tell their parents to back off a little and let them take care of themselves.
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On January 24 2011 14:27 GenesisX wrote:
Secretly eat his food.
This made me burst out in laughter...
I guess the best thing to do is just tell him fairly early on since that's the most mature way to handle it and he it doesn't sound like he's that intolerable that he'd purposely make things worse.
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EPT
