Help me lie to my boss

Tell your boss you woke up the night before, and there was a flash of light in the sky. You walked over to your window, and saw a meteor coming down. At this point you quickly ran outside, and got in your car in search of the meteor. Upon arrival, you found a UFO crash-landing site, and began to inspect the area. Mid-inspection, an alien snuck up from behind, and captured you. He took you deep into the forest where the other aliens had gathered, and they proceeded to perform countless tests on you. After shoving a countless number of objects into your anus, they finally released you into the wild, where you wandered for countless hours dazed and confused. When you finally found a road, a car drove by, and decided to yield and stop to your waving arms. You got into the car, and a nun was driving. You proclaimed thanks to the lord, but it turns out that the girl was only wearing a costume. She drove you to her rape dungeon, where she proceeded to shove more objects and animals into your anus. When you were finally released a week later, she had drugged you, and you really had to poop. You stumbled your way to town, and found your way to a toilet. When you sat down, you fell into the toilet, and were immediately teleported to sewer lair of a giant rat colony. They all gathered food from your body, by using your ass as a tunnel, and when all the food they needed to gather was removed, carried you in a pack to the water, where you washed away down stream. Upon awaking (you had passed out earlier, partly due to intoxication, partly due to 15+ rats inside of you), you were in a sewer collection facility near your house. You crawled your way out, and made your way home. All you wanted to do at that point was go to bed, and wake up from this dream. When you got into your room, there was a group of drunken gay robbers having an orgy on your bed, and they dragged you into it, at one point using you for all of them. They finally left, taking all of your belongings with them, and you passed out in your bed, knowing you had to work the next day.


Or, you know, you didn't feel like going.