Sorta inspired by this blog, and of course... I've sorta blogged about girls/dating and stuff before. I'm just now going to add to these my own thoughts on girls and dating, hopefully provide some insight. Not like I'm some superstud, but I guess dating people for a time and being in relationships has taught me a thing or two @_@!
Here are some other things to consider that the OP really should think about adding:
All girls are different... You can't treat all girls the same, if you want to be with a girl, you need to feel her out at first to find out precisely how she is and what she likes. For example, there are some girls who love the whole "you're so beautiful, your eyes twinkle like the stars!" routine (aka, sappy romantic jargon) . Other girls don't like this at all. You need to know what you're dealing with, essentially. If you come at a girl with roses and chocolates, it might be a turn off -- another girl might love it. Make sure you find out these things (in a casual, non revealing manner, of course... so it isn't totally obvious what you're trying to do) BEFORE you start trying to woo someone because you could screw it up!
Don't play your whole hand at once... This one was tough for me, so I'd assume it is tough for others too. If you're talking to a girl and it's getting to the point where you're starting to date/be together, there is a strong tendency to think "omg I gotta go allin to make sure she'll go out with me!" So you reveal EVERYTHING, you'll do all your romantic stuff, tell her all your coolest stories (to make you look like a badass/funny person/whatever) - and it will work! But then what? What happens in 1-2 years when you have to keep thinking of cool romantic things to do, only to realize you used up your best ideas in the first two months. Re-doing gifts/romantic stuff is generally bad. If you tell the girl all your stories, what will be left to talk about 1-2 years down the road?
You need to ensure that you've got enough left in the bank to last long term, unless of course all you want to do is have sex (then you probably shouldn't be reading this blog anyway.. go get some sex!).
One of the most important factors in a relationship is having stuff to DO, especially when it gets longer in length (I've been in 2 relationships that lasted 3+ years). Another point, I know that when you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, the girl will always seem like the greatest thing in the world and cause you to want to do all your MOST romantic ideas - don't give in to the temptation. Temper yourself, because sure you could create a trail of rose petals leading to some home made brownies and then play her a song you wrote for her on your guitar on your 2nd month anniversary, but then you're creating a huge hole that you may not be able to climb out of later (save those things for later in the relationship... unless you're just some ultra creative baller that can continuously outdo yourself).
Don't get too serious too fast! Unless you know the girl specifically is like "ya I'm SUPER SERIOUS," it is a turnoff to appear to get too serious too fast. Realize that "I love you" carries a lot of weight and you probably shouldn't throw it around like used toilet paper. Be absolutely sure of what you're saying before you say it, because whether you think it or not, there's a lot of connotation behind those words. Most girls will probably take that phrase a lot more seriously than you do... so don't mess around with it.
I've also found that creating a relationship on a more light-hearted / whimsical nature is a lot better than getting serious really fast. Everything builds better for a long term relationship when it doesn't start seriously. My last relationship got serious very fast, and it eventually created a ton of tension. My current relationship is just about having a good time together and enjoying each other's company and I just feel like it is so much more healthy.
On December 24 2010 19:38 Xeris wrote: You can't treat all girls the same, if you want to be with a girl, you need to feel her out at first to find out precisely how she is and what she likes.
On December 24 2010 19:46 Mora wrote: you know Xeris... i think i've known you longer than anyone else online. Everyone else from $playaz$ days no longer plays (as far as i know?)
I saw GSR on WoW a few years back. I don't know if Cyc still plays, but i've known him longer than even $playaz$.
You ever talk to Romeo, Diablo, Mog, GSR, Crazed, ?
Nope T__T! Last I talked to Mog was around 2006 or so... everyone else, NO idea
On December 24 2010 19:46 Mora wrote: you know Xeris... i think i've known you longer than anyone else online. Everyone else from $playaz$ days no longer plays (as far as i know?)
I saw GSR on WoW a few years back. I don't know if Cyc still plays, but i've known him longer than even $playaz$.
You ever talk to Romeo, Diablo, Mog, GSR, Crazed, ?
Nope T__T! Last I talked to Mog was around 2006 or so... everyone else, NO idea
Most of them are on SC2 right now honestly.. Romeo and Crazed anyways.. Kowboy (Falling[StaR!]) and arf and afew others too.. I recall Cyc playing beta I think but havent seen him on retail.
3. Fast expand into quick, innocent touching--should not be misconstrued as anything too 'intentional'.
4. Frequency and duration of touching should slowly increase. Avoid a rush strategy.
5. Change the setting at least once--e.g., if in a cafe, suggest a walk in the park afterward; if eating dinner, suggest going to a bar or catching a movie.
6. Isolate. Setting should ultimately change into one affording a sense of privacy. If rejected, do not continue; repeat the above.
7. While isolated and with touch frequency high, aim for ear-lobes / neck. Nibble, caress, whatever. Just don't get too full-on.
8. Don't expect to go to far or too fast in a single night.
9+. I'll leave it to the imagination.
Upgrades:
- Humor - Alcohol - Money - Looks / Fashion
Downgrades:
- Too eager to pay for stuff - Too eager in replying to texts, emails, etc. - Pick-up lines - Being too romantic, or moving too fast too quickly - Continuing to try to isolate even after multiple rejections; displaying any sort of annoyance / frustration at the aforementioned - Speaking too much
i agree with point 1 alot, but obviously all people are different!
i dont really like point 2 for myself though because i like to use up everything as it comes to me, it's not like i have a store house of ideas or something. But anything that pops into my head i do/share, if i cant splurge all my stuff now and then continue to be awesome a year later then im a pretty non creative lame pile of sadness lol, but i guess some people just arent creative and need to hold back
and with 3 i got really serious with my current girlfriend fast but i know that she feels the same way and im not one of those people that need to blog about my relationships on tl cause i can adapt to situations!
always fun to read about other peoples stuff like this and give any random input where possible
I think a while ago I made an analogy between my asking a girl on a date and a proxy DT rush - as I turned out it was GG but no re
I think the point I was trying to make re: #2 is that if you approach relationships from the lighthearted whimsical enjoy-each-others' company perspective (in your words) then the spontaneity and creativity will naturally be there and you don't have to necessarily worry about keeping a few ideas in stock, but I guess there's no harm in doing so either
If you come at a girl with roses and chocolates, it might be a turn off -- another girl might love it. Make sure you find out these things (in a casual, non revealing manner, of course... so it isn't totally obvious what you're trying to do) BEFORE you start trying to woo someone because you could screw it up!
Most people's advice is just to keep doing the same thing until you find a girl that it works on. What you seem to be suggesting is that you need to either already be friends with the girl, or be able to ask the girl's friend about the girl lol.
I like to think that the girl I want to be with is the girl who will be receptive to my approach. If a girl wants hackneyed compliments, then I probably don't want to be with her anyway, yaknow? Not that I'm Mr. Successful, but no one on these forums is, and at least I can get girls to watch StarCraft VODs with me.
I think being too afraid to lose and trying to be perfect and get everything right or not try at all is a recurring theme with TL nerd-issues. You have to be willing to lose to have any chance to win
On December 25 2010 04:26 ZlaSHeR wrote: Yeah, all girl blogs should start with
step 1) find hazelynut and get her to hook you up w/ someone CSL related obv.
loljk
rofl
This I can do .
For some reason, no matter how I read these types of blogs, they always speak of girls in strangely distant/objectifying/irritating ways -_-; girls are not pokemon.
On December 25 2010 04:26 ZlaSHeR wrote: Yeah, all girl blogs should start with
step 1) find hazelynut and get her to hook you up w/ someone CSL related obv.
loljk
rofl
This I can do .
For some reason, no matter how I read these types of blogs, they always speak of girls in strangely distant/objectifying/irritating ways -_-; girls are not pokemon.
what if I accidentally used my masterball 5 years ago on a passing rattata and now I find myself in the unknown dungeon faced up against mewtwo with only poke balls in my inventory... sigh fml.
On December 25 2010 07:08 Xeris wrote: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEANNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Double rainbow?
I guess I should say something constructive too...
On topic: Girls are simple. Most girls are not complicated but just want to feel like they're interesting/special (even though they're probably not). Just remember that and dealing with women is easy.
On December 24 2010 19:46 Mora wrote: you know Xeris... i think i've known you longer than anyone else online. Everyone else from $playaz$ days no longer plays (as far as i know?)
I saw GSR on WoW a few years back. I don't know if Cyc still plays, but i've known him longer than even $playaz$.
You ever talk to Romeo, Diablo, Mog, GSR, Crazed, ?
Nope T__T! Last I talked to Mog was around 2006 or so... everyone else, NO idea
Most of them are on SC2 right now honestly.. Romeo and Crazed anyways.. Kowboy (Falling[StaR!]) and arf and afew others too.. I recall Cyc playing beta I think but havent seen him on retail.
On December 25 2010 12:35 DarthThienAn wrote: Was that intentional?
Also, I'm pretty sure you're a Snorlax. 1) always asleep, and 2) ... kekekeke. nomnomnom
maybe >>
also, i ate so much food that all i want to to do is roll over and sleep. does this make me a snorlax? are female snorlaxes attractive? what is the plural of snorlax?
I like to think that the girl I want to be with is the girl who will be receptive to my approach. If a girl wants hackneyed compliments, then I probably don't want to be with her anyway, yaknow? Not that I'm Mr. Successful, but no one on these forums is, and at least I can get girls to watch StarCraft VODs with me.
I think being too afraid to lose and trying to be perfect and get everything right or not try at all is a recurring theme with TL nerd-issues. You have to be willing to lose to have any chance to win
Whew. This post reads a lot more practical than the other one! Then again, the other gives tips on getting a date, this one is more on how to get a relationship. Here's something I feel is missing:
Early Relationship vs. Later Relationship
Common scenario: you and a girl hit it off, spend a lot of time together, and decide to start dating. Both of you are so happy to have found each other. Life focuses on them for a while and honestly, you couldn't be happier. You're spending countless hours together, learning about each other at a rapid rate, you may hardly see their faults and, as a lot of people choose, gratuitous amounts of sex! Unfortunately, this isn't a "real" relationship. This is a short-term obsession; a wonderful time that, after the break up, many people yearn to have back. Yes, it's great. Yes, enjoy it. No, don't believe that this is the modus operandi.
After a varying amount of time this early phase wears off. You're not constantly thinking about her, her faults become more apparent, and reality drives a wedge into your emotional vacation. The REAL relationship has begun! Ask yourself: do I want the relationship to continue? I imagine a lot of people would prefer this option, so assuming the answer is "yes" now ask yourself: Am I willing to give an enormous amount of effort to stay with this person? Relationships take a lot of hard work, so for their sake, make sure you're up to it. So how do you keep it going? Communication, trust, honesty, maturity, etc.
Of course there's a lot of gray, and even the best intentions can go sour. You may think your girlfriend is the greatest thing to ever happen to you and, even though you've only been dating a few months, you want to marry her and spend the rest of your days in bliss. That's all well and good, but one test remains - the test of time. Don't sweat it if your relationship doesn't last. However, I strongly believe that once you've found that person you successfully fight to stay with over a long period of time (years) is a person you should consider committing your life to!
On December 24 2010 19:38 Xeris wrote: I've also found that creating a relationship on a more light-hearted / whimsical nature is a lot better than getting serious really fast. Everything builds better for a long term relationship when it doesn't start seriously. My last relationship got serious very fast, and it eventually created a ton of tension. My current relationship is just about having a good time together and enjoying each other's company and I just feel like it is so much more healthy.
YES! I personally feel that a relationship built on having fun with each other while being yourself is the best way to start things. That's how me and my most recent girlfriend started. The first five weeks were a breath of fresh air; I never knew something so simple made things so much better.
Looking back, it was more of a bad thing for her to drop the l-word after the fifth week. I didn't reciprocate for over two full months, but it shifted the perspective a lot. Instead of just enjoying ourselves she had this added pressure of maintaining her words. When I finally dropped the bomb too we both committed to the pressure of keeping that alive.
After being together just over three months I took an out-of-state internship (900 miles away) for three months and then started grad school (1000 miles away, different direction). The "early stages" were over and we decided to stay together since, you know, we said we loved each other. Unfortunately communication broke down on her end (she didn't tell me she was having doubts), she started lying for months (claiming things were fine when she was having doubts - even saying she loved me for a full month when she knew she didn't), and then she broke up with me. Heartbreaking? Yes. Worse because we went too serious too fast? Very Yes!
From now on if I think I love someone I'll wait to tell them. That way, instead of molding a relationship to fit something and adding a lot of pressure on myself and her, I'll just call it as is!
EPT
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