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All girls aren't bitches, distance is a huge wall, nearly impossible to break with a girlfriend.
It happens to me twice, the first time it was more a fuck friend than a girlfriend, but hey, I saw it coming, and I knew she'll break up, we both had heavy sexual requirements. No big deal, and she's always one of my best friends. The second one, it's more as you said. In fact, she broke up a few days after vacations together. :p
It's not easy, because something isn't totally broken between you and her, but it's far easier to recover from time. Oh, and if you can't even trust your girlfriend (like some dudes said here), it will be difficult to trust another one in the future.
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On July 01 2010 19:10 Lysteria wrote:
All girls aren't bitches, distance is a huge wall, nearly impossible to break with a girlfriend.
It happens to me twice, the first time it was more a fuck friend than a girlfriend, but hey, I saw it coming, and I knew she'll break up, we both had heavy sexual requirements. No big deal, and she's always one of my best friends. The second one, it's more as you said. In fact, she broke up a few days after vacations together. :p
It's not easy, because something isn't totally broken between you and her, but it's far easier to recover from time. Oh, and if you can't even trust your girlfriend (like some dudes said here), it will be difficult to trust another one in the future.
That shit is toally brutal, breaking up after going on a vacation with you. Or did the vacation itself didn't go to well?
My GF lives 4 hours away by bus and we've been going out for 3,5 years and still going strong. Though i gues your distance is alot longer, which makes it way harder.
You'll manage in the end, that's what matters 
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The vacation in itself was really good, but she suffered the distance quite badly. Not because she thought I could cheated her - in fact, she even proposed me to fuck one or two girls if I had the need (that was pretty harsh) - but because she was quite romantic and stuff.
That was totally unexpected when she broke up, even more when you think she had a four-five months depression after that. And yeah, it was something like 9 hours away, and 6 months after the end of our relationship, she went on Austria for studies. Maybe it was the reason !
But gratz for you and your girlfriend, hope you'll stay together, 3,5 years is a good value !
Maybe you have find the one for you.
However, compared to the OP's gf who was on an island... More painful, sadly.
And an unexpected but quite soft break up is way better than an hard one.
It's time to go hang out with friends, begin to practice a new activity (SC II ? Hin hin), etc.
You can try to hate her until you feel better, but I don't think it's a nice idea.
Hardly or softly, there isn't any way of breaking up without someone to suffer, even a little.
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On July 01 2010 16:21 itzbrandnew wrote:
If it was just a clean breakup like, she had found someone else, or she just didn't love me anymore I'd totally get it, I'd understand. It would hurt like hell but at least I could wrap my head around it, but here's the thing...
I hate it when people do this. End a relationship for a real reason; don't just drop a bomb out of nowhere. They have no idea the pain it causes the other person...sorry you have to feel that, I know how much it sucks 
In any other situation, I would say it isn't a clean break, at least not on your part, and there is more that needs to be said. I'd suggest taking some time, compile a list of things to talk about - things that would gain closure for you - and have a civil conversation. If she's in the Pacific, that makes things a little more difficult. If it's possible, definitely give it a shot. If not, sorry, but it's time to move on.
It sounds like she broke up just to feel better. That is very selfish, and honestly, she should have been talking about these feelings for a while now. Saying you still love the person while breaking their heart is sending the wrong message. If she wants to break up while still in love with you, then it's her mistake. If there's no hope to salvage the relationship then it would be wise to allow yourself to move on.
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Thanks a lot for the comments guys. I was in a really bad place last night and some of these comments have been really helpful.
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Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea.
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On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea.
We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business.
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On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond.
i do fully agree with this user, but i know from experience it's easier said than done
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On July 01 2010 21:00 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea. We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business.
K well you can drink the whiskey. I'd rather like to not make an ass out of myself, but me and Tyler can take the beers, you can take the whiskey. Actually you should just come back to school up here for real. Are you actually coming up soon?
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On July 01 2010 21:12 JinNJuice wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 21:00 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea. We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business. K well you can drink the whiskey. I'd rather like to not make an ass out of myself, but me and Tyler can take the beers, you can take the whiskey. Actually you should just come back to school up here for real. Are you actually coming up soon?
No idea, sometime before summer is over though. Anyways, I need to try and get more sleep. Kind of just realized it's only been 4 hours since I posted this :/
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sucks man, nobody can tell you how to deal with it but you. If you really want to look on the optimistic side of things.. remember that with incredible highs like love and happiness there will always be lows like loss and regret. Its just the way life is, be happy you got to experience love because some people don't even get that far.
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You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER.
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On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond.
I must say I disagree with this. Everyone has their own experiences, but in mine if you stay around being supportive and all that nice stuff, they'll just keep using you as their boyfriend. Having someone around thats always there for you and all those things that a long distance partner provides isn't something people just throws away. Basicly the situation becomes as such that on your end you still have to be the boyfriend while on her end she'll just date/enter relationships while still keeping you around. It's a really volatile situation based on false hope and dissapointment.
So for me, when stuff like that happens, I just break it off cleanly and deal with the result of that rather than spending months or even years in agony.
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Been with my gf for soon 9 months now, she lives in USA me in Sweden, meeting her in August. =)
Long distance can work!
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I used this line to break up with an ex, but I never cheated! Unless baking a cake at another cute girl's house is considered cheating... Wait is it? (no euphemisms)
What is cheating?!?!?! Is a hug considered cheating?
Edit: Shit, I've cheated on every gf I've ever had. That's prolly why I'm really bad at relationships T_T
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On July 01 2010 21:29 Hynda wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond. I must say I disagree with this. Everyone has their own experiences, but in mine if you stay around being supportive and all that nice stuff, they'll just keep using you as their boyfriend. Having someone around thats always there for you and all those things that a long distance partner provides isn't something people just throws away. Basicly the situation becomes as such that on your end you still have to be the boyfriend while on her end she'll just date/enter relationships while still keeping you around. It's a really volatile situation based on false hope and dissapointment. So for me, when stuff like that happens, I just break it off cleanly and deal with the result of that rather than spending months or even years in agony.
It all depends on the situation though. If you put 2+ years into a relationship, a breakup is NEVER going to be "clean." Nothing is clean when human emotions comes into play. I can see your point if it's like a 6 month relationship though.
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Distance, or anything related to distance really does most of the time means cheating (seen it/exp'd it). Happened to me with my last relationship, near the end even though she was there - she wasn't really "there". At the end of the relationship, she was spreading the fact that the relationship ended cause "we were moving apart" - more like she was moving on to another guy. Aish, cheaters and their lies, it was even more terrible cause she thought I didn't know...
Well I'm not 100% sure about your situation, henceforth the "most of the time".
All I can really give to you, is my words of support, just live your life and don't listen to sad music - it'll make you even more depressed.
(Makes you feel better when your amongst people who have gone through the same thing)
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Hey Man,
It will be okay - I promise.
Posting, and venting on here, is a good idea. Get that stuff out man buddy.
Take this time to really reflect on the relationship you had, what worked and what did not and use it to help form your relationship requirements in the future.
You can also take this time to expand on yourself intellectually and physically - a good idea is to start some physical activities (if you're not already).
I know it may be hard, but replace the time spent with her (phone or w/e) with stuff you enjoy, do this for a few months.
Personally, I have had multiple friends go absolutely nutz and suicidal when women problems got into their life - it is vital to the success of being a man, to not allow these things to detour you from obtaining your life goals. I know that sounds REALLLLY long term, but just keep that in mind.
These principles have helped me through life, I've never been shook up over a break-up and am now married.
Talk to yourself, think to yourself, know to yourself that you will grow from this!
Take care,
Eric
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You know it really is amazing the community here, I saw this post and I knew it was my friend immediately and it's great to see all the support and advice really. Trust me when I say that my friend really isn't doing so well but I'm sure your words of encouragement really do help.
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I always fear that distance could ruin a relationship, and I can relate. I'm hitting 2 years this month with my girlfriend, and with the job market being so iffy I may need to consider moving, and my girlfriend may not be able to move (strict italian family). So I have thought about this on-and-off occasionally.
It really takes a lot of effort to maintain a relationship when you're going to be really far away. Not to say men don't get emotional over this crap, but women think about it 10x more than we do, so it's probably been eating her up inside. The fact that you tried to put a smile on your face when you heard she was being stationed was not what she wanted to hear. In my experience the woman always wants you to have a form of control over her decisions. She probably wanted to hear that you weren't comfortable with this. Women like opening up to guys who can relate to them. Saying you're okay with her being away was probably what made up her mind that you didn't care enough to fight for her (the logic is ridiculous, but it's women we're talking about).
Sorry to hear about the breakup but I've come to realize passive behavior doesn't work for women... might not be exactly what you're dealing with, but take what I said however you like.
Best of luck in the future
(Also I'm in no way shape or form saying you're a bad boyfriend or anything)
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EPT
