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My girlfriend just called to let me know that our relationship of two years is over. She's been at at school for a military branch for the past few months so we haven't gotten to see each other. I knew she was slightly unhappy, but today she just dropped this on me out of nowhere.
If it was just a clean breakup like, she had found someone else, or she just didn't love me anymore I'd totally get it, I'd understand. It would hurt like hell but at least I could wrap my head around it, but here's the thing...
She says she still loves me, and through our whole conversation she was saying huni, and shit even when we hung up it was with our usual I love you, muah, bye. She just said the distance has become to much for her to handle, since she's getting stationed on a pacific island, and she's just too depressed. Does she think I wasn't depressed about it?
I put on a smile when she told me she had gotten stationed out there, and I have supported her through her entire career in the armed forces while I've been going to college. But ugh... this hurts guys. I never imagined anything could hurt this bad, but fuck, I've broken bones and I swear to you right now I'd snap both my shins if it would keep her with me.
I'm at my wits end, and this probably isn't even coherent, but I needed to get it out.
 
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When a girl says 'the distance was too much' in my experience it means shes already cheated. I'm sorry bro
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I'm sorry. I don't really have much advice to give, except to say I've gone through the same thing as you... it's a terrible feeling. You aren't alone feeling like this, you'll get through it like everyone else, even if it does take a bit of time.
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long distance relationships are dam near impossible
sorry man, but you can't say you didn't see this coming if yall haven't seen each other for months. thats too hard for anyone. and getting stationed on a pacific island is just brutal.
you were either gonna both be miserable, or you could rip this bandage off. its gonna suck for a few days, but you'll bounce back.
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i lost mine before to distance... ur not alone
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On July 01 2010 16:26 TheAntZ wrote:
When a girl says 'the distance was too much' in my experience it means shes already cheated. I'm sorry bro
dude, don't say stupid things like this. I was involved in a semi long distance relationship and we broke up without either of us cheating (99% sure).
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I would like to say that, in my experience, distance between lovers leads to abstraction. What I mean is that one of you will feel that there are no consequences for disloyalty, or any general behavior that one's significant other wouldn't approve of. Guilt becomes a real problem when you finally see a lover face to face (or realize that you are indeed hurting someone emotionally) after you've done bad things.
So according to my experiential learning, I would say that she probably cheated on you, or is looking to cheat on you, and she feels guilty. I would advise you to accept that she wants to cheat, and try not to malign disloyalty as hard as society has programmed you to. It's just strange to me how harshly disloyal partners are criticized when we promote a "try to love everyone" perspective, as if you're incapable of genuinely loving 2 different women, but I digress.
That's my advice, assuming I'm right about the whole cheating scenario.
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From my experience, the reason they give you is rarely the actual reason. She's jsut trying to let you off easy and not hurt you anymore.
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that fucking sucks man, my gf also lives at a distance and it's really tough to maintain a relationship but I still love her
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call some of the buddys and head to a bar.. to drink it off... Long distance always crushes great relationships..
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I feel like even if she did cheat, it's not what everyone should be telling him right now. Whether it's true or not is kinda irrelevant, I doubt it makes him feel better that it's a "possibility." C'mon guys...
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On July 01 2010 16:38 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 16:26 TheAntZ wrote:
When a girl says 'the distance was too much' in my experience it means shes already cheated. I'm sorry bro dude, don't say stupid things like this. I was involved in a semi long distance relationship and we broke up without either of us cheating (99% sure).
1%
User was warned for this post
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This is one of the shit problems I'm having a dilemma with.. My girl keeps insisting that she wants to go to another country which if fucking nuts IMHO, with the recession and all this problems in the world that wouldn't help her financially.
But I dunno, maybe she can't do it as well she just keeps on telling me this and that, but she can't live my ass as far as I can tell.
Man, I hope you can bounce back as fast as you can. Problem with your girl is that she's a little hurt herself. I don't know how she can bounce back while on duty.
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So according to ur gf (ex to be exact) you two are miles apart and breaking up makes everything easier? I cant quite get that logic. To be honest i kinda agree with the cheating idea (i sincerely do hope the opposite tho).
If that's what she wants then i guess it leaves u no choice. But if u still want to get her back, keep showing ur support. Show her that u still care even though u two are no longer together. Even if she does cheat on you, sure it will feel like shit but its still much better than letting your true love go.
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Jesus, bro, I feel for you. My first girlfriend that I fell completely in love with broke up with me the same exact way. Just dropped the nuke on me out of nowhere, never gave me a reason except that she just couldn't take the distance. I mean, wtf I thought we loved each other?
I kept trying to contact her through mail, email and phone calls, but she never responded. I still don't know to this day why she broke up with me, but I wish I could go back in time and tell my old self to get over her faster, cuz I seriously couldn't for 2 yrs.
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On July 01 2010 16:38 AcrossFiveJulys wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 16:26 TheAntZ wrote:
When a girl says 'the distance was too much' in my experience it means shes already cheated. I'm sorry bro dude, don't say stupid things like this. I was involved in a semi long distance relationship and we broke up without either of us cheating (99% sure).
I dont think its stupid since it happened to both me and a friend.
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Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond.
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Life changes the plans you make sometimes. But as gchan pointed out earlier, there's nothing wrong with staying in touch and who knows what will happen down the road.
You'll be fine. Go out and have some fun with some friends and keep your head up 
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Best of luck to you in the future, dude. I hope everything works out for you. To be honest, her being stationed in the pacific and you guys not seeing each other for months doesnt sound like a very good situation anyway. In the end this will likely be for the better, even if it doesnt seem like it right now. Just remember that you're young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Try not to dwell on things too much man, keep positive and moving forward.
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On July 01 2010 16:26 TheAntZ wrote:
When a girl says 'the distance was too much' in my experience it means shes already cheated. I'm sorry bro
Sadly, this is true in my experience as well. It's always the hardest thing to take at first, but then you realize that, well, fuck that bitch, and it all gets easier.
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All girls aren't bitches, distance is a huge wall, nearly impossible to break with a girlfriend.
It happens to me twice, the first time it was more a fuck friend than a girlfriend, but hey, I saw it coming, and I knew she'll break up, we both had heavy sexual requirements. No big deal, and she's always one of my best friends. The second one, it's more as you said. In fact, she broke up a few days after vacations together. :p
It's not easy, because something isn't totally broken between you and her, but it's far easier to recover from time. Oh, and if you can't even trust your girlfriend (like some dudes said here), it will be difficult to trust another one in the future.
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On July 01 2010 19:10 Lysteria wrote:
All girls aren't bitches, distance is a huge wall, nearly impossible to break with a girlfriend.
It happens to me twice, the first time it was more a fuck friend than a girlfriend, but hey, I saw it coming, and I knew she'll break up, we both had heavy sexual requirements. No big deal, and she's always one of my best friends. The second one, it's more as you said. In fact, she broke up a few days after vacations together. :p
It's not easy, because something isn't totally broken between you and her, but it's far easier to recover from time. Oh, and if you can't even trust your girlfriend (like some dudes said here), it will be difficult to trust another one in the future.
That shit is toally brutal, breaking up after going on a vacation with you. Or did the vacation itself didn't go to well?
My GF lives 4 hours away by bus and we've been going out for 3,5 years and still going strong. Though i gues your distance is alot longer, which makes it way harder.
You'll manage in the end, that's what matters
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The vacation in itself was really good, but she suffered the distance quite badly. Not because she thought I could cheated her - in fact, she even proposed me to fuck one or two girls if I had the need (that was pretty harsh) - but because she was quite romantic and stuff.
That was totally unexpected when she broke up, even more when you think she had a four-five months depression after that. And yeah, it was something like 9 hours away, and 6 months after the end of our relationship, she went on Austria for studies. Maybe it was the reason !
But gratz for you and your girlfriend, hope you'll stay together, 3,5 years is a good value !
Maybe you have find the one for you.
However, compared to the OP's gf who was on an island... More painful, sadly.
And an unexpected but quite soft break up is way better than an hard one.
It's time to go hang out with friends, begin to practice a new activity (SC II ? Hin hin), etc.
You can try to hate her until you feel better, but I don't think it's a nice idea.
Hardly or softly, there isn't any way of breaking up without someone to suffer, even a little.
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On July 01 2010 16:21 itzbrandnew wrote:
If it was just a clean breakup like, she had found someone else, or she just didn't love me anymore I'd totally get it, I'd understand. It would hurt like hell but at least I could wrap my head around it, but here's the thing...
I hate it when people do this. End a relationship for a real reason; don't just drop a bomb out of nowhere. They have no idea the pain it causes the other person...sorry you have to feel that, I know how much it sucks 
In any other situation, I would say it isn't a clean break, at least not on your part, and there is more that needs to be said. I'd suggest taking some time, compile a list of things to talk about - things that would gain closure for you - and have a civil conversation. If she's in the Pacific, that makes things a little more difficult. If it's possible, definitely give it a shot. If not, sorry, but it's time to move on.
It sounds like she broke up just to feel better. That is very selfish, and honestly, she should have been talking about these feelings for a while now. Saying you still love the person while breaking their heart is sending the wrong message. If she wants to break up while still in love with you, then it's her mistake. If there's no hope to salvage the relationship then it would be wise to allow yourself to move on.
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Thanks a lot for the comments guys. I was in a really bad place last night and some of these comments have been really helpful.
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Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea.
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On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea.
We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business.
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On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond.
i do fully agree with this user, but i know from experience it's easier said than done
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On July 01 2010 21:00 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea. We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business.
K well you can drink the whiskey. I'd rather like to not make an ass out of myself, but me and Tyler can take the beers, you can take the whiskey. Actually you should just come back to school up here for real. Are you actually coming up soon?
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On July 01 2010 21:12 JinNJuice wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 21:00 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 01 2010 20:58 JinNJuice wrote:
Hi Nick...
Again sorry man. I agree long distance relationships are definitely one of the hardest things to pull off.
I'd say with your history, you really do need to let this one go. I know you really did love her alot, but this is just too much. I've never seen any person put so much of their time into a relationship and then for this to happen makes ME upset.
Actually I think girls in general don't make much sense. My ex texted me at 1:30 am last night, saying "I'm thinking about you" WTF does that mean I have no idea. We're drinking when I come up there next man... I don't care what you say. I need some whiskey like it's nobody's business. K well you can drink the whiskey. I'd rather like to not make an ass out of myself, but me and Tyler can take the beers, you can take the whiskey. Actually you should just come back to school up here for real. Are you actually coming up soon?
No idea, sometime before summer is over though. Anyways, I need to try and get more sleep. Kind of just realized it's only been 4 hours since I posted this :/
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sucks man, nobody can tell you how to deal with it but you. If you really want to look on the optimistic side of things.. remember that with incredible highs like love and happiness there will always be lows like loss and regret. Its just the way life is, be happy you got to experience love because some people don't even get that far.
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You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER.
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On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond.
I must say I disagree with this. Everyone has their own experiences, but in mine if you stay around being supportive and all that nice stuff, they'll just keep using you as their boyfriend. Having someone around thats always there for you and all those things that a long distance partner provides isn't something people just throws away. Basicly the situation becomes as such that on your end you still have to be the boyfriend while on her end she'll just date/enter relationships while still keeping you around. It's a really volatile situation based on false hope and dissapointment.
So for me, when stuff like that happens, I just break it off cleanly and deal with the result of that rather than spending months or even years in agony.
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Been with my gf for soon 9 months now, she lives in USA me in Sweden, meeting her in August. =)
Long distance can work!
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I used this line to break up with an ex, but I never cheated! Unless baking a cake at another cute girl's house is considered cheating... Wait is it? (no euphemisms)
What is cheating?!?!?! Is a hug considered cheating?
Edit: Shit, I've cheated on every gf I've ever had. That's prolly why I'm really bad at relationships T_T
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On July 01 2010 21:29 Hynda wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Welcome to real life, son. Successful long term relationships come out of not only compatibility, but circumstance and expectations out of life. She may be compatible with you and you may be compatible with her, but if you are going in different directions in life, it's not going to work out.
If you truly care about her, the best thing for you to do now is to be supportive of her and show that you understand this concept. Who knows where you will be and where she will be in 2 years, 5 years, maybe even 10 years. If it happens you are still in communication, you are still compatible, and you are in the same area, then maybe revisit the idea of a relationship. But until then, just realize that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. You can just try to cope the best way you can by understanding the situation, and figuring out where to go from here. It's shitty, I've been there. But it's also a fact of life and part of maturing as an adult.
With that being said though, I've noticed that as I get older, I just seem to care less...so dealing with these shitty situations isn't as difficult.
Edit: And yeah, make sure you communicate this with her. The foundation of any relationship, whether it be with friends, family, or significant others is communication. Be clear and understanding.
Edit #2: A lot of people are saying that they don't understand this, why would she do this when they are in love, etc etc etc. Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. Of course this varies from person to person, but this is what I've found from my experiences. You'll also probably love more than one person in your life and you'll probably love people for very different reasons. It sucks having to go through this and figure it out, but it'll make you a better person in the long run. There's always more fish in the pond. I must say I disagree with this. Everyone has their own experiences, but in mine if you stay around being supportive and all that nice stuff, they'll just keep using you as their boyfriend. Having someone around thats always there for you and all those things that a long distance partner provides isn't something people just throws away. Basicly the situation becomes as such that on your end you still have to be the boyfriend while on her end she'll just date/enter relationships while still keeping you around. It's a really volatile situation based on false hope and dissapointment. So for me, when stuff like that happens, I just break it off cleanly and deal with the result of that rather than spending months or even years in agony.
It all depends on the situation though. If you put 2+ years into a relationship, a breakup is NEVER going to be "clean." Nothing is clean when human emotions comes into play. I can see your point if it's like a 6 month relationship though.
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Distance, or anything related to distance really does most of the time means cheating (seen it/exp'd it). Happened to me with my last relationship, near the end even though she was there - she wasn't really "there". At the end of the relationship, she was spreading the fact that the relationship ended cause "we were moving apart" - more like she was moving on to another guy. Aish, cheaters and their lies, it was even more terrible cause she thought I didn't know...
Well I'm not 100% sure about your situation, henceforth the "most of the time".
All I can really give to you, is my words of support, just live your life and don't listen to sad music - it'll make you even more depressed.
(Makes you feel better when your amongst people who have gone through the same thing)
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Hey Man,
It will be okay - I promise.
Posting, and venting on here, is a good idea. Get that stuff out man buddy.
Take this time to really reflect on the relationship you had, what worked and what did not and use it to help form your relationship requirements in the future.
You can also take this time to expand on yourself intellectually and physically - a good idea is to start some physical activities (if you're not already).
I know it may be hard, but replace the time spent with her (phone or w/e) with stuff you enjoy, do this for a few months.
Personally, I have had multiple friends go absolutely nutz and suicidal when women problems got into their life - it is vital to the success of being a man, to not allow these things to detour you from obtaining your life goals. I know that sounds REALLLLY long term, but just keep that in mind.
These principles have helped me through life, I've never been shook up over a break-up and am now married.
Talk to yourself, think to yourself, know to yourself that you will grow from this!
Take care,
Eric
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You know it really is amazing the community here, I saw this post and I knew it was my friend immediately and it's great to see all the support and advice really. Trust me when I say that my friend really isn't doing so well but I'm sure your words of encouragement really do help.
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I always fear that distance could ruin a relationship, and I can relate. I'm hitting 2 years this month with my girlfriend, and with the job market being so iffy I may need to consider moving, and my girlfriend may not be able to move (strict italian family). So I have thought about this on-and-off occasionally.
It really takes a lot of effort to maintain a relationship when you're going to be really far away. Not to say men don't get emotional over this crap, but women think about it 10x more than we do, so it's probably been eating her up inside. The fact that you tried to put a smile on your face when you heard she was being stationed was not what she wanted to hear. In my experience the woman always wants you to have a form of control over her decisions. She probably wanted to hear that you weren't comfortable with this. Women like opening up to guys who can relate to them. Saying you're okay with her being away was probably what made up her mind that you didn't care enough to fight for her (the logic is ridiculous, but it's women we're talking about).
Sorry to hear about the breakup but I've come to realize passive behavior doesn't work for women... might not be exactly what you're dealing with, but take what I said however you like.
Best of luck in the future
(Also I'm in no way shape or form saying you're a bad boyfriend or anything)
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Shit sucks. But the physicality/contact is huge in the majority of relationships. She probably wants to start something closer/or already has. Shit sucks, but is the norm. Surround yourself with friends and geek out is the best medicine.
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so she's available? number?
User was warned for this post
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On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love.
fucking agree with this, it's depressing as fuck.
for example, i'm a poor fag with no sense of direction in life, broken family, just scraping a long until i figure something out, but for some reason i attract higher "class" girls from better families, better financial situations. we date for a bit, work around our differences for a bit, but it always ends when the girl realizes i'm not really a long term partner, because i'm probably going to remain a failure for the rest of my life, so she leaves me, or i get insecure about the aforementioned differences and leave her. i'm 19, i can only see this getting worse.
and jollyroger, don't be a dink.
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e.Soul - the definition of love changing is not the depressing aspect, it is that what gchan describes as 'growing up'. Growing up is extremely depressing, I find increasingly so for gamers...I know I'm still having a tough time grasping the inevitability of maturity...
And yes, as you grow, situations and persona changes.
If you're 19, how AT ALL, can you say you're a loser going no where in life? I don't care what your life situation is, you can change it...
I am a pretty pessimistic person, but try to look at the future with hope, not disdain.
Edit -- Sorry OP, i know this doesn't have to do with your Topic...But just trying to spread some Good word, I guess, perhaps even as self-therapy - I'm going through a tough time right now too...
Also - the above is opinion, everyone has one. They are just philosophies I've used to keep my sanity as Life deals us all 7-2offsuit from time to time.
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On July 02 2010 00:01 e.soul[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 17:34 gchan wrote:
Thing is is that your definition of love changes as you get older. You start incorporating financial responsibility, similar life goals, maturity levels, and family backgrounds, among other things, into your definition of love. fucking agree with this, it's depressing as fuck. for example, i'm a poor fag with no sense of direction in life, broken family, just scraping a long until i figure something out, but for some reason i attract higher "class" girls from better families, better financial situations. we date for a bit, work around our differences for a bit, but it always ends when the girl realizes i'm not really a long term partner, because i'm probably going to remain a failure for the rest of my life, so she leaves me, or i get insecure about the aforementioned differences and leave her. i'm 19, i can only see this getting worse. and jollyroger, don't be a dink.
You need to stop putting yourself down and going into those situations.
You're 19, almost nobody at that age knows what they want to do with their life. Hell I'm 21 in a couple weeks and I still don't know.
Live day to day, but with a long term goal of becoming a better and happier person.
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For all the people who don't understand how a girl can just "break up out of the blue", it's not like in their head all of a sudden a switch flipped and they don't want to be with you anymore. It's usually a long list of tiny things that added up and is probably given a lot of thought to. Remember, in a relationship (a good one) both people put in effort and work and so to end it isn't just affecting you, it's affecting the other person too. Maybe you don't understand it but that doesn't mean the "out of the blue breakup" is uncalled for. Maybe to her, it wasn't so out of the blue and has been on her mind for a long time.
Long distance, whether there is cheating or not, is a very hard thing to pull off by itself. Being constantly lonely sucks and knowing that someone is out there but can't be with you sometimes adds to that sadness and in the end it might just boil down to wondering how long this shittiness is going to last. You said she was in the military, maybe she doesn't know when the next time she's going to see you is going to be and that kind of hopelessness is really weighting on her. It's not just simple distance, there's a lot of other things in it too.
You said you guys were still talking the same way at the end of that call. I'm not saying you should still stick around and wait but from the way I see it, maybe things can pick up again when and if you guys see each other again.
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Long distance relationships that work are a myth...
I've been with a girl for roughly 5 years now (missing out on some stuff but hey) - anyway a long time ago she had to go back to live with her family having no clue if she was ever going to come back... It took about a month before we sort of "broke up". Then about 6 months later she got a chance to come back and yay.
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On July 02 2010 00:43 Mickey wrote:
You need to stop putting yourself down and going into those situations.
how do i do that when girls of my "class" are completely undesirable?
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On July 01 2010 21:26 coltrane wrote:
You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER.
why would you say that?
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On July 01 2010 22:48 Amber[LighT] wrote:
I always fear that distance could ruin a relationship, and I can relate. I'm hitting 2 years this month with my girlfriend, and with the job market being so iffy I may need to consider moving, and my girlfriend may not be able to move (strict italian family). So I have thought about this on-and-off occasionally.
It really takes a lot of effort to maintain a relationship when you're going to be really far away. Not to say men don't get emotional over this crap, but women think about it 10x more than we do, so it's probably been eating her up inside. The fact that you tried to put a smile on your face when you heard she was being stationed was not what she wanted to hear. In my experience the woman always wants you to have a form of control over her decisions. She probably wanted to hear that you weren't comfortable with this. Women like opening up to guys who can relate to them. Saying you're okay with her being away was probably what made up her mind that you didn't care enough to fight for her (the logic is ridiculous, but it's women we're talking about).
Sorry to hear about the breakup but I've come to realize passive behavior doesn't work for women... might not be exactly what you're dealing with, but take what I said however you like.
Best of luck in the future
(Also I'm in no way shape or form saying you're a bad boyfriend or anything)
It's fine, I'm still logical enough to see what you're saying... but we've been living over a thousand miles away from each other for around a year now, so I don't know what changed :/ (other than the fucking cost of airline tickets to go see her... jesus hawaii is expensive)
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On July 02 2010 01:36 e.soul[gm] wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 00:43 Mickey wrote:
You need to stop putting yourself down and going into those situations.
how do i do that when girls of my "class" are completely undesirable?
Level up? Change Classes? It's way easier to say than to do but you COULD motivate yourself to change for the better...
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On July 02 2010 01:40 FraCuS wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 21:26 coltrane wrote:
You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER. why would you say that?
His point is that military in the US is probably one of the hardest things to manage a relationship in. People can basically be shipped out and re-stationed (or even sent to war) without any prior notice. It makes it very very hard to maintain a relationship with any person, be it family or signifcant other, unless of course you are the type that can drop everything and move with them every single time.
One example is my best friend who is in the Air Force. He has been serving only 4 years so far and already he has gone to Afghanistan twice and now is going to Turkey for at least a year. That's how the military works especially if you are at a younger age, you just never know and do not have a choice as to where you will be sent. It is very hard.
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On July 02 2010 01:40 FraCuS wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 21:26 coltrane wrote:
You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER. why would you say that?
I can understand what he means. Unless you're married to the person, the military will move around your boyfriend/girlfriend a lot. In the time that I've been with her she's been stationed in New Jersey, Petaluma, and now Hawaii... all in about a year.
The post above me explains it perfectly.
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On July 01 2010 23:54 JollYRoGeR wrote:
so she's available? number?
The sad thing is, I probably would have found this funny two days ago. I would have known it was fucked up and I'd never post something like this, but scrolling past it I would probably chuckle a little inside. I just hope nothing like this ever happens to you.
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On July 02 2010 01:40 FraCuS wrote:Show nested quote +On July 01 2010 21:26 coltrane wrote:
You should not support anyone going into a military career. EVER. why would you say that?
I don't necessarily agree with the "ever" part but I would be disappointed if anyone I liked went to the military...
Then again I'm a gentleman so somehow I only have friends who would rather get educated while their brains are still soft =D
Seriously though there's a lot of stuff that's wrong about the military. While it's necessary, in it's current state, might as well let other people handle it. It sucks so bad it can't be anything but a last resort option.
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I have a doctor's appointment to check up on some surgery I had a week ago. Thanks again for the support guys
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I go to uni with my gf and maintain our relationship over the breaks has been really tough(my home is the bay area, while she lives near LA). We almost broke up a dozen times over the sheer stress, even though the longest we were apart was the summer break and we knew we were going to see each other again.
Short breaks can be helpful to a relationship sometimes, as they give you a bit of time to yourself and with your friends, since you can manage having only light communications during them. I don't think we could manage a permanent long distance relationship though. That would definitely be too much to ask for either of us
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I had to maintain a long distance relationship for a while. It is hard. I found the way for us to make it work was to live together. I know all circumstances don't allow for that though.
It will suck for a while as you deal with the emotional fallout, however, over time it will get better. Just try to keep yourself busy with the things that make you happy. Eat right and exercise. Don't underestimate how well this will help you deal with negative emotions.
Good luck, I hope all works out well for you.
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Yeah, run that shit out man.
Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've been saddened by an event or w/e and I just go out and beat the shit out of myself by the way of jogging/sprinting.
Right when you feel the tears coming, SPRINT. SPRINT TILL UR PANTING AND CANT GO ANYMORE.
If the tears still come, let them. After your dripping in sweat, sufficiently tired and cried out you can confidently tell yourself that NOTHING is going to keep you down, that NOTHING will prevent you from achieving your success.
I know I'm going to be doing that in about 4.5 hours when I get home...
EDIT -- Some people can't do that, maybe do to current weight, or life style, or climate...
And sometimes its even tough to get yourself to do that jogging. Anyone else have methods they use when depressed (not alchy...heh, we all know that one)?
I surely could use a few more methods! OP would benefit too!
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On July 02 2010 02:14 michiko wrote:
Yeah, run that shit out man.
Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've been saddened by an event or w/e and I just go out and beat the shit out of myself by the way of jogging/sprinting.
Right when you feel the tears coming, SPRINT. SPRINT TILL UR PANTING AND CANT GO ANYMORE.
If the tears still come, let them. After your dripping in sweat, sufficiently tired and cried out you can confidently tell yourself that NOTHING is going to keep you down, that NOTHING will prevent you from achieving your success.
I know I'm going to be doing that in about 4.5 hours when I get home...
EDIT -- Some people can't do that, maybe do to current weight, or life style, or climate...
And sometimes its even tough to get yourself to do that jogging. Anyone else have methods they use when depressed (not alchy...heh, we all know that one)?
I surely could use a few more methods! OP would benefit too!
Yeah well, I can run a long, long distance. Working out and jogging/sprinting sounds like it will help a lot, thanks for the advice. I know I have had racquetball planned with a friend tonight so maybe I'll go trash him on the court to make myself feel better.
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OffTopix
+ Show Spoiler +OH MAN. Damn, where you live? I'm chubby, but I'll gladly smoke you (LOL year right) in raquetball! I loveeeeee raquetball, but no one in Michigan plays it
Good job dudeman, you're going to be just fine!
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On July 02 2010 02:43 michiko wrote:OffTopix + Show Spoiler +OH MAN. Damn, where you live? I'm chubby, but I'll gladly smoke you (LOL year right) in raquetball! I loveeeeee raquetball, but no one in Michigan plays it Good job dudeman, you're going to be just fine!
Unfortunately I live in Las Vegas... sorry, but I'm almost certain you'd in fact smoke me. And no need to spoiler that as off topic, honestly it just feels good to get my mind off things and talk about random shit. Just got off the phone with my sister and all we talked about was how much we hate dentists (even though I really don't have anything against dentists, they're just easy punching bags)
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On July 02 2010 02:53 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 02:43 michiko wrote:OffTopix + Show Spoiler +OH MAN. Damn, where you live? I'm chubby, but I'll gladly smoke you (LOL year right) in raquetball! I loveeeeee raquetball, but no one in Michigan plays it Good job dudeman, you're going to be just fine! we talked about was how much we hate dentists
Whatever happened to getting wasted
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Anyone have any good music recommendation? I think I've listened to I've Got Friends in Low Places on repeat for a couple years now (or at least it seems that way)
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On July 02 2010 02:55 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 02:53 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 02 2010 02:43 michiko wrote:OffTopix + Show Spoiler +OH MAN. Damn, where you live? I'm chubby, but I'll gladly smoke you (LOL year right) in raquetball! I loveeeeee raquetball, but no one in Michigan plays it Good job dudeman, you're going to be just fine! we talked about was how much we hate dentists Whatever happened to getting wasted
Haha, my sister and Jin, live in Indiana at the moment... so I'll have to wait on that and I don't think drinking alone is a very good idea.
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On July 02 2010 02:57 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 02:55 Djzapz wrote:On July 02 2010 02:53 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 02 2010 02:43 michiko wrote:OffTopix + Show Spoiler +OH MAN. Damn, where you live? I'm chubby, but I'll gladly smoke you (LOL year right) in raquetball! I loveeeeee raquetball, but no one in Michigan plays it Good job dudeman, you're going to be just fine! we talked about was how much we hate dentists Whatever happened to getting wasted Haha, my sister, along with Jin live in Indiana at the moment... so I'll have to wait on that and I don't think drinking alone is a very good idea.
No, indeed, not a good idea. But if you still feel like it, make sure not to pass out on your back.
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Chin up, move on. Forgot about how "hard that is to do" and do it.
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Move out to where she lives if you really feel like you have a chance with her
Otherwise theres other bitches you can fuck
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On July 02 2010 03:07 arb wrote:
Move out to where she lives if you really feel like you have a chance with her
Otherwise theres other bitches you can fuck
How do you just up and move to Hawaii?
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On July 02 2010 03:10 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 03:07 arb wrote:
Move out to where she lives if you really feel like you have a chance with her
Otherwise theres other bitches you can fuck How do you just up and move to Hawaii?
Usually it involves getting a plane ticket..flying out there, surprising her, hoping shes not fucking someone else at the time youre knocking
etc
etc
She'll prolly think its sweet then you'll be GTG
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On July 02 2010 03:13 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 03:10 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 02 2010 03:07 arb wrote:
Move out to where she lives if you really feel like you have a chance with her
Otherwise theres other bitches you can fuck How do you just up and move to Hawaii? Usually it involves getting a plane ticket..flying out there, surprising her, hoping shes not fucking someone else at the time youre knocking etc etc She'll prolly think its sweet then you'll be GTG
Well it's not like I'm tied down in Vegas. I never really thought about it, it's worth thinking about at the very least I guess. I just don't want to be a moocher
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On July 02 2010 02:56 itzbrandnew wrote:
Anyone have any good music recommendation? I think I've listened to I've Got Friends in Low Places on repeat for a couple years now (or at least it seems that way)
Surely anyone can recommend something... But it's kinda hard to do well without knowing what you like more specifically.
But that's apparently a country song so I'll recommend this
+ Show Spoiler +http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Iozw63fuGE I like some country songs here and there but rarely I like an artists whole production... But GG Allins country records are all good listening for me, it's more raw.
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On July 02 2010 03:34 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 03:13 arb wrote:On July 02 2010 03:10 itzbrandnew wrote:On July 02 2010 03:07 arb wrote:
Move out to where she lives if you really feel like you have a chance with her
Otherwise theres other bitches you can fuck How do you just up and move to Hawaii? Usually it involves getting a plane ticket..flying out there, surprising her, hoping shes not fucking someone else at the time youre knocking etc etc She'll prolly think its sweet then you'll be GTG Well it's not like I'm tied down in Vegas. I never really thought about it, it's worth thinking about at the very least I guess. I just don't want to be a moocher
Well i was actually kidding but..if she wanted you to you could get a job etc etc help her out
plus its hawaii
i must ask, is it the same island Dog the Bounty Hunter is on?
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On July 02 2010 03:52 JohannesH wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 02:56 itzbrandnew wrote:
Anyone have any good music recommendation? I think I've listened to I've Got Friends in Low Places on repeat for a couple years now (or at least it seems that way) Surely anyone can recommend something... But it's kinda hard to do well without knowing what you like more specifically. But that's apparently a country song so I'll recommend this + Show Spoiler +
I like all music Never really got why people limit themselves to a single genre. On the other hand, I can understand why you might like rock vs country or something like that so maybe I'm the oddball. Thanks for the songs
On July 02 2010 03:53 arb wrote:
Well i was actually kidding but..if she wanted you to you could get a job etc etc help her out
plus its hawaii
i must ask, is it the same island Dog the Bounty Hunter is on?
I know you were, it's ok and I have no idea :/
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I don't think she really loves you if she can't deal with distance for a while. So I wouldn't recommend moving there.
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tony rich project - nobody knows
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On July 02 2010 03:59 Pengu1n wrote:
I don't think she really loves you if she can't deal with distance for a while. So I wouldn't recommend moving there.
I'd agree with you if this was something short, but I think you're being unfair to her when you say "for a while"... but I can kind of understand where she's coming from now that I've had a while to think about it. I mean, we've been apart from each other for over a year and right now it's looking like even more time apart so... idk :/
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On July 02 2010 04:00 Kula wrote:
tony rich project - nobody knows
Wow that's such a good song T_T
Linked me to K-Ci and Jojo so now I'm on a soul kick :<
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Girl moves a lot -
I recently had a friend, who would travel to Toronto to visit a girl, who he was interested in having a long distance relationship with.
After about a month of back and forth on the topic, the girl deciding if she was interested or not. She decided she WAS interested in a long distance relationship.
They made their relationship romantic and things went well for about 11 days. She then changed her mind and told my friend that things would not work out.
My friend, against my advice, went to the girl that evening (5 hour drive on a work night), in surprise.
It became wildly apparent she was not interested in him any longer and that she had made up her mind. There were no signs of cheating, although it is often the case...The surprise, was not well taken by the girl and the night quickly (from the story told by him afterward) turned awkward.
My friend left the evening regretting driving to her, and has promptly moved on with his life.
IMO: Girls do play games, they probably don't even know they are doing it half the time...But this is no game - if she IS playing a game - she is NOT the girl for you.
It is time to move on, and find a girl that will follow you, respect you and be your woman.
--The difference being, of course, my friend was not with this girl for very long - in comparison to OP's relationship. Although, IMHO, my friend would have married the girl if given the chance and he actually openly stated it.
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Nick if you even think about "up and moving" to Hawaii, I'll fly down to Vegas and punch you in the face myself. Then proceed to pour alcohol down your throat until you want to stay in Vegas.
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Get this cause this one is great. It'll make you feel lucky.
I have a friend, nicest guy ever, whom I met IRL for the first time at Blizzcon. There, he met a girl who was in the military (coincidentally). They're both around 25. On the second day of Blizzcon, she broke up with her boyfriend; later that day, she had sex with my friend. Note: She was pregnant from her ex and had a kid from another dad. Also she lived with her mom.
She lives in California, he lives in Calgary. Since, he took TWO back and forth flights to spend xmas with her - he also went there randomly another time and GAVE her $200 when she was in financial trouble.
He "loved her", but to be with her, he would have to quit his job, go against his parents will (which is a big deal to him somehow). He would also be legally tied to the kids and all of the disadvantages that come with that.
They ended up breaking up after effectively wasting thousands of dollars on a relationship that was bound to fail. Hell, even if it worked it would have failed.
No matter what you do, you're better off than my friend.
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On July 02 2010 05:05 JinNJuice wrote:
Nick if you even think about "up and moving" to Hawaii, I'll fly down to Vegas and punch you in the face myself. Then proceed to pour alcohol down your throat until you want to stay in Vegas.
Haha, ok man. Thoughts be gone dude, C would say no to it anyways. She'd go on about not ruining my future for her or whatever
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On July 02 2010 05:43 itzbrandnew wrote:Show nested quote +On July 02 2010 05:05 JinNJuice wrote:
Nick if you even think about "up and moving" to Hawaii, I'll fly down to Vegas and punch you in the face myself. Then proceed to pour alcohol down your throat until you want to stay in Vegas. Haha, ok man. Thoughts be gone dude, C would say no to it anyways. She'd go on about not ruining my future for her or whatever
You don't make a life-changing decision for a girl that broke up with you.
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Long distance relationships aren't impossible, but also aren't worth it. You can trust me on this.
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On July 02 2010 09:28 NukeTheStars wrote:
Long distance relationships aren't impossible, but also aren't worth it. You can trust me on this.
Painfully true. Its not like the movies.
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>> haha wow, just skip to bottomline if you want to skip my bad english typing and my being emo <<
Yeah, i was in pretty much same situation 4 years ago , was with her for 3 years until she started her traveling agent career, she had to go away more then 3/4 of the year every year, we decided it was really something impossible considering i was 22 and she was 20.
We were living together at that time, we tryed to keep on living with eachother in different beds for a while, i was happy that she had found something she loved to do in life and i knew deep down inside that our relationship couldnt last forever, that girl was more then brilliant and so pretty. i knew from day one that one day she would take my heart and make it ice again, but thats not the point, so we tryed to go on with living together, didnt work out for very long, the relantionship just was going from bad to whorst everyday, i couldnt go with my friends and party whitout getting 15 phone calls of a very confused crying semi girlfriend, on my part i couldnt stand her going out to party either, i questioned about guys, or why she was making herself so pretty if she was only going with her girlfriends and all that terribly pathetic jazz..
So we decided to put more distance between eachother, i moved out, leaving her everything we had gathered over the time of our relationship and the appartment, she was starting her career and had very little money, i felt bad for her and still cared for her very much, but still i wasnt totaly devastated, i was pretty confident that this was for the best and i was gonna pull out whitout too much trouble...
When i got in my new home, things started to get real sad, i was missing her terribly, i didnt have my mind on anything else but her, i was terribly heartbroken, i started drinking and working alot, 2 things that could slightly set my mind away from her, that didnt work out very well either, i got very sick had to get lung surgery and then shit really started to hit the fan, i couldnt work, couldnt drink, was stuck at home in some pain that compares to a baseball bat in the ribs, so i couldnt cook or clean anything without downing 2 or 3 small blue morphines pills. I was broken hearted, broken and bored as FUCK, hey. Chef joey! i dont want your fucking slap chop!
So i turned to video games, Starcraft saved my life, i got hooked on Klazart, cholera, tasteless,artosis,etc commentating, i didnt understand very well why people were so hooked on Starcraft, untill i slowly started to understand the game pretty well, i started playing Iccup and lurking TL.net, Starcraft really took my mind away from my pain and my ex girlfriend, was keeping my brain locked on Starcraft, was spamming games 15 hours a day for a cople of months, and was really aiming to get better, it was either that or chef joey on TV... Every minute i spent thinking about starcraft was a minute away from sadness and physical pain..
Bottom line is that you need to keep yourself busy on something you like, you cant get in the what if... mindset. Dont listen to sad music if that makes you think about her, resist, slap yourself in the face and do something that needs your attention, just going out with friends still leaves you alot of time to think.
Best of luck buddy.
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EPT
