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I'm a quiet person. Like, extremely quiet. I just don't like to talk that much except with a few very close friends then I talk and laugh a lot. Maybe I'm shy around strangers, but the problem isn't shyness it's the lack of talking.
I've had so many instances of people telling me how quiet I am and then they imply that it makes them uncomfortable. My question is why? I don't mind sitting in total silence, with strangers or with friends, but most people find this awkward.
When I went to visit some relatives, they had friends over and we were gathered around eating. There was conversation going on but I didn't talk that much except to answer some questions or make some brief comments. One of the guests mentioned how funny it is that some people don't talk. He was of course, implicating me. Not once did he did this, but twice!
It occurred to me that what was perfectly normal to me, was so inexplicable to someone else. I didn't do anything or say anything bad about these people, but for some reason my silence really offends them.
At first I thought maybe some people are just talkative, or get bored easily. But I think perhaps the majority of people don't feel comfortable around quiet people? My question is why? Why do people HAVE to talk.
 
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cuz they're gay
User was temp banned for this post.
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DUDE i have the exact same issue as you. I'm talkative around my close friends and all of that, but sometimes when my parents invite people over to our house to eat they always make some strange comment about how I am quiet. Maybe they expect us to be more talkative because of our appearance?... Idk some people i guess -_-
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On March 20 2010 02:52 CultureMisfits wrote:
cuz they're gay
User was warned for this post.
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Cuz quiet people are always plotting to shoot up the whole room and feed them to dogs
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idk, I don't mind sitting in total silence either but it is really awkward for some ppl so i better do some small-talk, which kills the time. My people, the seklers, are said to not talk too much if it isnt necessary, but still, silence is somewhat awkward
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It's hard to describe, but basically I don't think they know what to do with you. They're expecting someone who's going to talk back to them and pick up the slack in the conversation, but what they get is someone who's expecting them to do all the work. Questions like "how are you" or "did you catch the game last night" or "do you watch pro starcraft" aren't queries for information, they're icebreakers to get conversation started
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uhh
it's cause when people are quiet in other people's company, they are not comfortable.
to be more precise, i meant to say when people aren't quiet, they are comfortable. this is true for everybody, including you (as you said yourself, around your friends you talk and laugh and are comfortable. basically you enjoy being there). hence, you're perceived (fairly or not) as being uncomfortable and nobody likes that. it makes them feel uncomfortable, and its perfectly understandable why.
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i am quiet too and i think that sometimes it bothers strangers. i hear some random comments, but i just ignore them and continue into my silence. hehe
of course it could be a problem like "social anxiety disorder"
But i think most of the cases just the way you are.. some ppl are talkative some are not
whats the big deal?
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Cause people are nosey and want you too be nosey with you.
Its also kinda hard to get to know people when they are being silent. I personally dont mind but really social people want everyone else to be social with them, one way conversations are boring.
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yeah some people just feel uncomfortable and awkward when they're with someone who doesn't really talk. i personally don't mind silence, sometimes i find it enjoyable, but i do try to make small talk with some people (usually people who i'm not too familiar with or friends who i know like that stuff) just because they enjoy it. for other people, i know that both of us don't mind the silence, and so we'll only talk when we feel like it.
you can even make small talk by saying something like "you know, sometimes i sorta appreciate the peaceful silence..."
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I don't mind sitting in total silence, with strangers or with friends, but most people find this awkward.
my bet is you haven't really met people of your kind yet.
It takes two hand to clap. A group conversation isn't gonna magically go on if someone just stay quiet. It makes people get the impression you don't want to be there. At least that's the case for me.
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On March 20 2010 03:05 Johnranger-123 wrote:
Cause people are nosey and want you too be nosey with you.
Its also kinda hard to get to know people when they are being silent. I personally dont mind but really social people want everyone else to be social with them, one way conversations are boring.
but why must strangers know each other? It's just weird to me that conversation has to be established to be comfortable around each other. If we're all humans, and we're all live in the same neighbourhood, why does it take conversation to make someone comfortable?
i'm just not sure if the onus is on the person who is quiet or the person who is nosy to get conversation going? why is it such a sin to not know each other?
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On March 20 2010 03:08 buickskylark wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2010 03:05 Johnranger-123 wrote:
Cause people are nosey and want you too be nosey with you.
Its also kinda hard to get to know people when they are being silent. I personally dont mind but really social people want everyone else to be social with them, one way conversations are boring. but why must strangers know each other? It's just weird to me that conversation has to be established to be comfortable around each other. If we're all humans, and we're all live in the same neighbourhood, why does it take conversation to make someone comfortable? i'm just not sure if the onus is on the person who is quiet or the person who is nosy to get conversation going? why is it such a sin to not know each other?
at some point, you'll just have to understand that it's just something preferred by some people, and not preferred by others. it'll make your life a lot easier if you just accept this and stop thinking about it so much.
some people like conversations. some people don't like silence with others. some people like blue while others like red....
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i think its fine being quiet. you'd rather be seen as the "one in deep thought" than the one who runs his mouth all day and say something that might be offensive. or ever worse, act like a know it all. i agree that it is better to say nothing than to act like a fool and pretending to know bits/pieces of a topic and try to work off of that
"silence is your best ally, it will never betray you."
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i dont like quite people.
i see talking as sharing with others. so when some one is not talking they don't want to share.
i also am interested in others, so when some one doesnt ask me questions i think they think i'm not interesting.
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Well most of us live in a "socialized" society wich has it's norms and assumptions of how "normal" human behaviour should be...Im probably the most quiet guy in existence and I think that people who know who you are to some extent accept this is how you act.
However as soon as you go out into any type of social enviroment with people that don't know you, they will interpret you as being weird, akward, become uncomfortable because if a mean looking guy is sitting there without saying a word they have to make assumptions and prejudice within their own mind and also that leads to the "something must be wrong with you because you don't talk."
I don't know really...did that make any sense? probably not anyway if you really care enough just google wikipedia and Im sure you would find plenty of social psychology relating humans not that I have any freakin clue.
Oh and one thing to note wich is very important in today's society is that...
Silence is Acceptance
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On March 20 2010 03:14 wo0py wrote:
i dont like quite people.
i see talking as sharing with others. so when some one is not talking they don't want to share.
i also am interested in others, so when some one doesnt ask me questions i think they think i'm not interesting.
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It's true that I'm not overly interested in other people's lives. People ask me about my life all the time, and usually I don't like that. I rarely ask about how other people are doing. I realize this can be offensive to some people, and therein lies the problem.
The question is not whether I am interested in you or not, most likely I don't hate you because I don't even know you. But indifference in itself is an offense to some people. It's almost narcissistic that someone MUST be interested in you or otherwise. I suppose that I expect indifference in return, as indifference = indifference seems like a nice tradeoff, but instead I get animosity. It's strange that people can't just 'accept' things as they are without feeling insulted.
Put it another way, I can talk with you but don't really feel like it, not because of you but just because. Why can't you just accept that without feeling angry at me? Is talking really crucial to you?
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I like quiet people. I don't see why people expect people to be talkative all the time and point out that you're quiet. I've had it happen to me. I'm actually really talkative if I know the person. If I don't know them it's not so easy to make long conversation.
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On March 20 2010 03:14 [Fin]Vittu wrote:
i think its fine being quiet. you'd rather be seen as the "one in deep thought" than the one who runs his mouth all day and say something that might be offensive. or ever worse, act like a know it all. i agree that it is better to say nothing than to act like a fool and pretending to know bits/pieces of a topic and try to work off of that
"silence is your best ally, it will never betray you."
alright, internet high 5!
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EPT
