EPTWhy are quiet people so irritating to some people? - Page 4
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Osmoses
Sweden5302 Posts
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OneOther
United States10774 Posts
On March 20 2010 03:39 Klogon wrote: This is it. Also, quite frankly, just in my experience, if you have nothing to say, it implies you're not interested in what is going on. Also, I sometimes get the feeling that you are not contributing at all to the social setting/environment. After all, if you're so comfortable to just be in silence and not communicate with people you do not fully know, why don't you just go and be by yourself? Why must I be the one putting myself out there more, even though I may be just as uncomfortable as you, and doing all the work to make that relationship/friendship work? In the end, its just not worth it and I'd rather spend my time with people who are willing to do their part in furthering a social atmosphere - after all, why "socialize" when you're not going to even communicate. I'd rather "socialize" with people who will actually communicate, talk, and engage in conversation than somebody who seems totally uninterested and content to just be alone. If I wanted to spend time alone, I'd have stayed in or ate alone. This isn't hating on quiet people. I have a lot of close quiet friends in which our friendships developed slowly under different settings. But quite frankly, with new people or even in certain settings, I definitely would prefer to hang out with people that are more social. Time is my most valuable resource right now, and if I'm going to spend time to "socialize," we better damn well be socializing instead of staring at our feet. This says everything on my mind. I don't bother getting to know people who don't talk or put effort into the relationship, unless it's under some special circumstances. | ||
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davsp
Philippines62 Posts
Some people are fine with keeping thoughts to themselves, while others are naturally more comfortable talking around people. | ||
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TwilightStar
United States649 Posts
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OneOther
United States10774 Posts
On March 20 2010 06:10 TwilightStar wrote: Silence is key. I think people who talk too much are the ones with problems. People who talk excessively are certainly annoying, but I would rather choose that over awkward silence. Awkwardness is the worst. | ||
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
Regardless of that, some people are just extroverted and I tend to believe that the more extroverted you are the more you talk and ramble and blah blah with nothing really important to think or say they just fill the void with mindless babble/small talk. Also, people feel that you are just being a quiet observer, which is fine. But they can't take the heat of feeling like they are being judged or whatever while they get no reads out of you at all. kinda like poker | ||
Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
On March 20 2010 06:18 OneOther wrote: People who talk excessively are certainly annoying, but I would rather choose that over awkward silence. Awkwardness is the worst. silence is only awkward if the person is just sitting there doing nothing also | ||
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OneOther
United States10774 Posts
On March 20 2010 06:28 Rekrul wrote: silence is only awkward if the person is just sitting there doing nothing also haha yeah im talking about situations where you start a conversation then the person just doesn't talk. i wouldn't bother trying to have a continued and long conversation if the person is reading a book or something also, in situations like family friend dinner gatherings, it's almost like a social etiquette to talk and socialize. | ||
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hifriend
China7935 Posts
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eMbrace
United States1300 Posts
huge difference. | ||
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Frits
11782 Posts
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
On March 20 2010 06:05 OneOther wrote: This says everything on my mind. I don't bother getting to know people who don't talk or put effort into the relationship, unless it's under some special circumstances. the thing with that though, is the op is referring to a family gathering. I don't know about you but all of my family gatherings are boring as shit and lame. Mostly due to uninteresting/dumb relatives. Plus you only see them every so often, so you don't know them- you're only there because you're supposed to be. What you're thinking of it a group of friends or acquaintances, in that case I'd agree. But that's more of a comfortable less formal setting. So it's a lot easier to let loose. here's a relevant song | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
also, in situations like family friend dinner gatherings, it's almost like a social etiquette to talk and socialize. I've never met anyone who can relate to their parent's old people friends talking about old people things and generally just being so... fucking... old. It's not like we don't acknowledge their presence and exchange friendly greetings, it's just that when all they have to talk about is how amazing/dangerous the internet is, or about this one 'REALLY SMART DOCTOR' that got scammed by your typical Nigerian ploy, there's nothing to say to someone that far gone. It's okay one on one when you can change the subject to something more pleasant, but when old people gather they have no semblance of what is and isn't horrifically mundane. I'm sure when they're alone they talk about interesting things, but it's just this pitiful attempt at keeping an illusion of respect that makes every conversation impossible. Because they set a precedent that you also can't talk about anything interesting. I tend to be a very thoughtful person, so I don't like meaningless conversation either... Which is why when dinner with one side of my family degrades to quoting South Park for 5 hours, I keep pretty quiet. Still waters run deep. People who talk about nothing are annoying. It can't be called socializing when no information is transferred to anyone participating. | ||
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hifriend
China7935 Posts
It's like when I'm at work, I'm not necessarily interested in having all those little 5 min talks with people in the office 20 times a day. I'm there to make money, and the people that surround me at work aren't usually the people I would have chosen to be good friends with. Or even worse when I'm at the hairdresser or something like that and get almost forced into having stupid conversations about the weather that have 0 reward. And obviously it's a whole different thing if you're in a group working on some project, in which case it's expected that everyone should be contributing. | ||
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buickskylark
Canada664 Posts
I don't know if people view talking as a tool for them, or it's something they really value. For me it's something I don't care for at all. I don't want to be mute or anything, it's just the talking isn't the first thing I think about when I meet someone. | ||
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ProTech_MediC
United States498 Posts
Sure some people are quiet, but people who are too quiet are a minority. | ||
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Frits
11782 Posts
On March 20 2010 06:58 ProTech_MediC wrote: Its evolutionary instinct to want to communicate with others. It's how we got this far in the first place. Silence can be interpereted as offensive or even hostile when around someone "neutral" because basic human instinct is to interact. Sure some people are quiet, but people who are too quiet are a minority. Being quiet or reserved is not the same as not making sounds when a tiger approaches to warn your group. Please don't make up random theories based on evolution that make no sense. Most famous evolutionists would contradict your statement. I hate this idea that everything we do that is somewhat beneficial is supposed to be evolutionary, as if everyone not completely 'normal' is somehow an evolutionary reject. | ||
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Osmoses
Sweden5302 Posts
On March 20 2010 03:39 Klogon wrote: This is it. Also, quite frankly, just in my experience, if you have nothing to say, it implies you're not interested in what is going on. Also, I sometimes get the feeling that you are not contributing at all to the social setting/environment. After all, if you're so comfortable to just be in silence and not communicate with people you do not fully know, why don't you just go and be by yourself? Why must I be the one putting myself out there more, even though I may be just as uncomfortable as you, and doing all the work to make that relationship/friendship work? In the end, its just not worth it and I'd rather spend my time with people who are willing to do their part in furthering a social atmosphere - after all, why "socialize" when you're not going to even communicate. I'd rather "socialize" with people who will actually communicate, talk, and engage in conversation than somebody who seems totally uninterested and content to just be alone. If I wanted to spend time alone, I'd have stayed in or ate alone. This isn't hating on quiet people. I have a lot of close quiet friends in which our friendships developed slowly under different settings. But quite frankly, with new people or even in certain settings, I definitely would prefer to hang out with people that are more social. Time is my most valuable resource right now, and if I'm going to spend time to "socialize," we better damn well be socializing instead of staring at our feet. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? Why do you gotta make such a simple thing as hanging out some kind of team effort chore? Maybe I enjoy just listening to other people talk? Now I gotta make an effort to be interesting even with my FRIENDS? Wouldn't you prefer me to speak when I have something interesting to say? I mean surely you can't think everything you say is interesting, right? You know it, I know it, we both know it. If either of us had something interesting to share, we'd not be in this awkward situation. Why are you demanding conversation that we both know is going to suck? I used to be really closed up and distant, but then I got so much shit for it that I made a concious effort to become more social. It was an agonizing time of actually talking about the fucking weather and pretending it was super interesting. Now I can handle myself in any group, but after lots of practice I can tell you this; I'm not helping anyone by faking interest. If someone is boring, I think you're doing them a bigger favor letting them know than pretending they're awesome, at least then they can get breast implants. If that came off sounding angry, I didn't mean it to. I'm merely annoyed, that's just my argument voice. | ||
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buickskylark
Canada664 Posts
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
On March 20 2010 02:50 buickskylark wrote: I'm a quiet person. Like, extremely quiet. I just don't like to talk that much except with a few very close friends then I talk and laugh a lot. Maybe I'm shy around strangers, but the problem isn't shyness it's the lack of talking. I've had so many instances of people telling me how quiet I am and then they imply that it makes them uncomfortable. My question is why? I don't mind sitting in total silence, with strangers or with friends, but most people find this awkward. When I went to visit some relatives, they had friends over and we were gathered around eating. There was conversation going on but I didn't talk that much except to answer some questions or make some brief comments. One of the guests mentioned how funny it is that some people don't talk. He was of course, implicating me. Not once did he did this, but twice! It occurred to me that what was perfectly normal to me, was so inexplicable to someone else. I didn't do anything or say anything bad about these people, but for some reason my silence really offends them. At first I thought maybe some people are just talkative, or get bored easily. But I think perhaps the majority of people don't feel comfortable around quiet people? My question is why? Why do people HAVE to talk. im pretty much like this but people dont seem to mind, except when girls are around and then they ask me why i dont talk. the fact that my life is boring and im completely totally monotone plays a huge part in it | ||
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