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Zortch
Canada635 Posts
Don't forget people, he didn't just look on her facebook page. He logged into her private account! Thats as bad as reading someone's diary in my opinion. A far worse breach of trust than a drunk makeout. It seems that your relationship is not on very stable ground considering she is cheating on you and you don't trust her a lick or respect her privacy at all. So you should probably end it, but get off your high horse. | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
On January 13 2010 01:01 Zortch wrote: I love you Biff. Don't forget people, he didn't just look on her facebook page. He logged into her private account! Thats as bad as reading someone's diary in my opinion. A far worse breach of trust than a drunk makeout. It seems that your relationship is not on very stable ground considering she is cheating on you and you don't trust her a lick or respect her privacy at all. So you should probably end it, but get off your high horse. :-) Or maybe they need to have a good, long, painful talk and see what they both think and feel. That's the hardest and the most painful way, but that's the only fair one. | ||
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randomProtoss
Andorra1 Post
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
On January 13 2010 01:18 randomProtoss wrote: First of all, you must know that she doesn't respect you, and you can't build a lasting relationship without that. She may like you, but she definitely doesn't respect you. You know her very well, and you know exactly the situation, don't you? I've betrayed a girl in the past, and I have regretted. And I respected her, hugely. And she forgave me, and I have been incredibly grateful for that. You don't know anything about this guy, about this girl, about their couple, about their feeling, about their story and about this stupid non-event.. Anything. So stop thinking you are a very smart psychologist. Stop judging. Just for a minute or so. | ||
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Sadist
United States7328 Posts
On January 13 2010 00:15 Biff The Understudy wrote: Buy a brain or something equivalent. I don't like to quote the Bible but there is a good sentence: "Let thoses who have never sinned throw the first stone". I hope you guys are very clean, like, really, really, really clean to speak the way you do. Incontrol talked about self respect. Self respect is not letting random fucks talk shit about your girlfriend. Whatever she did. That's self respect. Geez. Oh look its captain save-a-hoe ![[image loading]](http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/3565/blacksuperman.jpg) | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
Very cool, "sadist". Anything else? | ||
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Draconizard
628 Posts
The level of maturity in this thread (barring a few, select posters) is amazing. | ||
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Ghardo
Germany1685 Posts
you have to ask yourself the question if there are reasons for her acting that way. if your relationship may have not been as exciting as it used to be (apart from the normal way things go) and if you can change this somehow. it's bad to be in a spot where you have to ask yourself if you can't offer her what she needs so she looks for it elsewhere. it may be the case, or it's that she just has little self-control and easily falls for momentary attractions. the hard thing is: no one here can really judge this 100%. there is sound advice and the most secure thing for not being hurt in the future / investing in a relationship which is already in an unhealthy state is just putting an end to it. if someone cheats on the tsl ladder the popular opinion goes towards: ban him immediately whatever his reasons were. if you think the relationship / girl is worth it you can make clear how angry you are and that this is an absolute no go, but at the same time trying to find out if there are any valid reasons (too little attention, too little excitement, arousal, whatev) she could give or problems she sees so that she lowers herself to such a behaviour. it's up to youuuuuuuuu | ||
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Always
United States376 Posts
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
On January 13 2010 02:52 Always wrote: I'm usually for trying to make relationships work, but I'm definitely against cheating. Whether she tells you or not, if it's recurring, then there isn't much you can do, imo. You deserve better dude. Everybody is against cheating. The question is wether your pride go above everything and you throw your girlfriend like a piece of shit because you "worth better", or you actually talk with her, confront her calmly, and try to understand what happened and how she lived the whole thing. And then make a decision, obviously. Maybe it's better to end up the relationship, maybe it worth to forgive and carry on. But you don't act with your hurted masculin little prise. You act with your heart and your brain. A relationship is based on confidence. Confidence deosn't mean not doing mistakes, even several time. Confidence mean that you do things together. Confidence means that you talk about what is wrong. Even if it's very wrong. If the guy break up brutally, without discussing, without trying to understand, it's not her who didn't deserve him. It's him who didn't deserve her. | ||
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kidd
United States2848 Posts
On January 13 2010 03:03 Biff The Understudy wrote: Everybody is against cheating. The question is wether your pride go above everything and you throw your girlfriend like a piece of shit because you "worth better", or you actually talk with her, confront her calmly, and try to understand what happened and how she lived the whole thing. And then make a decision, obviously. Maybe it's better to end up the relationship, maybe it worth to forgive and carry on. But you don't act with your hurted masculin little prise. You act with your heart and your brain. A relationship is based on confidence. Confidence deosn't mean not doing mistakes, even several time. Confidence mean that you do things together. Confidence means that you talk about what is wrong. Even if it's very wrong. If the guy break up brutally, without discussing, without trying to understand, it's not her who didn't deserve him. It's him who didn't deserve her. Biff, what your saying would have some merit based on the notion that she actually admitted what she did instead of the OP having to find out for himself. Sure it was pretty sneaky to check her facebook inbox and chat logs to see what was going on but that was because he was already suspecting her cheating. Just because you have been in a similar situation where you cheated and the girl forgave you does not give you the right to say that cheating is something that just happens and doesn't mean anything. When you are in a commited relationship and you break that commitment you deserved to be dumped. If the other person is trusting enough and kind enough they could take you back and give you another chance but as they say you can only forgive and never forget. You also may have admitted that you actually did cheat which makes you just an ounce better than this girl who probably will never admit to doing any of the said activities unless I have missed anything skimming this thread. The OP is going to have to acutally confront her to get a confession about something that she did that was wrong. These two should decide for themselves if they want to be together but the right thing to do would be to dump this girl because what she did was clearly wrong. If I were the OP I would talk to the girl and see what she has to say about the whole situation. Based off the information provided in the OP and the fact that she has already done this once before I think a major dumping would be in order unless she managed to slip up more than one time especially when the OP expressed his concern about her talking to other guys. | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
On January 13 2010 03:14 kidd wrote: Biff, what your saying would have some merit based on the notion that she actually admitted what she did instead of the OP having to find out for himself. Sure it was pretty sneaky to check her facebook inbox and chat logs to see what was going on but that was because he was already suspecting her cheating. Just because you have been in a similar situation where you cheated and the girl forgave you does not give you the right to say that cheating is something that just happens and doesn't mean anything. When you are in a commited relationship and you break that commitment you deserved to be dumped. If the other person is trusting enough and kind enough they could take you back and give you another chance but as they say you can only forgive and never forget. You also may have admitted that you actually did cheat which makes you just an ounce better than this girl who probably will never admit to doing any of the said activities unless I have missed anything skimming this thread. The OP is going to have to acutally confront her to get a confession about something that she did that was wrong. These two should decide for themselves if they want to be together but the right thing to do would be to dump this girl because what she did was clearly wrong. If I were the OP I would talk to the girl and see what she has to say about the whole situation. Based off the information provided in the OP and the fact that she has already done this once before I think a major dumping would be in order unless she managed to slip up more than one time especially when the OP expressed his concern about her talking to other guys. I never said cheating was acceptable. And I don't say it doesn't mean anything. I say that 1) Nobody here knows anyhting at all about the whole story. Nobody know them. Nobody know their story. Nobody, including the OP know what exactly happens. And people think they are smart calling her a bitch and saying that OP should dump her and be very angry. So my point is: people should be a little humble, and stop being fucking stupid. 2) When you are in a relationship, you have to talk. Especially if bad things happen. Then you decide. That's where confidence is involved. I don't say OP should forgive blindly. I say that he has to talk with her, confront her, and then decide calmly if it worths continuing. The right thing is to do what he think is right. And that's not some excited nerd talking about his self respect on a video game website who will tell him if his love story worths forgiving this betrayal. And I am angry at judgemental people. That just pisses me of. Because if we had to be judged this way, by random people who don't know us, I don't think anybody here would go out white as snow. | ||
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
You can try and play devil's advocate as much as you like biff. People are calling her a bitch because cheating and lying are the trademarks of a bitch. Being mad and dumping bitches is what we do. | ||
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kidd
United States2848 Posts
If you feel like you can break that and just do whatever you want regardless od the reason or the situation then that just makes you look like a disrepsectful idiot hence the people calling her a bitch. There is no excuse for cheating of any kind and the only way to resolve the matter is for them to talk to each other which I agree with you. But if I were in the same situation there would be no discussion. I would simply tell the other person how I felt and that I have confidence in myself to be able to move on to find someone out there who will respect the commitment of a relationship like I would. | ||
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Romance_us
Seychelles1806 Posts
On January 13 2010 03:39 {88}iNcontroL wrote: nah sometimes you don't really talk. Sometimes people do irreversible things and they should be tossed for it. If they were married obviously a talk before making decisions is a good call. But they aren't. Unfortunately they've been together a long time so that hurts but not half as bad as it would to somehow look passed the fact she has cheated 2x, lied about it and continued to disrespect him by communicating with an ex non-stop. You can try and play devil's advocate as much as you like biff. People are calling her a bitch because cheating and lying are the trademarks of a bitch. Being mad and dumping bitches is what we do. Jesus, sometimes I hate reading these threads because I'm such an extremist about morality and it makes me feel over-serious and too uptight. I would dump a girl for ONLY communicating with her ex, and not stopping. The cheating on top of that.. just.. blows my mind. I also don't really know where to start with Biff, but I would like to say that your friend who has a girlfriend with three previous areas of cheating, is an idiot. That or he has absolutely zero self-esteem. Oh, but I'm sure they are amazing and love each other! HAHAH you're hilarious. edit: Also didn't know that coming to a conclusion based off of facts is being "judgmental". Maybe if the OP had been MUCH more vague you could get away with that. However, I see, texting ex, says will stop, lies completely and goes to alternate method of talking to ex, has cheated previously, JUST cheated again, etc, etc. How can you say that calling this person a "bitch", would be judgmental? | ||
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
But yeah I couldn't fathom being cheated on and still being with that girl  Let alone a 2nd time + her lying about it. | ||
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BlasiuS
United States2405 Posts
The OP & his girlfriend are just dating, and they are probably two teenagers, complete with raging hormones. to the OP: yes you should confront her directly. Give her a chance to own up to it, and/or apologize. If she fails to do either, end it right there. IF she does both, then be wary, because she'll probably do it again unless you're some kind of amazing unique person (no offense). If you find out she's doing it again, then for christ's sake DTMFA | ||
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Kenpachi
United States9908 Posts
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Chef
10810 Posts
It's really that simple. Her cheating on you is bad, but the core reason you should end it is because you don't trust her. You should have ended it when you felt the need to go snooping on her account, not after you'd done it (because that's pretty fucked up too). | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8181 Posts
On January 13 2010 07:41 BlasiuS wrote: Biff your advice really only works between two mature adults, who are married or otherwise engaged in a cemented long-term relationship. The OP & his girlfriend are just dating, and they are probably two teenagers, complete with raging hormones. to the OP: yes you should confront her directly. Give her a chance to own up to it, and/or apologize. If she fails to do either, end it right there. IF she does both, then be wary, because she'll probably do it again unless you're some kind of amazing unique person (no offense). If you find out she's doing it again, then for christ's sake DTMFA I don't know, they have been together for two years, you know... I am with my girlfriend since a year and it's not random dating. And I'm not that old. I hope OP manage to deal with that a good way. Don't be too harsh on people, guys. That's all I have to say. Sometimes life is a bitch, and it's hard to deal with some stuff. Including fidelity. That doesn't make one a bitch or a bad person, nor a relationship valueless. Anyway. Good luck to you OP. | ||
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