She is a bitch. She will do it again. She will find that you are weak to X or Y and use that against you. You can forgive her all you want, but she's only gonna find a way to keep you AND guy number 2342565 because she wants all the attention she can get. Best of both worlds.

Dump her. No one in the world deserves to be cheated on TWICE.

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"

Roggles

United States38 Posts

January 13 2010 01:45 GMT

#103

On January 13 2010 08:51 Chef wrote:
Something people like you need to learn is that if you don't trust your partner, it's already over.

It's really that simple. Her cheating on you is bad, but the core reason you should end it is because you don't trust her. You should have ended it when you felt the need to go snooping on her account, not after you'd done it (because that's pretty fucked up too).

This. You've already told her that you don't like it when she texts her ex. A typical remorseful person would realize "oh, this might hurt my boyfriend" and stop, or at least cut down. Instead, she takes it in stride and finds a loophole in your request, stopping the texting, but transitioning to facebook messaging.

She's hiding things from you, you suspect something's up and have to snoop to find it, and you find that she actually has fooled around. Regardless of who is at fault, it's pretty clear that you guys aren't working out so well. End it now instead of later, when shit really hits the fan. You can get a head start on mending your heart and she can go do what she wants without feeling locked in by a relationship (even if it's only a relationship by name).

Faronel

United States658 Posts

January 13 2010 02:07 GMT

#104

On January 13 2010 10:35 lilsusie wrote:
She is a bitch. She will do it again. She will find that you are weak to X or Y and use that against you. You can forgive her all you want, but she's only gonna find a way to keep you AND guy number 2342565 because she wants all the attention she can get. Best of both worlds.

Dump her. No one in the world deserves to be cheated on TWICE.

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"

Straight from the female source!

my 2cents: Although, I think it depends on what you want from the relationship. If you do in fact want a long term relationship with emotional bonding and such, then she isn't for you.

starfries

Canada3508 Posts

January 13 2010 02:25 GMT

#105

On January 12 2010 15:53 LxRogue wrote:
A couple of months ago, she started talking again with her last boyfriend who during the course of our relationship, she had never spoken to. They talked on the phone, but mostly just texted - texted like 2 kids in junior high just starting puberty.

Sorry man, she knew the ship was going down and was making sure she had a lifeboat.

I don't see what the big deal with checking someone else's facebook is. I wouldn't let just anyone go on it, but my last girlfriend went on mine all the time (I didn't tell her the password, just let her use my computer). I even had her sending emails for me if I was feeling lazy... why would you mind if a trusted friend read them if you have nothing to hide?

edit: also "words are a waste of time. Destruction is a language everyone understands." what an awesome quote haha

Impervious

Canada4198 Posts

January 13 2010 02:37 GMT

#106

You clearly don't trust her. Therefore, regardless of whether you still want a relationship with her still or not, it will not work out like it did.

It's not about her cheating on you. If you trusted that she wouldn't do it again, you would be fine.

Move on.

SpiritoftheTunA

United States20903 Posts

January 13 2010 07:04 GMT

#107

bust into her house like 10 years later when she's tucking in her kid (if she has one) and then just cockslap her across the face

Mr.Maestro

42 Posts

January 13 2010 08:23 GMT

#108

this whole checking facebook thing isn't really an issue...my girlfriend goes on my facebook all the time, and like Starfries said, if I trust my girlfriend then obviously I won't mind her going on my facebook anyways.

The real issue here imo is her cheating on you TWICE. Quite hard to forgive, easier said than done. Although if you actually manage to forgive her, then really, good for you because you have a sympathetic heart. If you don't, then nobody can blame you. It really hurts to be cheated on, and it's apparent that there is no longer trust between you two. So yea, end it dude. It will save you all the headache and pain. It might hurt now, but time will heal you.

Goodluck.

Biff The Understudy

France7879 Posts

January 13 2010 09:06 GMT

#109

I laughed. What do you know about her?

Hope you are as hard with yourself as you are with people you have no clue about.

Ridiculous.

Ninja4ever.

France231 Posts

January 13 2010 11:40 GMT

#110

On January 13 2010 18:06 Biff The Understudy wrote:

Show nested quote +

I laughed. What do you know about her?

Hope you are as hard with yourself as you are with people you have no clue about.

Ridiculous.

You don't need to be perfect yourself to judge.
I can tell a pro messed up his micro when he loses eight rins to two lurkers, even though my micro isn't perfect either.
One can tell a girl doesn't deserve respect, at least from her boyfriend, when she cheated not once but twice on this very boyfriend, even though he's not perfect either.
And that is because judging is not about what you can do, but about what you -expect- from someone. In both situations, we expect something. You expect pro to not fuck up their micro, and you expect your girlfriend to be faithful. (Well, at least I hope so)
If your expectations are disappointed, you have every right to negatively judge.

Ghardo

Germany1685 Posts

January 13 2010 13:25 GMT

#111

On January 13 2010 11:37 lMPERVlOUS wrote:
It's not about her cheating on you. If you trusted that she wouldn't do it again, you would be fine.

and totally clueless.

+ Show Spoiler +

i think everything has been said, susie is probably in the best position to judge as she knows how girls feel / think, so.. nuff said

ghostWriter

United States3302 Posts

January 13 2010 14:04 GMT

#112

Confront her.
End it.

If she's cheated on you twice and lied to you twice, she's not worth it. Trust is the basis of any relationship and she sure hasn't earned yours. You also betrayed hers by reading her facebook inbox and not trusting her, although with good reason.

This relationship is going to fall apart in the near future if you try to keep it alive artificially. Better to forgive and forget and move on. Hopefully you'll find someone who's worth keeping. It can't be that difficult.

Chill

Calgary25977 Posts

January 13 2010 14:58 GMT

#113

I think there should be a rule that if you ask for girl advice you have to followup on the situation.

Romance_us

Seychelles1806 Posts

January 13 2010 15:00 GMT

#114

Ehhhh I'm starting to become wary that he went against our advice. I've seen soooo many guys do that (go back to cheaters/liars)

imweakless

757 Posts

January 13 2010 15:02 GMT

#115

End it before it happens again!
but before ending it do the job!

rushz0rz

Canada5300 Posts

January 13 2010 20:28 GMT

#116

On January 13 2010 23:58 Chill wrote:
I think there should be a rule that if you ask for girl advice you have to followup on the situation.

Yes. also pics.

lux[chavii]

Germany115 Posts

January 14 2010 00:54 GMT

#117

Well yeah, but lets go step by step! The followup would be a good start!

LxRogue

United States1415 Posts

January 14 2010 01:34 GMT

#118

Well i confronted her. First i asked her if the story she had first told me was true, (about her falling asleep for 15 minutes) and she just acted confused and didn't really say anything. Then i eventually told her i had seen the FB messages and that she couldn't be telling the truth. Still, she vaguely denied anything happening that she hadn't told me about.

She "explained" that the guy was confronting her about his own girl problems and she thought it had been awkward, and he didn't want anyone else to know about his emotional problems or whatever. But she had already told me this the first time she called me, so it didn't explain anything. The only things she "admitted were that she lied about falling asleep and that it "felt" like he was coming on to her. She said she could see why i was suspicious of her message, but that i was wrong.

Part of me really trusts her and knows that she isn't a sneaky or mean person.

Part of me thinks that would be willing to make a totally blatant lie if it meant me not breaking up with her. She's had a really unstable and unfortunate upbringing, and now that she's an adult, she has a intense need for a stable relationship.

I feel like no rational person could have read the original message and her following excuse, and then believed her. She said things like:

[her] "After sleeping on it, i am regretting what happened, we shouldn't have done that. I didn't explain the situation with my boyfriend to you"

[him] "I don't have any regrets if it makes you feel any better. Friends?"

I plan on confronting her again, although i should have been more prepared for her denying it the first time. I just wasn't expecting it.

Alternatively, i could contact the guy and just ask him. Even though i've never even met him, he might be more honest with me if i was straight-up with him.