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On November 02 2009 11:52 eMbrace wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2009 11:09 Cloud wrote:On November 02 2009 06:41 eMbrace wrote:
I do my own laundry and others when asked to. I do the dishes when asked to (all the time, no big deal). I take the trash out and bring it back in every week. I clean what is asked to blah blah blah.
Believe me, anyone who gets fed for free does anything when asked to. Your parents sound like they want you to take some initiative. Do something without being asked to. Because it's annoying as fuck seeing as you're already in your college years and you can't possibly have learnt that it is expected of you without having to remind you. If my parents never bugged me about any household chores -- I'd eventually get them done anyways. It's starting to get annoying that people think I'm being whiny and immature, and that I don't respect my parents. This is about petty situations resulting in absolutely terrible fits of rage. It's not justifiable. It's tolerable, and I've never raised a finger to them my entire life about it -- so don't try to say I'm bitching. This blog was about trying to understand it, not to cry about it. When I was younger they left me home alone several times, for weeks at a time. It was paradise. I still had all the chores to do, but I decided when they would get done. No stress what so ever. Chores are easy, after all. Dishes take what? 5 minutes out of your day? It's nothing to bitch about. Feed the dogs, take them for walks, clean the house, make dinner for yourself, make sure dishes are clean blah blah blah. The moment they walk in the door however, stress levels shoot through the roof. All those petty tasks that you can do comfortably throughout the day on your own time suddenly have time bombs attached to them and you can't sit the fuck down without someone screaming at you through 4 walls. and I know, people will say, "QQ more little boy, they shelter and feed you, get off your stupid iCCup game and do what they ask." i don't agree with that outlook at all. most other families I've witnessed have kids who never do shit, ever. they are either spoiled, or just say "No, you do the dishes, I'm busy!" and yet my parents say I fail at life because I feel like a cereal box can be put away at 4:30 as opposed to 4:29? it really doesn't feel good at all to be told how terrible a son you are every time a dirty dish is spotted -- but I guess people here think that's what good parenting is.
My story is almost word for word just like your story. It seems i'm 2 years older than you, I don't recall the age which I changed but I completely see my parents in a whole new light and i learned to love them and cherish them. ( I live alone with my brother )
Maybe in time you'll see and realize.
I'm not saying you're a bad or whiny son/person obviously not but you believe that your parents aren't behaving properly and such, i'd say try your very best to put yourself in their shoes.
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On November 02 2009 13:10 MooCow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2009 11:52 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 11:09 Cloud wrote:On November 02 2009 06:41 eMbrace wrote:
I do my own laundry and others when asked to. I do the dishes when asked to (all the time, no big deal). I take the trash out and bring it back in every week. I clean what is asked to blah blah blah.
Believe me, anyone who gets fed for free does anything when asked to. Your parents sound like they want you to take some initiative. Do something without being asked to. Because it's annoying as fuck seeing as you're already in your college years and you can't possibly have learnt that it is expected of you without having to remind you. If my parents never bugged me about any household chores -- I'd eventually get them done anyways. It's starting to get annoying that people think I'm being whiny and immature, and that I don't respect my parents. This is about petty situations resulting in absolutely terrible fits of rage. It's not justifiable. It's tolerable, and I've never raised a finger to them my entire life about it -- so don't try to say I'm bitching. This blog was about trying to understand it, not to cry about it. When I was younger they left me home alone several times, for weeks at a time. It was paradise. I still had all the chores to do, but I decided when they would get done. No stress what so ever. Chores are easy, after all. Dishes take what? 5 minutes out of your day? It's nothing to bitch about. Feed the dogs, take them for walks, clean the house, make dinner for yourself, make sure dishes are clean blah blah blah. The moment they walk in the door however, stress levels shoot through the roof. All those petty tasks that you can do comfortably throughout the day on your own time suddenly have time bombs attached to them and you can't sit the fuck down without someone screaming at you through 4 walls. and I know, people will say, "QQ more little boy, they shelter and feed you, get off your stupid iCCup game and do what they ask." i don't agree with that outlook at all. most other families I've witnessed have kids who never do shit, ever. they are either spoiled, or just say "No, you do the dishes, I'm busy!" and yet my parents say I fail at life because I feel like a cereal box can be put away at 4:30 as opposed to 4:29? it really doesn't feel good at all to be told how terrible a son you are every time a dirty dish is spotted -- but I guess people here think that's what good parenting is. My story is almost word for word just like your story. It seems i'm 2 years older than you, I don't recall the age which I changed but I completely see my parents in a whole new light and i learned to love them and cherish them. ( I live alone with my brother ) Maybe in time you'll see and realize. I'm not saying you're a bad or whiny son/person obviously not but you believe that your parents aren't behaving properly and such, i'd say try your very best to put yourself in their shoes.
gaahhhhhhhhh why do you think i don't appreciate my parents?? i never even implied that. im 19 and i dont give a shit about how ridiculous they are -- they are the reason I have a computer to talk about this stuff.
i just want to understand an aspect a parenting that I disagree with.
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The geek in me wants to say "random monitoring and over-punishment" may be part of the answer. Your parent's can't monitor you perfectly to make sure you really are staying out of trouble, studying, etc. - especially with so many children to watch for. So, when they see something go wrong they overreact to make sure you are really deterred from doing something far worse. Formal paper, which deals with crime, but can apply to any office manager, or in this case parent I guess. People don't necessarily calculate "optimal punishment" rationally, but good managers often instinctively/from experience use the principle behind it.
Of course, I think psychological factors matter a lot here, as many before posted and yeah, parenting is damn hard.
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On November 02 2009 13:17 eMbrace wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2009 13:10 MooCow wrote:On November 02 2009 11:52 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 11:09 Cloud wrote:On November 02 2009 06:41 eMbrace wrote:
I do my own laundry and others when asked to. I do the dishes when asked to (all the time, no big deal). I take the trash out and bring it back in every week. I clean what is asked to blah blah blah.
Believe me, anyone who gets fed for free does anything when asked to. Your parents sound like they want you to take some initiative. Do something without being asked to. Because it's annoying as fuck seeing as you're already in your college years and you can't possibly have learnt that it is expected of you without having to remind you. If my parents never bugged me about any household chores -- I'd eventually get them done anyways. It's starting to get annoying that people think I'm being whiny and immature, and that I don't respect my parents. This is about petty situations resulting in absolutely terrible fits of rage. It's not justifiable. It's tolerable, and I've never raised a finger to them my entire life about it -- so don't try to say I'm bitching. This blog was about trying to understand it, not to cry about it. When I was younger they left me home alone several times, for weeks at a time. It was paradise. I still had all the chores to do, but I decided when they would get done. No stress what so ever. Chores are easy, after all. Dishes take what? 5 minutes out of your day? It's nothing to bitch about. Feed the dogs, take them for walks, clean the house, make dinner for yourself, make sure dishes are clean blah blah blah. The moment they walk in the door however, stress levels shoot through the roof. All those petty tasks that you can do comfortably throughout the day on your own time suddenly have time bombs attached to them and you can't sit the fuck down without someone screaming at you through 4 walls. and I know, people will say, "QQ more little boy, they shelter and feed you, get off your stupid iCCup game and do what they ask." i don't agree with that outlook at all. most other families I've witnessed have kids who never do shit, ever. they are either spoiled, or just say "No, you do the dishes, I'm busy!" and yet my parents say I fail at life because I feel like a cereal box can be put away at 4:30 as opposed to 4:29? it really doesn't feel good at all to be told how terrible a son you are every time a dirty dish is spotted -- but I guess people here think that's what good parenting is. My story is almost word for word just like your story. It seems i'm 2 years older than you, I don't recall the age which I changed but I completely see my parents in a whole new light and i learned to love them and cherish them. ( I live alone with my brother ) Maybe in time you'll see and realize. I'm not saying you're a bad or whiny son/person obviously not but you believe that your parents aren't behaving properly and such, i'd say try your very best to put yourself in their shoes. gaahhhhhhhhh why do you think i don't appreciate my parents?? i never even implied that. im 19 and i dont give a shit about how ridiculous they are -- they are the reason I have a computer to talk about this stuff. i just want to understand an aspect a parenting that I disagree with.
I never said I don't think you appreciate your parents, I know you do everyone does. When I was 19 I too appreciated my parents but I was also very annoyed by them, as I said before my story is almost exactly like yours. I loved it when they went away and me and my bro would do all our chores and clean the house and do everything on our own time without having anyone telling us exactly when to do it.
Maybe it's because I don't live with them anymore but I really learnt to more than to just appreciate them. Everything your parents do is to help you because they love you, hopefully.
You sound like a reasonable person and I really do think when you grow a little more you'll see this completely different than how you do right now.
Also as people said before you come from a big family that's a lot of stress and people aren't perfect.
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On November 02 2009 13:33 MooCow wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2009 13:17 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 13:10 MooCow wrote:On November 02 2009 11:52 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 11:09 Cloud wrote:On November 02 2009 06:41 eMbrace wrote:
I do my own laundry and others when asked to. I do the dishes when asked to (all the time, no big deal). I take the trash out and bring it back in every week. I clean what is asked to blah blah blah.
Believe me, anyone who gets fed for free does anything when asked to. Your parents sound like they want you to take some initiative. Do something without being asked to. Because it's annoying as fuck seeing as you're already in your college years and you can't possibly have learnt that it is expected of you without having to remind you. If my parents never bugged me about any household chores -- I'd eventually get them done anyways. It's starting to get annoying that people think I'm being whiny and immature, and that I don't respect my parents. This is about petty situations resulting in absolutely terrible fits of rage. It's not justifiable. It's tolerable, and I've never raised a finger to them my entire life about it -- so don't try to say I'm bitching. This blog was about trying to understand it, not to cry about it. When I was younger they left me home alone several times, for weeks at a time. It was paradise. I still had all the chores to do, but I decided when they would get done. No stress what so ever. Chores are easy, after all. Dishes take what? 5 minutes out of your day? It's nothing to bitch about. Feed the dogs, take them for walks, clean the house, make dinner for yourself, make sure dishes are clean blah blah blah. The moment they walk in the door however, stress levels shoot through the roof. All those petty tasks that you can do comfortably throughout the day on your own time suddenly have time bombs attached to them and you can't sit the fuck down without someone screaming at you through 4 walls. and I know, people will say, "QQ more little boy, they shelter and feed you, get off your stupid iCCup game and do what they ask." i don't agree with that outlook at all. most other families I've witnessed have kids who never do shit, ever. they are either spoiled, or just say "No, you do the dishes, I'm busy!" and yet my parents say I fail at life because I feel like a cereal box can be put away at 4:30 as opposed to 4:29? it really doesn't feel good at all to be told how terrible a son you are every time a dirty dish is spotted -- but I guess people here think that's what good parenting is. My story is almost word for word just like your story. It seems i'm 2 years older than you, I don't recall the age which I changed but I completely see my parents in a whole new light and i learned to love them and cherish them. ( I live alone with my brother ) Maybe in time you'll see and realize. I'm not saying you're a bad or whiny son/person obviously not but you believe that your parents aren't behaving properly and such, i'd say try your very best to put yourself in their shoes. gaahhhhhhhhh why do you think i don't appreciate my parents?? i never even implied that. im 19 and i dont give a shit about how ridiculous they are -- they are the reason I have a computer to talk about this stuff. i just want to understand an aspect a parenting that I disagree with. I never said I don't think you appreciate your parents, I know you do everyone does. When I was 19 I too appreciated my parents but I was also very annoyed by them, as I said before my story is almost exactly like yours. I loved it when they went away and me and my bro would do all our chores and clean the house and do everything on our own time without having anyone telling us exactly when to do it. Maybe it's because I don't live with them anymore but I really learnt to more than to just appreciate them. Everything your parents do is to help you because they love you, hopefully. You sound like a reasonable person and I really do think when you grow a little more you'll see this completely different than how you do right now. Also as people said before you come from a big family that's a lot of stress and people aren't perfect.
That last thing I want to happen is grow up and look back at this blog post as meaningless.
This is a legitimate problem, not something you grow out of. If I look back and see their behavior as "justifiable," I'll be more likely to have the problem when I become a parent.
My parents have stress control issues, I do not want these issues in the future. No matter how much I appreciate my parents, I'm not about to neglect a good learning experience I can make from their flaws.
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On November 02 2009 13:39 eMbrace wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2009 13:33 MooCow wrote:On November 02 2009 13:17 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 13:10 MooCow wrote:On November 02 2009 11:52 eMbrace wrote:On November 02 2009 11:09 Cloud wrote:On November 02 2009 06:41 eMbrace wrote:
I do my own laundry and others when asked to. I do the dishes when asked to (all the time, no big deal). I take the trash out and bring it back in every week. I clean what is asked to blah blah blah.
Believe me, anyone who gets fed for free does anything when asked to. Your parents sound like they want you to take some initiative. Do something without being asked to. Because it's annoying as fuck seeing as you're already in your college years and you can't possibly have learnt that it is expected of you without having to remind you. If my parents never bugged me about any household chores -- I'd eventually get them done anyways. It's starting to get annoying that people think I'm being whiny and immature, and that I don't respect my parents. This is about petty situations resulting in absolutely terrible fits of rage. It's not justifiable. It's tolerable, and I've never raised a finger to them my entire life about it -- so don't try to say I'm bitching. This blog was about trying to understand it, not to cry about it. When I was younger they left me home alone several times, for weeks at a time. It was paradise. I still had all the chores to do, but I decided when they would get done. No stress what so ever. Chores are easy, after all. Dishes take what? 5 minutes out of your day? It's nothing to bitch about. Feed the dogs, take them for walks, clean the house, make dinner for yourself, make sure dishes are clean blah blah blah. The moment they walk in the door however, stress levels shoot through the roof. All those petty tasks that you can do comfortably throughout the day on your own time suddenly have time bombs attached to them and you can't sit the fuck down without someone screaming at you through 4 walls. and I know, people will say, "QQ more little boy, they shelter and feed you, get off your stupid iCCup game and do what they ask." i don't agree with that outlook at all. most other families I've witnessed have kids who never do shit, ever. they are either spoiled, or just say "No, you do the dishes, I'm busy!" and yet my parents say I fail at life because I feel like a cereal box can be put away at 4:30 as opposed to 4:29? it really doesn't feel good at all to be told how terrible a son you are every time a dirty dish is spotted -- but I guess people here think that's what good parenting is. My story is almost word for word just like your story. It seems i'm 2 years older than you, I don't recall the age which I changed but I completely see my parents in a whole new light and i learned to love them and cherish them. ( I live alone with my brother ) Maybe in time you'll see and realize. I'm not saying you're a bad or whiny son/person obviously not but you believe that your parents aren't behaving properly and such, i'd say try your very best to put yourself in their shoes. gaahhhhhhhhh why do you think i don't appreciate my parents?? i never even implied that. im 19 and i dont give a shit about how ridiculous they are -- they are the reason I have a computer to talk about this stuff. i just want to understand an aspect a parenting that I disagree with. I never said I don't think you appreciate your parents, I know you do everyone does. When I was 19 I too appreciated my parents but I was also very annoyed by them, as I said before my story is almost exactly like yours. I loved it when they went away and me and my bro would do all our chores and clean the house and do everything on our own time without having anyone telling us exactly when to do it. Maybe it's because I don't live with them anymore but I really learnt to more than to just appreciate them. Everything your parents do is to help you because they love you, hopefully. You sound like a reasonable person and I really do think when you grow a little more you'll see this completely different than how you do right now. Also as people said before you come from a big family that's a lot of stress and people aren't perfect. That last thing I want to happen is grow up and look back at this blog post as meaningless. This is a legitimate problem, not something you grow out of. If I look back and see their behavior as "justifiable," I'll be more likely to have the problem when I become a parent. My parents have stress control issues, I do not want these issues in the future. No matter how much I appreciate my parents, I'm not about to neglect a good learning experience I can make from their flaws.
Ok, I see your point. 
It's good that you don't want to fall into their same flaws and instead learn from it.
Also I think scolding and telling your children to do things when they want it is fine because if they have to say that, that means the children don't do it right away or don't take initiative that their parents wants.
What I didn't catch from your OP was swearing, depending on people I think swearing to your children is bad, my parents never swore at me.
I guess your parents were more aggressive but I still had the same mind set as you.
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EPT
