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ryanAnger
United States838 Posts
I feel like the day the rest of the world understands this, and stops being so god-damned sensitive, will be the day a lot of shit goes really well for the world. TLDR: Stop being so sensitive (to most of the people in this thread) and good for you, OP. | ||
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Ation
Finland102 Posts
Read the entire thread and see how the two "forum fights" ended in some semi-respectful situations: Kennigit vs. Meapak_Ziphh vs. travis. Neither has to agree on being wrong about words that were said (OPINION / REACTION¹), just discuss the situation throughoutly and continue talking about it. In the end you can either agree that it wasn't cool what just happened (handshake or brofist it out) or disagree and walk away. There are always some people who have not been "taken care of" (punished for doing stupid things at early age) and I feel like girls need a lot more effort to crack if they have managed to get into the asshole boss situation. I'm not saying that they can't have leadership, but most of the time it is not a good idea because humans just are made like that. But after all is said and done, you don't need to be in 100% agreement about life when you want to be just good friends with someone. Try to chill out the situation and arrange some new and normal situations to continue your bff relation. Sometimes arguments require a really long period of time to chew on from the person who was hurt the most (I think you beat down the girl real hard, because she used to be mad confident in her ability to control people). ¹) Don't get me wrong here, when someone becomes angry it starts to reflect some of their deepest thoughts and mindsets when they actually stop thinking and holding back themselves. Purposedly pissing someone off makes them reveal how they would act under hard pressure. EDIT: I would like to add that if you want to have a deep relationship with a person, then that person has to feel CONFIDENT around you. This is really tricky because you just messed her up by breaking her habit of being a control freak (that's a rare extreme personality for some women). Honestly, I'm not sure how you can be on the same page with such a person. I'm getting married to a "normal person" who respects my words but who has her own strong opinions from time to time, highly recommended situation  . | ||
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shinwa
Sweden225 Posts
Though as harsh as your words were, they came for a reason. Girl or not, if they are prepared to give another human being shit, then he or she must also be prepared to take shit back. I haven't read all of the comments in this thread but the feeling I get from those who strongly oppose the "go fuck yourself"-bit, is that their response would be entirely different if your friend was a man. | ||
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news
892 Posts
I vouch for some of the things Kennigit said, he once helped me with a "whiskey dick" question during some random livestream. | ||
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Kms
Australia126 Posts
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Kalingingsong
Canada633 Posts
I don't know whether half of the people who have responded to this blog with comments like "It's the Man's job to be dominant" and "she needs to be put her in her place" are trying to crack unfunny jokes or really believe the shit they're spouting. If it's the latter, then that's a pretty fucked up attitude to have towards women... hmm to add to that, what if its a guy friend instead? which one of the two guys would need to be "put in their place" according to this theory?? lol, or should all men on the planet engage in a very large fight to the death (like lions), and the winnar gets a very large haram of 3 billion females to impregnate. | ||
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3FFA
United States3931 Posts
On October 20 2010 19:33 News wrote: Need to add "never paste your ID at the end of your post" policy to the 10 commandments. Should definitely be a bannable offense. Excuse me but I would like to know why you think this should be a bannable offense(I don't understand how it offends others at all to begin with). I don't even paste my Username(I think this is what you're referring to). I just type it to make my post a bit more official looking and I have fun making up silly phrases sometimes like: "pizza loving, 3FFA" Please do explain what problem there is with this or if I am misinterpreting you then please tell me what you meant. Thanks for any explanation, 3FFA (sorry I couldn't resist) | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France7793 Posts
On October 20 2010 07:41 Kennigit wrote: How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm. Also to clarify. Im not saying you should knock your girl around or tell her to stfu....i'm saying you need to be a man and not a little bitch, which includes not letting your gf walk all over you. With such reasonments, why not saying that men and women shouldn't have the ame right? After all for thousand of years, women had the right to shut up, stay at home and cook. The point is that not insulting your gf is not being a "little bitch". Someone who needs violence and insults to be respected by the person he is supposed to share hos love with is not very manish, but that's just my opinion. I personaly have never needed to tell any of my gf to "stfu". Respect is something you build up in common. If you respect little enough the person you love to talk to her that way, well, no wonder why the girl behaves like shit too. | ||
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Masamune
Canada3401 Posts
On October 21 2010 07:12 Biff The Understudy wrote: With such reasonments, why not saying that men and women shouldn't have the ame right? After all for thousand of years, women had the right to shut up, stay at home and cook. The point is that not insulting your gf is not being a "little bitch". Someone who needs violence and insults to be respected by the person he is supposed to share hos love with is not very manish, but that's just my opinion. I personaly have never needed to tell any of my gf to "stfu". Respect is something you build up in common. If you respect little enough the person you love to talk to her that way, well, no wonder why the girl behaves like shit too. Women and men are really not the same when it comes to their emotions and behaviour--this really boils down to our biological make-ups and evolution. Females invest more resources into reproduction, from the cell level to the actual individual level of child-rearing, so that really has an influence on how they behave. Men on the other hand invest very little, and with humans being slightly polygamous (males being more so than females), that also alters how we behave and treat one another. The amount each sex invests into reproduction really does govern how they behave and this is seen across the animal kingdom, not just humans. Biff, our "polite" behaviour towards women during the past few centuries is more a product of our civilizedness; this was, and still is, not seen in many other parts of the world. I think we could say that the West is in the minority for treating women with respect. Nevertheless, in our Western culture, there are many aspects where women are still treated as being inferior: A major one is considering how recently women suffrages passed. Looking more in-depth, you'll find little subtleties that still link us to our primal animal behaviour: women being called sluts when they sleep around and men being hailed as studs for the same actions. Or you could look in the workplace where women are promoted less often than men, despite being equally qualified. Our biology and evolution really is linked to our psychological behaviour, whether is be conscious or subconscious. I think the most important thing to state is that Nature is not moral or immoral--it's amoral! Science investigates and tries to provide answers to the questions we have about this universe, but what we do with these answers is up to us. Sometimes the answers will be cruel, and that's where being human is a good thing; we can use our intelligence to assess the situation and move away from our primal instincts and try to make an ideal society. I think this is where your ideas about philosophy can be tied in Biff ^^ | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
Anyway, I don't really see what is your problem here. First you should not worry too much about what happened when you can't change it. Second, if the same situation comes to you again, you should definitly stand on your position and not responding to her bitching. On the other hand I don't recommend swearing and insults in it, it can be okay but unless you really know the girl, insults can sometime go a little too far in someone's skin. TLDR: Tell her to shut her mouth she chose to wait for you, or coldly tell her she's annoying and whiny. Walking away is a good option when your anger is high / her bitching is hard. Note: I'm not native english speaker and I was not in your shoes so you have to ask yourself what is very harsh and what is not. Third, if she is really insisting to win this little battle. Just don't insist about winning it. This is boyish/girlish behaviour. When she brings it back just say again why you responded this way, if she doesn't understand and really insists increasing your anger, ignore-her / tell her she's immature and should get over it because you don't have anything more to add. Do it while being cool, calm but resolved, this is far more manly than letting anger out. Fourth, if she is still making a hell out of it, ignore/don't see her again until she calms down and get out of her bitchy mood. Fifth, if really there is no way and being with her is hell. Leave her, she is not a good person. Sixth, I hope it will settle down around point third anyway :D Last thing, I kinda like DD stuff but what he means has to be thought for. When I read you I feel you are not far from your afc or wussy period as DD name it. And often as I've seen it men have a phase where after being very nice they are kinda too much agressive toward women. You must understand this is not good in the opposite direction, might give you better results than being a wussy but still you should aim as embracing a more mature bahaviour; which is being strong but also cool/calm toward these situation. | ||
Manifesto7
Osaka27114 Posts
On October 20 2010 14:59 Kennigit wrote: Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls. Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with. This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid. But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book? On October 20 2010 08:43 Kennigit wrote: Do you not think that the ability for a man to provide for a woman is rooted deep in the back of her head as a qualifier for whether he'd be a good mate? He's not going out and stabbing deers, but either in his life or in his career he is a stable means of support. Thats why its the same. Men are about 70/30 split on physical/emotional attraction. Hips/breasts are both signs of fertility and ability to rear children - same as it was 100,000 years ago. Women are about 30/70 split....which is why you see "ugly" guys married to beautiful women, because they are filling that leader/provider roll - just like he was 100,000 years ago. Me = +1 case study for the ugly leader getting the hot girl. But don't joke about smacking women, that is just crass. You're gonna make a certain raving lunatic blog some more ad money. | ||
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Raeleigh
Canada902 Posts
EITHER WAY! The man did what he had to do. People have also already said it, the girl is psycho. Some girls are like that. You learn to deal and move on. Some people are REALLY not worth the BS they'll throw at you. -shrug- Manifesto7, if you write a book, i'll buy it. LOL. Edit: On October 20 2010 15:56 ryanAnger wrote: I'm sick of this idea of censorship that so many people have been coddled by their entire lives. Who gives a fuck if she's a girl? I talk to a girls the same way I talk to my guys friends. It's called equal opportunity. If they want the same rights as me, they can be treated the same why I am treated. I don't mean any disrespect by doing so, in fact, I think it's actually respectful, because I'm treating them as my equal. I actually think it's condescending to women to skirt around the issue, and not be straight up with them. I feel like the day the rest of the world understands this, and stops being so god-damned sensitive, will be the day a lot of shit goes really well for the world. TLDR: Stop being so sensitive (to most of the people in this thread) and good for you, OP. This is how I feel. I don't want my guy friends to be all nice around me and different than they normally are. No reason in hiding it. I act the same way around my guy friends as I do my girl friends. I treat my guy friends like bros and they say they're comfortable around me and it's good times all around. | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself. part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it. i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you. i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking. i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem." i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong. this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever | ||
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Masamune
Canada3401 Posts
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Slithe
United States985 Posts
On October 21 2010 17:16 Masamune wrote: imo I think you should have said that to her verbally, instead of in a letter format. This may reaffirm in her mind that she can take advantage of you. Ideally, verbally may be better. However, it's also much harder to maintain eloquence in a face-to-face situation when the person can also respond. This will also give the girl time to mull over the contents of the letter. | ||
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Masamune
Canada3401 Posts
On October 21 2010 17:19 Slithe wrote: Ideally, verbally may be better. However, it's also much harder to maintain eloquence in a face-to-face situation when the person can also respond. This will also give the girl time to mull over the contents of the letter. I find letters to be passive and impersonal. If the OP was tired of being taken advantage of, this seems counter-intuitive to what he did in the OP and why he did it. I think it will show the girl that he's sorry (and I'm sure she already knows that given his push-over past) but that he can still be pushed around. I dunno, I think when you say something to a person face-to-face, especially in awkward circumstances, it shows confidence and conviction in how you feel. You can also be eloquent verbally and go undisturbed (provided you tell the person to stfu and let you talk for a few minutes). I've never really been good with apologies so take my words with a grain of salt. | ||
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Ation
Finland102 Posts
I have written poems and loveletters when I was kind of shy of showing my true feelings and it absolutely wasn't a bad idea  . Between me and my friend X, It didn't end up us being lovers, but we have a really warm friendship because I was able to reveal what's up. Then we talked about it more and continued life.I wish you all the best, I think you really want to be a good person for this girl. GL HF  . | ||
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VonLego
United States519 Posts
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InRaged
1047 Posts
On October 21 2010 12:24 Manifesto7 wrote: But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book? The saying is "Once you're lucky. Twice you're good. Three times you're God" haha On October 21 2010 17:01 NickC wrote: i usually wouldnt followup to something like this since its private personal shit but ill tell you so much as i wrote out on paper and gave her this letter + Show Spoiler + ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself. part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it. i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you. i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking. i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem." i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong. this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever Now I haven't read the letter but, judging by the sheer size of it, among you two you are the one who should be called "girl friend". I bet she hasn't spent more than two minutes thinking about accident. You on the other hand is totally invested into it. She has an iron grip over you emotionally, dude. | ||
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Happy.fairytail
United States327 Posts
On October 21 2010 17:01 NickC wrote: + Show Spoiler + i usually wouldnt followup to something like this since its private personal shit but ill tell you so much as i wrote out on paper and gave her this letter + Show Spoiler + ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself. part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it. i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you. i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking. i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem." i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong. this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever Good for you for being able to clearly express both your rationality as well as your emotions. Not many people can do that in a lucid fashion, and it shows self-awareness, an uncommon trait. And good for you for apologizing, and not demanding an apology back -- that shows real maturity. I don't know much about you, but I think you're headed towards a fine direction in "not being a pussy", lol. I do agree with the other posters, however, that a face-to-face or even phone conversation would have been better, for the simple fact that you may not know what's going on in her head. Furthermore, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can only be resolved through mutual understanding and mutual acceptance of hurt feelings -- something best done in live, give and take conversation. On October 22 2010 01:38 InRaged wrote: I bet she hasn't spent more than two minutes thinking about accident. You on the other hand is totally invested into it. She has an iron grip over you emotionally, dude. InRaged, you could be right. You could also be wrong. And regarding having an "iron grip over you emotionally", that may be true. But -- we all have our insecurities and our buttons, and there's nothing unnatural about someone getting in that chink in your armor. If NickC's friend cares about him as a friend, she'd work towards avoiding pushing his buttons and help him with his insecurities as well. All the best friends do. | ||
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