went to a club with a girl (one of my best friends) and her friends.
everything was fine. at end of club i went to the bathroom while girl friend waited outside the club.
i came out from bathroom and my girl friend was all hissy, bitchy, accusing, demeaning and aggressive suddenly (in my eyes).
she said (as if talking to dirt) "i cant find the others now because of you".
i said "because of ME? its MY fault?"
she said (bitch voice) "well YES"
i shouted "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and walked off
now this girl has a unique temperment where if something doesnt go her way she is vocal about it. some would say its "picky" and appreciative behaviour, some would say its "bitchy" behaviour. i really admire her for it because its a powerful and commendable attitude, something that most pussy girl-less men would do well to aspire to.
but on some occaisions it gets directed at me and i feel like its nasty and inappropriate.
in the past i would always be a pussy and be like "oh im sorry for upsetting you" or i'd have to whine back at her like "well blah blah blah" with some dumb justification or riposte.
but ive been listening to david d'angelo etc tapes lately and being more aware of my pussyness and my own (lack of) pickyness and strength of character.
so when she started on me this time i just flipped and swore and walked off in a rage.
now it all happened in a split second and i was raging all the way home (how dare she talk to me like a dog).
so 2 days later i msg her online and shes like "arent you going to apologise??". i said (being totally calmed now) "no. that was an unacceptable way to talk to me."
after a little back and forth she said something like "you want me to lick your ass???" and i called her batshit crazy, and hence commences the arguement about who was wrong and who was right.
i told her that my REACTION was a reaction to HER shitty action. SHE made me angry and it was HER fault.
i took the position that if you talk to someone like dirt then they're going to get mad at you, and that she shouldnt have been aggressive and bitchy.
she simply responds with "why dont you practice what you preach" (since i had blown up and swore at her).
how the fuck can i respond to this? all i could say was "dont turn this round onto me". shouldnt she be thinking about her own behaviour rather than just blame blame blaming mine?
now, my conclusion
i done the right thing in the wrong way. i was a bit drunk and totally flipped out when i felt her repeat this demeaning attitude at me.
i maintain that i had a right to be angry even though im not sure if i can get her to clearly see this. i reacted totally on autopilot and wont apologise for swearing at her because that is how SHE made me feel with HER actions.
what i SHOULD have DONE was simply tell her "look, you cant talk to me that way, its totally unacceptable. blah blah lets go find your friends."
Flipping out on someone like that, even when deserved, isn't the correct response. I think you realize this. Being the mature one is difficult sometimes though...
edit: it helps to be able to laugh when someone is being ridiculous and accusing you of dumb shit... don't let it get to you... if you are getting mad it's a sign that you are offended even though you shouldn't be.
Correct way to respond to her bitchy attitude outside the club would have been:
"If you don´t like my company, why wait?"
Despite what d'angelo and "experts" say, you have to take into account that this is not a "pcik-up" for you. It´s a friend or someone you don´t want to lose.
Yeah in hindsight you can always say what you should've done is stay calm and just take it. But she was acting out of line and your reaction was completely warranted. If she's not going to apologize then she doesn't have the decency or humility to admit she made a mistake, something you don't have to deal with.
The temptation to rage back is very strong and tbh in your position i would of probably done the same, but even so sometimes its best to just ignore it and that way they end up looking even worse than if you had reacted. Rough situation just let it pass over
On October 20 2010 06:55 dudeman001 wrote: Yeah in hindsight you can always say what you should've done is stay calm and just take it. But she was acting out of line and your reaction was completely warranted. If she's not going to apologize then she doesn't have the decency or humility to admit she made a mistake, something you don't have to deal with.
lol are you kidding me? You seriously think yelling "GO FUCK YOURSELF" to a girl and walking off is warranted? What the fuck? Do you get outside much? No matter how angry someone may be that is NEVER a proper way to treat a girl, or any friend for that matter. That's almost disturbing to me that you think that sort of behaviour is appropriate.
standing up for myself in a ssocial situation isnt something ive really had to do before, its completely new to me. until i met this person i dont think ive ever gotten angry or had a personal social conflict (like shouting at a friend). im guess im going to have to find a balance of being "strong" without accidently being a tool.
You were 100% correct in your reaction. In fact a threatening back hand would have had an even more dramatic effect. In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
A lot of girl questions can be solved by watching an animal planet documentary on gorillas or lions.
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: You were 100% correct in your reaction. In fact a threatening back hand would have had an even more dramatic effect. In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
A lot of girl questions can be solved by watching an animal planet documentary on gorillas or lions.
On October 20 2010 06:55 dudeman001 wrote: Yeah in hindsight you can always say what you should've done is stay calm and just take it. But she was acting out of line and your reaction was completely warranted. If she's not going to apologize then she doesn't have the decency or humility to admit she made a mistake, something you don't have to deal with.
lol are you kidding me? You seriously think yelling "GO FUCK YOURSELF" to a girl and walking off is warranted? What the fuck? Do you get outside much? No matter how angry someone may be that is NEVER a proper way to treat a girl, or any friend for that matter. That's almost disturbing to me that you think that sort of behaviour is appropriate.
honestly i have no idea. all i know is that i got that freakin angry and it was like an automatic reaction that was over in a split second and i was already walking away (fuming)
On October 20 2010 07:04 micronesia wrote: Being manly by going out of your way to seem manly doesn't seem very manly to me tbh...
most manly traits are stuff boys and men are never taught, have no natural intuition for, and often never find out for themselves. is it manly to force yourself to stand up straight and drive with your hips when you're walking, until it becomes a habit?
Saying "GO FUCK YOURSELF" was inappropiate in my opinion, but putting her in her place was the way to go as she has no right to be a whiny bitch and blame her bad mood on you.
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
Telling a girl, "GO FUCK YOURSELF", is innappropriate no matter the situation. The real issue I have with this is that the OP really has no concept of WHY the girl is angry. Maybe the girl was joking around, maybe the girl had a serious issue, maybe she really just was angry, but there was a reason for it, the the OP did not know the exact reason as to why, simply because he is looking at her behaviour, not understanding what she is thinking.
Simply put, imagine you were stressed out about some issue at a club. You tell your girlfriend your issue and it comes out as angry/harsh. She tells you to "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and walks off. Then she expects an apology from you because you caused her actions. If you think that's unrealistic then you obviously feel that women are inferior to men in a relationship.
The fact that you think that "just putting a girl in her place" is the "proper biological way to act", disgusts me. By saying that, you are essentially saying that ignoring a woman's issues or troubles is the proper way to act, especially with rude and harsh responses. I think you have read too many books or watched too many videos on how to get girls' attention or how to pick up girls, which is the complete opposite of how to treat a female, or anybody for that matter, in an actual relationship.
On October 20 2010 06:47 NickC wrote: i shouted "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and walked off
I think you need to go to anger management classes, and I am being absolutely serious.
Idra get out of this body!
Seriously, the whole thing is childish. When people are stupid let them be stupid. Including girls. And then arguing about who is right or wrong, I mean seriously.
Just let it go ffs. Do you really care that much about being right and people knowing that you are right? If you are really right, keep it for yourself instead of arguing with the girl like a ten years old.
Sorry to be harsh. Also, go fuck yourself, well, it's not a way to talk to girls. I'm old fashionned, I know, but still. And if you do, then you should actually apologize, independently of the wrong she did.
But seriously, grow up. It's your fault that you shouted "Go fuck yourself!" to her, learn to control yourself or drink less. Acting like your behaviour was ok because she started is really immature.
Also, David D'Angelo is retarded and his "advice" is in now way aimed at a healthy relationship. And I'm pretty sure that even he wouldn't advice you to give your girlfriend a verbal beatdown.
On October 20 2010 07:04 micronesia wrote: Being manly by going out of your way to seem manly doesn't seem very manly to me tbh...
most manly traits are stuff boys and men are never taught, have no natural intuition for, and often never find out for themselves. is it manly to force yourself to stand up straight and drive with your hips when you're walking, until it becomes a habit?
Again ... David D'Angelo ... retard. Don't listen to his crap because you're insecure. Shouting at people doesn't make you seem manly, if you were confident you wouldn't give a fuck what she thought.
On October 20 2010 06:47 NickC wrote: i shouted "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and walked off
I think you need to go to anger management classes, and I am being absolutely serious.
Idra get out of this body!
Seriously, the whole thing is childish. When people are stupid let them be stupid. Including girls. And then arguing about who is right or wrong, I mean seriously.
Just let it go ffs. Do you really care that much about being right and people knowing that you are right? If you are really right, keep it for yourself instead of arguing with the girl like a ten years old.
Sorry to be harsh. Also, go fuck yourself, well, it's not a way to talk to girls. I'm old fashionned, I know, but still. And if you do, then you should actually apologize, independently of the wrong she did.
Why am I arguing? Because it disturbs me that some guys out there treat women this way and justify it by talking to their buddies. If he just told the story and that's it, I would leave it alone and not even respond, but this guy is asking for advice. If people tell him that telling a girl to go fuck herself is appropriate, he will more than likely do it again which I am bothered by.
Mwell, I would have asked her how it was my fault first before deciding she was batshit. But I'm really irresponsible and have a terrible short term memory so I've basically just learned to assume it was probably me that fucked up.
edit: I for one totally understand you blowing up on her though. I mean seriously, you're drunk and someone gets right in your face, it's no surprise you'd get angry and lash out. People saying "it's wrong, no matter the circumstances" simply have 20/20 hindsight. Everyone has that, but those people feel the need to be superior about it. They suck.
You should tell her that at that time you were really frustrated at your inability to push your relationship further. You should then confess to her telling her that you want to move beyond girl friend and into girlfriend. This will make her not angry and your relationship will deepen! It seems you like her very much and that this is the path to take.
"but ive been listening to david d'angelo etc tapes lately" - Not a fan, but he does make a good point once in awhile.
So she got pissed off at you and you told her to fuck off. Unreasonable response to someone being unreasonable themselves.
Thats not being having character or being manly, thats responding to someone who is being a bit of a bitch by being a bigger bitch.
While she was in no position to talk shit to you. You could of done 2 things: yelled at her like a drunk moron, or make a logical point to her and tell her that what he is getting angry about is illogical, I mean honestly how hard is is to find your friends again, use a fucking text message, or its a club, you will prolly run into them eventually anyway.
Although she will prolly get pissed at either option, but one of them wont make you look like a raging jackass and will make it harder to for her to displace her being a bitch on your behavior.
Learn to handle situations logically, calmly and smoothly and things will fall into place on their own. But whatever, things were said, you were at club alcohol was involved, tense situation. If you both cant get over something minor like that....lol.
Just dont back down from your new stance, thats the 1st step to changing. Just in the future know you can handle it a bit better than telling her to go fuck herself.
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes. Men and women have completely different emotional needs
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
I'm a person who 100% trusts in talking. I mean, if you can't talk to her you are f00ked and just can-not-talk-to-her. There are some serious artificial dividers between humankind and people tend to fit or not fit into groups.
Strongest man has the balls to forgive tbh. Need not go hostile on any situation unless you feel like being an asshole or "tough" for some reason. People also do stupid stuff when they lose their cool / feel threatened, and... you sir felt threatened by your friend
PS. It's impossible to have an honest conversation with someone who isn't ready to ACCEPT THE REALITY, so sometimes you're best off just selecting friends who you can be honest with.
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring?
I never shout on my girlfriend, and I when I get angry, I suck it up and I stay calm and courteous. That's what being manly is for me, and for her too. Being manly means being master of yourself and being able to take the situation in hand without losing nerves or even being unnecessarly rude or hurting.
Someone who start screaming when he is upset is not being very manly, imo.
I'm sorry, but it's still a bit of a machist cliché, your stuff
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
I agree to an EXTENT. Yes I do believe, in general, women are attracted to men who make the decisions, in fact I'd say that's pretty universally known. However in this situation I don't believe it was applicable.
On October 20 2010 07:25 Ation wrote: I'm a person who 100% trusts in talking. I mean, if you can't talk to her you are f00ked and just can-not-talk-to-her. There are some serious artificial dividers between humankind and people tend to fit or not fit into groups.
Strongest man has the balls to forgive tbh. Need not go hostile on any situation unless you feel like being an asshole or "tough" for some reason. People also do stupid stuff when they lose their cool / feel threatened, and... you sir felt threatened by your friend
PS. It's impossible to have an honest conversation with someone who isn't ready to ACCEPT THE REALITY, so sometimes you're best off just selecting friends who you can be honest with.
Agree.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
I never shout on my girlfriend, and I when I get angry, I suck it up and I stay calm and courteous. That's what being manly is for me, and for her too. Being manly means being master of yourself and being able to take the situation in hand without losing nerves or even being unnecessarly rude or hurting.
Someone who start screaming when he is upset is not being very manly, imo.
On October 20 2010 07:14 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:50 Zapdos_Smithh wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:47 NickC wrote: i shouted "GO FUCK YOURSELF" and walked off
I think you need to go to anger management classes, and I am being absolutely serious.
Idra get out of this body!
Seriously, the whole thing is childish. When people are stupid let them be stupid. Including girls. And then arguing about who is right or wrong, I mean seriously.
Just let it go ffs. Do you really care that much about being right and people knowing that you are right? If you are really right, keep it for yourself instead of arguing with the girl like a ten years old.
Sorry to be harsh. Also, go fuck yourself, well, it's not a way to talk to girls. I'm old fashionned, I know, but still. And if you do, then you should actually apologize, independently of the wrong she did.
Why am I arguing? Because it disturbs me that some guys out there treat women this way and justify it by talking to their buddies. If he just told the story and that's it, I would leave it alone and not even respond, but this guy is asking for advice. If people tell him that telling a girl to go fuck herself is appropriate, he will more than likely do it again which I am bothered by.
I was not taking to you, I quoted you because I wanted to add something with what you were saying. And make a joke/comment. The Idra stuff was for OP obviously.
well actually it was david d'angelo who said to be more aware of your standards and to use words like "that is unacceptable to me". he doesnt endorse dumb things and you have to listen to his tapes to know what he's about otherwise you'll just assume the worst. i recommend Sexual Communication and On Being A Man....honestly this is the most interesting psychological material it keeps me glued for hours
i did of course ask her to explain how she is seeing things from her point of view. to her she was pretty much fine in how she behaved...she just doesnt see anything wrong with how she acts...honestly i dont think shes ever apologised or backed down over anything since i've known her...i even think maybe subconsciously i "overreacted" so harshly just to try to have an impact on her for once......
It sounds like she is used to treating you like dirt and when you refused to apologize for nothing she got pissed off. You could have handled it better. That said, you aren't going to change her opinion of you overnight, if ever, if it is the case that you've been passive for a long time and she is the dominant person in the relationship.
As for people saying this is a man woman thing, you're wrong, this is a human thing. If your boss or parent (someone who has had undisputed authority over a long period of time) hassles you and you get mouthy, the same thing will happen. It doesn't matter whether they had justification or not.
Realize that she is not being mean on purpose. Don't be that angry guy that shouts at people. Apologize for shouting at her, but make it clear that you won't be taking anymore undeserved shit in the future.
On October 20 2010 07:32 NickC wrote: well actually it was david d'angelo who said to be more aware of your standards and to use words like "that is unacceptable to me". he doesnt endorse dumb things and you have to listen to his tapes to know what he's about otherwise you'll just assume the worst. i recommend Sexual Communication and On Being A Man....honestly this is the most interesting psychological material it keeps me glued for hours
i did of course ask her to explain how she is seeing things from her point of view. to her she was pretty much fine in how she behaved...she just doesnt see anything wrong with how she acts...honestly i dont think shes ever apologised or backed down over anything since i've known her...i even think maybe subconsciously i "overreacted" so harshly just to try to have an impact on her for once......
Doesn't sound like that chick is good material man. I'd avoid someone like that like the plague. Those are the kind of girls whose skin I just try to get under, because its so easy.
You talk to her, thinking that eventually it will change but nah man, it won't change, not in the near future. I mean thats a core thing thats wrong. Sure it might be pretty good short term, but it is just going to get worse.
Don't back down or apologize for what you did. While what you did was unreasonable and you should probably handled it better, whatever, she was being unreasonable herself. People will be people, don't regret what you did, as it shows signs of weakness, just move on.
If that kind of minor thing can affect your friendship, it should really set off alarm bells in your head.
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring? (
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
Also to clarify. Im not saying you should knock your girl around or tell her to stfu....i'm saying you need to be a man and not a little bitch, which includes not letting your gf walk all over you.
onmach: mm thats really interesting. this isnt really a man women (love relationship) thing specifically (or exclusively) you're right. there are no love type feelings or jealousy feelings involved
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote: Being manly means being master of yourself and being able to take the situation in hand without losing nerves or even being unnecessarly rude or hurting.
This guy is right. Just tell her that her behavior is unacceptable + Show Spoiler +
I can tell you one thing, girls probably like to argue. You are in a classic state which probably 90% of guys do, wait, did I say 90% I mean 100%. To be quite honest, if she is walking all over you it's because she know she can, when you stand up for yourself however annoyed she may be at that instant it's probably the best thing you could have done. She now knows you won't be walked all over and over time it will become beneficial. (assuming you don't become a giant pussy again)
Arguing is fine, it's part of relationships, you just need to know how to deal with each other after the arguments.
NickC, it sounds like you were both in the wrong. She's in the wrong for talking condescendingly and blaming others for her circumstances. You're in the wrong for losing your temper at her. You should both apologize -- and you being the bigger man, that probably means it starts with you.
But, that doesn't mean you have to back down on asking her to apologize for how she made you feel. If she doesn't acknowledge that, you don't have to argue with her or press the issue further -- but don't back down in bringing it up the next time it happens.
Also, it sounds like you're very concerned about not "being a pussy", but I think you've got something confused... You want to be confident and strong, not appear to be confident and strong. Where does confidence come from? From having conviction in your beliefs. And conviction comes from knowing, and trusting in yourself. Despite what people may tell you, shouting "GO FUCK YOURSELF" does not stem from inner knowledge and high self-esteem, lol.
If you know yourself and trust in yourself, you have nothing to fear when others talk condescendingly towards you -- because no matter what they say, you know you are not what they think you are.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:22 Kennigit wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:14 Zapdos_Smithh wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring? (
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
You can't compare the past 600 years even remotely to the past 100,000 years. There was no major force of society or jobs or anything relevant today 100,000 years ago, or even 2,000 years ago for that matter. Using the terms gathering/hunting/protecting the group (physically) applies to when humans lived in caves, and those traits were very beneficial for survival and success. That's how animals live (edit) today, not humans.
Sure some of the main ideas do translate, but you cannot fully apply them to today's society. For your example, imagine the most successful males 100,000 years ago. They were strong and aggressive and fought for food, etc.. Look at the most successful males today, let's take somebody like Bill Gates. I guarantee you that man has never fought for food in his life.
The point being, while your ideas have a small amount of prevalence in today's society, they cannot be fully applied. Evolution is in the past, it's a FACTOR as to why we live the way we do today, but one of many others, some others that may be completely contradictory (ex. how sitting on a computer all day can increase one's survival via earning money).
Pro Tip: Don't let your friends fuck your girlfriend.
This statement invalid in the case of
1) friends also being girls 2) friends being hot 3) you being present at the time.
Also, I find that the best way to deal with any unreasonable behavior is to simply silently treat it as unreasonable. Raised eyebrows and a well cultivated 'are you serious?' or 'really?' expression are perhaps the most valuable tool a civilized gentleman can employ to socially bitchslap the socially or logically inept, since usually they're quite aware they're being unreasonable.
now this girl has a unique temperment where if something doesnt go her way she is vocal about it. some would say its "picky" and appreciative behaviour, some would say its "bitchy" behaviour. i really admire her for it because its a powerful and commendable attitude, something that most pussy girl-less men would do well to aspire to.
yemen, gotta admire people like Hitler and Osama for being such baller shit-talkers.
after a little back and forth she said something like "you want me to lick your ass???" and i called her batshit crazy, and hence commences the arguement about who was wrong and who was right.
You should've reply "yes", it might have led to something resembling sex.
now..........................post ur opinions
never ever ever apologize, even if you know you are wrong. Case closed.
On October 20 2010 08:22 Zapdos_Smithh wrote: You can't compare the past 600 years even remotely to the past 100,000 years. There was no major force of society or jobs or anything relevant today 100,000 years ago, or even 2,000 years ago for that matter. Using the terms gathering/hunting/protecting the group (physically) applies to when humans lived in caves, and those traits were very beneficial for survival and success. That's how animals live (edit) today, not humans.
I 100% disagree. These same philosophies still apply.
Sure some of the main ideas do translate, but you cannot fully apply them to today's society. For your example, imagine the most successful males 100,000 years ago. They were strong and aggressive and fought for food, etc.. Look at the most successful males today, let's take somebody like Bill Gates. I guarantee you that man has never fought for food in his life.
Bill Gates has never fought for food. He has defeated hundreds of competitors, taken over companies. And most importantly, he leads a "pack" of many thousands....You're right that he doesn't protect his group physically, but he does protect them. Microsoft is a great and stable company to work for because of the strong leadership he and guys like steve balmer (who is a fucking monster alpha male) provide.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:22 Kennigit wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:14 Zapdos_Smithh wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring? (
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
You can't compare the past 600 years even remotely to the past 100,000 years. There was no major force of society or jobs or anything relevant today 100,000 years ago, or even 2,000 years ago for that matter. Using the terms gathering/hunting/protecting the group (physically) applies to when humans lived in caves, and those traits were very beneficial for survival and success. That's how animals live (edit) today, not humans.
Sure some of the main ideas do translate, but you cannot fully apply them to today's society. For your example, imagine the most successful males 100,000 years ago. They were strong and aggressive and fought for food, etc.. Look at the most successful males today, let's take somebody like Bill Gates. I guarantee you that man has never fought for food in his life.
The point being, while your ideas have a small amount of prevalence in today's society, they cannot be fully applied. Evolution is in the past, it's a FACTOR as to why we live the way we do today, but one of many others, some others that may be completely contradictory (ex. how sitting on a computer all day can increase one's survival via earning money).
traits of sexual attraction and reproductive success (not individual survival, which isnt relevent to anything) is still the same as it was 100,000 years ago. hips, breasts, youth for women; leadership, status, reliability for men. money and a posh suit means nothing next to these.
(idk what you're talking about really but i just wanted to type some of the shit ive been learning recently lols)
On October 20 2010 08:22 Zapdos_Smithh wrote: You can't compare the past 600 years even remotely to the past 100,000 years. There was no major force of society or jobs or anything relevant today 100,000 years ago, or even 2,000 years ago for that matter. Using the terms gathering/hunting/protecting the group (physically) applies to when humans lived in caves, and those traits were very beneficial for survival and success. That's how animals live (edit) today, not humans.
I 100% disagree. These same philosophies still apply.
You know this how?
edit:
Not to mention, I am referring to how the idea of telling a girl to fuck herself is not appropriate/socially acceptable/beneficial for a relationship. You are trying to tell me that this assertive/aggressive response is good, biologically, and it "puts a woman in her place". You veer off-topic slightly and talk about male dominance back when we lived in caves. I respond by saying that a comparison like that is irrelevant since you cannot apply that to today's society.
Let's not veer off-topic here. The point is, how he responded was destructive for a relationship.
traits of sexual attraction and reproductive success (not individual survival, which isnt relevent to anything) is still the same as it was 100,000 years ago. hips, breasts, youth for women; leadership, status, reliability for men. money and a posh suit means nothing next to these.
(idk what you're talking about really but i just wanted to type some of the shit ive been learning recently lols)
Just remember to take people like d'angelo with some reasonable skepticism. He literally attracts more single men (aka You - no insult intended) than he does actual women.
Do you not think that the ability for a man to provide for a woman is rooted deep in the back of her head as a qualifier for whether he'd be a good mate? He's not going out and stabbing deers, but either in his life or in his career he is a stable means of support. Thats why its the same. Men are about 70/30 split on physical/emotional attraction. Hips/breasts are both signs of fertility and ability to rear children - same as it was 100,000 years ago. Women are about 30/70 split....which is why you see "ugly" guys married to beautiful women, because they are filling that leader/provider roll - just like he was 100,000 years ago.
On October 20 2010 08:43 Kennigit wrote: Do you not think that the ability for a man to provide for a woman is rooted deep in the back of her head as a qualifier for whether he'd be a good mate? He's not going out and stabbing deers, but either in his life or in his career he is a stable means of support. Thats why its the same. Men are about 70/30 split on physical/emotional attraction. Hips/breasts are both signs of fertility and ability to rear children - same as it was 100,000 years ago. Women are about 30/70 split....which is why you see "ugly" guys married to beautiful women, because they are filling that leader/provider roll - just like he was 100,000 years ago.
Nope, I agree with what you are saying. Refer to my edit in my last post to see what I was talking about.
im just confused why you dont understand how it was a bad idea to yell at your girlfriend to go fuck herself and some how feel she was in the wrong lol. Or at least that's how it seemed you tried to reason with her.
Yeah girls like it when you talk shit back to them, but there are lines for all these beautiful places in life.
every admin post in topics like these are always solid gold
On October 20 2010 08:57 Happy.fairytail wrote: didn't the OP say she was a best friend, not a girlfriend?
On October 20 2010 06:47 NickC wrote: i came out from bathroom and my girl friend was all hissy, bitchy, accusing, demeaning and aggressive suddenly (in my eyes).
On October 20 2010 09:03 NickC wrote: ya i meant friend who is a girl :x sorry if that was confusin, didnt occur to me rly
Even if she is just a friend, it's still inappropriate. You don't say that to girls period. Also it does show that you are emotionally unstable if we are going to argue as to why it's not biologically beneficial.
On October 20 2010 08:54 Divinek wrote: every admin post in topics like these are always solid gold
You realize that Kennigit is actually arguing that this OP's response was good right?
That's because his response was the proper one, you've gotta show her who is incontrol and who is machine not. It's the Man's job to be dominant, and that's that.
I'd be the one to just walk away.... Cause if there's something you're gonna hear for the rest of your life, its how a lifted hand somehow turns into an attempt to take a life with a huge kitchen knife.
Kennigit really? You’re a mod, when you step down from your dais people listen to your every word. And this is what you choose to say? Very Very bad form. You have been unnecessarily sexist and misogynist so far in this blog. Your first post was slightly funny and if you had left it at that it would have been fine however, you decide to come back and continue posting in this blog and things start to go downhill.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
This comment right here is fairly ignorant; you say that because this is true for your friend it is true for all women. Most women don’t want to be told to “stfu” unless they have a weird masochistic thing going on.
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
As you already said you aren’t a scientist. Besides humans aren’t apes for a reason, we have a highly brain and this allows us to pick mates beyond basic instinct. The “alpha male” is not necessarily what women are looking for nowadays.
Also to clarify. Im not saying you should knock your girl around or tell her to stfu....i'm saying you need to be a man and not a little bitch, which includes not letting your gf walk all over you.
Again this is ignorant, the OP clearly lost his temper, don’t make excuses for him by saying he was “just being a man”.
then smack her right in the mouth!!!
You should be banned for this
Do you not think that the ability for a man to provide for a woman is rooted deep in the back of her head as a qualifier for whether he'd be a good mate? He's not going out and stabbing deers, but either in his life or in his career he is a stable means of support. Thats why its the same. Men are about 70/30 split on physical/emotional attraction. Hips/breasts are both signs of fertility and ability to rear children - same as it was 100,000 years ago. Women are about 30/70 split....which is why you see "ugly" guys married to beautiful women, because they are filling that leader/provider roll - just like he was 100,000 years ago
If you are going to make statements like this please source them, I’m pretty sure this has been debunked thousands of times.
In conclusion I don’t really know what you are thinking, if you really believe this then maybe you aren’t fit to be a “mod of the future” for TL. However if you were just joking around (I sincerely hope you were) then you should work on your delivery because the joke was done after your first post. I have the upmost respect for the mods on TL however this kind of behavior is bad for the community, we’ve already had one problem along these lines… do we really need another?
Edit: Please please please don't ban me, I'm not trying to personally insult Kennigit I just wanted to point out that his posts may not be appropriate.
would it piss u off for me to say that in general i have found women to about a million times more irrational than men? because it's totally true
now, I have met some women in which that wasn't the case, and they were totally awesome. which makes them exceptional and that's great.
why did i say this? because you're picking at stupid shit and im curious if i can provoke you by stating some observations
btw, saying "please don't ban me" when there is no reason in your post you would be banned is INCREDIBLY obnoxious. out of your entire post it's the most likely reason you would get banned.
On October 20 2010 09:39 Meapak_Ziphh wrote: You have been unnecessarily sexist and misogynist so far in this blog.
Unfortunately, about half of TL seems to think along these lines. Rationally it makes sense because it's a video game forum, and the majority of gamers for the most part haven't had the best experiences with women and are likely to be a little bitter, resulting in having these views to help them cope.
It's depressing/sad.
edit:
Depressing that they resort to such views to clarify.
Travis I'm sorry the ban part annoyed you, I've never gotten into this sort of thing so when I posted that (which I thought might be taken the wrong way) I panicked and added that in.
Now as to why I am picking at this point is because I think mods should set a better example than what kennigit just did. I'm sorry you haven't met that many "rational women", in my experience about half of the men and half of the women I know are irrational but I really dont know why this matters.
well, kennigit is trying to teach lessons to another man, while being funny at the same time. and when someone is trying to be funny, it's important to take them with a grain of salt
and so it's clear i only responded to you because i don't like cries of misogyny at this sort of shit. the community here makes just as many stereotypes and generalities about men or gamers or nerds or stoners or whatever else. and it's fine to call people out on bullshit, just don't cry that someone is being racist or sexist because they state observations you disagree with.
Being a girl, I think you responded correctly. It's basically, you get what you give, right? If you're rude to someone, they're going to be rude back. It's only fair.
So, I think you responded well. Maybe next time don't explode but just do what she's doing to you. If she talks down to you, you do it back. I know personally when I do that to people and they do it back, it sort of slaps me in the face, and it hurts. It always hurts when people talk down to you or are rude to you. Haha.
In any case, I think you did what you had to. If she's going to be a giant cunt and expect the world from you but not give anything back, then there's something wrong with her princess wanna be ass.
I've had a friend, who was my best friend(not anymore though), who was allowed to be a bitch to everyone, but we weren't allowed to be one to her. She lied a lot too. So I told her, "You're a bitch to everyone, but we're not allowed to be one to you. Thanks for being my friend." And I left. -shrug-
Sometimes it's not worth keeping those kind of people around. ;3
Edit: LOL I thought you meant girl that's a friend as well, not a girlfriend. Well then! That makes it even worse. In a relationship, you never let anyone treat you like that. Especially if it's someone you're caring for and is supposed to be caring for you.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote: Being manly means being master of yourself and being able to take the situation in hand without losing nerves or even being unnecessarly rude or hurting.
This guy is right. Just tell her that her behavior is unacceptable + Show Spoiler +
then smack her right in the mouth!!!
To be completely honest, a non-admin would likely be banned for this post, joke or not. So many people hopping on the bandwagon to support Kennigit just because he is an admin. You've got to be kidding me if you guys are serious about men having this kind of control over women and "putting them in their place".
You might have been a little bit harsh, but you had the right idea. Regardless of whether it was a man OR a woman, no one should have the right to disrespect you/treat you like shit. People need to know that their behavior is rude and unacceptable. + Show Spoiler +
Dear Travis, I didn't think you were trying to troll me for a moment given the way you phrased your comment "I want to see how you respond". I still stand by my original comment that A) kennigit's comments crossed a line and B) as a mod kennigit should be held to a higher standard. I'm a little confused as to why you don't like me calling kennigit's comments sexist. As I stated in my original comment I don't think kennigit is a sexist in real life but I do think his comments were a tad... Distasteful. As a joke it was funny at first then he ran it into the ground. You however, correct if I'm wrong, are saying it's okay to be sexist because we get called names. This logic is confusing and I'm sure that's not what you meant so if you could clarify that I would appreciate it. Also you seem to think that im only picking this becasue I disagree with it. The reason I am picking this (as I already stated) is because kennigit is a mod and needs to set a better example. As I understand TL is against sexism (reading through the automated ban list confirms this) so all I'm saying is perhaps kennigit should consider that first time posters will look at him as an example and when they see this they'll think "well I don't have to take the commandments seriously after all". All in all I'm not sure why we are even arguing. As far as I can tell you don't disagree that the comments were sexist and the only problem you have is me calling them out. I faithfully awaight your reply, Love Meapak_Ziphh
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote: Being manly means being master of yourself and being able to take the situation in hand without losing nerves or even being unnecessarly rude or hurting.
This guy is right. Just tell her that her behavior is unacceptable + Show Spoiler +
then smack her right in the mouth!!!
To be completely honest, a non-admin would likely be banned for this post, joke or not. So many people hopping on the bandwagon to support Kennigit just because he is an admin. You've got to be kidding me if you guys are serious about men having this kind of control over women and "putting them in their place".
...
Agreed
On October 20 2010 10:47 Raeleigh wrote: Being a girl, I think you responded correctly. It's basically, you get what you give, right? If you're rude to someone, they're going to be rude back. It's only fair.
So, I think you responded well. Maybe next time don't explode but just do what she's doing to you. If she talks down to you, you do it back. I know personally when I do that to people and they do it back, it sort of slaps me in the face, and it hurts. It always hurts when people talk down to you or are rude to you. Haha.
In any case, I think you did what you had to. If she's going to be a giant cunt and expect the world from you but not give anything back, then there's something wrong with her princess wanna be ass.
I've had a friend, who was my best friend(not anymore though), who was allowed to be a bitch to everyone, but we weren't allowed to be one to her. She lied a lot too. So I told her, "You're a bitch to everyone, but we're not allowed to be one to you. Thanks for being my friend." And I left. -shrug-
Sometimes it's not worth keeping those kind of people around. ;3
Edit: LOL I thought you meant girl that's a friend as well, not a girlfriend. Well then! That makes it even worse. In a relationship, you never let anyone treat you like that. Especially if it's someone you're caring for and is supposed to be caring for you.
Agreed but it is a girl that's a friend :/
I also think that Kennigit has gone a bit over the line with his "joke advice" and if he wasn't a Mod he would most likely be either perm-banned or banned.
On October 20 2010 11:44 Meapak_Ziphh wrote: Dear Travis, I didn't think you were trying to troll me for a moment given the way you phrased your comment "I want to see how you respond". I still stand by my original comment that A) kennigit's comments crossed a line and B) as a mod kennigit should be held to a higher standard. I'm a little confused as to why you don't like me calling kennigit's comments sexist. As I stated in my original comment I don't think kennigit is a sexist in real life but I do think his comments were a tad... Distasteful. As a joke it was funny at first then he ran it into the ground. You however, correct if I'm wrong, are saying it's okay to be sexist because we get called names. This logic is confusing and I'm sure that's not what you meant so if you could clarify that I would appreciate it. Also you seem to think that im only picking this becasue I disagree with it. The reason I am picking this (as I already stated) is because kennigit is a mod and needs to set a better example. As I understand TL is against sexism (reading through the automated ban list confirms this) so all I'm saying is perhaps kennigit should consider that first time posters will look at him as an example and when they see this they'll think "well I don't have to take the commandments seriously after all". All in all I'm not sure why we are even arguing. As far as I can tell you don't disagree that the comments were sexist and the only problem you have is me calling them out. I faithfully awaight your reply, Love Meapak_Ziphh
I like your posting, it's well thought out. And I don't think you're totally in the wrong in the position you've taken. However,
In general, I am completely against political correctness. I don't like it when people make a big deal out of things that aren't a big deal. That's my primary issue here.
Some of the comments were arguably sexist. The comment about "slapping a bitch" was definitely sexist. But it was not serious. I don't know if it's ok, though. Maybe you are right about setting a better example.
Many of the comments, however, were just observations or facts. Now maybe you disagreed with them and maybe they really are wrong but that's not the point, there is nothing sexist or racist about stating observations. Announcing that there is a 1000ft line of black people at the kfc come dinner time is not racist if that's what you actually see.
She definitely needed to be put in her place, and it was right for you to stand up for yourself... but there are much better ways of doing it than screaming "fuck off" (or whatever it was that you said) and walking away. She obviously didn't understand where you were coming from (given the lack of apology and previous behaviour) so it was clearly an ineffective method for calling her out.
Dude, don't even worry about that girl. She is psycho.
Also, don't continue thinking that rudeness is "strong character" and that social decency is weakness.
Weak people are rude and throw fits. Children are weak and also do this. Mature, strong people control their own emotions. Control your own destiny but don't think yelling will ever make you a strong person.
I have to say i think OP's reaction wasn't that bad, sure, it could have been handled better. A lot of you seem to treat women differently for some reason and excuse inexcusable behavior from them. i have no qualms about telling someone to "fuck themselves" if they act like this, girl or no, and i especially don't expect my good friends (i got the impression from the OP that they are close friends) to treat me like this. Although admittedly i wouldn't have responded in the same way he did.
Travis, First I'd like to apologize for my tone in my last post, it came off slightly more combative than I intended. I'll also admit that some of the facts probably weren't sexist, I'm sure there are reputable sources to back them up and I don't believe it's sexist to state these facts. I agree as well that political correctness is mostly bullshit but the problem I'm having in this case is the tone the mod is setting. I guess that's the core of my argument, I think it was inappropriate for a mod to say that, especially given TL's somewhat shaking ground on the subject in the first place. I think my position on this matter has been explained enough, we don't need to keep beating a dead horse, but I would love to hear one final response from you :D it's been fun discussing this tonight. Meapak_Ziphh
Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls.
Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with.
This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid.
I truly believe that there is a world wide epidemic, at least in north america where men have been culturally programmed to believe that their success in love will only come luck and that they have little tangible control over it. Perhaps you don't like my delivery, but i've been thanked in PM by hundreds for my harsh tone which "opened their eyes" to some problems they were facing.
Regarding my posts. 1 was clearly a joke as you admitted. The lion video was not a joke. i stand behind this belief.
You've suggest that i said all women are like the girls i know. This is not the case. i said i know a group of girls who despite their alpha/competitive spirit are very similar at heart and share very similar qualifying factors in selecting men. Most girls i've dated have very similar views. Either i've been picking every single member of some minority in the world and my intuition is false....or i haven't and i'm right.
3rd post i quoted biff who said that real men don't lose their temper with women and said he was correct. I then followed this up with a joke in spoilers which you have taken very seriously. Often jokes are based on previous subject matter. For example, a comedian may tell a story at the beginning of his act and then at the end make reference to it in 1 line before leaving the stage.
I'm not sure what else you think was inappropriate.
To summarize: i've been talking about girls on TL for years. Like you said, admin posts stick out like sore thumbs and i have a reputation for either a) having polarizing views b) being the go to guy for relationship problems. I respect women. I think the idea that men and women are "equal" is fundamentally flawed, because we are physiologically and psychologically not the same. I think men and women should be given fair and equal treatment as far as our ability to work and operate in society.
You shouldn't have bent over, but your response is wrong just because it is always unproductive for the friendship no matter what. Honestly what do you hope to accomplish? Be a man, not a Neanderthal.
You can't force someone to apologize either, thats for them to decide to do. For whatever reason modern society is hell bent on not apologizing for anything seeing it as a sign of weakness -- Yet how can it be a sign of weakness when it is so hard to do? If you want long term relationships (including friendships) to work you're going to have to let stuff slide once in awhile. No one is perfect and everyone has the "day from hell" once in awhile.
after a little back and forth she said something like "you want me to lick your ass???" and i called her batshit crazy, and hence commences the arguement about who was wrong and who was rig
1. That'd be nice.
2. Is that an offer you're willing to follow up on?
3. How much would that run me?
4. Yes
5. Wow how did you know that? I got mine licked for the first time last night and it was amazing.
Note: These will work much better in a real life scenario than online.
You're welcome friend.
LOL Bleh, when a girl is acting like a bitch the only move is to keep your cool and say something like "AIGHT! next time I'll piss my pants!"
and after the fact, you can always pull the "I'm really sorry for reacting to you the other night when you started acting like a bitch, I was out of line and I apologize."
Additionally. I'm NOT saying the OPs reaction was right. I'm saying he's created an environment where this girl felt comfortable telling him off which drives me up the wall.
I can never give any good girl advise in these blogs. I've dated the same girl for 7+ years now, the first girl i ever went out with.
Anyways my belif is that people who loose their temper let things escalate never can hold a relationship. It's fine to fight and get angry but if you spend all day doing it you just end up hating each other. Everytime my girlfriend and i fight we eventually go to ihop sit down order some nice food and talk about things in general. Not about the thing we are fighting about or about things that bother us but just talk, like about a good movie we saw some nice piece of gossip etc. We also avoid name calling in fights as that tends to only hurt people and to me and her you don't hurt people you love, at least on purpose. It's not always about what you fight about but rather how you fight.
On October 20 2010 15:10 Kennigit wrote: Additionally. I'm NOT saying the OPs reaction was right. I'm saying he's created an environment where this girl felt comfortable telling him off which drives me up the wall.
Yeah I agree more with this. I do know what you mean in terms of not being a pushover/wuss, in fact I completely agree with it. However I do not believe that this entails that the guy must treat a woman poorly, which you admitted was wrong on his part so that's good to see. I believe that a man can be dominant and in charge simply by being emotionally stable as was discussed before, which can entail being kind. I find a lot of guys do realize that being "nice" doesn't work, but as a result they completely omit being "kind", which is very different trait. Being nice is letting a woman walk all over you and you just doing whatever you are told, being kind is treating women with respect while treating yourself with respect, which personally I believe is what women want the most (edit: and is also the healthiest for a good relationship). This realization of most guys can result in rude behaviours or treating women poorly, which is what bothers me. Another thing that should be noted is the difference between how one acts in a relationship vs. picking up/getting a girl's attention, but that is a different matter.
Anyway, point being, it looks like we have found some resolution here which I hope the OP has noticed.
Beg your pardon kennigit. I understand you have probably decades of experience on me so I will intrude no further into your realm. I also know that this is your area of expertise and normally I wouldn't challenge that but your joke (which perhaps I am too hung up on) really irked me especially considering how previous situations like this have turned out. I think we have had fundamentally different experiences (and perhaps i am still too inexperienced) with women so I don't think it would be prudent for me to continue trying to argue this point. I apologize if I stepped out of line, Meapak_Ziphh
I'm sick of this idea of censorship that so many people have been coddled by their entire lives. Who gives a fuck if she's a girl? I talk to a girls the same way I talk to my guys friends. It's called equal opportunity. If they want the same rights as me, they can be treated the same why I am treated. I don't mean any disrespect by doing so, in fact, I think it's actually respectful, because I'm treating them as my equal. I actually think it's condescending to women to skirt around the issue, and not be straight up with them.
I feel like the day the rest of the world understands this, and stops being so god-damned sensitive, will be the day a lot of shit goes really well for the world.
TLDR:
Stop being so sensitive (to most of the people in this thread) and good for you, OP.
Read the entire thread and see how the two "forum fights" ended in some semi-respectful situations: Kennigit vs. Meapak_Ziphh vs. travis.
Neither has to agree on being wrong about words that were said (OPINION / REACTION¹), just discuss the situation throughoutly and continue talking about it. In the end you can either agree that it wasn't cool what just happened (handshake or brofist it out) or disagree and walk away.
There are always some people who have not been "taken care of" (punished for doing stupid things at early age) and I feel like girls need a lot more effort to crack if they have managed to get into the asshole boss situation. I'm not saying that they can't have leadership, but most of the time it is not a good idea because humans just are made like that.
But after all is said and done, you don't need to be in 100% agreement about life when you want to be just good friends with someone. Try to chill out the situation and arrange some new and normal situations to continue your bff relation. Sometimes arguments require a really long period of time to chew on from the person who was hurt the most (I think you beat down the girl real hard, because she used to be mad confident in her ability to control people).
¹) Don't get me wrong here, when someone becomes angry it starts to reflect some of their deepest thoughts and mindsets when they actually stop thinking and holding back themselves. Purposedly pissing someone off makes them reveal how they would act under hard pressure.
EDIT: I would like to add that if you want to have a deep relationship with a person, then that person has to feel CONFIDENT around you. This is really tricky because you just messed her up by breaking her habit of being a control freak (that's a rare extreme personality for some women). Honestly, I'm not sure how you can be on the same page with such a person. I'm getting married to a "normal person" who respects my words but who has her own strong opinions from time to time, highly recommended situation .
Unjustified aggression towards another person is basically never OK. In some cases it might be understandable, though never ok.
Though as harsh as your words were, they came for a reason. Girl or not, if they are prepared to give another human being shit, then he or she must also be prepared to take shit back.
I haven't read all of the comments in this thread but the feeling I get from those who strongly oppose the "go fuck yourself"-bit, is that their response would be entirely different if your friend was a man.
I don't know whether half of the people who have responded to this blog with comments like "It's the Man's job to be dominant" and "she needs to be put her in her place" are trying to crack unfunny jokes or really believe the shit they're spouting. If it's the latter, then that's a pretty fucked up attitude to have towards women...
I don't know whether half of the people who have responded to this blog with comments like "It's the Man's job to be dominant" and "she needs to be put her in her place" are trying to crack unfunny jokes or really believe the shit they're spouting. If it's the latter, then that's a pretty fucked up attitude to have towards women...
hmm to add to that, what if its a guy friend instead? which one of the two guys would need to be "put in their place" according to this theory?? lol, or should all men on the planet engage in a very large fight to the death (like lions), and the winnar gets a very large haram of 3 billion females to impregnate.
On October 20 2010 19:33 News wrote: Need to add "never paste your ID at the end of your post" policy to the 10 commandments. Should definitely be a bannable offense.
Excuse me but I would like to know why you think this should be a bannable offense(I don't understand how it offends others at all to begin with). I don't even paste my Username(I think this is what you're referring to). I just type it to make my post a bit more official looking and I have fun making up silly phrases sometimes like: "pizza loving, 3FFA"
Please do explain what problem there is with this or if I am misinterpreting you then please tell me what you meant.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:22 Kennigit wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:14 Zapdos_Smithh wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring? (
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
Also to clarify. Im not saying you should knock your girl around or tell her to stfu....i'm saying you need to be a man and not a little bitch, which includes not letting your gf walk all over you.
With such reasonments, why not saying that men and women shouldn't have the ame right? After all for thousand of years, women had the right to shut up, stay at home and cook.
The point is that not insulting your gf is not being a "little bitch". Someone who needs violence and insults to be respected by the person he is supposed to share hos love with is not very manish, but that's just my opinion. I personaly have never needed to tell any of my gf to "stfu".
Respect is something you build up in common. If you respect little enough the person you love to talk to her that way, well, no wonder why the girl behaves like shit too.
On October 20 2010 07:28 Biff The Understudy wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:22 Kennigit wrote:
On October 20 2010 07:14 Zapdos_Smithh wrote:
On October 20 2010 06:58 Kennigit wrote: In all seriousness, just put her in her place. Girls do this shit to test if you are a man or not.
You're welcome
You realize by you saying that, you are essentially saying that women are inferior to men in a relationship. I understand you have experience with women, but I think you are applying animal behaviour theory a little too strongly to real life.
I don't think women are inferior. I think we have different strengths and weaknesses and comparing males/females is like comparing apples oranges. I think theres such a thing as equality in the work place, but theres no such thing as emotional equality between the sexes.
I'm not a scientist, but i have a lot of alpha/business/commerce leader female friends who have routinely expressed their need to be told to stfu. I'm not joking of being sarcastic. They've told me flat out that "sometimes...i just need a man who will tell me 'no'".
Animal behavior is real life....how can i apply real life too really :o
How do you explain then that for centuries until we lost all kind of politeness, the etiquette towards women have been to be extremely polite, careful, and caring? (
How do you explain the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution which revolved around females nursing and gathering while males hunted and protected the group. How do you explain this being true in almost all species of apes....600 years vs 100,000 years. Hmm.
Also to clarify. Im not saying you should knock your girl around or tell her to stfu....i'm saying you need to be a man and not a little bitch, which includes not letting your gf walk all over you.
With such reasonments, why not saying that men and women shouldn't have the ame right? After all for thousand of years, women had the right to shut up, stay at home and cook.
The point is that not insulting your gf is not being a "little bitch". Someone who needs violence and insults to be respected by the person he is supposed to share hos love with is not very manish, but that's just my opinion. I personaly have never needed to tell any of my gf to "stfu".
Respect is something you build up in common. If you respect little enough the person you love to talk to her that way, well, no wonder why the girl behaves like shit too.
Women and men are really not the same when it comes to their emotions and behaviour--this really boils down to our biological make-ups and evolution. Females invest more resources into reproduction, from the cell level to the actual individual level of child-rearing, so that really has an influence on how they behave. Men on the other hand invest very little, and with humans being slightly polygamous (males being more so than females), that also alters how we behave and treat one another.
The amount each sex invests into reproduction really does govern how they behave and this is seen across the animal kingdom, not just humans.
Biff, our "polite" behaviour towards women during the past few centuries is more a product of our civilizedness; this was, and still is, not seen in many other parts of the world. I think we could say that the West is in the minority for treating women with respect.
Nevertheless, in our Western culture, there are many aspects where women are still treated as being inferior: A major one is considering how recently women suffrages passed. Looking more in-depth, you'll find little subtleties that still link us to our primal animal behaviour: women being called sluts when they sleep around and men being hailed as studs for the same actions. Or you could look in the workplace where women are promoted less often than men, despite being equally qualified. Our biology and evolution really is linked to our psychological behaviour, whether is be conscious or subconscious.
I think the most important thing to state is that Nature is not moral or immoral--it's amoral! Science investigates and tries to provide answers to the questions we have about this universe, but what we do with these answers is up to us. Sometimes the answers will be cruel, and that's where being human is a good thing; we can use our intelligence to assess the situation and move away from our primal instincts and try to make an ideal society. I think this is where your ideas about philosophy can be tied in Biff ^^
Well since its the 6th page and a very active thread I dont know if you will read my response.
Anyway, I don't really see what is your problem here. First you should not worry too much about what happened when you can't change it.
Second, if the same situation comes to you again, you should definitly stand on your position and not responding to her bitching. On the other hand I don't recommend swearing and insults in it, it can be okay but unless you really know the girl, insults can sometime go a little too far in someone's skin. TLDR: Tell her to shut her mouth she chose to wait for you, or coldly tell her she's annoying and whiny. Walking away is a good option when your anger is high / her bitching is hard. Note: I'm not native english speaker and I was not in your shoes so you have to ask yourself what is very harsh and what is not.
Third, if she is really insisting to win this little battle. Just don't insist about winning it. This is boyish/girlish behaviour. When she brings it back just say again why you responded this way, if she doesn't understand and really insists increasing your anger, ignore-her / tell her she's immature and should get over it because you don't have anything more to add. Do it while being cool, calm but resolved, this is far more manly than letting anger out.
Fourth, if she is still making a hell out of it, ignore/don't see her again until she calms down and get out of her bitchy mood.
Fifth, if really there is no way and being with her is hell. Leave her, she is not a good person.
Sixth, I hope it will settle down around point third anyway :D
Last thing, I kinda like DD stuff but what he means has to be thought for. When I read you I feel you are not far from your afc or wussy period as DD name it. And often as I've seen it men have a phase where after being very nice they are kinda too much agressive toward women. You must understand this is not good in the opposite direction, might give you better results than being a wussy but still you should aim as embracing a more mature bahaviour; which is being strong but also cool/calm toward these situation.
On October 20 2010 14:59 Kennigit wrote: Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls.
Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with.
This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid.
But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book?
On October 20 2010 08:43 Kennigit wrote: Do you not think that the ability for a man to provide for a woman is rooted deep in the back of her head as a qualifier for whether he'd be a good mate? He's not going out and stabbing deers, but either in his life or in his career he is a stable means of support. Thats why its the same. Men are about 70/30 split on physical/emotional attraction. Hips/breasts are both signs of fertility and ability to rear children - same as it was 100,000 years ago. Women are about 30/70 split....which is why you see "ugly" guys married to beautiful women, because they are filling that leader/provider roll - just like he was 100,000 years ago.
Me = +1 case study for the ugly leader getting the hot girl.
But don't joke about smacking women, that is just crass. You're gonna make a certain raving lunatic blog some more ad money.
On October 20 2010 10:47 Raeleigh wrote: Being a girl, I think you responded correctly. It's basically, you get what you give, right? If you're rude to someone, they're going to be rude back. It's only fair.
So, I think you responded well. Maybe next time don't explode but just do what she's doing to you. If she talks down to you, you do it back. I know personally when I do that to people and they do it back, it sort of slaps me in the face, and it hurts. It always hurts when people talk down to you or are rude to you. Haha.
In any case, I think you did what you had to. If she's going to be a giant cunt and expect the world from you but not give anything back, then there's something wrong with her princess wanna be ass.
I've had a friend, who was my best friend(not anymore though), who was allowed to be a bitch to everyone, but we weren't allowed to be one to her. She lied a lot too. So I told her, "You're a bitch to everyone, but we're not allowed to be one to you. Thanks for being my friend." And I left. -shrug-
Sometimes it's not worth keeping those kind of people around. ;3
Edit: LOL I thought you meant girl that's a friend as well, not a girlfriend. Well then! That makes it even worse. In a relationship, you never let anyone treat you like that. Especially if it's someone you're caring for and is supposed to be caring for you.
Agreed but it is a girl that's a friend :/
I read it was his girlfriend! EITHER WAY! The man did what he had to do.
People have also already said it, the girl is psycho. Some girls are like that. You learn to deal and move on. Some people are REALLY not worth the BS they'll throw at you. -shrug-
Manifesto7, if you write a book, i'll buy it. LOL.
Edit:
On October 20 2010 15:56 ryanAnger wrote: I'm sick of this idea of censorship that so many people have been coddled by their entire lives. Who gives a fuck if she's a girl? I talk to a girls the same way I talk to my guys friends. It's called equal opportunity. If they want the same rights as me, they can be treated the same why I am treated. I don't mean any disrespect by doing so, in fact, I think it's actually respectful, because I'm treating them as my equal. I actually think it's condescending to women to skirt around the issue, and not be straight up with them.
I feel like the day the rest of the world understands this, and stops being so god-damned sensitive, will be the day a lot of shit goes really well for the world.
TLDR:
Stop being so sensitive (to most of the people in this thread) and good for you, OP.
This is how I feel. I don't want my guy friends to be all nice around me and different than they normally are. No reason in hiding it. I act the same way around my guy friends as I do my girl friends. I treat my guy friends like bros and they say they're comfortable around me and it's good times all around.
i usually wouldnt followup to something like this since its private personal shit but ill tell you so much as i wrote out on paper and gave her this letter
ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself.
part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it.
i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you.
i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking.
i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem."
i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong.
this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever
imo I think you should have said that to her verbally, instead of in a letter format. This may reaffirm in her mind that she can take advantage of you.
On October 21 2010 17:16 Masamune wrote: imo I think you should have said that to her verbally, instead of in a letter format. This may reaffirm in her mind that she can take advantage of you.
Ideally, verbally may be better. However, it's also much harder to maintain eloquence in a face-to-face situation when the person can also respond. This will also give the girl time to mull over the contents of the letter.
On October 21 2010 17:16 Masamune wrote: imo I think you should have said that to her verbally, instead of in a letter format. This may reaffirm in her mind that she can take advantage of you.
Ideally, verbally may be better. However, it's also much harder to maintain eloquence in a face-to-face situation when the person can also respond. This will also give the girl time to mull over the contents of the letter.
I find letters to be passive and impersonal. If the OP was tired of being taken advantage of, this seems counter-intuitive to what he did in the OP and why he did it. I think it will show the girl that he's sorry (and I'm sure she already knows that given his push-over past) but that he can still be pushed around.
I dunno, I think when you say something to a person face-to-face, especially in awkward circumstances, it shows confidence and conviction in how you feel. You can also be eloquent verbally and go undisturbed (provided you tell the person to stfu and let you talk for a few minutes).
I've never really been good with apologies so take my words with a grain of salt.
Sometimes letters are THE BEST way of giving more neutral tone to a speech when you got some tough times going on. It also gives hot tempered person the time to go through with it at their own pace (if they choose to read it in the first place). Also there is no disturbance when reading it and nobody can be cut short when it's all already written down.
I have written poems and loveletters when I was kind of shy of showing my true feelings and it absolutely wasn't a bad idea . Between me and my friend X, It didn't end up us being lovers, but we have a really warm friendship because I was able to reveal what's up. Then we talked about it more and continued life.
I wish you all the best, I think you really want to be a good person for this girl. GL HF .
On October 20 2010 14:59 Kennigit wrote: Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls.
Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with.
This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid.
But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book?
The saying is "Once you're lucky. Twice you're good. Three times you're God" haha
On October 21 2010 17:01 NickC wrote: i usually wouldnt followup to something like this since its private personal shit but ill tell you so much as i wrote out on paper and gave her this letter
ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself.
part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it.
i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you.
i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking.
i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem."
i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong.
this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever
Now I haven't read the letter but, judging by the sheer size of it, among you two you are the one who should be called "girl friend". I bet she hasn't spent more than two minutes thinking about accident. You on the other hand is totally invested into it. She has an iron grip over you emotionally, dude.
i usually wouldnt followup to something like this since its private personal shit but ill tell you so much as i wrote out on paper and gave her this letter
ive been trying to go through a lot of changes lately. ive been trying to react to things with more conviction and stop living inside my head. to have a stronger personality, understand the things i value and be able to express myself and stand up for myself.
part of this is caring more about myself and what standards i have and how i let people treat me. like you told me [...], if im feeling hungry then i should listen to myself and do something about it. if i feel like someone is being unreasonable or treating me unacceptably then i should open my mouth and do something about it.
i absolutely know it was the wrong thing to do to shout and swear at you.
i felt like you were treating me poorly and unreasonably and i just exploded with these new ideas in my head, in outrage and without thinking.
i should have spoken to you in a calm and mature fashion. i should have simply said to you "dont talk to me in that way. we'll find your friends, its not a problem."
i hope this helps explain what happened and that i understand i was wrong.
this might seem weird to some of you so you'll just have to assume some things and remember we're not dating or whatever
Good for you for being able to clearly express both your rationality as well as your emotions. Not many people can do that in a lucid fashion, and it shows self-awareness, an uncommon trait. And good for you for apologizing, and not demanding an apology back -- that shows real maturity. I don't know much about you, but I think you're headed towards a fine direction in "not being a pussy", lol.
I do agree with the other posters, however, that a face-to-face or even phone conversation would have been better, for the simple fact that you may not know what's going on in her head. Furthermore, misunderstandings and hurt feelings can only be resolved through mutual understanding and mutual acceptance of hurt feelings -- something best done in live, give and take conversation.
On October 22 2010 01:38 InRaged wrote: I bet she hasn't spent more than two minutes thinking about accident. You on the other hand is totally invested into it. She has an iron grip over you emotionally, dude.
InRaged, you could be right. You could also be wrong. And regarding having an "iron grip over you emotionally", that may be true. But -- we all have our insecurities and our buttons, and there's nothing unnatural about someone getting in that chink in your armor. If NickC's friend cares about him as a friend, she'd work towards avoiding pushing his buttons and help him with his insecurities as well. All the best friends do.
Meh I don't like the letter thing... it's too late anyway but this feels that you pay too much interest in a small conflict to end up totaly losing the ground you claimed to have.
Apologies for the insult, yeah maybe, but doing it with a letter will feel to her she has nothing to regret and that you were wrong all the way (no matter what you really think, this will come as this for resolving the affair). On top of that, maybe this is just me, but excuses like "this is not really my fault, i have emotional issues lately" are a no-no for everything in life. This is good for yourself and analysing but not for apologies toward somebody and especially your girlfriend.
Face to face or on phone would have been better if you wanted to just give away an apology about the insult. But anyway the best thing would just have been to actually not worry too much about this.
If she asked you if you were going to apologize after you not talking to her for a while, it's clear that she wants you. It was another way of testing you.
On October 20 2010 14:59 Kennigit wrote: Since i joined teamliquid i have dedicated my blogs to relationships. Any staff member will tell you that is the one subject i am most passionate about in my life. Almost every single one has been advice for the average nerd on what he is probably thinking and why it is wrong. I galleried a bunch when i applied for jobs but the rest are around. I've personally coached in private over 50 Teamliquid members in their love lives. I've helped 10 TL members "get" girls who wouldn't have been able to do it by themselves. Most of them are in or had long lasting fruitful relationships as a result. 1 was a complete noob who i had to coach for over a year. After he got over that "hump" he became incredibly successful with girls.
Over the last year and a half i dated almost 100 women through online dating. I spent hundreds of hours messaging, failing, figuring out what i did wrong, figuring out where what i had done was right and just had bad luck. The most important thing i can do is pass on knowledge that ive learned so that people don't make the same mistakes. Some of those girls i've either dated for long periods or became really good friends with.
This sounds like a brag. And it is. The point is that i know exactly what i'm doing, but like many teamliquid members grew up as a timid teenager who had zero explanation or insight into what was expected in girls or relationship and had zero male influence to guide me (my parents are together, it just never came up) - everything was a dice roll. Mothers teach their sons to be nice to girls when they are young - the problem is that these boys grow into men who believe that in order to get a girls interest, he must do nice things and be pleasant and that she will naturally come around. This is false as illustrated by the hundreds of "girl problem" blogs that exist on teamliquid.
But I dated one girl, and did it all right the first time. Doesn't that make me more of an expert? Or am I just naturally awesome. Should I write a book?
The saying is "Once you're lucky. Twice you're good. Three times you're God" haha
I think the most important thing here is, as has been mention, not to worry too much about it. It's great that you have an awareness, but excess worry is often what turns things bad.
It's interesting that this has been posted as "girl question" even though it applies to any social relationship. With your focus on not appearing to be a "sissy", it would seem that your focus might be somehow attracting this girl (despite you considering her a friend). And I cannot really help you with that. What I can say is for a healthy relationship between two people, neither extreme is desirable. The one being that you are way too docile and don't give anything back to the other person (apologuizing for no reason, for instance), while the very heavy emotional reaction often gets too much because it wears people down in the end.
I can definitely understand why you might enjoy this girl's temper, because it can make people very easy to approach and relate to when they show themselves like that, but it seems that you haven't embraced it fully. It's really all down to you finding a natural state between the two of you. It could be you accepting it, it could be her trying to tone it down. Of course, it's not healthy to indulge her by apologuizing, but know her, you can just smile and play into it, for instance, by humoring her by saying "well, I guess we will have to find them then" or making fun of her silly attitude by saying "silly you, lost them, did you?". All depending on the situation and your relationship. It sounds as if your reaction was partituclarly heavy because you were conflicted about your response, resting on an idea of balancing the powerfull/"sissylike". However, perhaps it was for the better. It could mark the ending of the problem by making her tone down her behaviour towards you or by making you both more aware of it. Once again, that would be a natural equilibrium and not something that needs to be overthinked. If she keeps on doing it, you will be faced with either being more accepting towards it, doing more to emphasise that she should stop or another alternative that might push you guys away from each other. Here, emotional maturity plays in, since you can define maturity as the ability to live in harmony with other people.
I personally would like a woman who can be edgy like that, but at the same time I often respect women because they behave intelligently. So, whole I might react differently and be more tolerant, I'd probably also make more of an effort to somehow tell her that it's not alright in cases where it simply seem to silly/selfish/childish. If she didn't, though, I'd probably be able to just live with it and appreciate her for the good things she can offer. Others might value harmony more, and make a split for it, whereas I might have a penchant for during relationships (or loyalty) and compassion.
No, you weren't right, but at the same time I don't think it's a big deal. Couples fight all the time, and couples yell. Unless your girlfriend is a complete dick (in which case you should just break up), you're going to be playing the role of the calmer individual a lot of the time because women are more emotional. You don't have to be an asshole in order to get women, like a lot of alpha-male theory or PUA bullshit says, you have to be confident, and I think people get the two confused. You yelled in your girlfriends face, so yeah you should apologize, and she should apologize for being a cunt at the time. Case solved?
On October 25 2010 03:53 BottleAbuser wrote: Read OP more carefully. Not girlfriend. Female friend.
Oh, my mistake. The same concept of what I wrote still applies. Although I will say that in my own experience, having a female friend is more trouble than it's worth.
EPT
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. Between me and my friend X, It didn't end up us being lovers, but we have a really warm friendship because I was able to reveal what's up. Then we talked about it more and continued life.
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