The New York Yankees have a commanding lead in the World Series.
You might be a Yankee fan. Good for you. If you are an American and not a fan, this is the time of the year in which you complain about how terrible the big bad Yankees are. If you are not an American, this may be nothing but confusing to you.
As a native New Yorker and very pleased Yankee fan, I invite all nonaligned folk to consider jumping on the bandwagon.
As a fan, I won't particularly respect you, but nothing would annoy Red Sox fans (and similarly sanctimonious and annoying Phillies' fans) more. So join in!
Here's an introduction:
The New York Yankees are the most hated team in North American sports.
They're the Evil Empire. They're the Damn Yankees. They're the Bombers. They're the Pinstripes. Why?
Since the first ring in 1923, they've won 26 World Series championships - that's one quarter of all titles won to date. The St. Louis Cardinals have the second most titles with a distant 10.
The Yankees have sent 44 players to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Without a doubt, they are the team with the greatest tradition in American sports.
Ah, but what do those haters say?
The Yankees are regularly derided as a team which buys its championships. The Yankees 2009 payroll was $201,449,289.
It's understandable that quaint Mom and Pop owned organizations such as the rival Red Sox would complain - after all, the Sox regularly spend well over $100 million per season ($122,696,000 in 2009, $133 million in '08). Just like your Mom and Pop!
The millions of dollars aside, the Sox spend 66% of the Yanks payroll and win 26% of the championships (most of which came in the 1910's).
EVIL!
If you're going to be a (bandwagon) Yankee fan, you'll need a rundown on the rivalry.
The Red Sox - Yankee Rivalry is one of the oldest (100+ years) and certainly the most intense in American sports.
I won't list in detail the history of the rivalry - that's what Wikipedia is for - but suffice to say, wearing a Yankee hat in Boston will invite something terrible. Wearing a Sox hat in New York might get you denied service in several fine establishments.
It's really fun.
In fact, during the 2008 US presidential campaign, the rivalry was spoken about in nationally televised debates.
• Late October, 2007: Former mayor of New York City Rudolph Giuliani, a staunch Yankee fan, said during his presidential campaign that he was going to cheer for the Red Sox during their World Series appearance against the Colorado Rockies. Giuliani justified his support of the Red Sox by claiming to be a fan of American League baseball. The next day, the New York Post and New York Daily News printed doctored photos of Giuliani as a Red Sox fan on their covers with the headlines "TRAITOR!" (Daily News) and "RED COAT" (Post). Topps would parody this in a 2008 baseball card where Giuliani is CGI inserted into a picture of the Red Sox celebrating their 2007 World Series championship as if he is celebrating with them.
• November, 2007: During the YouTube Republican Presidential Debate run by CNN, Giuliani was asked about his support for the Red Sox by one of the questioners. In response to the mayor's answer, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, who was in office during the Red Sox 2004 win, claimed that all Americans are united in hatred of the Yankees.
And for good measure, here's another interesting fact from the rivalry's Wikipedia page.
• April 13, 2008, Rumors of a construction worker burying a Red Sox jersey in the concrete of the New Yankee Stadium are verified after anonymous tips led to the location of the jersey. The worker, identified as Gino Castignoli, had buried a David Ortiz jersey in what will become a service corridor in the hopes of cursing the new stadium. After extracting the jersey from underneath two feet of concrete, Yankees' President Randy Levine indicated that the shirt would be donated to the Jimmy Fund to be auctioned for the charity long associated with the Red Sox.
So, let's catch you up to the present day.
This season, the Yankees won 1st place in their division (American League East). They won the pennant (the American League Championship) and right now they are leading the World Series 3-1 against the Philadelphia Phillies.
The Phillies, a longtime rival of our cross town idiots, the New York Mets, are the defending 2008 World Series Champions. They're only 24 away from tying the Yankees total (but it looks like it's going to be 25 pretty soon)
To answer the next hostile question: It seems like the Yankees will lose tonight (but I wouldn't underestimate the Phillies ability to blow it). If they do lose, the Evil Empire has two chances to win the championship in New York. I'm not going to complain about the prospect of an in-town win and a parade, you know what I mean?
To my friends in the city of brotherly love: I don't think your notoriously rowdy fans are doing their jobs. A-Rod's feelings don't seem to be hurt by your steroid chants. But keep it up!
To my neighbors to the north in New England: Congratulations! The Philadelphia faithful have taken after you like a child takes after their whiny, self-righteous father in denial about his drug problem - only, they don't (yet) have the hilariously hypocritical recent history of steroid use like both of our teams do. But you keep chanting about steroids and money! It'll be a long season for a lot of you!
To the unaligned: Consider the dark side. It's a lot of fun.