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what have you done in the past day? hour? week? year?
what are your goals? how long do you think you have wasted? how long do you think you will continue to waste? at what age do you think that you will die?
are you interested in enlightenment? do you find yourself thinking about and talking about random crazy crap just because your mind needs something to output to the world in the hope that some interesting input might return?
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your name makes me hungry
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day : nothing at all. In fact I lost about 90$ bucks for not going to work. hour: sold a battery to a needy customer. Week: hmm, I've watched a few movies and downloaded a bunch of games (other than work). A few partiesl; Had a bunch of sex, drank a lot of beer. Year: Wow, that's way too much shit to list. I basically keep a list of goals/plans/whatever and check shit off as they go. I tend to put more on then I take off and lots of stuff just stays on perma-hold til I have more time/money to invest in it.
I think life in its entirety is a waste. Almost misanthropic but not depressed or homicidal. I just do what I can to stay happy. That's the ultimate goal in life anyways.
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I woke up and thought about how I'm never going to improve myself if I go on the computer first thing after I wake up. Then I got on the computer.
Yesterday I heard these lyrics from the Magnolia soundtrack, which is great by the way:
Aimee Mann: [Verse 1 Oh, for the sake of momentum I've allowed my fears to get larger than life And it's brought me to my current agendum Whereupon I deny fulfillment has yet to arrive
[Chorus And I know life is getting shorter I can't bring myself to set the scene Even when it's approaching torture I've got my routine
[Verse 2 Oh, for the sake of momentum Even though I agree with that stuff about seizing the day But I hate to think of effort expended All those minutes and days and hours I have frittered away.
[Chorus] And I know life is getting shorter I can't bring myself to set the scene Even when it's approaching torture I've got my routine
[Bridge 1 But I can't confront the doubts I have I can't admit that maybe the past was bad And so, for the sake of momentum I'm condemning the future to death So it can match the past.
[Bridge 2 when I can't confront the doubts I have I can't admit that maybe the past was bad And so, for the sake of momentum I'm condemning the future to death So it can match the past.
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somehow, i think you will not succeed as a poster here. you can prove me wrong though
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I woke up at around 5:30 AM to play with some of my Korean b.net buddies, went for a 20 min jog around the block, ate breakfast started calc hw. Later in the day I get a phone call from one of my closer ones, he's all tearful, tells me about something really brutal, and I just spent the day idling and wondering how he's doing now.
Past month, I actually completely forgot what I've been doing, which is odd cause I usually remember every bit of it.
Wandering on TL + school + bw + hw. I guess.
Last year was just an overall very shitty year for me, which gives me motivation to work harder now more than before.
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On November 02 2008 22:28 tika wrote: what have you done in the past day? hour? week? year?
what are your goals? how long do you think you have wasted? how long do you think you will continue to waste? at what age do you think that you will die?
are you interested in enlightenment? do you find yourself thinking about and talking about random crazy crap just because your mind needs something to output to the world in the hope that some interesting input might return?
Today I went home for lunch and dinner (it's really close to uni). I spent most of the time relaxing and holding my baby brother. Last (few) hours, drink/talk with friend who studies up north but came back for the weekend. Also helped a friend over msn with some maths. I'm in education, I guess nice places I've been to this year include Japan, Hong Kong, France, Belgium.
My goal at the moment is to finish my degree. I haven't wasted any time at all. I also don't consider posting here or playing games a waste of time. My granddad is almost 90 and still really healthy (especially for someone who nearly starved to death during and after ww2). So I expect I'll live a long life.
My mind is quite occupied with the present so I don't have time for "questions". Although I do have a little schizo-book which I wrote in mostly when I was about 16.
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Hour: Ate dinner. Been browsing the internet for a while... manga/anime sites, torrents for music, TL, DotA playing
Day: Mowed the backyard. 2-day project because the lowest grass was to my shin... highest to my knees. Ran a mushroom over and thought I killed a rat ffs.
Week: Nothing on Halloween, haven't done much schoolwork, bombed a test, haven't studied for classes, bought Goth: a Novel of Horror. Went out with some friends on Saturday... one of our stops was this dance thing for international students at Cal State Fullerton. My really sociable friend, Tim, was all up in them foreign bitches (and whatnot). Vinay, my other friend who actually attends the school, was either getting acquainted or awkwardly dancing. As for myself, I was feeling the weight of a lifelong lack of confidence derived from constant failure and lack of success in the social (happens anywhere for me, mostly at gatherings of the like).
Year: Nothing, really. Got drunk and high for the first time (on the same night). But really, in the grand scope of things, physical pleasures don't add up to shit.
My goals? I have no goals. Why? Because I already know and acknowledge the fact that I'm a person doomed to fail in life. Apathy for things that matter runs rampant in my psyche, and on top of that I procrastinate hardcore, am submissive, socially awkward unless with people I already know well, but even then...
I've wasted my whole life. This is likely because I raised myself (fuck learning from parental role models, anime literally taught me to be the person I am now... nice to the point of submission; anti-confrontation; naive). As for how long I'll continue to doodle about doing nothing, I'd say forever. It's not an optimistic answer, but I'm the type of person who generally waits for shit to come his way (even when I already know that it doesn't work like that).
Enlightenment? Not for me, thanks. The only things really on my mind: 1) Can I kill myself without anyone finding the body? Hell, what would I do before I did it... Break laws? Break lives? People? 2) Music. Really... I have weaboo taste (ie: Iosys, Sakamoto Maaya, bits of Hirano Aya), and that kinda keeps me peppy.
I don't know how this connects to self improvement in any real way (unless it's purely for the sake of self-evaluation), but even then, I'm not motivated enough by the "but it's your life!" argument to give a rat's ass in the first place. Hope you got what you were looking for, senor OP.
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maybe you're watching the wrong anime!! stuff like prince of tennis should fill you with a sense of challenge and ability!!
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i feel the same way as xxsaznpride, i really have wasted my whole life so far. All my hours spent on so much meaningless shit, i've become so complacent and lazy i can't be bothered changing anything.
I wanted to go to uni before, now i couldnt give a shit. I'm currently sitting HSC exams and lost my will to study when i lost my will to go to uni. I wanted to be an english major anyways, so i'd probably end up working in some shitty factory job, or assembly line crap.
All i really want to do at the moment is play quake 3, and get good at duelling. Guitar is also a big focus of mine, but im unsure how im going to spend my time on it now that i've graduated. i've thought about dedicating 4-5 hours a day to playing but i don't know if i will.
what have you done in the past day?
I played a QL duel, won it (YAY) even though QL runs like fucking trash on my computer, (50-60 fps non locked, anybody that duels will know thats fucking horrid). Had an amazing first half (10 mintue duel) so my first 5 minutes where just me playing fucking great. lost control at around 5:30 when i let my opponent take RA. So i just started playing very defensively. he slowly started coming back (end score 7-5 my way) but in the last 2 mintues i regained control and he played ultra +back, so i just maintained my map control and remained stacked, wasnt so fussed on forcing a fight (given my sporadic frame rate and spiky shitty internet theres a very good chance i will fuck up my advantage).
Played some guitar. In love with Leo Kottke's arrangement of "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" so i've been playing that nonstop. Listened to the album "In her gentle jaws" by: The Depreciation Guild. Fucking amazing album, its a free download so everybody should pick it up.
hour? browsing esreality.com. tl.net, purepwnage forums, reading random shit on wikipedia.
week? Lots of duelling, learning some polish phrases and some grammar (polish grammar is fucking confusing, its such a pain in the ass). Polish is so damn complicated i don't know if it's worth learning or not.
year? Being generally emo/depressed in attitude, playing lots of guitar. Only picked up duelling 3 weeks ago so still really fresh with it. Had my mind warped by some things i've seen my friends do, really dissapointing stuff, atleast to me.
Guess i'll add..
Future
Well hmmmmm, going on welfare form the australian government for a short time. get myself a job, buy a new computer, buy a new guitar, write alot more (poetry + prose), hope that some people enjoy my writing. w/e i guess.
I'll add some depressing lyrics aswell, to suit the theme of the post. I find these depressing atleast, especially the second verse.
Words (Between the lines of age) Neil Young
Someone and someone were down by the pond Looking for something to plant in the lawn. Out in the fields they were turning the soil I'm sitting here hoping this water will boil When I look through the windows and out on the road They're bringing me presents and saying hello.
Singing words, words between the lines of age. Words, words between the lines of age.
If I was a junkman selling you cars, Washing your windows and shining your stars, Thinking your mind was my own in a dream What would you wonder and how would it seem? Living in castles a bit at a time The King started laughing and talking in rhyme.
Singing words, words between the lines of age. Words, words between the lines of age.
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On November 02 2008 22:45 Zuries wrote: your name makes me hungry
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On November 03 2008 20:16 tika wrote: maybe you're watching the wrong anime!! stuff like prince of tennis should fill you with a sense of challenge and ability!!
lol actually, Prince of Tennis got me into tennis. Started reading it when the first chapter got put in the US Shounen Jump release, and later I took that interest alongside my mom's long-time like of the sport to start playing. I actually grew relatively quickly as a player despite a lack of coaching, but then I found out, hey, I started playing way too late, there's no hope for me to start anyway because of other people having begun their careers in tennis at younger ages, and other such information. I mean, the only reasons I'm still playing are because my school's team (Orange Cost Community College) has a lot of hot girls on it and because I don't want to become TOTALLY complacent and fat.
Growing up, I was into the obvious shows of the mid-late 1990s: Digimon, Pokemon, Dragonball Z, Sailor Moon (kind of), Hamtaro, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Outlaw Star, Rurouni Kenshin... mostly shounen/action in nature. From all those shows, you kind of just get the sense that things will eventually work out for themselves, or, moreso, that people who are going to be doing big things in their lives are blessed with some sort of catalyst for their destinies to begin. I never found any such catalyst, and having parents that essentially let me do whatever the hell I wanted instead of pushing me to be better (they still think I have good grades in school, that I apply myself, etc.).
Oh, and PoT went downhill after the Kantou finals. The "10 days to the nationals" were cool with Fuji v Tachibana, but after that...
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tika if your interested in enlightenment and abstract writing go here: here
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Today I did come up with a formula on how to calculate the movements of any heat distribution within a volume with defined boundary values using mirrored normal distributions.
This week I discovered a lot on how analytical functions behave with set absolute values on the boundaries instead of just set values.
This year I have realized that I am better of trying to not go after my dreams and instead accepting the things I have been given and try to be happy with that.
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On November 05 2008 04:02 Klockan3 wrote: This year I have realized that I am better of trying to not go after my dreams and instead accepting the things I have been given and try to be happy with that.
that is terrible. go for the gold dude
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On November 05 2008 04:35 NastyMarine wrote:Show nested quote +On November 05 2008 04:02 Klockan3 wrote: This year I have realized that I am better of trying to not go after my dreams and instead accepting the things I have been given and try to be happy with that. that is terrible. go for the gold dude Its not worth it trying to reach something you will not get if it hurts trying. At least with the way I am now the best approach is to try and lie low.
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