How to (really) FPL: A guide by Yorkie
Hey you. Yeah you, sitting there in your chair staring at your monitor trying to make Sense of this "Fantasy Proleague" thing. You might be thinking "I can do this, I got third in my Fantasy football league consisting of me and 3 of my bros, so this should be a piece of cake, right?" WRONG. SO #%$&ING WRONG. You don't know what the hell you're doing. Lucky for you, you've got the privilege of reading the advice of the reigning FPL Most Trades and Worst Trader champion to help you out with a last minute roster makeover that will grant you so much e-fame people will forget who Shellshock is.
Step 1: Picking a Captain.
This is easy. You might think "I'll go with herO[jOin], he's solid and did really well last round" or "Zest just won a GSL, he'll get me all kinds of points." Are you even listening to yourself you scrub? Your captain is going to lead your team into fantasy battle. Do you think Zest or herO[jOin] are striking fear into many hearts? I mean for god sakes herO[jOin] is adorable. A TRUE captain has courage, honor, and most importantly, Swagger. That's right, Swagho is your captain. There's really no other option if you even want to have a shot of winning the round.
Step 2: Picking FanTaSy
Do I have to explain this one? It's in the name. I'm pretty sure anyone who doesn't pick him is breaking the rules somehow. I don't care if he's 6 points, that's a bargain for a mandatory player. if I ran the league he would cost 25 points.
Step 3: Filling your main team
This is your team, your clique, your crew. Don't worry about how well the player did last round, and DON'T pick players you like. There is only one thing that matters when picking the remainder of your main team. Which. Race. Is. Over. Powered? That's right, whichever race is currently considered OP is the race that will make up all but two of your roster spots. Now I know this part might confuse you. ("But Which race is OP?!?!") First off you clearly don't listen to Rain, but that's okay because he wasn't right either. The real OP race is...drumroll please...wait for it....RANDOM. Do some research. Any player who has ever played random ever in their Starcraft career, whether in small online tournaments or on their diamond smurfs while streaming, those are the guys you want. Obviously GuMiho is a must, the rest is up to you. They have played all three races at one time! They must have a deeper understanding of the game because of it. Think about it.
Step 4: The team
So now your team looks like this -
Swagger
FanTaSy
GuMiho
Random player X
Random player Y
Random player Z
Which costs you 12 points plus however many you spend on your random players.
This is at least a Top 50 team, but we're not even close to done. Now we have to pick a team. Some people don't think this is important, and just pick one that allows them to use exactly 30 points. HA. What noobs. The key to picking a team is not what people expect. But what is it? Star players like SKT? A deep roster like IM? Pure EviL like MVP? No. The key to picking a team is the logo. That's right, and the best logo in Proleague is...Jin Air! Think about it, everyone wants the Jin Air logo flair on TL because it is so cool, then right after that they win Proleague Ronud 2. I don't believe in coincidences, and since the flair is now available they'll probably win every round this year at least.
Step 5: Scrapping everything because the points don't add up
WAIT! Stop right there. Your team was perfect what are you doing? All these tryhards are always min/maxing their points to equal exactly 30, but that doesn't mean anything when your team is this sexy. If you can't afford to drop 6 points on Jin Air, change one of you players to Barbie or ByuN and you're good to go.
Step 6: The Anti team
Take a deep breath. What you are about to do is the most difficult step in the process. You're going to need to a huge amount of research, sift through 2 years of VoDs, and discover the perfect trio of players that, much like a symphony, will come together to- are you f%$&ing serious? Have you been listening to anything I've said? This is the ANTI team. just pick 3 players you don't like! Actually 2 players. One spot is already filled. We'll get to that later. The TL illuminati again tries to limit you with some "13 point minimum" BS, but like the main team, the points don't matter. Are you a huge Rain fan and are still mad about OSL? Maru it is. Tired of the cash King getting all them esports dollahs? Throw sOs on that anti. Big Startale fan? Anti Creator and MKP. Big Prime Fan? Go back to your corner and cry some more.
Step 7: The final step
There is only one thing left to do, after all your trials and tribulations. It all culminates into this crucial step...
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Anti the shit out of RorO
So you've followed my guide on how to look like the baller that you actually aren't by stomping serious face in FPL. With a squad like this:
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Main Team:
Swagger
FanTaSy
GuMiho
3 Random players
Jin Air Green Wings
Anti Team:
Maru
Creator
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Swagger
FanTaSy
GuMiho
3 Random players
Jin Air Green Wings
Anti Team:
Maru
Creator
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you'll be able to brag to your mom all day long about how cool you are online.
GL HF and I'll be seeing you at the Top of the rankings.