So to start this off. This is about the 10th time I am writing this. This is very hard for me to write and there is a lot of emotion in writing this. I have never been hugely accepted in anything really and I don't really have anywhere else to write a blog. I know TL is a huge community of amazing people and I just hope for some support or at least not have the post go to one star and no one really cares.
Secondly I know TL is a SC2 site and now Dota 2 and this is going to be about LoL. I will explain why I am playing LoL over anything but LoL is the game I am playing and the game I want to become a pro in. Either way thank you for reading this far and I hope you read the rest.
So I originally found LoL back in 2010 I believe it was, and I never really played it. I was a console CoD player who didn't do anything other then play CoD and Counter-Strike. I have been a CS player since the game came out but never took the time to become good enough to play it at a high level. I'm no n0thing^g. A year or so before HotS came out, I started playing SC2 and I enjoyed the game, I loved watching events. But I hated playing the game. It never felt good playing and I could never find out why. Something about playing the game was just wrong. Even when HotS came out and I placed gold and promo to plat, I disliked the game. It made me angry and I never touched the game again. I quit playing SC2 the first time I played LoL in S2. I enjoyed the game, it was the only game besides CoD and CS I could play and not be angry. When S3 started in LoL I quit playing it and went to SC2 and that's when I hit gold/plat. But every loss I had made me rage and I quit because I could never learn and I wasn't fast enough to be a good player. So I went back to LoL.
Now let me say I am no stranger of what it takes to become a high level player. During the early part of CoD:BO2 I nearly became pro. Playing 8+ hours, practicing and become very good at the game. I didn't do as much as I could because I started to hate the CoD community and I felt it was never going to be worth it in that game, but after I quit major events started showing up but I was already gone and never looked back. I do know what it takes to become a high level player, I know the pain and sweat you have to go through and I feel LoL is the game to let me do that. Since I was playing LoL in S2 I wanted to become pro but I never had the motivation to do it. Until recently.
For almost a year now I have had a large lump in my neck and we never thought a lot of it. One day on July 20th 2013 I went to the ER because the pain was so much I couldn't deal with it anymore. They drew some blood and nothing came back and and they gave me a CT Scan and saw nothing really other then there was a large lump in my neck. The next day I went to an ENT doctor (Ears, nose, and throat) and they did a needle biopsy. The next day they believed it was Melanoma. Better know as skin cancer. A few days on Monday, I had a PET scan done. The PET scan showed it was only it my neck which was not good but could have been a lot worse. The Melanoma was in my lymph node which isn't an amazing spot to have it. Wednesday July 17th I had surgery (super fast) and it was a successful as I could have been. The lump in my neck was roughly 6 cm large. It was under a bunch of nerves so I no longer have feeling in a few places in my right shoulder and my neck was the surgery was. I have pictures of everything at the end of the blog. The doctor has said that pretty much any surgery you can do to someones neck was done to me. They went as deep as the could into my neck to remove the lump. I was in the hospital for 2 days recovering and went home on Friday. The tests came back confirming the lump in my neck was Melanoma. 2 weeks later I had a PICC Line installed in my arm for the treatment. A PICC Line is much like an IV except for a few things. The Line does start in my arm but instead of it ending there, it goes up my vein right to my heart. The end of the PICC ends at the Superior Vena Cava (I believe it is) so the medicine goes directly into my heart and into my whole body. For the next month I am having Interferon injections though the PICC Line. After the month the PICC will be removed and I will have needle pokes for the next year. Cancer sucks guys and do what you can to make sure you or anyone you care about doesn't get it. I am only 20 and my life became the worst. I can't even think of someone very old having it and people going through it which is weird because my grandmother died of breast cancer a few year ago but I don't remember much about it.
After I got out of the hospital I kept thinking to myself, if this doesn't go away and does kill me, what did I do during my life that I believed was meaning full and good for me. And the answer is nothing. I never even finished high school, I dropped out my Junior year. So I thought what can I do to make my life better. And when I finally got back onto my PC, I saw LoL and said to myself, I am going to sit down and do what I can to become a pro at the game or become the highest level player I can be. I am not sure how good this motivation is to do this, but it was the motivation I needed to start. I have always wanted to become a professional gamer and I am going to make that come true now. There is no reason for me not to at this point. I know people try to do this and I know the struggle that comes with it, but with what has happened to me, this is something I need to do for myself to become very happy again.
I have always become a better player when people watch me when I am streaming and when I play with other people. I used to be a very avid streamer when I was playing CoD. I streaming before TTV was even released. And because I wanted to start new and play a new game really, I made a new stream to start fresh and become a better person and maybe even a good streamer. I have also always wanted to become a streamer who could make money, but so does everyone else on twitch so I have work to do. Even if no one watches me, I have it so I can see viewer count and I talk like people are watching and I don't rage at all and I play better. I am not sure why I am so much calmer with people watching but it helps me. I believe it is because I used to only stream for fun so I was always just relaxed and felt good about myself and I have never lost that quality from that. I hope to be able to stream 8 hours a day and stream as much as I can when I get my job. My PC isn't that good and my internet isn't the best where I currently live so stream quality sucks but I don't think 1080p makes an amazing stream.
So thank you for reading this. I don't even know how well this was written. Reading over it I don't even like it but I need to post this for myself and I just hope this doesn't get 1 stars and people don't flame me. But thank all of you either way.
Wait, so you have a tube running through one of your veins into your heart? Holy shit. Glad to hear everything seems to be going well and good luck going forward.
On August 08 2013 05:36 Myles wrote: Wait, so you have a tube running through one of your veins into your heart? Holy shit. Glad to hear everything seems to be going well and good luck going forward.
The line ends right above the entrance to my heart. Not in my heart but very close to. When I was told this was going to be happen I nearly shit myself and googled for an hour. Surprisingly you don't feel it. Hurt going into my arm but they say even when removed it you won't feel it. Still the worst thing to hear.
Glad you are doing well and all, and good luck with the treatments, but just deciding you wanna become a pro gamer isnt all that it takes to get there.
Furthermore, based on your situation, you should be taking your wake up call as getting your GED and figuring out some sort of career, not chasing a pipe dream that, even if you defy the insane odds that are not at all in your favor, will most likely result in you making a very small amount of money.
e: also, don't delay on going to the doctor the next time you have some kinda weird growth!! You're lucky that wasn't thyroid cancer
On August 08 2013 05:42 QuanticHawk wrote: Glad you are doing well and all, and good luck with the treatments, but just deciding you wanna become a pro gamer isnt all that it takes to get there.
Furthermore, based on your situation, you should be taking your wake up call as getting your GED and figuring out some sort of career, not chasing a pipe dream that, even if you defy the insane odds that are not at all in your favor, will most likely result in you making a very small amount of money.
e: also, don't delay on going to the doctor the next time you have some kinda weird growth!! You're lucky that wasn't thyroid cancer
I do have my GED. I got it a few months after dropping out. I didn't quit school for any other reason then school in the US is broken for someone who is actually smart. School only goes as fast as the slowest person, and where I lived they were all slow so I quit caring and quit showing up. If I went to college I would be doing Quantum mechanics or theoretical physics or something. In a month I'm going to be assistant manager at a store. I'm not going to only focus on this but it is my main goal but I know I can't have it first as the odds of it happening fast enough to make money to live off of won't happen.
On August 08 2013 05:45 teddyoojo wrote: Good luck and good recovery but...
For almost a year now I have had a large lump in my neck and we never thought a lot of it.
this just seems incredibly dumb
Not really. It was a small lump that showed up and went away for month. Never getting bigger. The picture of the lump in my next was the size we had it removed. 2-3 weeks prior to that, the lump was about 1/3 the size of that. So it never alarmed anyone in my family. I have weird bumps on my collar bone and such so it just wasn't alarming.
I think do whatever you are passionate about. If you are passionate about say programming then pursue a degree in programming and start your career there, if you are passionate about becoming a progamer like you say then nobody can stop you but yourself. Sure not many people become good progamers but maybe you are different? You never know unless you try!
A member of my family did have cancer and I have seen it at its worst however I hope this is never the case for you and that you recover fast (and well) and become a pro gamer (if this is your goal )! GL HF
On August 08 2013 05:42 QuanticHawk wrote: Glad you are doing well and all, and good luck with the treatments, but just deciding you wanna become a pro gamer isnt all that it takes to get there.
Furthermore, based on your situation, you should be taking your wake up call as getting your GED and figuring out some sort of career, not chasing a pipe dream that, even if you defy the insane odds that are not at all in your favor, will most likely result in you making a very small amount of money.
e: also, don't delay on going to the doctor the next time you have some kinda weird growth!! You're lucky that wasn't thyroid cancer
I do have my GED. I got it a few months after dropping out. I didn't quit school for any other reason then school in the US is broken for someone who is actually smart. School only goes as fast as the slowest person, and where I lived they were all slow so I quit caring and quit showing up. If I went to college I would be doing Quantum mechanics or theoretical physics or something. In a month I'm going to be assistant manager at a store. I'm not going to only focus on this but it is my main goal but I know I can't have it first as the odds of it happening fast enough to make money to live off of won't happen.
On August 08 2013 05:45 teddyoojo wrote: Good luck and good recovery but...
For almost a year now I have had a large lump in my neck and we never thought a lot of it.
this just seems incredibly dumb
Not really. It was a small lump that showed up and went away for month. Never getting bigger. The picture of the lump in my next was the size we had it removed. 2-3 weeks prior to that, the lump was about 1/3 the size of that. So it never alarmed anyone in my family. I have weird bumps on my collar bone and such so it just wasn't alarming.
I sincerely doubt that based on your responses... just get healthy and get your priorities straight man. Focus on something a little bigger than assistant manager at Kmart or whatever, or youll be living at home until you are 30
I sincerely doubt that based on your responses... just get healthy and get your priorities straight man. Focus on something a little bigger than assistant manager at Kmart or whatever, or youll be living at home until you are 30
Why would you doubt that based on responses? And from only having 2 jobs, one being carry out and the other a cashier. Ass. Manager at 20 is huge. Considering I've only made min wage and now making $11 an hour. That's big. I don't understand your thought process on how I'd be living at home with that.
I sincerely doubt that based on your responses... just get healthy and get your priorities straight man. Focus on something a little bigger than assistant manager at Kmart or whatever, or youll be living at home until you are 30
Why would you doubt that based on responses? And from only having 2 jobs, one being carry out and the other a cashier. Ass. Manager at 20 is huge. Considering I've only made min wage and now making $11 an hour. That's big. I don't understand your thought process on how I'd be living at home with that.
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
I would have never landed a big scholarship. Looked into it and no way would I have ever received one. Going from a worthless person so ASM in 2 years is huge. Weather you think it is or not it is a big step. from < 20 hours a week for $7. To full 40 hours at $11 is big. I fail to see how it isn't. I never neglected anything. I have been to the doctor fo it and they said it was nothing. It isn't like I went a year and went herp derp.
My family support me. No one has a perfect family and with what my family has been through this is support. I understand how you think all familys "talk sense into people" but not a lot do. Think what you want. I always fail to see how people come into blogs and talk like this.
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
I would have never landed a big scholarship. Looked into it and no way would I have ever received one. Going from a worthless person so ASM in 2 years is huge. Weather you think it is or not it is a big step. from < 20 hours a week for $7. To full 40 hours at $11 is big. I fail to see how it isn't. I never neglected anything. I have been to the doctor fo it and they said it was nothing. It isn't like I went a year and went herp derp.
My family support me. No one has a perfect family and with what my family has been through this is support. I understand how you think all familys "talk sense into people" but not a lot do. Think what you want. I always fail to see how people come into blogs and talk like this.
Hawk is always really hard on people who want to go pro in gaming, but, in a majority of the cases, he has valid criticisms. The fact that you didn't get that lump on your neck checked out as soon as it happened was stupid, not getting a second opinion was also dumb; even if the doctor said it was nothing, you should have seen another to make doubly sure, that is standard procedure. 40 hours at $11 is miniscule; that rate can't support a family, that rate can't support you if you want to move up in the world. Don't get me wrong, being happy with your lot is great, that is the essence of happiness, but soon you will become unhappy with your lot at $11 for 40 hours. Not going to college is ok for some people, but not going to any kind of trade school or college will make you unemployable later in life and you will become stuck in the fact that you have to support yourself and will have little time for education; not everyone needs college, but everyone needs some kind of a post-primary education now-a-days, it's so standard it's considered as necessary as highschool by many.
On the grounds of your family, if they are letting you go after this dream while you recover, good. If they are letting you do this while you twiddle your thumbs attempting to get back to what normal life is, good. If you're doing this because you think you'll make more than $11 a day as a pro-gamer and this will be how you support yourself in life, I don't think this is gonna work. Playing video games as a hobby is great, and my comments, Hawk's comments, nobody's comments will take the wind out of your sails, but if you want this goal, you need to give yourself a time limit. You need to do what Stephano did - he's still going to medical school, note that - and put a limit on how long you're going to live the dream; if you never make it there during the time limit, then it's time to pack it up and go to real school.
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
I would have never landed a big scholarship. Looked into it and no way would I have ever received one. Going from a worthless person so ASM in 2 years is huge. Weather you think it is or not it is a big step. from < 20 hours a week for $7. To full 40 hours at $11 is big. I fail to see how it isn't. I never neglected anything. I have been to the doctor fo it and they said it was nothing. It isn't like I went a year and went herp derp.
My family support me. No one has a perfect family and with what my family has been through this is support. I understand how you think all familys "talk sense into people" but not a lot do. Think what you want. I always fail to see how people come into blogs and talk like this.
Hawk is always really hard on people who want to go pro in gaming, but, in a majority of the cases, he has valid criticisms. The fact that you didn't get that lump on your neck checked out as soon as it happened was stupid, not getting a second opinion was also dumb; even if the doctor said it was nothing, you should have seen another to make doubly sure, that is standard procedure. 40 hours at $11 is miniscule; that rate can't support a family, that rate can't support you if you want to move up in the world. Don't get me wrong, being happy with your lot is great, that is the essence of happiness, but soon you will become unhappy with your lot at $11 for 40 hours. Not going to college is ok for some people, but not going to any kind of trade school or college will make you unemployable later in life and you will become stuck in the fact that you have to support yourself and will have little time for education; not everyone needs college, but everyone needs some kind of a post-primary education now-a-days, it's so standard it's considered as necessary as highschool by many.
On the grounds of your family, if they are letting you go after this dream while you recover, good. If they are letting you do this while you twiddle your thumbs attempting to get back to what normal life is, good. If you're doing this because you think you'll make more than $11 a day as a pro-gamer and this will be how you support yourself in life, I don't think this is gonna work. Playing video games as a hobby is great, and my comments, Hawk's comments, nobody's comments will take the wind out of your sails, but if you want this goal, you need to give yourself a time limit. You need to do what Stephano did - he's still going to medical school, note that - and put a limit on how long you're going to live the dream; if you never make it there during the time limit, then it's time to pack it up and go to real school.
Regardless if he has valid points or not. No one should go into someones blog and put them down and make then feel like shit. That is never necessary to anyone. The lump meant nothing because I have one on my collar bone. Which is nothing. That's instantly what went to with this one. And I don't have a doctor where I live because we recently moved here. It isn't like we have been here years and everything is perfect. It isn't bad when it's all you can do in a small town. People my age would love to be making that much in the economy like that. No shit it isn't good down the road but for my age with my history it's damn near perfect and I don't see why people need to make me feel worse about it.
I wish to be making money as a pro but I already know the odds of me going pro are slim and none. Still don't see the point in telling someone what they want is useless. I've spent the past 3 weeks thinking about this and what I want to do. And congrats to Stephano? I am not him and do not have the same interest as him in that regards. School is not for everyone. I have done college classes and schooling has never been for me and never will be and is a huge waste of time for me. And College doesn't land you a abetter job a lot of times. College just makes you in debt. Where I live, Just about every place will hire someone for experience rather then a degree. I really dislike that people think everything is about school. Having my family go through school, oh yeah one is now bankrupt and the other is barely paying off their debt from school. So no I shall never be going back to school to make myself feel worse.
I sincerely doubt that based on your responses... just get healthy and get your priorities straight man. Focus on something a little bigger than assistant manager at Kmart or whatever, or youll be living at home until you are 30
Why would you doubt that based on responses? And from only having 2 jobs, one being carry out and the other a cashier. Ass. Manager at 20 is huge. Considering I've only made min wage and now making $11 an hour. That's big. I don't understand your thought process on how I'd be living at home with that.
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
Not going to respond to anything else but you can live on your own if you are making 11$/hr 40 hours a week. Like you can do that just fine (you obviously won't be in a house, it'll be an apartment and you can do it alone or with a friend/brother/random roomate as well).
It obviously varies based on location, where I live you can get an apartment for 450$ a month single room to paying 800 or so if you want.
wow! all of that medical stuff was quite disturbing! It's never nice to hear about misfortune of health. I don't play LoL but if I ever learn the rules i'll be sure to check the streem and root you on! SilentByte Hwaiting~
Because you thought dropping out was better than sticking it out and getting a big scholarship if you wanted to go to college. Because you decided to not go to colllege, which is fine, but rather than look at trades or anything that can be a real career, you've been working minimum wage jobs and think $11/hr amounts to anything meaningful. Because you neglected to get a giant ass lump on your neck checked out in a prompt fashion????
go talk to one of your family members and hopefully they'll set you straight. You need to either be in college, or figuring out a trade or some kind of career-orientated job, not managing cashier schedules and chasing silly pipe dreams
I would have never landed a big scholarship. Looked into it and no way would I have ever received one. Going from a worthless person so ASM in 2 years is huge. Weather you think it is or not it is a big step. from < 20 hours a week for $7. To full 40 hours at $11 is big. I fail to see how it isn't. I never neglected anything. I have been to the doctor fo it and they said it was nothing. It isn't like I went a year and went herp derp.
My family support me. No one has a perfect family and with what my family has been through this is support. I understand how you think all familys "talk sense into people" but not a lot do. Think what you want. I always fail to see how people come into blogs and talk like this.
Hawk is always really hard on people who want to go pro in gaming, but, in a majority of the cases, he has valid criticisms. The fact that you didn't get that lump on your neck checked out as soon as it happened was stupid, not getting a second opinion was also dumb; even if the doctor said it was nothing, you should have seen another to make doubly sure, that is standard procedure. 40 hours at $11 is miniscule; that rate can't support a family, that rate can't support you if you want to move up in the world. Don't get me wrong, being happy with your lot is great, that is the essence of happiness, but soon you will become unhappy with your lot at $11 for 40 hours. Not going to college is ok for some people, but not going to any kind of trade school or college will make you unemployable later in life and you will become stuck in the fact that you have to support yourself and will have little time for education; not everyone needs college, but everyone needs some kind of a post-primary education now-a-days, it's so standard it's considered as necessary as highschool by many.
On the grounds of your family, if they are letting you go after this dream while you recover, good. If they are letting you do this while you twiddle your thumbs attempting to get back to what normal life is, good. If you're doing this because you think you'll make more than $11 a day as a pro-gamer and this will be how you support yourself in life, I don't think this is gonna work. Playing video games as a hobby is great, and my comments, Hawk's comments, nobody's comments will take the wind out of your sails, but if you want this goal, you need to give yourself a time limit. You need to do what Stephano did - he's still going to medical school, note that - and put a limit on how long you're going to live the dream; if you never make it there during the time limit, then it's time to pack it up and go to real school.
Regardless if he has valid points or not. No one should go into someones blog and put them down and make then feel like shit. That is never necessary to anyone. The lump meant nothing because I have one on my collar bone. Which is nothing. That's instantly what went to with this one. And I don't have a doctor where I live because we recently moved here. It isn't like we have been here years and everything is perfect. It isn't bad when it's all you can do in a small town. People my age would love to be making that much in the economy like that. No shit it isn't good down the road but for my age with my history it's damn near perfect and I don't see why people need to make me feel worse about it.
I wish to be making money as a pro but I already know the odds of me going pro are slim and none. Still don't see the point in telling someone what they want is useless. I've spent the past 3 weeks thinking about this and what I want to do. And congrats to Stephano? I am not him and do not have the same interest as him in that regards. School is not for everyone. I have done college classes and schooling has never been for me and never will be and is a huge waste of time for me. And College doesn't land you a abetter job a lot of times. College just makes you in debt. Where I live, Just about every place will hire someone for experience rather then a degree. I really dislike that people think everything is about school. Having my family go through school, oh yeah one is now bankrupt and the other is barely paying off their debt from school. So no I shall never be going back to school to make myself feel worse.
You are one of the few people I've seen on the internet that thinks like this, like I do. You're rational, logical, and know how the world works.
As an avid gamer and cancer survivor i also wanna chime in and wish you the best of luck on your road yo recovery. I felt the same way and dreamt of how cool it would be to become a pro and travel the world playing in all sorts of tourneys before i got diagnosed with Sarcoma(soft tissue cancer, in the l-4 region of the spine) Youre not the only one wanting to dream high and also fighting something so serious early in the life GL HF BRO!♥ -Sunjino
You can always tell the girls you got in a knife fight back in your bike riding days... or something. "And then this guy I wasn't even fighting came out of nowhere and tried to take my head off with this Crocodile Dundee knife!" lol
Assistant Manager is awesome, yeah, but how far can you go up this ladder? Would you be happy as a manager making $13 for the next 7-8 years? That's not to say it won't be cool for the next 2-3 years.
EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/0oO9id9.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/eakO9aa.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/brlZE2p.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/o720Xfz.png)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/MdMEEiA.jpg)
)! GL HF
