|
as much as your mother sounds overbearing and nasty, you are a completely spoiled little shit and you should realize how insanely lucky you are that your parents didnt disown you the second you struck your mother, or at the very least, have your father break your computer over you dumbass head. you hit a person who did not touch you. you are an idiot.
and how on fucking earth do you complain that your mom doesnt give a shit about having a social life when you sit and play video games 3-5 on weeknights after school and hw and 6+ on the weekend, and ignore her requests to visit family on occasion? here's a hint, genius: while she may be shitty in other regards, she is doing that because you are right on the path to becoming the awkward, video game addicted fat kid who has no friends and no social life, and posts pitiful blogs about it as a college freshman wondering what happened.
no social life is a hole you dug by playing video games for some 30+ hours a week.
your life is literally school and video games, and youre balking because your mom is rightfully trying to push you to be a little bit more interesting and well rounded than that. calling you worthless and other nasty things isnt productive, but jeez, i am having a hard time to think of a better word to describe someone whose life outside of school, no matter how good of a student they are, is video games and whining about seeing family every now and then. boo fucking hoo.
turn off the computer, shut the fuck up and try thinking from something other than your know it all 16 year old perspective. talk to your dad maybe, since he seems to be the only one in that house with anything close to a rational brain in your household.
and go to therapy since you have issues with violence, depression and self harm.
|
If you're tired of your mom's criticism, prove her wrong.
|
Well. It's the next day, I'm feeling calmer and better about shit than I think I have in a while. It's been... a humbling experience. I think I'm willing to accept all the shit and fuckups I've really shown in this short time period. I can comprehend them, and I can only hope my mind sticks to amending them.
A calm demeanor, that's something I've tried with limited success, likely due to my poor use and application of it. Something to work on.
QuanticHawk, you're right about some of it, I'm lucky to still be in my parents' house. I am spoiled, albeit not as obvious in comparison to some of my friends, I do live in a somewhat privileged area and attend a school that includes the quite privileged people, so I that has certainly influenced my attitude even if my family isn't quite of that group.
As for my social life. It's not entirely non-existant. I do get out, this summer once or twice a week. Some of my friends are still out on vacation though so that's putting a bit of a wrench in some of those plans. During the year... well yeah, I do need to get out more.
In any case, I've realized really the way i have been spoiled the most, is that I sometimes feel exempt from family matters, activities and chores. I don't do much if any on a regular basis, only the odd bit here and there. Perhaps my mom does have some faults, or perhaps that's just from 16 year old know it all perspective. I can't do anything about it, I can't change anyone else. I can only change myself. I figure I'm sounding fucking self-righteous at the moment, I can only again try to better myself, improve my social life and be more of a participating family member.
Enough of me spewing my bullshit, I actually AM heading out in a little bit. I need to get out and meet some friends.
And ilovekimchi, you definitely didn't read the post, though I suppose I can't really blame you. 
|
Idk why but I feel comfort when I think that life is meaningless, basically, it's good fun. It makes me feel good, and safe.
|
Read all your post .
You sound like a good teenager if you remove the fact you have hit her ( never do that )
I'm 27 years old now and marry with a nice girl , got an amazing live with the best job ever ( travel about 6 months a year in another country !! ) With really big incomes of money so I'm totally fine eating sushi 2x time week and do everything I want , I'm saying all that not for brags but because my mother was saying the same stuff she say to you : I was useless and playing computer too much , would do nothing good in life and some stuff even worse , she was wrong .
But the older generation really thinks computer = game , and that you need to go out play outside a lot like other kids ,
That's not true anymore , in 2013 computer are part of anyone's life and that that's something you can learn many stuff from it .
When you were talking about learning many stuff from it , the new , reading , i was telling my mom the same shit but she never got it .... Move on , that hard change an old generation the mind set she grew with .
For example the generation before think to be successful in life you need to get a big house , a big car , a big family .
For me ?? Have fun , enjoy life , enjoy life 100 % each day , get sex , drive my car , travel to another country , I'm even playing
Starcraft 2 some time and I'm high master currently who cares if you make a 200k year if you don't enjoy life ? Pick what you enjoy in life and get a job who will allow you to do just that , but pick a job who give you a lot of money , because you need money to be happy at a big degree ( or that REALY more easy ) .
Tell them : why live for tomorrow if you can't enjoy the present ??
Don't worry live can be really fun after 20++ year old , that's all about your mindset and what you do . You are right now in some part really bad but you will get over it , and don't think you will grow up to be boring or an adult , you will be mature but you can do whatever you want , you are you , you will not switch and become boring when you become older , if you do that because you do boring stuff , see life wrong , got a boring job .
Pick the best fucking job you want and enjoy life , you are young , forget stuff about pills and kill yourself too , in 3-4 year you will get a gf , a job and you will see your parent 2 times year .
But they are trying to hard , they are right you will need a good job and good study but that not everything in life, for example they are really right about something : never take drugs , this will fuck your life , was talking with a friend the last time , looking at Facebook and everyone in my Facebook who never stoped drugs at like 20... Got a fucking bad live...
Everyone else is more successful ,
With that in mind , stop trying to make them happy or proud , start to do things you want for yourself , for your future , that's true you need study but by reading your post you will be fine , enjoy life ,
If you change your mindset into : I don't care what they think , I'm someone really good .
You won't care what she says to you , because that's not true .
|
yeah im sorry you should just try harder really. your only 16. wait til you are married.....
|
I was in your situation as a teenager, completely removed from the world and absorbed in gaming. I would suggest spending time with your family and friends before you lose them all, you will regret it and hate yourself.
|
OP, you really screwed that up hitting your mom, like wtf was that man.
I'm going to give you some good advice anyways:
1. Do not burn bridges
A family is a good thing to have, even if it is not a perfect one (can't tell if there is any). Learn to appreciate all the good things that you get in life.
2. Run if you have to.
Old people may have their quirks that can be never fixed. No amount of pressure, violence, reasoning or discussion is going to change that. Learn to identify that quirks and tolerate them for the time being. Keep thinking about the day you will leave for the university. This is something that makes a lot of the pressure vanish.
3. Style matters.
If your family is somewhat important to you then you might want to read this. Family is not just about the parents caring about their children and providing them with stuff. It goes the other way too - kids should think about their parents. Think about the amount of time you commit to your entertainment (40hrs+ a week?). Decide how much you can commit to the idea of "yeah, I care about my parents and I'm willing to do X". I have no idea what X is, maybe it's doing the dishes, dealing with the lawn or whatever. Once you chose to do X you do it without whining, nagging, obtaining a direct request or order. You do it with smile because you decided that you love/respect your parents enough to do it. And save them a lot off stress, since making someone (especially a teen) do something may be so hard it no longer becomes worth it.
Once again - it is up to you to decide how much feels right. Just make the most out of it by doing things the right way.
Also - every small thing you do on your own matters. The things you are forced into do not matter all that much. This is not something you should consider a trade-in or a sacrifice. This is something you do because you know it is right to do it and this is what should make this satisfying.
I'm a bit sorry that I did not realize all of the above that like 16 years ago... the bright side is that it works great when you have your own family too.
4. Failed all-in
Never listen to people who say "age X is the time of your life! it only goes downwards from there". There are the people who have failed their lives following this idea. They went all-in, but unlike in Starcraft life will almost certainly move on. Most likely you will get into the early-mid (25+?), mid- and late-game. You should enjoy the process but you also should keep in mind that it will not stop at 19 with "Victory!" screen.
Once again: there is nothing that's stopping you from being old, having a wife, kids, job and enjoying all the little things you enjoy right now. 16 years ago I liked games. I never stopped, the difference is that now I have a beasty gaming PC I bought with my own money and assembled it myself. 16 years ago I liked to play guitar. Today I have 5 of them, my own rehearsal room and a couple of friends to jam with. So on it goes, you get the point.
5. Take all the good stuff
Parents are not perfect but certainly there are some values and ideas you share and find important. Keep the rotten apples out of the basket and the good ones in. Some of them may be to heavy to carry or simply they will not fit you as a person. Leave them behind and don't worry about it too much.
One day, when you (hopefully) are independent and successful you may talk to your parents and tell them about all the important things they taught you. You may mention some that were also good but not really fitting (a wild guess: working 16h/day to provide you with a better/more comfortable life is something that should be appreciated. However, that amount of work is not really necessary in the west in order to be successful).
Proving someone wrong is certainly a good thing, but as far as parents go - proving them wrong and making them happy at the same time somehow seems better.
6. Have the courage to live the simple life.
There is no reason to look for a spectacular life if you do not feel like it. It is perfectly fine to live a normal life, get a job, house, family, kids and the like, enjoy the things you love and never care about people who call that boring.
Not everyone wants to be a Hawaian kitesurfing-fencing instructor for topless supermodels. Find the things you like and don't worry if they are common.
|
On July 21 2013 00:34 QuanticHawk wrote:
as much as your mother sounds overbearing and nasty, you are a completely spoiled little shit and you should realize how insanely lucky you are that your parents didnt disown you the second you struck your mother, or at the very least, have your father break your computer over you dumbass head. you hit a person who did not touch you. you are an idiot.
and how on fucking earth do you complain that your mom doesnt give a shit about having a social life when you sit and play video games 3-5 on weeknights after school and hw and 6+ on the weekend, and ignore her requests to visit family on occasion? here's a hint, genius: while she may be shitty in other regards, she is doing that because you are right on the path to becoming the awkward, video game addicted fat kid who has no friends and no social life, and posts pitiful blogs about it as a college freshman wondering what happened.
no social life is a hole you dug by playing video games for some 30+ hours a week.
your life is literally school and video games, and youre balking because your mom is rightfully trying to push you to be a little bit more interesting and well rounded than that. calling you worthless and other nasty things isnt productive, but jeez, i am having a hard time to think of a better word to describe someone whose life outside of school, no matter how good of a student they are, is video games and whining about seeing family every now and then. boo fucking hoo.
turn off the computer, shut the fuck up and try thinking from something other than your know it all 16 year old perspective. talk to your dad maybe, since he seems to be the only one in that house with anything close to a rational brain in your household.
and go to therapy since you have issues with violence, depression and self harm.
I totally agree, what the fuck are you whining about man. You don't know how it is to have it tough. I know people who lost their parents at a young age, ny friend had a heart operation at your age now that is tough! Grow up and do something special for youe mother to apologise for hittinng her...
|
On July 21 2013 08:52 RvB wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2013 00:34 QuanticHawk wrote:
as much as your mother sounds overbearing and nasty, you are a completely spoiled little shit and you should realize how insanely lucky you are that your parents didnt disown you the second you struck your mother, or at the very least, have your father break your computer over you dumbass head. you hit a person who did not touch you. you are an idiot.
and how on fucking earth do you complain that your mom doesnt give a shit about having a social life when you sit and play video games 3-5 on weeknights after school and hw and 6+ on the weekend, and ignore her requests to visit family on occasion? here's a hint, genius: while she may be shitty in other regards, she is doing that because you are right on the path to becoming the awkward, video game addicted fat kid who has no friends and no social life, and posts pitiful blogs about it as a college freshman wondering what happened.
no social life is a hole you dug by playing video games for some 30+ hours a week.
your life is literally school and video games, and youre balking because your mom is rightfully trying to push you to be a little bit more interesting and well rounded than that. calling you worthless and other nasty things isnt productive, but jeez, i am having a hard time to think of a better word to describe someone whose life outside of school, no matter how good of a student they are, is video games and whining about seeing family every now and then. boo fucking hoo.
turn off the computer, shut the fuck up and try thinking from something other than your know it all 16 year old perspective. talk to your dad maybe, since he seems to be the only one in that house with anything close to a rational brain in your household.
and go to therapy since you have issues with violence, depression and self harm. I totally agree, what the fuck are you whining about man. You don't know how it is to have it tough. I know people who lost their parents at a young age, ny friend had a heart operation at your age now that is tough! Grow up and do something special for youe mother to apologise for hittinng her...
Honestly Hawk's answers are always really aggressive in this regard, but he has some points. While I don't like how you responded to your mom in the form of violence and think you should apologize for that, that is your choice. You need to work on yourself. You need hobbies, a decent schedule for working out, a decent sleep schedule. You need the works man. Your life isn't a wreck, but if you bitch and moan about it, it won't get better. Life is all about perception, you need to work on that most of all.
|
my 2 cents:
if someone has a perception of you that is incorrect, you can't change their views by reasoning with them, because chances are they weren't reasoned into it in the first place (trying to 'correct' them only agitates them and further deepens their defensiveness/self-righteousness). You may have to find some non-rational/emotional means of changing your mother's behaviour (the problem here is that this may involve some deception and seemingly self-degrading behaviour). You sound like a reasonably smart guy, so think about this option if you can.
edit: I remember what life was like back at your age, part of you might feel like this: since you are 'rational' or smart, or that you are right about something, you are entitled to have people listen to you. Sadly that's simply not how reality works, you have to be more clever than that. Scientific and technical success is based on reason/honesty, but social/relationship success is based more on cleverness/manipulation.
|
Going off what Kalingingsong said, sometimes its better to be silent than to speak out. The wisest man knows when to walk away and stay silent and when to speak. I forgot the quote but something like, don't argue with stupid people, they will drag you down and beat you with experience.
|
Just throwing this out, I would take any advice given here with a grain of salt because what might fly in a white family could very well be a huge red flag in an asian one. I'm not saying that the advice given in this thread is bad or that non-asian people can't give good advice for your situation, just to be careful. I know when I was a teenager, I would complain to my white friends and they would totally sympathize with me, citing things like "child abuse". It wasn't until later I realized a lot of my problems between me and my parents stemmed from a cultural divide. But of course, compromise is needed from both sides, it's important that your parents realize that you aren't growing up in the same country as them.
Also, as QuanticHawk so nicely put it, be real thankful you didn't get into bigger trouble for hitting your mom. I'm pretty sure if I ever hit my mom, I could count my remaining seconds of life on 1 hand. Not to mention if I had a son and found out he ever struck my wife, I would beat him into the ground, no questions asked.
|
So I'm going to try to word this post in the best way I can without sparking any fire. Cos I have mixed feelings about your situation.
Firstly, hitting a woman whether mother sister or stranger, is just wrong. And honestly if things have gotten that far, I would see your school shrink just to vent a little bit and get whatever is going on out of your system. Thats what they are there for.
Now, the whole gaming thing is a double edged sword. Despite what we as gamers like to think, it can be an addiction which causes us to lash out because of others perceptions of it. A person I know lashed out at me once because I told him I wouldn't part with him cos he is always on pills. I lashed out at my father similarly to what you have but there were other issues at the time (broken family at the time + my hormones + bad school time and annoying father = danger).
You are balancing your time well as far as I can see, at least recently. This is important, but unless you are planning to become a pro gamer, you may need to include other things in life that you do for health. Walking? Sport? Things like this. Physical exertion is a good way to de stress. If you are not a sporting person, thats fine there are other things you can do that don't involve a computer and that not only can you use in your defense of criticism, will help you become a healthy adult mentally and physically.
Now I know many gamers, who use their skills in real life to be successful. The actual analytical abilities of gamers and problem solving abilities is far ahead of a non gamer with exceptions of those super brilliant people who are one in 100 million. Bankers, politicians, company owners. Heaps of these types play games because it challenges them and is pleasurable at the same time. Gaming however DOES cause stress when you do it for hours on end. So perhaps you could also find some sort of internship or job where your skills as a gamer could translate? Put them to practical use. You will get similar pleasure from that success especially at a young age when settling isnt on your mind.
All in all, you should really find someone to talk to so that you don't do something you'll regret (perhaps again) ! And stay safe and healthy.
|
I got to where you said you hit your mom and then stopped reading.
I gotta say, if I had ever even dreamed of hitting my mom, my dad would have kicked my ass and my older brothers would have joined in to make sure I got the fucking lesson. What the fuck? Hitting a woman is already fucking low, but hitting your mom? I don't give a shit what she did, you don't do that and act like you've got some right to complain. You've got some serious fucking issues if you think that is in any way acceptable. You're fucking lucky your dad didn't beat your ass like he should have and then have you arrested for assault. I can't even believe that you wrote this fucking "pity me!" piece of trash if you actually did that. What the fuck is with kids these days?
Go see a fucking therapist because you've got some fucking problems if you think hitting your mom is okay.
|
On July 21 2013 13:37 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 21 2013 08:52 RvB wrote:On July 21 2013 00:34 QuanticHawk wrote:
as much as your mother sounds overbearing and nasty, you are a completely spoiled little shit and you should realize how insanely lucky you are that your parents didnt disown you the second you struck your mother, or at the very least, have your father break your computer over you dumbass head. you hit a person who did not touch you. you are an idiot.
and how on fucking earth do you complain that your mom doesnt give a shit about having a social life when you sit and play video games 3-5 on weeknights after school and hw and 6+ on the weekend, and ignore her requests to visit family on occasion? here's a hint, genius: while she may be shitty in other regards, she is doing that because you are right on the path to becoming the awkward, video game addicted fat kid who has no friends and no social life, and posts pitiful blogs about it as a college freshman wondering what happened.
no social life is a hole you dug by playing video games for some 30+ hours a week.
your life is literally school and video games, and youre balking because your mom is rightfully trying to push you to be a little bit more interesting and well rounded than that. calling you worthless and other nasty things isnt productive, but jeez, i am having a hard time to think of a better word to describe someone whose life outside of school, no matter how good of a student they are, is video games and whining about seeing family every now and then. boo fucking hoo.
turn off the computer, shut the fuck up and try thinking from something other than your know it all 16 year old perspective. talk to your dad maybe, since he seems to be the only one in that house with anything close to a rational brain in your household.
and go to therapy since you have issues with violence, depression and self harm. I totally agree, what the fuck are you whining about man. You don't know how it is to have it tough. I know people who lost their parents at a young age, ny friend had a heart operation at your age now that is tough! Grow up and do something special for youe mother to apologise for hittinng her... Honestly Hawk's answers are always really aggressive in this regard, but he has some points. While I don't like how you responded to your mom in the form of violence and think you should apologize for that, that is your choice. You need to work on yourself. You need hobbies, a decent schedule for working out, a decent sleep schedule. You need the works man. Your life isn't a wreck, but if you bitch and moan about it, it won't get better. Life is all about perception, you need to work on that most of all.
if he is sincere about fixing his end of things and not just butthurt that he got nerd piled in his blog, extending an olive branch in the form of an apology specifically about the hitting is probably a good start. there is zero excuse for laying a finger on someone who didnt touch you first, much less when that person happens to be much smaller and your mother. use it as a bridge into how you appreciate that she is concerned about you and all she does for you, but then mention how stuff like going nutso about grades when youre pulling 95s already is kind of over the top crazy and counter productive. just kinda mention you get her perspective but she is overly harsh and that doesnt help, but you actually also have to stop being a lazy whiny dipshit for any of this to matter
basically, be a big boy, go do what you should have done ages ago and have a heart to heart with tigermom instead of posting a whiny blog about it
as far social life, it isnt even just going out (but that is part of the issue, yes) she is probably concerned because with school in session, you play 30 hours a week at 16 years old. i am sure now you are playing more than that. if you're an introvert maybe you dont wanna go out more than once a week or whatever and that is ok, but the point is if all you are doing is video games with your spare time, you are going to be a one dimensional person with little social skills. she is probably doing a horrible job at articulating this it seems, but that is her concern: you apparently have the book smarts, but youre gonna lack anything else continuing the way you do.
video game addiction is always poo poo'ed here because it is a video game site, but if you are playing 30, 40hrs + a week, youre probably addicted on some level. your parents would probably tell you youre an addict if you played just five hours a week because that is just the way older people view those things, but as most fellow nerds will tell you here, you wanna be more balanced. playing a lot is cool so long as you dont sacrifice other elements of your life to do that. were all dorks here, it is easy to get that out of whack at times, and ive been there myself. you mother is just using a way over the top harsh way to steer you away from being the stereotypical dorky asian kid who is book smart but lacks other life skills beyond that. her intentions, from an outsider's perspective, do seem good. she probably just doesnt know what the fuck to do with you, and that is a common feeling, even if that doesnt justify being verbally nasty
you can prove exactly what i am saying in a week's time. keep a little journal of what you do with your time every day. youre probably gonna feel sick when you realize that you spend like 75% of your waking time playing video games or dicking around on the computer. like dovoc said, pick up some hobbies, try to diversify, force yourself to go hang out with friends a bit more. if not to make your mom shut up, because it is a lot better for you
|
Life is tough. At this point, because you are young, you do not know what you're living for. However, isn't that the beauty of life? To find the meaning of living in this ambiguous world. Don't give up!
|
I would like to think I'm not too butthurt about anything being said. I can accept it and understand it. I've certainly gone out made the apology, and had a long discussion and intend to try and turn around the shitty situation in my house. Whether or not it's going to happen is one thing but I want to try to improve my own participation. I have also made an attempt to take the advice here with a grain of salt. It's never really hit me how I have been spoiled in my participation around the house.
I've also had the discussion my parents haven't actually ever had any concern regarding my social life, I alone am more concerned than they are on that front. I am certainly introverted and I don't like getting out too much. My social skills particularly lack in 1 on 1 situations when I don't have a very clear thought of what I intend to be doing. Otherwise I don't feel I'm that poor socially although I don't get out too much.
I get along and can easily become friends with the majority of people around. The school I go to isn't one with the best conditions so also hanging out with the vast majority of the students and subsequently some of my friends that go to the school involves heavy amounts of drinking and likely weed. Although I'm reasonably good at avoiding the pressure of doing so I don't like being in situations with people smoking whatever.
Also for that matter, I'm not the stereotypical dorky asian kid, my parents from what I understand don't even really consider that a strange concept. The only thing I do, do that is typical of that demographic is the vast amount of time I spend on a computer. Which admittedly is something to work on.
|
yeah you should take it with a grain of salt, if for no other reason that no one here really knows you, and the stuff you tell us about your mother is filtered by you
and yeah, to be clear, i am not saying you should be partying and going out seven days a week smoking weed if that isnt what you want. the point is, as someone who also used to play a real lot of games at various stages in my life, when you are playing 30-40 hours a week, you are sacrificing a lot of other things, and your admittedly weak social skills will never get any better doing that. you can be an introvert and have social skills. it's a problem when you dont care for talking to people because you dont know how
and the dorky asian kid thing, i dont know if you are, but i am saying that is probably more or less what your parents kinda fear: their kid is a pretty good student, but does not go out at all and plays video games all day. they see it as an impedement to you developing into a more well rounded young adult, and probably as a potential pitfall at some point, like say if you go away to college and youre playing 40 hours a week and they are not right over your shoulder to kick you in the ass when it gets even more out of hand.
admittedly, you could be 100% sincere about changing the stuff you acknowledge you need to work on and your mom could still be crazy and unrelenting. it doesnt mean you should do it since you admit it is a problem. your mom is a variable in this equation. worry about yourself, since you can control that.
|
Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51431 Posts
How can your mum say your grades are bad when you said your getting 92-94% and aiming for 98% next year? What.
Says your fat/obese yet your say you jog alot and are a life guard?
Don't understand this blog seems a bit one sided im not sure? But still, it is better to get things of your chest, even the seeing a psychologist could be the answer or atleast help, maybe you do have anger issues? But that seems more about your past than now, your free to do what you want it is your life your parents can't force you to doing anything, but helping them out is also very rewarding if you could ever spare 15-30mins of your day. That might please her more to keep her off your back.
I don't do much for my parents really, i pay very small rent. I rarely help them in chores around the house, but the one thing i make sure i do as much as i can is be there taxi. It means i have something to bargain with and say i do, it makes them realize, yeah actually without him we would have to pay £10-15 for a taxi here and there. Just these kinds of things get you brownie points and such.
Just try doing the odd thing here and there so how it helps.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
