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* The Sun slowly rises above the water, rays of light sparkle on the surface of the river - the bridge stands dark against the sunset - the rusty metal is a seating for two young man that are watching over the scenery as it brightens up, minute after minute. The gentle noises of the river, quite a distance below the two guys, tint the whole scenery in a strange mood *
"Felo?"
"Yeah?"
"What would you think while falling down this bridge?"
"Uh .. thats a strange question"
"I know, I'm just curious ... and probably a little drunk, so?"
"Okay, let me think for a moment ..."
Trying to fight the dazzling shadow of the alcohol my mind works on an answer while my eyes are restlessly wandering around.
"I guess I would be somewhat ... disappointed to let everything end like this. I mean - everything has fallen into its place lately and I fought a lot of battles to get where I am ... and then falling down a bridge? C'mon - would be no fair!"
"Hm. A good response."
"Well .. the best thing I can come up with now - and what would you think?"
"Ah .. you know .. nothing"
Those last words were spoken light-heartetly and with a bright smile before we left to get home and in our beds.
Today, a couple of weeks later, he is dead. Decided to go his own way into eternity, putting an end to his own life that he did not value enough.
His letter that he left for me is like an open wound ... feels like I could have helped him, feels like I should have saved him but I wasn't even aware of everything that was stirring up behind his smile and his cheerful words ... behind his knowledge and his humour.
Of course he hasn't jumped down a bridge and of course we weren't talking on such a bridge but over the last drink in a bar - but thats how I will remember him - on a bridge, with me by his side, but unable to hold him while he's falling.
Fuck.
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Very touching, thank you for sharing this even though it is personal - and don't blame yourself because his fate wasn't in your hands. Let his cheeryful and happy memories live on through you = ) that's all we can do is cherish the times we got to spend with each and every wonderful person on this planet
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Peru611 Posts
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It's always very difficult to lose someone close to you. And I imagine it's even harder, when you feel that you could maybe prevent it. But, please do not blame yourself. It won't help you and I believe your friend wouldn't want you to blame yourself either. Life can be very difficult for some people, espeially in nowadays hurried pace of every-day life - and sometimes it's very hard to tell what's hidden deep beneath in one's mind, even if they are our closest friends, so as much as we'd love to help, we find ourselves unable to do so...
May your friend rest in peace, and allow yourself to find peace with yourself too.
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Fuck man, I'm so sorry 
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sorry to hear I'd buy you a drink if I lived closer. Keep yourself busy with the good things in your life!
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Sorry for the loss, do what you need to do to move on.
Whatever troubled your friend must all be left behind now, as he left everything behind... to rest in peace.
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Sorry about the loss of your friend
Very touching and well written.
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Try not to feel the guilt for his choice too long, it can eat away at you like nothing else.
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EPT
