Wow, I really wish I had an answer to this one, as I am in a similar situation (feelings for best friend etc). Unfortunately I don't, but what I've decided on doing for now is to just stick to the friendship that we have and let it play out. If that is what's best for you or not, I don't know. If I'll continue to think that's the best choice for me, I'm not sure. Just take your time, follow your heart (tho don't forget about the head so you don't rush into things without thinking

) and remember; you're the one who will face the consequences, you're the one who knows her (better then anyone here that is) and ultimately probably knows best what to do.

Gl Hf ♥

cAPS

United States153 Posts

September 03 2011 09:01 GMT

Probe what do you mean? There are some girls that have expressed some interest since the break up, and I don't think it'd be that difficult to get a few dates is all I meant.

Gprime

Canada198 Posts

September 03 2011 09:11 GMT

my first instinct is to advise you to just accept friendship. it might not be what you ideally want, but i find close friendships like that can be as or even more valuable and fulfilling (not to mention less risky)than a romantic relationship that may or may not work out. Being stuck in the friend zone sucks if your heart set on her though, so i guess if you were for sure going to pursue her , if i were you id go all carpe diem and then if she says no, try to la your romantic feelings to rest and just be happy with friendship and if she says yes, then your all set

arb

Noobville17919 Posts

September 03 2011 09:15 GMT

On September 03 2011 17:59 Probe1 wrote:
No offense but are you lying about the casually dating other women part? Mostly when I hear that it's a cop out.

Better just go all in. Don't need to cover it up.

You're a real man if you go all in.

Sarasin

Canada109 Posts

September 03 2011 09:23 GMT

Well if your ultimate goal if to be with her I think long term manipulation would be the best tactic for you. Thats the only real route I see where you won't be left with nothing no matter the outcome with this girl. Seems to be the most favorable. Your call. I can not stress enough that you really have to do what you think is best at the time and not second guess. That way you won't be able to moan and groan in the future about how you should have done this or that.

Archerylady

277 Posts

September 03 2011 09:49 GMT

#10

go all in, bring your scvs

MisterD

Germany1338 Posts

September 03 2011 10:14 GMT

#11

ILOVEKITTENS to the rescue!

Roe

Canada6002 Posts

September 03 2011 10:24 GMT

#12

PANAMAAAA

Earll

Norway847 Posts

September 03 2011 10:25 GMT

#13

(I Might sound cynical about love here, I am not, I love love

)But fiirst of all, come to realize that love is just some chemicals in your body, that for whatever reason has made you incredibly attracted to this girl. There is most likely thousands upon thousands of girls out there who might be a better match for you than this girl. (not saying she is a bad match ,just that there are billions of females on the planet, the chance of you accidently bumping into the "best match" on the planet is incredibly low.) 'Love' is not some magical fairy tail and even though it might seem like she is the only girl in the world you could ever want, if you put yourself out there and meet other girls you will (depending on how often you meet new girls =p) pretty quickly find someone else to fill the void who might at a later point seem just as awesome\more awesome.

Anyway, if she already turned you down and said she just wants to be friends, and has a boyfriend, your chances of success are pretty slim anyway, unless she has superduper feelings for you too (which I guess she might.) But just going the ultimatum way is bad for the overall chance of success. That being said, if you think it might potentially fuck up your chance of meeting other women\life in general because you are living in an enternal friendzone with someone you 'love' you are better off just giving her an ultimatum and saying fuck your lameass boyfriend we both know I am the new kid in town so let this show hit the road.

A plan that probably has higher chance of success is just start flirting with her a fuckton more. Be more physical, get more eye contact, overall just be more.. flirtacious with her. If you live together and she has 'feelings' for you, getting her to a) cheat or b) dump her boyfriend in favor of you should not require that much from you, you just need to bring it out in her sort of.

FractalsOnFire

Australia1756 Posts

September 03 2011 10:30 GMT

#14

On September 03 2011 19:14 MisterD wrote:
ILOVEKITTENS to the rescue!

Sorry to ruin the party but he's banned.

pyrogenetix

United Arab Emirates5090 Posts

September 03 2011 10:32 GMT

#15

Trust your own feelings. If you know what you want then go for it. It's better to cut your losses now and be in pain for a few weeks than to be in agony another year.

Don't live your life trying to impress her unless you really don't care about her that much. Then you should have her as a friend and really just do whatever you want and see if you meet someone better.

Only you know what to do.

Probe1

United States17920 Posts

September 03 2011 11:05 GMT

#16

On September 03 2011 19:30 FractalsOnFire wrote:

Show nested quote +

Sorry to ruin the party but he's banned.

I can ask him next time he's in irc what he should do.

Look, if your soon to be roommate is important to you, I mean really important, then we shouldn't discuss it. You should ask her out.

If it's just a feeling and you aren't sure about how much you want to date her then go be with those other girls that are interested.

It isn't as difficult as you are making it. If you love her then date her. If you don't then don't screw up a friendship and potential roommate, not to mention her feelings.

If I were you I'd date her!

Edit: That's my last post and I've fulfilled my 1/1 quota for girl blogs this month. See you all in October :D

Enderbantoo

United States465 Posts

September 03 2011 11:51 GMT

#17

all in, this is a chance you might not ever get again

HuK

Canada1591 Posts

September 03 2011 12:04 GMT

#18

all in son lifes to short

iTzSnypah

United States1738 Posts

September 03 2011 12:07 GMT

#19

Go all in, playing the long term game and have her still saying no will hurt more than her just saying no now because of all the effort put in. (happened to me, I waited about 6 months for a girl to come around and was still turned down for serious dating,(we had a few movie dates before and my plan was working out pretty flawlessly)).

Deezl

United States355 Posts

September 03 2011 12:13 GMT

#20

Go date another woman, and hit the gym. She will immediately and directly be more on your D. Right now youre giving her a couple of things:

1) Boyfriend-like attention, which means she doesnt really need the real thing.
2) A reason to contemplate all the reasons she has for sticking it out with her current bf.
3) A source of drama with ex-bff girl.

Dating another girl allots you multiple good ending scenarios. Not only do you instigate that primal attraction that girls feel when boys they are close too pull in another direction, but you may also alleviate a lot of the stress that your feelings cause on yourself, you wont be masturbating about her so much, etc.

I understand that jealousy as a strategy is shitty, but what you're doing now is really unfair to her. It will likely result in you getting 'played' accidentally; she almost commits to you but decides its not right and you get dragged along by a thread while her and her bf go through massive fights. At the end of the month she just kind of stops talking to you because you are a source of pain for her rather than a comfort. The whole reason for this is because you went balls-out for the gold without thinking about her feelings.

You have to change the nature of the situation. So eat the friend zoneage, branch out. Don't be as sweet to her as usual, and make another girl breakfast in her place.