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On June 28 2011 15:11 Brees wrote: why are people going nuts over that guys statement? its 100% true. I can't change what I look like whenever I want but I can put on any personality I want to fit the company I am currently in very easily. This is why I dont understand why people value personalities over looks so highly ( or say they do) when I have about 50 different personalities I can put on in the blink of an eye.
See I have issues with that statement. What do you mean by personality? There are certain aspects to a person that are more difficult to change. Sure a person acts differently at work, and with their friends, and with their parents, and with their significant other. But that doesn't mean their personality changes. It just means they cater themselves to their surroundings. If I observe a person in all of those settings, I can still find commonalities that define their personality.
Here are three different definitions of personality from dictionary.com. 1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality. 2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities: He is a curious personality. 3. Psychology . a. the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. b. the organized pattern of behavioral characteristics of the individual.
It seems that you, and the original guy Endymion, are defining personality by the first definition, as in a set of actions that define a person. Yes, your actions change depending on your setting, and you might indeed have 50 different "personalities", but I take 3.a. to be a better definition of personality. There are aspects to a person that are difficult to change, and there are always moral choices of different levels of importance that can be used to define a character. I highly doubt you have 50 of those different types of personalities.
Just as an example, let's say you like Starcraft. If you don't tell your coworkers you like Starcraft, that doesn't mean you have a different personality when you tell your friends you like Starcraft. One of your defining traits might be either embarrassment or self consciousness towards your interests, or a desire to keep your personal and work life separate. That would be a personality trait. Liking Starcraft is not, and neither is the act of telling people. That is just a result of your personality trait.
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On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality.
Don't get me wrong, I don't respect a lot of people, but let's zoom in on this sentence here.
This statement is both incredibly naive and totally false. Sure, some ugly people become bitter about their appearance; and sure, some ugly people are ugly as a result of being poor quality people in the first place. There are plenty of people however who are ugly as sin, or are kind of ugly, but have golden personalities. These people really shine, regardless of how they look, and although I wouldn't date them it doesn't mean I don't have some measure of respect for them.
Good looking people are equally capable of being unworthy of respect, and this is sometimes a direct result of their being good looking. Most of the time these people are treated very favorably growing up, and they come to expect that treatment throughout life. They think they're special because people tell them that, and as a result they treat others like crap. These people develop a certain level of narcissism about their beauty, and thus they become totally ugly personality-wise. Carrie on Sex and the City described it as living in a bubble - you're not that great but people act like you are because your good-looking, and as a result you think you're great.
Take for example this girl in my brother's Grade 8 class whom I saw last night at their graduation. First of all, her name's Kasia which is an automatic attractive-girl name. She's also decent height, light-blonde, and beautiful. And guess what?
She's doomed.
She is too good looking at 13-14 years old. It is highly likely that when she gets to high school in the fall she is going to be fawned after by a lot of guys, including guys from the older grades. Depending on her parents and the values they've instilled in her, she may let all this attention go to her head, and it may corrupt her very quickly.
I've seen it happen when I was in Grade 9, where many of the hot girls in my grade became quite unsavory putanas really early on, and it's kind of weird when you think about how young they were.
I know there are always exceptions to the rule, and I know it's quite cynical. I'm merely saying that you should be cautious of people no matter what they look like. There are many contributing factors to personality, and good looks can go either way. I'd still only date good-looking persons, but I'm at least mature enough to realize they may not be super-great people until I've gotten to know them first.
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i agree with a lot of the stuff in the OP! the looks-grow-on-you deal is very true for me - i have to know somebody for a long time before i can say i really like them. and personality-wise, i tend to go for quirky as well - a lot of the girls ive liked are kind of tomboy
and guys, come on, give the dude a break, he just posted shit without thinking... im sure hes not a bad guy like everyone is making him out to be
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I think its pretty rare to be ugly to the point of being looked down upon / ignored. Attractiveness comes from personality, natural beauty and how you dress yourself, all 3 are equally important. I think many people are considered unattractive when they don't know how to dress themselves and make minimal effort to improve their bodies. And if you have a quiet / annoyingly loud outgoing personality in combination with those 2 flaws, its true that you will be treated different due to being an unattractive person. But really, very few unattractive people HAVE to be unattractive. Many people are considered unattractive because they're chubby or overweight. Their excuse is that they shouldn't have to look like a supermodel to attract a partner. That's a terribly lazy way of thinking. You can almost always make time to adjust to better eating habits and make room for exercise each day (or weekends maybe?). Similarly little things like getting regular hair-cuts / styling your hair / putting on make-up each day /using cologne / deodorant increases ones attractiveness but again that alone means little if you don't strive to improve your body as well. To look good you need to put in effort, and it sucks that it comes naturally for some people while for others they have to struggle, but its not impossible for 90% of unattractive people, so really its up to how badly you want it.
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Personally I don't give an ugly girl the time of day romantically. But really, the only girls I find to be truly ugly are those that are overweight or anorexic. If they can't be bothered to put in the effort, I don't see much reason to pursue them. Shallow, perhaps. But you know what else is shallow?
People valuing a genetic gift of intelligence over a genetic gift of beauty. I mean, really, the person probably didn't earn either one of these (although both beauty and intelligence require a bit of maintenance). Yet you're so much more sophisticated because you value their intelligence? Heh.
Attraction is an interesting topic, in any case. I think it very much is not a choice so much as an effect on a person. So I have my doubts that it is valid to judge a person for who he is attracted to. I also have experienced this interesting phenomenon where girls become more attractive when I like them more. But I tended to be attracted to them to begin with, and this attraction just increases.
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Seems to me that the more you post, the bigger a hole you're digging yourself into, Endymion my friend. But wait, we wouldn't be friends, because I don't have the discipline to maintain golden sun-kissed hair that ruffles oh so gently when there's a breeze, or a nice chiseled six pack. t.t
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Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On June 27 2011 15:23 MorningView wrote:Show nested quote +On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me. I'm assuming you're grouping yourself with the "attractive" group. Seems like your're a shallow asshole to me. I can't believe how hard you contradicted yourself in this post. Grow up.
I dunno, man, if he's being a shallow asshole, so maybe he includes himself in the "ugly" group.
On June 27 2011 17:51 frodoguy wrote: Is this a joke? Who the hell would actually think that appearance and personality are related?
You might be surprised. Although your personality isn't caused by your appearance, if you grew up as an attractive person, and were generally popular and well-liked in your formative years and sat at the cool kids' table in High School, that's very different than being an unattractive person and being ostracized from the popular group as a result. It changes who you are when you grow up under different circumstances.
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On June 29 2011 01:44 Bereft wrote: Seems to me that the more you post, the bigger a hole you're digging yourself into, Endymion my friend. But wait, we wouldn't be friends, because I don't have the discipline to maintain golden sun-kissed hair that ruffles oh so gently when there's a breeze, or a nice chiseled six pack. t.t
That was poetic and preeetty O.O...
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I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
I have a different criteria, I can't respect people who aren't rich. I think that's a better measurement of drive than looks. Frankly, I rather marry a rich girl who is ridiculously ugly, than a good looking one who is begging for money. (she must have made the money herself and not inherited of course)
lol
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On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Ok after I've been burned at the stake I may as well edit my post. I used to live in a really hostile middle school/high school environment that only cared about physical appearance, not personality or merit. So I was weened on this mindset, and being a fat kid had its definite downs. But now through all the pain I've learned to place fitness above eating, and I'm happily fit and anorexic now. Thus, I find people who call themselves "big-boned" a bit abrasive, especially when they look down on eating disorders or fitness. Also, I don't really like people who think plastic surgery is messing up a girls "natural" beauty when it's the girl's choice to correct her imperfections.
For the people who think I'm shallow, you're just as shallow as me if you care about a personality as much as I value physical beauty, in fact more so because it's easier to shed who you are rather than what you are. I can go to a sports game and be super social, then have dinner with my parents, then be an introvert and play Starcraft for 12 hours, all in one day. Which aspect do you prefer, because I can fake any of them for you, where as I can't really fake what I am unless I commit to surgery or serious physical activity. This makes working out a sort of "achievement," showing that you've committed to something, opposed to money or friends which I could just deceive you about. Judging by a personality is like judging a book by its cover, you need all aspects of the person, not just one.
Maybe I'm just jaded, but don't demean me by labeling me "shallow".....
for that edit I want to burn you 2 more times one for each additional paragraph.
allow me: 1) You are fit and anorexic? Those two don't go together. What do you mean by fit? If you mean fit by skinny limbs and hollow cheeks that's not fit.
2) You say care about personality is shallow and care about appearance is not? Do you even know what it means to be shallow? define shallow
3) You think personality is about money or friends? What kind of interpretation is that? Again. define personality
Maybe I am too harsh, allow me to re-phrase your post so that it makes more sense, I think I know where you are coming from...
You value appearance above personality because it shows commitment of one's will to change one's image. One can be as slick with words and smooth with social interaction as possible without much motivation or effort, but one cannot fake physical fitness without efforts. When you see someone who is fit, it tells you that they have been dedicated, and actively maintaining their health. Thus judging by fitness you gain information of one's personality, that the person is a willful and dedicated individual.
Through a person's words and his friends, it is sometimes hard to tell if a person has genuinely a good personality or is he faking them. Therefore judging a person by these qualities make it hard to access a person's worthiness of a friendship. On the contrary, judging by a person's fitness can immediately tell if a person is motivated and dedicated (to some extend), and is a much accurate predictor.
Now for what I don't agree with what's in your post: 1) Misunderstanding of personality: Personality is not social status nor deceiving or your circle of friends. It is a set of thoughts and believes that defines a person and his actions. When one commit to exercise it is his personality that drives him to do so.
2) Advocate of plastic surgery: Which is absolutely okay but if you put it here it does not fit the overall theme of your argument. Plastic surgery is a way of attaining beauty without putting in any effort, and as a result when you see somebody who has a plastic surgery, you CANNOT tell anything about the person's personality. For this reason you would be better off refraining from this in your post.
3) Are you jaded? Let me guess, you are some teenager. If you are any older than that, please, mature up or you'll be in trouble.
Life goes like this: Kid (everything awesome, and bright) Teen (everything sucks, black) Adult (everything is different shades of gray)
I'm sure you're in the teen phase, which is okay and you'll grow out of it. That is by no means "jaded", in fact the way you sound is very very prude.
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On June 28 2011 23:20 shinosai wrote: Personally I don't give an ugly girl the time of day romantically. But really, the only girls I find to be truly ugly are those that are overweight or anorexic. If they can't be bothered to put in the effort, I don't see much reason to pursue them. Shallow, perhaps. But you know what else is shallow?
People valuing a genetic gift of intelligence over a genetic gift of beauty. I mean, really, the person probably didn't earn either one of these (although both beauty and intelligence require a bit of maintenance). Yet you're so much more sophisticated because you value their intelligence? Heh.
Attraction is an interesting topic, in any case. I think it very much is not a choice so much as an effect on a person. So I have my doubts that it is valid to judge a person for who he is attracted to. I also have experienced this interesting phenomenon where girls become more attractive when I like them more. But I tended to be attracted to them to begin with, and this attraction just increases. Personality != Intelligence.
Intelligence is just about as meaningless as physical looks if your personality is repulsive.
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
On June 28 2011 22:25 flowSthead wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2011 15:11 Brees wrote: why are people going nuts over that guys statement? its 100% true. I can't change what I look like whenever I want but I can put on any personality I want to fit the company I am currently in very easily. This is why I dont understand why people value personalities over looks so highly ( or say they do) when I have about 50 different personalities I can put on in the blink of an eye. See I have issues with that statement. What do you mean by personality? There are certain aspects to a person that are more difficult to change. Sure a person acts differently at work, and with their friends, and with their parents, and with their significant other. But that doesn't mean their personality changes. It just means they cater themselves to their surroundings. If I observe a person in all of those settings, I can still find commonalities that define their personality. Here are three different definitions of personality from dictionary.com. 1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality. 2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities: He is a curious personality. 3. Psychology . a. the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. b. the organized pattern of behavioral characteristics of the individual. It seems that you, and the original guy Endymion, are defining personality by the first definition, as in a set of actions that define a person. Yes, your actions change depending on your setting, and you might indeed have 50 different "personalities", but I take 3.a. to be a better definition of personality. There are aspects to a person that are difficult to change, and there are always moral choices of different levels of importance that can be used to define a character. I highly doubt you have 50 of those different types of personalities. Just as an example, let's say you like Starcraft. If you don't tell your coworkers you like Starcraft, that doesn't mean you have a different personality when you tell your friends you like Starcraft. One of your defining traits might be either embarrassment or self consciousness towards your interests, or a desire to keep your personal and work life separate. That would be a personality trait. Liking Starcraft is not, and neither is the act of telling people. That is just a result of your personality trait.
that example is a poor one, thats not what I mean by changing personalities. I mean that I can completely remake who I am through the use of words and actions, not pretend I have different hobbies.
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fear not for those who hate the shallow:
the purpose of attractiveness is reproduction, if shallow ppl are too picky, then by definition less shallow ppl will have sex more often than they do and outbreed them, and in about 1 million years the shallow ppl will be driven into extinction.
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On June 29 2011 03:17 Brees wrote:Show nested quote +On June 28 2011 22:25 flowSthead wrote:On June 28 2011 15:11 Brees wrote: why are people going nuts over that guys statement? its 100% true. I can't change what I look like whenever I want but I can put on any personality I want to fit the company I am currently in very easily. This is why I dont understand why people value personalities over looks so highly ( or say they do) when I have about 50 different personalities I can put on in the blink of an eye. See I have issues with that statement. What do you mean by personality? There are certain aspects to a person that are more difficult to change. Sure a person acts differently at work, and with their friends, and with their parents, and with their significant other. But that doesn't mean their personality changes. It just means they cater themselves to their surroundings. If I observe a person in all of those settings, I can still find commonalities that define their personality. Here are three different definitions of personality from dictionary.com. 1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality. 2. a person as an embodiment of a collection of qualities: He is a curious personality. 3. Psychology . a. the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. b. the organized pattern of behavioral characteristics of the individual. It seems that you, and the original guy Endymion, are defining personality by the first definition, as in a set of actions that define a person. Yes, your actions change depending on your setting, and you might indeed have 50 different "personalities", but I take 3.a. to be a better definition of personality. There are aspects to a person that are difficult to change, and there are always moral choices of different levels of importance that can be used to define a character. I highly doubt you have 50 of those different types of personalities. Just as an example, let's say you like Starcraft. If you don't tell your coworkers you like Starcraft, that doesn't mean you have a different personality when you tell your friends you like Starcraft. One of your defining traits might be either embarrassment or self consciousness towards your interests, or a desire to keep your personal and work life separate. That would be a personality trait. Liking Starcraft is not, and neither is the act of telling people. That is just a result of your personality trait. that example is a poor one, thats not what I mean by changing personalities. I mean that I can completely remake who I am through the use of words and actions, not pretend I have different hobbies.
You are going have to be a little more specific and provide me examples. You can remake who you are through words and actions? Well who were you before you remade yourself, and who were you after?
I would also like to point out that what you quoted me from, I already addressed that I picture personality differently. You seem to think it is only words and actions, but I would argue it includes things like opinions, likes and dislikes, and yes hobbies. Hobbies are what you choose to spend your time on, so they represent some value which you have given to them. Thus, they are naturally part of your personality.
How exactly do you remake that through the use of words and actions? Do you mean you lie? I guess that's fine, but I imagine the cognitive dissonance can't be comfortable. I would still tend to think that most people do not lie about their personality, or at the very least only lie by omission. I could be wrong, but wouldn't you say that very few people purposefully change their personality often?
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