This isn't a girl blog per se, mostly because I won't be referencing a particular person, but I do want to discuss girls and attractiveness.
Obviously attractiveness is a subjective phenomenon. We like what we like, whether that be socially instilled in us, or genetically through particular pheromones, it doesn't really matter. There are no real rational reasons behind being attracted to someone. Being in a relationship can be done for rational reasons. But physical, animal attraction happens without forethought.
That being said, if you pay attention, you can easily see certain qualities that attract you. Most people know the surface level qualities that they find attractive. Some people like skinny girls, others care more about certain sexual body parts more than a particular weight, others focus on a pretty face, etc. Those can all form in any number of combinations. Often though, I find the superficial isn't a good baseline because it involves a range; it is very rarely specific enough. Personalities have an effect, but not in the sense of "Oh I love her personality (but she is kind of ugly)." The effect is gradual, and as you get to know someone, they actually become more physically attractive to you. Whereas once you thought they looked ok, not particularly fascinating, as you get to know this girl she actually becomes beautiful in a very unique way to you. You enjoy certain quirks and ticks that make her unique, and those movements in themselves are beautiful/fascinating which tilts your entire former analysis of her, even though she really has not change physically.
That is all well and good, but really noticing that you find a girl more physically attractive does not really encompass what is happening. In reality, her personality is magnetic to you. The effect of this is your greater attraction, but the cause is subtle, and has to be really noticed.
In practical terms, none of this is important. But as I enjoy thoroughly self-analyzing, I find myself thinking along these lines and trying to figure out what I happen to find attractive in a personality. The obvious and surface level ones are probably going to be quirkiness/uniqueness (like a hipster attitude, even though I am not a hipster), a quick wit, and an interest in pop culture consumption as a way of intellectual stimulation (at least some of the time). All of that stuff is simple and I can easily find that out from a few conversations, although obviously not the full extent.
What I really find interesting is the lower levels of the attractiveness, and then it comes in two parts. The first would be that I am attracted to a certain hurt or broken aspect to a girl. I do not mean to say that I troll bars looking for girls with daddy issues for an easy lay (because apparently people do that), but rather that I notice that I somehow find a girl more real and interesting if she happens to have been hurt in the past. It adds a certain fragility to her character that I find graceful, even noble. I feel a sense of protectiveness, and desire to comfort, that at the same time I find kind of a turn on (I'm a little messed up, to the say the least).
The other would a kind of venomousness. I wrote a blog post a while back about Dostoevsky and vileness, and I how I hated pettiness. This is different than that. Pettiness hurts for little reason, and little goal beyond the hurting itself. Pettiness is akin to griefers or trolls, where the desire for pain is the end in itself. Venomousness usually involves being hurt back, or like a Lady McBeth situation. Pain might still be an end goal, but there are reasons for causing pain. There is a fiery intensity, a passion that stems from the venom. The best way to describe this would be hot anger versus cold anger. I don't find calculating anger to be particularly attractive, but anger in the moment of occurrence to be wild in all the right ways. It's like being bitten by someone and having them draw blood. I might freak out in real life, but thinking back on it, or imagining it in the future is kind of sexy.
This isn't to say that calculating can't be hot either, but it has to be done with a certain confidence. It is a passionate calculating, like one done mid affair rather than in dark cellars, sort of like in this song: Emiliana Torrini describes this awful scene of a husband with a cheating wife, but it seems as if he himself is in a torrid affair with the woman singing, and that kind of venom is somehow very attractive to me.
But to make this barely relevant, the reason I was thinking of it today was because I was thinking about the BroodWar and SC2 campaign (a friend of mine just beat BroodWar for the first time), and I realized how much more sexy Kerrigan is in SC2. The reason being that she exhibits that hot venomousness in her interactions with Zeratul. Whereas in the first game and expansion she often seemed like a child, and petulant in her anger, in Wings of Liberty she exudes confidence and dark desire. Zerg are not attractive, but the scene of her getting her scaly wing cut by Zeratul, not being fazed while it grows back, and then casually placing her hand on the hydralisk's hard outer shell was so cool, so smooth, that I couldn't help but think "Wow. Kerrigan is hot!" (+ Show Spoiler +
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As for the broken aspect of a girl, that doesn't relate to Starcraft. I just happened to watch Must Love Dogs and Pride and Prejudice today, because I have no life.
Anyways, if you happen to read all of that, then thank you ^_^. You guys are cool.
I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Ok after I've been burned at the stake I may as well edit my post. I used to live in a really hostile middle school/high school environment that only cared about physical appearance, not personality or merit. So I was weened on this mindset, and being a fat kid had its definite downs. But now through all the pain I've learned to place fitness above eating, and I'm happily fit and anorexic now. Thus, I find people who call themselves "big-boned" a bit abrasive, especially when they look down on eating disorders or fitness. Also, I don't really like people who think plastic surgery is messing up a girls "natural" beauty when it's the girl's choice to correct her imperfections.
For the people who think I'm shallow, you're just as shallow as me if you care about a personality as much as I value physical beauty, in fact more so because it's easier to shed who you are rather than what you are. I can go to a sports game and be super social, then have dinner with my parents, then be an introvert and play Starcraft for 12 hours, all in one day. Which aspect do you prefer, because I can fake any of them for you, where as I can't really fake what I am unless I commit to surgery or serious physical activity. This makes working out a sort of "achievement," showing that you've committed to something, opposed to money or friends which I could just deceive you about. Judging by a personality is like judging a book by its cover, you need all aspects of the person, not just one.
Maybe I'm just jaded, but don't demean me by labeling me "shallow".....
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
I'm assuming you're grouping yourself with the "attractive" group. Seems like your're a shallow asshole to me. I can't believe how hard you contradicted yourself in this post. Grow up.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Which is the definition of shallow I respect persons because of their actions, not because of accidents they may not have had, medical conditions they may not be in or general good looks they might not have.
Actually at my top list of cool people i know, there are about an equal amount of handsome and not handsome people.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
I'm sure I subconsciously make quick judgments based on appearance, but this is exactly something I have been trying to stray away from. Everybody deserves your respect regardless of how he or she looks. That's something you should give to him/her until you actually get to know this person. I had a conversation about this a couple days ago with my mom, and really want to force myself to judge people because everybody deserves a chance.
EDIT: What kind of people you spend time with then? Some of my closest guy friends would be considered below average. I don't think I would have gotten close to them if I had your attitude. Your loss.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Ugly in what sense? Depending on how you answer you might be able to redeem yourself.
The reality of it all is that a person will find many women "attractive", good-looking and quite enticingly gorgeous.
However, in the end, most people will go for women they are about the same "level" of beauty, inside and outside (and I wish I could reference the source, it's been a few years about this phenomenon or test).
To be bold, I would say you find the "hurt" part of a person not because they are more "real" in general, but rather because it is something you can relate to or recognize easily and thus match yourself with.
But that's me assuming, which I generally try not to.
Try watching "Blue Valentine" for a "real" love:
I personally think you'd love it and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
And vice-versa apparently. Those who are strong in their skewed views of people are generally unattractive themselves and know this. They put out this high standard to compensate or excuse themselves for their inability to achieve much of a social level.
I hope this isn't you and I also hope you don't live by these absolutes you callously talk so openly about.
I find it interesting how as you get to know someone, the opposite of what you mentioned can happen as well. There was one girl that I found stunning when I first met her; however, as we became friends and I got to know her better basically all of the physical attraction went away as I realized I could never fathom getting into a relationship with her (she's kinda crazy lol).
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
The sad thing is that the way they look could be a big factor as to how their personality has developed, e.g. being bullied causing anxiety issues and such.
OP, I found myself agreeing with you in the beginning but eventually I can't relate to almost anything you've written about your taste/type and the song sounded weird as hell.
On June 27 2011 15:48 Duoma wrote: Forgive me if I'm missing the point.... but why exactly does this exist as a TL blog rather than a page in you journal?
How exactly do you expect people to respond to this post?
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
On June 27 2011 15:31 Torte de Lini wrote: The reality of it all is that a person will find many women "attractive", good-looking and quite enticingly gorgeous.
However, in the end, most people will go for women they are about the same "level" of beauty, inside and outside (and I wish I could reference the source, it's been a few years about this phenomenon or test).
To be bold, I would say you find the "hurt" part of a person not because they are more "real" in general, but rather because it is something you can relate to or recognize easily and thus match yourself with.
But that's me assuming, which I generally try not to.
Try watching "Blue Valentine" for a "real" love.
I personally think you'd love it and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I would say that your first point is most likely correct. As I often might feel a certain fragility in myself, perhaps that attracts me as well. I cannot be completely sure about this though, since I tend to not want to show that fragility in a relationship, and regret doing so when I inevitably do so. I can't honestly say whether or not your assumption is correct, but it very well might be.
As for "Blue Valentine", I saw it, and to be honest was not particularly impressed. I didn't find the characters particularly attractive to be honest. Sure they felt real, and the movie was interesting enough, but there was just a lot missing for me. It is beautifully shot and acted though, just felt sort of plotless.
I wonder if you have seen "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset". I consider that set to be the most "real" movies involving a relationship I have ever seen. Both characters have slight moments where they let their guard down in both movies that represent fragility that I find lacking in "Blue Valentine". It often felt in the latter as if only the guy showed those moments, and poorly worded, whereas the girl often did not. The "Before" movies had both of them expose themselves emotionally. I don't know, in the end it may just be that one appeals to me more than the other, but I'd love to hear your thoughts about either as well ^^.
On June 27 2011 15:33 emperorchampion wrote: I find it interesting how as you get to know someone, the opposite of what you mentioned can happen as well. There was one girl that I found stunning when I first met her; however, as we became friends and I got to know her better basically all of the physical attraction went away as I realized I could never fathom getting into a relationship with her (she's kinda crazy lol).
I have noticed the same thing, I just usually don't focus on it as much since I try to distance myself from people like that. But good catch on that. I certainly have had the same experience.
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Thank you for, I presume, not reading it fully. Or if you did, then you absolutely missed the point. Personally, I don't care that you are "shallow" as the word means very little to me, but I just find your conclusion difficult to fathom. How is it the case that 99% of the time a person's appearance reflects their personality? I just have never had that experience, so good for you, I guess?
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
And vice-versa apparently. Those who are strong in their skewed views of people are generally unattractive themselves and know this. They put out this high standard to compensate or excuse themselves for their inability to achieve much of a social level.
I hope this isn't you and I also hope you don't live by these absolutes you callously talk so openly about.
But i and a whole lot of other people really love kpop (its all about looks, incase you didnt know), does that mean i fall under this category? Because that just sounds a bit silly to me
On June 27 2011 15:48 Duoma wrote: Forgive me if I'm missing the point.... but why exactly does this exist as a TL blog rather than a page in you journal?
How exactly do you expect people to respond to this post?
I don't know. I did say I related it by talking about Kerrigan as this is a Starcraft site, but I mean looking at it honestly, you are absolutely right, this could basically exist as a page in my journal. I just figured I would share, since I like the community. You don't have to respond. You don't even have to read it.
Why does this bother you seems like a more apt question? Do you think I am actively worsening the Blog section of TeamLiquid by posting? (That wasn't sarcasm by the way, I am sincerely interested).
On June 27 2011 15:44 JieXian wrote: OP, I found myself agreeing with you in the beginning but eventually I can't relate to almost anything you've written about your taste/type and the song sounded weird as hell.
But damn the song's good.
Thanks OP
Haha, yeah, I can't say I'm not pretty messed up, but I spend a lot of time in my head and this is what I come up with. And yeah, I love the song too. I heard at first from the show Luther, so here is another one which is pretty cool and sexy, but not exactly in the same way: + Show Spoiler +
On June 27 2011 15:13 Endymion wrote: I can't respect ugly girls, just like I can't respect ugly guys. It's not even a sexual thing, I just don't like ugly people because 99.99% of the time their appearance reflects their personality. That said, I don't respect every attractive person I know, but physical appearances are an initial cut off for me.
Thank you for, I presume, not reading it fully. Or if you did, then you absolutely missed the point. Personally, I don't care that you are "shallow" as the word means very little to me, but I just find your conclusion difficult to fathom. How is it the case that 99% of the time a person's appearance reflects their personality? I just have never had that experience, so good for you, I guess?
?? I read the post, I just don't believe it or connect to it so I stated my opinion to prompt discussion, sorry for sullying your holy blog.
EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/aZb9o.jpg)
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