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one thing i am curious about:
with the majority of the world spanking their children and the majority of europe condemn that behaviour, how do you guys think we raise our children / we were raised? i mean, we all turned out pretty awesome. in fact, the generation who is born after 1980 is occasionally criticised in the media as "sticking too much to the rules". so without beating, we somehow created a whole generation who does behave extremely well for some odd reason. (as well as the aformentioned reduction in crime, violence and all that good stuff).
oh and i also think parents beating their children for not putting their toys away are fucking lunatics. why is it an important value to clean? to get laid? because thats for sure the only reason i thoroughly clean my place and it has been the only reason for ages. i feel like parents who spank their children dont questions their own beliefs and just take everything they think and value as universally true. hint: its not. dont press your beliefs on your children, let them develope their own sets.
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No, because it's illegal where I live  I probably would've deserved it at times though =D
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Hell yeah I was spanked.
I remember my most famous spanking moment was on Christmas.
I started bitching and moaning because my parents bought me a PS2 with no games for Christmas. My dad spanked my ass. I can't remember how old I was, but I was probably already a teenager LOL.
After the ass whipping, we went to blockbuster (before it went out business) and rented some PS2 games. Lesson learned: Be thankful for getting a PS2 for Christmas. I was spoiled... 
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On September 21 2014 11:07 FiWiFaKi wrote:OMG I MADE A TYPE IN THE POLL, WOOW... TOO* not TO... Sorry, I'm literate in stuff in English. Poll: In general. Does government play too large of a role in family life?Yes, wayy to big of a role. (11) 46% They should make more laws and enforce them. (8) 33% Just right the way it is. (3) 13% A little bit more than I'd like. (2) 8% 24 total votes Your vote: In general. Does government play too large of a role in family life? (Vote): Yes, wayy to big of a role.
(Vote): A little bit more than I'd like.
(Vote): Just right the way it is.
(Vote): They should make more laws and enforce them.
Imho the gov should have a much bigger play in the family. And by government I meant more control about how you raise your kid, there are so many shit parents everywhere they don't even deserve to have one.
Being good at making kids doesn't make you good at being a parent, far from that and that's why there are so many shitparents with 5+ kids just for the money and don't give a fuck about education for them. You really should pass tests to be able to procreate.
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On September 21 2014 17:00 Faust852 wrote:
Imho the gov should have a much bigger play in the family. And by government I meant more control about how you raise your kid, there are so many shit parents everywhere they don't even deserve to have one.
Being good at making kids doesn't make you good at being a parent, far from that and that's why there are so many shitparents with 5+ kids just for the money and don't give a fuck about education for them. You really should pass tests to be able to procreate.
Ugh man oh man that is a tough one for me. On one hand I agree with the general sentiment, on the other, I hold dear personal liberty and fear the slippery slope that would bring. It's a real grey area as much as I loathe the idea of child abuse of any sort. This alternative is almost as bad and open to abuse though- take the mind numbing medications we eagerly give hyperactive kids as example and apply the same logic to raising kids. Defective parenting could be seen in the same light as defective genetics in this neo Nazi world view/mentality. Some will argue only the rich should be allowed to procreate and judgement will continue to pass from there...
I find comfort believing that karma does exist. What these assholes do to their kids comes back to haunt them. A revised definition of child abuse could be palatable enough though.
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On September 21 2014 18:11 screamingpalm wrote:
I find comfort believing that karma does exist. What these assholes do to their kids comes back to haunt them.
sadly it is much more likely to come back to their grandkinds...
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On September 21 2014 19:03 Snotling wrote:
sadly it is much more likely to come back to their grandkinds...
How so? I'm genuinely curious, because I decided the abuse will end with me and will not be passing it on to my kids. My parents were pretty fucking harsh, but I was able to identify that as a problem. I do notice that some genes skip a generation however, my son reminds me too much of my dad in ways... I hope I can save him from being abusive.
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Netherlands6182 Posts
I was a really well behaved child, but I did get smacked once or twice, and I completely deserved it. The funny thing was that the physical pain never hurt me, it was knowing I had disappointed my parents enough to warrant a spanking, and when I did cry it was because of the guilt.
Anywho, back on topic.
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If you were a child, you certainly did not deserve to be smacked no matter what. Should note that to me, smacked means being hit in the face with an open hand, though I do not agree with spanking either. Do your parents deserve to have their faces punched in if they messed up on occasion? I'd be glad to help out with that.
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Netherlands6182 Posts
On September 21 2014 19:37 screamingpalm wrote:
If you were a child, you certainly did not deserve to be smacked no matter what. Should note that to me, smacked means being hit in the face with an open hand, though I do not agree with spanking either. Do your parents deserve to have their faces punched in if they messed up on occasion? I'd be glad to help out with that.
Smacked = spanked here. Slapped would be our term for being hit in the face.
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On September 21 2014 19:50 dravernor wrote:
Smacked = spanked here. Slapped would be our term for being hit in the face.
Fair enough I suppose, but if spanking is going to be so acceptable, I think the same punishment should apply to parents when they fuck up.
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It always amuses me that when you hit an adult in retaliation, it doesn't matter what they did, its absolutely wrong. But a minor transgression from a child and they deserve to receive what would be assault in any other context. What a great lesson.
I don't understand what you did as kids that was so horrible. I have seen kids be annoying and disobedient, but I honestly can't recall my kid doing anything that is particularly immoral. Were you burning houses down, and killing small animals? Even if you were I don't see how the super gentle tapping of the buttocks that is supposedly advocated here is appropriate punishment.
(I let mine be disobedient and annoying whenever they please, the consequence is not punishment but a lack of attention and approval. Kind of like what would happen in their life outside the home, madness, I know.)
Always the same with this debate, people post how they were terrible kids and needed to be spanked, and also, a spanking wasn't so bad. So if you were a terrible kid, despite being spanked, and you remember the punishment to not be bad, then how the hell do you conclude that spanking is effective and appropriate?
Safe the spanking for where it belongs in the modern age. In the bedroom between consenting adults.
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On September 21 2014 19:07 screamingpalm wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2014 19:03 Snotling wrote:
sadly it is much more likely to come back to their grandkinds... How so? I'm genuinely curious, because I decided the abuse will end with me and will not be passing it on to my kids. My parents were pretty fucking harsh, but I was able to identify that as a problem. I do notice that some genes skip a generation however, my son reminds me too much of my dad in ways... I hope I can save him from being abusive.
It's often not the main behavior, but little, seemingly innocuous behaviors that get passed on. Like how your parents dealt with problems, or ideas of power (I guess), and that ends up assholes generating more assholes.
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I think most of the people against spanking (my definition of acceptable spanking is sudden and displacing more so than painful) have never had firsthand experience with teaching an unruly child. I'm all for reasoning, and rewarding positive behavior more so than punishing negative behavior, but anyone who's spent a lot of time around kids knows those two are not always enough, sometimes you have to surprise them to get their attention, and a good swat on the bum does just that.
The pain does not have to be strong to get the point across, and injuring them or drawing blood is definitely too far. I think a spanking should be accompanied by a loud, stern voice, but end with loving and nurturing words afterwards. Every time you should explain why they are being swatted.
Also the people that think children will never be unruly as long as you teach them perfectly from birth... Are delusional.
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On September 21 2014 20:38 Uncultured wrote:
I think most of the people against spanking (my definition of acceptable spanking is sudden and displacing more so than painful) have never had firsthand experience with teaching an unruly child. I'm all for reasoning, and rewarding positive behavior more so than punishing negative behavior, but anyone who's spent a lot of time around kids knows those two are not always enough, sometimes you have to surprise them to get their attention, and a good swat on the bum does just that.
On one hand you are correct that haven't spent a lot of time around unruly children. On the other, you are wrong to say that teaching them without physically harming them is not enough. I don't have to deal with unruly children because I don't beat them. I was one HELL of an unruly child, and the beatings were a slippery slope into that abyss. This is just in my experience as a stay-at-home-dad, but is a habit I formed since my kids were born. I don't need to raise my hand. I will admit to doing so with my first when she was very young, but I learned from it and am ashamed of it, and am not as close to her as my other children because of it. It is simply not necessary. How others raise their kids is ultimately up to them, but I sincerely urge everyone to at least consider alternatives to spanking. It weighs on my conscience, and hell, I barely even did it out of ignorance and what I knew passed down to me. I'm glad I decided to end that vicious cycle.
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For you unspanked kids - when you did something really bad, how did your parents punish you instead of spanking?
It would also be curious to know if there's a correlation between spanking and emotional abuse. I would guess it's probably positive, parents who don't spank are also less likely to put their kids down emotionally, but I'm curious.
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The main people to rationalize child abuse are always the kids that suffered from it. It's kinda sad.
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On September 21 2014 20:54 coverpunch wrote:
For you unspanked kids - when you did something really bad, how did your parents punish you instead of spanking?
It would also be curious to know if there's a correlation between spanking and emotional abuse. I would guess it's probably positive, parents who don't spank are also less likely to put their kids down emotionally, but I'm curious.
I don't remember doing really bad things, If I did something that I shouldn't do, my mother would told me not to do that and explain why, and I guess I was smart enough to understand. At worst I got grounded and I couldn't go to X event or play to Y for a while.
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On September 21 2014 20:54 coverpunch wrote:
For you unspanked kids - when you did something really bad, how did your parents punish you instead of spanking?
It would also be curious to know if there's a correlation between spanking and emotional abuse. I would guess it's probably positive, parents who don't spank are also less likely to put their kids down emotionally, but I'm curious.
My parents did not punish really. Sometimes I was sent to my room if I was being particularly difficult/unreasonable, and told to come back when I was ready to be more civil. I remember the worst was when I had video games taken from me. But I dont think that counts as punishment either, it was because my mother wanted me to go play outside with the other kids and socialize. If I didn't follow the rules and agreements we had made then I got nothing but disapproval/angry reactions, no punishment. If i refused to do something, my parents simply would insist that I do it, untill I finally did. I was probably not the easiest kid either. It was enough I geuss, whenever I did something actually bad, like minor vandalism or something, I made damn sure my parents did not ifnd out.
My mother did come out with the odd emotional abuse for a little while though (a year or 2). Threats of abandonment etc. One evening she convinced me that I was going to be taken away to an insitution for no apparent reason other than that she was angry with me, then sent me to bed. I was absolutely terrified and did not sleep that night. Though I love the woman on the whole, I feel nothing but disgust when I think of that. Very abusive and just completely unnecessary. Later she confessed that she was very sorry about it, so i sort of forgive her. My father actually punched me in anger once when i was like 12, but I get that sometimes people lose their temper and don't feel bitter about it. Atleast he did not systematically dominate and humiliate me through spanking.
As a parent I do not punish, no time-outs, no staying at the table untill you finish your plate, none of that, no threats of abandonment either, kid is fully briefed on my obligations as a parent. There are rules, and they are generally followed just fine, as part of a mostly reciprocal and harmonious albeit somewhat unequal relationship between two people, one of whom happens to be unable to lift a ketchup bottle.
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I was spanked as a kid Y_Y, I will try to never have children though, they are cocky little shits, so for me is not a problem rigth now...
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EPT
