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Not really dating but relationship stuff sorry  ...
I'm in a great relationship with an awesome girl at the moment. However due to shitty visa issues, I have to leave the country (unless marriage). So we've been talking a lot about future plans. I'm happy if we were to go traveling for a few months together and then perhaps live together for a year in my home country working before assessing a return. She's all for this (would like to live abroad for a bit anyway) but as this is a massive long-term commitment I've confessed that I'm pretty nervous about it as I had not really envisaged settling down at this point in my life - and I'm worried about possibly sabotaging the relationship in the future because of this.
Her view is that we should pursue it long-term since it's going great and who can say if it works out in the future or not as long as we try. But at the same time she understandably doesn't want to waste her time if I'm sure I'll end it at some point.
We have been discussing this a lot but not sure what to do. I have told her the way I feel about the future right now I would end it at some point but that my feelings could definitely change over the next 6-18months as the relationship develops.
Am i just too immature for her at this point/timing is wrong for us/should we just go for it/will my priorities change?
Thoughts/advice please.
(FYI we are 29 and have been dating 9 months and living together for 6 of that).
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Whether its true immaturity or having consumed too much schleppy conventional relationship advice speaking, it sounds like you should stop overthinking things and let her come along with you. You aren't doing anything irreversible and other than your baseless worries of the future, it sounds like everything is great and worth continuing.
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100% agree with farva. You're in a great relationship with an awesome girl, and you're having a good time together. See how things progress; don't overanalyze it and sabotage yourself! Enjoy
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On February 15 2017 09:48 ThunderGod wrote:
We have been discussing this a lot but not sure what to do. I have told her the way I feel about the future right now I would end it at some point but that my feelings could definitely change over the next 6-18months as the relationship develops.
Like, why do you even state the bolded part. What is your motivation behind it? Why would you break up with someone at some point if it's all going well? Am I massively misunderstanding this? It's not about being ready for long term, it's about accepting someone as your potential life partner. If you don't want that, then why commit in the first place to someone (you've been committing for 9 months already)?
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I guess 9 months ago I was finally feeling ready for a relationship (had been single for a couple years) and didn't think so much about long-term commitment then but was just enjoying the moment.
Now, although everything is going well, I feel in future I may want to develop myself further as a single entity before accepting a life partner.
Of course the fear as I get older is not finding this again as she has been by some margin the most compatible girl I've dated (as per Moltke  )
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Netherlands6192 Posts
There is no reason you can't develop yourself whilst in a relationship with someone. One of the best things about relationships is discovering yourself in conjunction to someone else. If they're really right for you, they'll develop with you, together or apart.
IMO take a leap of faith. Even if you end up breaking up then you haven't lost anything. You've tried and failed, and you've learnt from it and you've grown as a person. Always be open to learning from yourself
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If you break up with her because of this reasoning you will officially be in the top 50 of dumbest motherfuckers I've met.
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Yeah, what dravernor said. Being in a relationship and growing individually isn't mutually exclusive.
A long time commitment doesn't also necessarily mean you stop enjoying the moment.
Ofcourse there may be issues down the line, but whatever dude, it's not like you're unequipped as the capable human you are to deal with that.
Just don't fictionally add pressure to a situation because it somehow becomes a little more tangible to you. Nothing has changed.
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On February 16 2017 04:05 jojamon wrote:
So...27 y/o virgin here. Girl and I are planning to have sex this week, but she said her period is scheduled to come around this time. Any tips for menstrual sex?
It's the same as normal, just a bit messier. I recommend against going down on her, though.
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Netherlands6192 Posts
I do not recommend for a first time. It is pretty gross and will likely put you off.
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On February 15 2017 17:48 ThunderGod wrote:I guess 9 months ago I was finally feeling ready for a relationship (had been single for a couple years) and didn't think so much about long-term commitment then but was just enjoying the moment. Now, although everything is going well, I feel in future I may want to develop myself further as a single entity before accepting a life partner. Of course the fear as I get older is not finding this again as she has been by some margin the most compatible girl I've dated (as per Moltke )
I want to second what has been said.
I'm in a long term relationship (7 years) and due to moving I have to build up a completely new social circle and have to basically reinvent myself because what I did before is not possible anymore. Still I'm happily with her. Just in another city for the time being.
In a relationship you evolve together but at the same time, as long as you remain two individuals, which I find super important not to be completely dependent on the other's presence, developing oneself is completely possible.
Go for the long term. From what you've written neither of you can loose out on it.
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On February 16 2017 04:05 jojamon wrote:
So...27 y/o virgin here. Girl and I are planning to have sex this week, but she said her period is scheduled to come around this time. Any tips for menstrual sex?
There will be other chances right? If I was you I would just postpone the sex to another day.
You will probably want to go down on her unless you're feeling very confident that you will manage to hold out long during your first time (which I would say is pretty unlikely). So to avoid your first time being "come in 20 seconds" and leaving her very unsatisfied, just wait until her period is over.
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On February 16 2017 04:05 jojamon wrote:
So...27 y/o virgin here. Girl and I are planning to have sex this week, but she said her period is scheduled to come around this time. Any tips for menstrual sex?
Ya. Dont put the tip in. Wait for next week
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Using protection and having to go to the loo also helps holding out longer.
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period=Shower sex for me. Makes ladies more relaxed although I'm up for anything really
I'd probably hold out for the first time as well to be honest
Although I'm not the one to talk, we're celebrating a late Valentine's day today, it's my GF's early days
And so far I got to convince her to do it when the tides are retreating only, not on the rise, fingers crossed boys :D
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If I would be a 27 year old virgin I would say to hell with her period and just do it.
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Oh and I'd totally forget about trying to satisfy her when it's your first time, she will understand - it's your special moment just focus on yourself and relax
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On February 17 2017 18:10 LemOn wrote:
Oh and I'd totally forget about trying to satisfy her when it's your first time, she will understand - it's your special moment just focus on yourself and relax
I think that depends. If you're actually dating someone they probably won't care, but if it's something more casual like one night stand or something similar, she probably won't want to fuck you again if you do nothing in return.
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On February 18 2017 05:25 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On February 17 2017 18:10 LemOn wrote:
Oh and I'd totally forget about trying to satisfy her when it's your first time, she will understand - it's your special moment just focus on yourself and relax I think that depends. If you're actually dating someone they probably won't care, but if it's something more casual like one night stand or something similar, she probably won't want to fuck you again if you do nothing in return.
If it's a ons then why do you care? You won't see her again anyway.
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EPT
