EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 894
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On November 20 2016 05:38 Mikau wrote: I asked one female friend, and I basically gave her a point by point review of out last date and most of the general dynamic up to that point. She said "she's clearly into you. Hang ups like this can potentially take a while to resolve so it doesn't necessarily sound strange to me. See where it goes but make sure you don't get taken advantage of". That sounds good to me, from what we know. If you're into each other, and you enjoy simply being with her and talking with her, continue to do so. There is no predefined path a relationship has to take, if it takes a little longer to "get there" but you both enjoy the journey, who cares? Whatever the reason for her trust issue is, she probably wants to open up to you at some point, but just needs the time and trust to let her do it on her own. My bet is you'll be really glad if you give her that time. Just be with her and enjoy it like you do. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On November 18 2016 21:18 Broetchenholer wrote: So i am back to being seingle after 9 months of a relationship and i am missing it, but i don't see me getting back anytime soon. I met my last girl on okcupid, but this seems kinda worn out now. The women on the platform are either there since 3 year or have no profile etc. I have payed for 3 months but haven't actually started putting any effort in it and i absolutely don't feel like it. The women in my natural feeding grounds are all in relationships and those feeding grounds are extremely small anyway. I am awkward around people in don't know and so i don't ask women out unless i already know them. So, if my friends, coworkers and sportswomen are all taken or not interested, i am out of options  I might learn how to be more open to strangers but that woud mean to first change my life to one where you meet people and i don't want to do both. So i guess i am back to being sad about not having someone and accepting that it won't change. Le sigh.You're not ready for a relationship if you're pointlessly fatalistic about the future and unwilling to go outside your comfort zone. You can simply wait and hope that a good woman happens to fall into your lap, but that would be settling for mediocrity; furthermore you would doing her a disservice by letting your habits override your desires. You don't need to upend your entire life to change your situation. Introverts are just as capable of meeting new women as extroverts. It only requires a shift in attitude towards discomfort. On November 18 2016 11:30 Mikau wrote: Just came back from one of the best, but also easily the most confusing, date ever. Same girl as a few pages back. 4th date. We went to an arcade/bar thing. We had dinner, drinks, played boardgames and videogames and talked a lot. Banter and conversation was amazing, there was much flirting. When I went in for the kiss I got rejected (wouldn't look me in the eyes, kept her head down). Later, when I told her I was confused she seemed so into me but refused to kiss me, she told me she's "very awkward" with intimacy. She told me that 2 years ago something happened that made it that way, and that "she finds it hard to trust guys enough now". Honestly, she made it sound like she was abused or raped, but didn't want to elaborate. We continued the date, I rode her home. She invited me in for coffee, we talked for another few hours. I left with a hug. I'm guessing popular advice will be something along the lines of "too much baggage, plenty of fish in the sea", but I'm really enjoying her company and the banter and conversation is the best I've ever had this early in. She's also really sexy. I want to see where this goes for now. To me it's obvious that she likes you but she also likes the state of the relationship: more than friendship, less than mutual sexual desire. Whether or not this mysterious tragedy is to blame, she is clearly comfortable being just outside of the realm of casual sex or mutual romance. It is slightly hypocritical to put herself in this scenario (surely she knows you want more than friendship), but it's less about dishonesty and more about self-doubt. If the incident was abusive in nature, it probably injured her self-image and her sense of entitlement for a healthy relationship. So it's a lot easier to stick with the beginning stages of a relationship and not progress further. However, what a girl says is often different from what she means. She told you that an incident in her past has caused her to be skittish when it comes to intimacy, and it was phrased vaguely enough to be interpreted in any number of ways. However, a statement of causality is often substituted in lieu of how she feels in that moment. She may feel uncomfortable about intimacy; she may feel unworthy of it even though she wants it; she may be uncomfortable for another reason entirely but believes it's due to the incident. So take her words with a grain of salt. You have to decide whether this state of affairs is tolerable or not. No matter what anyone says about giving her space and letting her ease into being more intimate, it is a lot more convenient for her than you; she would gladly stay in this nebulous area forever if it was up to her. Eventually you'll need to choose whether your personal boundaries or access to emotional highs are more important. On November 20 2016 03:02 IgnE wrote: because she would have to be cruel or stupid to not know that she was leading him on. or she's been crystal clear that she's not into him, and he's ignorant/stupid for not realizing it. but i like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Or women like the feeling of being desired without committing to a concrete position in a fledgling relationship. If she's being naively solipsistic about leading him on, it's hardly the worst thing in the world. All she recognizes is that she enjoys spending time with him. He is the one who needs to cut through the emotional haze and decide whether this wishy-washy attitude is acceptable. | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On November 20 2016 05:38 Mikau wrote: I asked one female friend, and I basically gave her a point by point review of out last date and most of the general dynamic up to that point. She said "she's clearly into you. Hang ups like this can potentially take a while to resolve so it doesn't necessarily sound strange to me. See where it goes but make sure you don't get taken advantage of". That's good, but what you need to do is get this girl in front of your other friends -- particularly friends who are girls -- and let them assess her interactions with you. Arrange a big social outing or party or something. Just an excuse to get this girl in front of half a dozen people or so who you know have your back who can scrutinize the girl and figure out what's up. Beyond that, I agree with CosmicSpiral above. | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada17518 Posts
Well, The Battle Lines Have Been Drawn! ! ! "About 30 feet away, members of the LGBTQ community held a counter protest called Queers Crash the Beat, expressing their disgust with what they feel was a large scale police investigation with homophobic undertones that they feel targeted a marginalized community." https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/11/19/marie-curtis-park-becomes-centre-point-of-debate-about-public-space.html where is Donald Trump when you need him? | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On November 20 2016 03:02 IgnE wrote: because she would have to be cruel or stupid to not know that she was leading him on. or she's been crystal clear that she's not into him, and he's ignorant/stupid for not realizing it. but i like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't think she'd be cruel or anything - he got the cold shoulder, yet nothing changed, he keeps hanging out with her so our hero through his actions basically told her he's okay with being platonic. It'd be hard for him to be angry at her if it stays that way, or if she finds someone else and gets physical quickly. Maybe they'll end up together, maybe not but you can't blame her if she never gets physical with you - just stay if you're having a good time and be honest with her, and yourself. | ||
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Deleted User 173346
16169 Posts
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On November 21 2016 08:49 LemOn wrote: I don't think she'd be cruel or anything - he got the cold shoulder, yet nothing changed, he keeps hanging out with her so our hero through his actions basically told her he's okay with being platonic. It'd be hard for him to be angry at her if it stays that way, or if she finds someone else and gets physical quickly. Maybe they'll end up together, maybe not but you can't blame her if she never gets physical with you - just stay if you're having a good time and be honest with her, and yourself. She came over last night and we had sex, she's been all over me in terms of physical contact and cuddling since. I guess that goes to show that sometimes when people tell you they have certain hang ups or things in their past that make doing something difficult, they might actually be telling the truth without ulterior motives. Thanks for all the input everybody. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On November 21 2016 09:12 plasmidghost wrote: After nearly 21 years of no gf, I have somehow successfully found a gf. To say I'm elated would be an understatement. If someone like me can finally succeed in the dating realm, that should be a sign that anyone can  Congrats! On November 21 2016 19:35 Mikau wrote: She came over last night and we had sex, she's been all over me in terms of physical contact and cuddling since. I guess that goes to show that sometimes when people tell you they have certain hang ups or things in their past that make doing something difficult, they might actually be telling the truth without ulterior motives. Thanks for all the input everybody. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On November 21 2016 19:35 Mikau wrote: She came over last night and we had sex, she's been all over me in terms of physical contact and cuddling since. I guess that goes to show that sometimes when people tell you they have certain hang ups or things in their past that make doing something difficult, they might actually be telling the truth without ulterior motives. Thanks for all the input everybody. Yep, despite how people make it sound in this thread, sometimes a relationship is just not complicated. You just have to follow your gut. Glad it worked out for you. | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
On November 21 2016 19:35 Mikau wrote: She came over last night and we had sex, she's been all over me in terms of physical contact and cuddling since. I guess that goes to show that sometimes when people tell you they have certain hang ups or things in their past that make doing something difficult, they might actually be telling the truth without ulterior motives. Thanks for all the input everybody. Does it happen often to you that people lie about this stuff? | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18291 Posts
On November 22 2016 01:16 solidbebe wrote: Does it happen often to you that people lie about this stuff? You must have missed the last few pages of this thread, where half the people here were telling him to move on because she was probably just being cruel and stringing him along (based on nothing but their own projections, clearly). Anyway, two happy stories on the last page. Huzzah and congratulations! | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On November 22 2016 01:52 solidbebe wrote: I didnt miss those pages. But maybe I should direct my question to the others as well. Does it happen often to you guys that girls lie about stuff like this? Don't know how often, but it has happened to me in the past. Usually it's obvious from the side or in hindsight, but infatuation has a way of clouding your judgment. A second opinion is perfectly warranted here. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
2) a couple people have disagreed with that usage by arguing that she might not be malicious, and that its really his responsibility to not be taken advantage of. i would just like to point out that someone can be cruel out of ignorance or weakness without being malicious, and that someone's responsibility to monitor their own actions does not negate cruelty (i.e. the act of causing unnecessary pain) 3) some women just like to know that they can say no. if you do back off and still stick around youve made that clear and won their trust | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On November 22 2016 01:52 solidbebe wrote: I didnt miss those pages. But maybe I should direct my question to the others as well. Does it happen often to you guys that girls lie about stuff like this? Depends what you mean I guess. Lying about being interested? Actively stringing people on? Just thinking they're interested but changing their minds? I always like give them the benefit of the doubt. Why would I want to date someone who I thought was lying, it makes no sense. Having said that, in my limited experience if you have not gotten physical within 2-3 dates then the tendancy seems to be that nothing will come out of it. Especially if you have already made a move and she rejected you. It's not like anyone can give a definite answer if she liked him or not based out of the 8 sentences he wrote. Of course some will think he should move on based on their own experiences and some will think he should go with his gut. Nothing really controversial here in my opinion. | ||
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
On November 22 2016 03:21 bloodwhore~ wrote: Depends what you mean I guess. Lying about being interested? Actively stringing people on? Just thinking they're interested but changing their minds? I always like give them the benefit of the doubt. Why would I want to date someone who I thought was lying, it makes no sense. Having said that, in my limited experience if you have not gotten physical within 2-3 dates then the tendancy seems to be that nothing will come out of it. Especially if you have already made a move and she rejected you. It's not like anyone can give a definite answer if she liked him or not based out of the 8 sentences he wrote. Of course some will think he should move on based on their own experiences and some will think he should go with his gut. Nothing really controversial here in my opinion. Stringing people on sure, I was talking more about the "certain hang ups or things in their past that make doing something difficult" part. Seems like you'd need to be a special kind of fucked up to lie about things like that, and I can't imagine you'd meet a lot of people who do that. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Funny enough her husband has many characteristics in common with me.. | ||
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