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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 20 2016 06:47 JoeCool wrote:
About 8 months ago I met this girl at a friends Party, we've never had contact except when we met in groups, since we have the same friends. About three or four weeks ago she started texting me out of nowhere, sent me pics, wanted to chat etc. I thought that this was a clear sign of interest, she offered me to cook at my place which I gladly accepted. That was on tuesday, we had a great evening and our second date was today. She wanted to see suicide squad and have dinner with me, she even cancelled a meeting with one of iur friends to be with me.
We watched the movie, ate sth, had some good laughs... I kissed her and suddenly she told me, that this is not what she wanted, shes not Sure if this is a good idea etc. I told her that Im okay with that, we talked on for 1.5 hours, had a great evening.
i just Got home and already recieved another measage from her....
Not quite sure where this is going...
ask her wtf shes thinking cause youre getting mixed signals.
no one contacts someone out of the blue and then sets up dates and shit just to be friends with that person. she either wants to be with you or theres some other ulterior motive.
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Anyone has tips how to make a good picture for Tinder? Decided to try it out but I don't have a lot of good pics of myself.
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On August 20 2016 19:47 RvB wrote:
Anyone has tips how to make a good picture for Tinder? Decided to try it out but I don't have a lot of good pics of myself.
One tip I saw that I think is pretty good is to film yourself like you were going to take a picture, if it is of decent quality, just screen shot one frame where you look good. Easier to get a natural look this way.
Other than that, ask a friend to take pictures of you. Me and a friend actually had a photo session for tinder like a year ago, it was the most awkward shit I have ever done.
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On August 20 2016 21:26 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2016 19:47 RvB wrote:
Anyone has tips how to make a good picture for Tinder? Decided to try it out but I don't have a lot of good pics of myself. One tip I saw that I think is pretty good is to film yourself like you were going to take a picture, if it is of decent quality, just screen shot one frame where you look good. Easier to get a natural look this way. Other than that, ask a friend to take pictures of you. Me and a friend actually had a photo session for tinder like a year ago, it was the most awkward shit I have ever done.
Thanks. Mentioning the photo session gave me the idea to use my linked in profile picture which is taken by a professional photograph. Makes a world of difference. Already got 2 matches in 2 hours after getting none earlier.
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On August 19 2016 22:35 B.I.G. wrote:
My point was that I started to expect nothing less from any woman than to bang as many dudes as she can at the same time. This in combination with the hard time I'm having with feeling any emotional connection with women I've dated as of late got me a bit worried about my state of mind.
I kinda started appreciating the girls I mentioned more and more after everything was said and done.
Hence the question, kinda fucked up right? ;P
it was *a* date
it's only fucked up if you're a big insecure dummy who thinks you're exclusively dating after a single date. most people, not just women, would think that is insane. hence why most rational folks will have a talk about whether or nto the relationship is exclusive rather than expecting someone to confirm to your unvocalized standards
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Well I guess I am back to looking for dates. My fuckbuddy felt like she was going to catch feelings for me so today was the final day we met.
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On August 20 2016 18:24 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2016 06:47 JoeCool wrote:
About 8 months ago I met this girl at a friends Party, we've never had contact except when we met in groups, since we have the same friends. About three or four weeks ago she started texting me out of nowhere, sent me pics, wanted to chat etc. I thought that this was a clear sign of interest, she offered me to cook at my place which I gladly accepted. That was on tuesday, we had a great evening and our second date was today. She wanted to see suicide squad and have dinner with me, she even cancelled a meeting with one of iur friends to be with me.
We watched the movie, ate sth, had some good laughs... I kissed her and suddenly she told me, that this is not what she wanted, shes not Sure if this is a good idea etc. I told her that Im okay with that, we talked on for 1.5 hours, had a great evening.
i just Got home and already recieved another measage from her....
Not quite sure where this is going... ask her wtf shes thinking cause youre getting mixed signals. no one contacts someone out of the blue and then sets up dates and shit just to be friends with that person. she either wants to be with you or theres some other ulterior motive.
Agreed. She should be transparent with her intentions, so that neither you nor her is led on.
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On August 21 2016 06:53 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Well I guess I am back to looking for dates. My fuckbuddy felt like she was going to catch feelings for me so today was the final day we met.
Did you guys stop hooking up because you didn't feel the same way as she did? I see no problem with intimate feelings growing out of a sexual relationship, as long as it's mutual.
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On August 20 2016 18:24 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2016 06:47 JoeCool wrote:
About 8 months ago I met this girl at a friends Party, we've never had contact except when we met in groups, since we have the same friends. About three or four weeks ago she started texting me out of nowhere, sent me pics, wanted to chat etc. I thought that this was a clear sign of interest, she offered me to cook at my place which I gladly accepted. That was on tuesday, we had a great evening and our second date was today. She wanted to see suicide squad and have dinner with me, she even cancelled a meeting with one of iur friends to be with me.
We watched the movie, ate sth, had some good laughs... I kissed her and suddenly she told me, that this is not what she wanted, shes not Sure if this is a good idea etc. I told her that Im okay with that, we talked on for 1.5 hours, had a great evening.
i just Got home and already recieved another measage from her....
Not quite sure where this is going... ask her wtf shes thinking cause youre getting mixed signals. no one contacts someone out of the blue and then sets up dates and shit just to be friends with that person. she either wants to be with you or theres some other ulterior motive.
I knew a girl who did that. She did it with me, randomly would start messaging me and made plans with me but then would flake out every time. I thought it seemed weird but then I found out she did it with a lot of guys (as in a few I knew plus a bunch more). It turned out she liked getting attention from guys, even ones she had no interest in. Pretty bizarre.
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On August 21 2016 10:00 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Did you guys stop hooking up because you didn't feel the same way as she did? I see no problem with intimate feelings growing out of a sexual relationship, as long as it's mutual.
Yeah. I don't either, but I didn't have any feelings for her and she is so young compared to me so I thought it was a bit weird in that respect as well.
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United States15275 Posts
On August 21 2016 14:11 Ben... wrote:
I knew a girl who did that. She did it with me, randomly would start messaging me and made plans with me but then would flake out every time. I thought it seemed weird but then I found out she did it with a lot of guys (as in a few I knew plus a bunch more). It turned out she liked getting attention from guys, even ones she had no interest in. Pretty bizarre.
It makes sense if you understand the girl is treating the situation like a narrative instead of steps towards a goal.
For most guys, this is simply annoying. Why doesn't the girl just commit to something instead of endlessly setting up plans that never come to fruition? It makes her seem like a tease or utterly indifferent to the feelings of others. To her, it's about anticipation. In the same way girls put so much care and fuss into everything leading up to a date, they derive great pleasure from the possibility of something happening. Whether it happens is besides the point.
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On August 21 2016 04:10 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On August 19 2016 22:35 B.I.G. wrote:
My point was that I started to expect nothing less from any woman than to bang as many dudes as she can at the same time. This in combination with the hard time I'm having with feeling any emotional connection with women I've dated as of late got me a bit worried about my state of mind.
I kinda started appreciating the girls I mentioned more and more after everything was said and done.
Hence the question, kinda fucked up right? ;P
it was *a* date it's only fucked up if you're a big insecure dummy who thinks you're exclusively dating after a single date. most people, not just women, would think that is insane. hence why most rational folks will have a talk about whether or nto the relationship is exclusive rather than expecting someone to confirm to your unvocalized standards
I was unclear then. My point was exclusivity is the last thing I expect from any girl.
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Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it.
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On August 20 2016 18:24 evilfatsh1t wrote:Show nested quote +On August 20 2016 06:47 JoeCool wrote:
About 8 months ago I met this girl at a friends Party, we've never had contact except when we met in groups, since we have the same friends. About three or four weeks ago she started texting me out of nowhere, sent me pics, wanted to chat etc. I thought that this was a clear sign of interest, she offered me to cook at my place which I gladly accepted. That was on tuesday, we had a great evening and our second date was today. She wanted to see suicide squad and have dinner with me, she even cancelled a meeting with one of iur friends to be with me.
We watched the movie, ate sth, had some good laughs... I kissed her and suddenly she told me, that this is not what she wanted, shes not Sure if this is a good idea etc. I told her that Im okay with that, we talked on for 1.5 hours, had a great evening.
i just Got home and already recieved another measage from her....
Not quite sure where this is going... ask her wtf shes thinking cause youre getting mixed signals. no one contacts someone out of the blue and then sets up dates and shit just to be friends with that person. she either wants to be with you or theres some other ulterior motive.
Well she's obviously unsure of how she feels, and her emotions change, and there can be a ton of other reasons.
You won't get anywhere pressing her to give you logical global intention this early on when she's unsure about you.
Plus it's such a dynamic killer when you force a girl to explain herself logically when she's sorting out her feelings.
The right thing to do is be aware of yourself and have the integrity to honestly say what you want and then stick to it. And be the strong stable factor. And since you already told her you're okay with being friends I don't see what the issue is - be just that!
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On August 22 2016 17:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it.
I believe in honesty in a relationship, so I tell her that the black trousers she likes are damn horrible and make her look like a 50 year old bank lady, when I dislike something, but on the other side of the coin tell her what I do like constantly.
I think the important thing is to realise your brain is evolutionary wired to only be vocal and focus on things you dislike as they can change and can be a threat, and can take the positive things for granted. So it does take some adjustment to start being mindful to positive things and learn to express what you're observing.
And you have to do just that - just honestly be aware and keep sharing what you like (dislike) and appreciate about them, be grateful and don't take anything for granted.
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On August 22 2016 17:47 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2016 17:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it. I believe in honesty in a relationship, so I tell her that the black trousers she likes are damn horrible and make her look like a 50 year old bank lady, when I dislike something, but on the other side of the coin tell her what I do like constantly. I think the important thing is to realise your brain is evolutionary wired to only be vocal and focus on things you dislike as they can change and can be a threat, and can take the positive things for granted. So it does take some adjustment to start being mindful to positive things and learn to express what you're observing. And you have to do just that - just honestly be aware and keep sharing what you like (dislike) and appreciate about them, be grateful and don't take anything for granted.
Do you have anything to back this up? Like, anything published in something with a peer review?
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Personally I feel that compliments about what someone has said or done are usually appreciated more.
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On August 22 2016 18:22 Ghostcom wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2016 17:47 LemOn wrote:On August 22 2016 17:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it. I believe in honesty in a relationship, so I tell her that the black trousers she likes are damn horrible and make her look like a 50 year old bank lady, when I dislike something, but on the other side of the coin tell her what I do like constantly. I think the important thing is to realise your brain is evolutionary wired to only be vocal and focus on things you dislike as they can change and can be a threat, and can take the positive things for granted. So it does take some adjustment to start being mindful to positive things and learn to express what you're observing. And you have to do just that - just honestly be aware and keep sharing what you like (dislike) and appreciate about them, be grateful and don't take anything for granted. Do you have anything to back this up? Like, anything published in something with a peer review?
Well my field of study was behavioural economics, but the fact that people assign higher value and put more effort into avoiding pain/loss than they value and focus on positive gains is to psychology as Michael Jackson was to music.
I'm sure you can find resources for this but the logic is really simple - when the brain got wired of many thousands of years the most important thing was to be on the lookout for danger and avoiding losses so you could survive which is the highest priority instead of focusing on what you already have and try to get more of it when there was no immediate danger of losing it as that had low impact on survival. Happy researching!
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On August 22 2016 19:31 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2016 18:22 Ghostcom wrote:On August 22 2016 17:47 LemOn wrote:On August 22 2016 17:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it. I believe in honesty in a relationship, so I tell her that the black trousers she likes are damn horrible and make her look like a 50 year old bank lady, when I dislike something, but on the other side of the coin tell her what I do like constantly. I think the important thing is to realise your brain is evolutionary wired to only be vocal and focus on things you dislike as they can change and can be a threat, and can take the positive things for granted. So it does take some adjustment to start being mindful to positive things and learn to express what you're observing. And you have to do just that - just honestly be aware and keep sharing what you like (dislike) and appreciate about them, be grateful and don't take anything for granted. Do you have anything to back this up? Like, anything published in something with a peer review? Well my field of study was behavioural economics, but the fact that people assign higher value and put more effort into avoiding pain/loss than they value and focus on positive gains is to psychology as Michael Jackson was to music. I'm sure you can find resources for this but the logic is really simple - when the brain got wired of many thousands of years the most important thing was to be on the lookout for danger and avoiding losses so you could survive which is the highest priority instead of focusing on what you already have and try to get more of it when there was no immediate danger of losing it as that had low impact on survival. Happy researching!
A simple "No." would have sufficed 
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On August 22 2016 20:16 Laurens wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2016 19:31 LemOn wrote:On August 22 2016 18:22 Ghostcom wrote:On August 22 2016 17:47 LemOn wrote:On August 22 2016 17:30 bloodwhore~ wrote:
Slightly random question.
Are you guys good at giving compliments? I've noticed I'm pretty bad at it, I almost never do it. I believe in honesty in a relationship, so I tell her that the black trousers she likes are damn horrible and make her look like a 50 year old bank lady, when I dislike something, but on the other side of the coin tell her what I do like constantly. I think the important thing is to realise your brain is evolutionary wired to only be vocal and focus on things you dislike as they can change and can be a threat, and can take the positive things for granted. So it does take some adjustment to start being mindful to positive things and learn to express what you're observing. And you have to do just that - just honestly be aware and keep sharing what you like (dislike) and appreciate about them, be grateful and don't take anything for granted. Do you have anything to back this up? Like, anything published in something with a peer review? Well my field of study was behavioural economics, but the fact that people assign higher value and put more effort into avoiding pain/loss than they value and focus on positive gains is to psychology as Michael Jackson was to music. I'm sure you can find resources for this but the logic is really simple - when the brain got wired of many thousands of years the most important thing was to be on the lookout for danger and avoiding losses so you could survive which is the highest priority instead of focusing on what you already have and try to get more of it when there was no immediate danger of losing it as that had low impact on survival. Happy researching! A simple "No." would have sufficed
Yeah really, lol. For the same reasons that he's arguing why we should evolutionarily keep an eye out for danger and harm and ugliness, we would also be keeping an eye out for sanctuary and helpfulness and beauty.
Anyways, back on topic: Compliments should be sincere 
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EPT
