EPTGot a date on thursday. Can't say I'm that excited. I've been exercising the 'just talk and ask them out' without really enjoying myself. Maybe it is time to go for the "just let it happen" approach and not actively doing anything or the "just don't give a fuck" while talking to them to see who is actually enjoyable to have a conversation with.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 875
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Got a date on thursday. Can't say I'm that excited. I've been exercising the 'just talk and ask them out' without really enjoying myself. Maybe it is time to go for the "just let it happen" approach and not actively doing anything or the "just don't give a fuck" while talking to them to see who is actually enjoyable to have a conversation with. | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4557 Posts
You'll get there bro. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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Meborg
Netherlands50 Posts
On September 03 2016 21:42 Volband wrote: A little status update: - A few weeks ago visited the girl I was talking about, whom I already met once. I traveled to the other side of my country. It was shit. I was kinda bored by her personality, sometimes even annoyed, but I was like whatever, let's just fuck. However, at the gates of the hotel, she had second thoughts, she never did sth like that before, what if she'd hate herself, blahblah, I was like fuck this shit, I have one train back to our capital, and no train back home, the first one departs around 4:50 midnight. I was in a T-shirt and shorts and it was fucking freezing. She offered me to pay half of the cost for a room or even stay with me a bit longer, but nah, my pride said to just leave into the unknown. I got extremely lucky to find a place to stay at a friend, so overall it was an okay adventure I guess. A friend of mine said I was stupid, I should've accepted the offer and make a move on her there. Meh, maybe it would've worked, but I was already fed up. - I learned this lessson the hard way: no matter how horny you are, if someone is beyond ugliness, you will not enjoy fucking her. I won't even go into details. Big mistake, but at least my friends giving me shit for it constantly, so that's good, I should not get away with it. Ever. :D Lesson learned at least. And I arrived to the girl I'm "seeing" now, we already met twice, and of course, she has a 3 year old too! So yeah, don't be too proud of me just yet. However, at least her daughter is actually cute, but more importantly she (28 years old) is very pretty herself too. I would date her in a heartbeat if it wasn't for her child. Smaller than me, great body, beautiful face, I only wish she would style her hair in a way that appeals to me more, but oh well, first world problems. Ah, almost forgot to mention, she is is still in a relationship with the father, so I'm basically a lover. Yaaaaaaaay, I've never been one before, so cool! Not really though, I told her all the risks are on her, because even if we get found out, what could he do with me? Threaten me on facebook? Spooky. But she's living there, with the child. Not much adrenaline on my part is what I'm trying to say here. I don't know too much about the guy, he's just not doing anything to the best of my knowledge. Not going anywhere with them, playing on the computer, constantly in arguments in each other. But she says the sex is still good. LOL. Don't even ask, I already did aplently. How is that even possible is beyond me and probably my biggest turn off from this whole thing. She's kinda into me, and I made some mistake in hinting that I might feel more too, but I'm already on damage control, which basically means not to be super lovely to her, because it's not a game after all. Her aunt and family already knows about me, and he told the father of his boyfriend that she's looking to get out of the relationship. Anyway, what she does with her life is entirely on her, I don't care and I'm not telling her what to do. I'm just giving you some background info. She's pervy enough to my taste, though she got freaked out from some of my... desires? Dunno, like I was about to finger her and she said I'm mental, I should not do that while she's on her period. Unless there are hygienic consequences on her part, I'm not sure what to worry about some blood. Anyway, it was great, especially the second meeting. When I tried to slip into the panties, she repeatedly put me down, so much that I eventually stopped trying. If she doesn't want it, then so be it, what can I do. Then later on, SHE was the one who guided my hand there. Seriously, I don't know if all girls are like that, but that's just confusing. I was already grabbing, sucking her boobs, grabbing her bare ass, but no, I could not touch anything on the front. Then she just moves my hand there later. Okay. Now, it was my first encounter where I could not make the girl climax. As I said, I could not finger her, so I had to do it through clit stimulation - she also refused to let me go down on her, like seriously, I'm starting to believe I'm indeed the animal here. Now, the problem is I have no idea how to do that. I tried to rub it in a circular motion, up and down, slowly, faster, harder, lighter. Nah dude, how am I supposed to know exactly what to do with that? Sometimes she said "don't stop...", but a.) the whole motion felt weird, I could not keep it up EXACTLY the way I did right then b.) it was tiring. The whole act was tiring though. Even just being on top of her and keeping myself up lead to my knees or even body eventually shaking. Maybe I'm just weak, but still, all my respect to the people who do some marathon sessions till the morning. Oh, in case I did not mention, we were out in the open, on a field. Yes, you already know it! Just when we were most passionately working in each others' pants, furiously, we heard a bell ranging from a bicycle. As I turned around, I saw a middle aged mother and two children (daughter, son, both around 10+) biking towards us. I guess that's one more thing ticked off from the list Not sure what's next, but right now I'd like to milk this "relationship" as much as possible. It's almost all I need. Are you happy with yourself? It sounds like you're shagging just for bragging. Maybe find a girl (or man?) you love? The longer you stay in denial the sadder you'll end up. | ||
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Meborg
Netherlands50 Posts
So life lessons: First of all, be positive with yourself. If you hate yourself, go and find out why. You're allowed to be happy, angry, sad, horny, everything. Just be sure that you experience your feelings in the moment. If you feel angry, be angry. If you feel happy, be happy. If you feel sad, be sad. Experience your emotions but don't linger on them. If you're able to do that, if you're able to enjoy everything in the moment, you get the cool stories. Typing this almost makes it sound corny, but it really boils down to: "don't look, and you shall find!" Sexy is the 2nd point. Physical attractiveness does not equal being sexy. Forget about girls here for a second, look at the dudes. How many ugly as sin guys do you know that are successful with the ladies? They are quite numerous. The thing is the better you get to know those blokes, the more attractive they seem. This has to do with leadership qualities etc, they're guys that you would not mind following because they make life interesting. For men this has a lot to do with power, humour, and personality, and these are pretty vague things. But just start with being yourself. Just doing stuff that you like to do, take initiative in your own stuff, do the stuff that you find important. If you're focussed on the stuff you like, the girls can tag along with you on your journey. They can follow the leader to awesome experiences. And leaders are sexy. Don't try to be sexy, just be focused. Now Sexy in ladies also does not mean physical attractiveness. Sure a model can be super sexy, but sometimes you just meet those girls who radiate sex, even if their BMI is above average. But again just be with girls in the moment. If you're shagging someone, but then worry about what your pal thinks of it, obviously it's going to be more boring. If you don't like a girl be cool about it. Just tell her. If she still manages to seduce you, you might get the time of your life. Or maybe not. But it's your decision in the end. Noone else has anything to say on this. If people give you grief, it's their loss. tldr: Just do whatever you want to do, don't bother about what the world thinks of your preferences. Don't rape girls. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 06 2016 04:17 Acrofales wrote: Such a flimsy excuse. You just don't want us to know about your slutting around anymore... Screw you B.I.G.... Our Virgin turned sex god mascot and his count were forever to be the proof that this thread works :D | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 06 2016 20:58 Laurens wrote: 2 years later and bloodwhore still hasn't figured out that he's gay, continues to think not a single woman is interesting. You'll get there bro. It's not that I think not a single woman is interesting. I've met plenty that I do think are awesome. It's just a hassle to sift through all the ones I don't find interesting and the ones I am not attracted to. I just need to hit that perfect spot between 'fuck she is funny' and 'god she is gorgeous'. Laurens with a hit into left field, let's see how bloodwhore responds. Was it a good answer? Screw you B.I.G.... Our Virgin turned sex god mascot and his count were forever to be the proof that this thread works :D LOL. Sex god is a somewhat glorifying word to describe "not totally shit in the sack". | ||
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Ben...
Canada3485 Posts
I guess part of it is that she's becoming kinda negative about everything (except me) and I've been working very hard to not be negative anymore. I haven't looked at Tinder in like a month and the other day I randomly got a match on it with a girl I specifically remember thinking was super cute when I last did a swiping session. Maybe that's a sign... | ||
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Metalreflux
United States165 Posts
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On September 06 2016 22:15 Meborg wrote: Are you happy with yourself? It sounds like you're shagging just for bragging. Maybe find a girl (or man?) you love? The longer you stay in denial the sadder you'll end up. You know what? I think I am! I remember when I first posted in this thread 3 years ago, an awful lot people told me that unless I'm happy, I won't find what I'm looking for. Now, that's a rather vague ass advice, even if it's true. I tried to follow some of the "how to be happy" patterns, but that was, as you said, denial. You can't just force yourself to take up hobbies and meet random people without completely changing your mindset. Going to the gym is a good example in my case. I went there 3 times a week religiously, I had really good progress, I thought I am happy, I mean, what else can you ask for, but why was I there? So I can be sexually appealing to someone who was on my mind. One day I just discouraged from it all. Why go there today? No matter how far I've got, I'm still as distanced from that girl than I was before I started. What's the point? So, I just stopped. Then it got even worse. I wasn't going to the gym for myself, I was going there to fulfill some obligatory step to be more attractive. Now, I'm doing it just for myself. I'm not going 3 times a week, I slack off a lot, I'm not going to be a personal coach, but I go there just enough to make myself satisfied and of course, to still have results - and on the side, I have gained a lot of weight, which is great. Maybe when my schedule will be lighter, I'll go more, probably, but not feeling forced to do it is great. My point is, it's not what you do, but why you do it. You can't force yourself to be happy, you can't just take up 4-5 social activities and expect that you will wake up a different man the next day. I did not actually try my hands on new, social hobbies, but it's fine, I'm extremely picky when it comes to people. I am absolutely tired of boring people and their meaningless chit-chats. Like, I'm on a training course right now, 8 consecutive days each month, and even though we've been there for just 4 months, most of the people are fucking boring to me already, despite being my age. Repeating the same shitty ass jokes, the same shitty ass topics, the same shitty ass attitude, and when the rare occasion comes, they show their true, pathetic colors. Some of the guys talked soooo much about how to pick up girls, and how they would bang "all the whores", then they absolutely fluke when a 19 (!!!!!!!!!!) years old comes into our room, hahaha. Anyway, I want to be around people whom I can adore in one way or another; who can challenge me, stimulate me in a positive way. I like a good (even heated) argument, I like people who are capable of doing on the fly stuff, but most importantly, I like people who are honest. They radiate some kind of positive energy and you, well, I feel safe with them. Now, to save CosmicSpiral the trouble, yes, I am aware how obnoxious I sound, but hear me out! Ever since I reconciled with my good friends, I am much more confident in myself, I more or less know where I stand. It's easy for me to be condescending, when I already have an established social circle. I never felt the need of having 100 faceless people around me just for the sake of it. Now, I'm not trying to make excuses, getting along with every motherfucker on this planet is certainly a great skill to(i) have, and I would lie if I'd say I am not trying to be more accepting towards random ass people, but I feel I have the luxury to be picky. Also, funnily enough, being happy is what made this even worse. Like a week ago a friend of mine said that I seem much more collected now, and to that I told her that it's true, but I also became so much meaner to people I don't care about, that sometimes I wonder if I should be worried about that. She said that I just finally don't give a fuck anymore and she was/is the same way. Making progress with girls from basically zero also helped. Until this May, the furthest I went with a girl was kissing, and now... well, see my post history. I remember, people said you have to be happy by yourself, and I thought that is bullshit, and I still say the same. Kinda. You are a liar if you say you are happy, despite not being in intimate contact with a girl for years, or even ever. Unless you are asexual, you want to be desired. You can climb all the mountains, have a million friends, that still won't be enough. Obviously exaggerating, because if you are so cool that you climb mountains and you DO have a million friends, then you would literally be a pussy magnet, but you get my point. I really envy people who are in a relationship with the "right" girl. I believe - and you can correct me, if I'm wrong - having the "right" girl by your side can ultimately make you into the best version of yourself. I really fucking dig Metalreflux's post for example. It's kinda how I imagine a good relationship. You go into a relationship thinking you are awesome, and then you realize, with the help of your SO you could be fucking awesome as well, so you go for it! For example, in a serious relationship I could never allow myself to be as selfish as I am now. I did not mean to brag, I have nothing to brag about here, lol. Banging girls with some terrible life decisions is not exactly what I would put on top of my resumé. But it's a matter of perspective: at least after 24 years I'm banging!! Hopefully I will facepalm about these posts 5 years from now, when I'm with the Love Of My Life, but right now, this is my life, and I have to accept that these are my biggest intimate achievements. :D Accepting that I might have to start low (like searching online) was another pivotal point in my happiness. I was waiting for The One in my armchair, and years went by. I shared more with my friends, and I took it as a fun ride/adventure, instead of something I should be ashamed of. I mean, it might be shameful, but what can I do, I enjoyed most of these experiences, and learned something from all of them. Snorting cocaine from expensive whores in Hollywood would definitely make for cooler stories, but hey, I'm working my way up there! As for being a leader... I never wanted to be one, still not want to be one and will not be one. But I get what you meant, basically you said the "be more confident" mantra in a different context and I can agree with that. I am more confident, hell, too confident, if you ask me, haha. And yes, it would be better to already meet (and woo) with someone whom I could imagine something serious with, but the deeper I dig, I am starting to realize - what you already said - that dating just any pretty girl is not even half of it. Call me crazy, but this really nice and lovely girl I'm being a lover to... I would probably not date her for too long even if she was single and childfree. This might be the most retarded sentence of mine (which says a lot) but she is just too obedient and too nice! It's extremely comfy for me, but not stimulating on a higher level at all. She looks great, she's into me, she's not prude, all of these are great, but that little plus is just not there. | ||
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Meborg
Netherlands50 Posts
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Blisse
Canada3710 Posts
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On September 07 2016 23:55 Blisse wrote: I don't agree with everything you said but I'm glad you've found a way to be content with yourself which is what really matters. Everyone lives differently. Share your thoughts, what are you not agreeing with? - asking it in a non-confrontational voice :D | ||
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ragnasaur
United States804 Posts
And yeah, I feel ya on the being with women who don't click. It's like this girl is hot as fuck & loves blowing but she is boring as fuck too. Or that girl is awesome & a good cook but she smells bad like all the time. Good thing the world is covered with women. Not all of them are going to click though D: | ||
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Meborg
Netherlands50 Posts
Now on romance and stuff, there is no hierarchy, no ladder, no pyramid. You do not need to conquer a certain layer before you're allowed to move on to the next. It's not that simple. Humans are not that simple. The human factor is important in this. People have so many individual differences and variance that there simply is no way to anticipate all of it. Sure you can be flexible but if you're trying to cater to everyone, you're just an empty shell acting as nice as possible. You're just pretending to be a nice version of not even you. You're not showing your own personality. This is why I keep droning on about accept yourself. It's so much easier to just accept your own values, stick by them, and look out for you, than it is to pretend to be perfect to the entire world. Also, accepting yourself is also quite liberal. It doesn't mean that you only do you 100% of the time. You can do whatever you want, pretend whatever. Just as long as you know you're pretending it's fine. You can do stuff you regret later, just know why you regret it, and don't victimize yourself in it. If you don't like that you did something, just learn from it. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 07 2016 10:54 Ben... wrote: Not sure what to do. I've gone on 3 dates with a girl, and it's clear she's way into me, but I am starting to think I don't actually like her. Our last date felt like more of an obligation than anything to me, and I didn't really enjoy it at all. It's just kinda tough to decide on whether I should just cut it off or not because our previous date was really good. We work nearly opposite schedules so she texts me a lot and I would kinda rather she didn't. I really do think that is partly what has made me not so sure about her. It's like she needs attention non-stop, and it sometimes feels like she doesn't respect that I sometimes just don't want to talk, especially with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I don't want to spend each day giving her a play-by-play of what I'm doing. I guess part of it is that she's becoming kinda negative about everything (except me) and I've been working very hard to not be negative anymore. I haven't looked at Tinder in like a month and the other day I randomly got a match on it with a girl I specifically remember thinking was super cute when I last did a swiping session. Maybe that's a sign... Eh How can she force you to text with her though? Seems to be your responsibility, just stick to setting up dates over the phone/facebook for a while and nothing more and see what happens. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I've been talking to this girl for a while, and me being me, I made a few jokes. Which are absurdly dark for others. We were discussing if I was a psychopath yesterday, and I just told her that she would have to find out today if I was. She seriously sounded worried at that point. Anyway, I got pretty unpsyched to see her due to her reaction to my jokes and I wasn't sure I found her attractive either. On my way to the date I had some serious thoughts screaming "fuuuck" and "turn back and never look back"  .I'm glad I didn't bail! She was very cute and fun to talk to. She was a very good hugger as well - a really uncommon thing these days it feels like. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
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Uldridge
Belgium5160 Posts
On September 08 2016 18:06 Meborg wrote: Just had some thoughts while traveling. Quite often people talk about self improvement, becoming happy, etc. But keep in mind that's not what it's about. If you just behave like yourself you'll always continue to grow. You always get new insights, you always learn new things. But that's just normal. It's not an end-goal, it's a process that always happens. If you just accept that and move on, you're kinda there already. + Show Spoiler + Now on romance and stuff, there is no hierarchy, no ladder, no pyramid. You do not need to conquer a certain layer before you're allowed to move on to the next. It's not that simple. Humans are not that simple. The human factor is important in this. People have so many individual differences and variance that there simply is no way to anticipate all of it. Sure you can be flexible but if you're trying to cater to everyone, you're just an empty shell acting as nice as possible. You're just pretending to be a nice version of not even you. You're not showing your own personality. This is why I keep droning on about accept yourself. It's so much easier to just accept your own values, stick by them, and look out for you, than it is to pretend to be perfect to the entire world. Also, accepting yourself is also quite liberal. It doesn't mean that you only do you 100% of the time. You can do whatever you want, pretend whatever. Just as long as you know you're pretending it's fine. You can do stuff you regret later, just know why you regret it, and don't victimize yourself in it. If you don't like that you did something, just learn from it I don't agree with that. You can be so entrenched in your set way of life that you will never change. And I'm convinced that a large portion of humanity never does or even wants to change (when presented with stuff that would normally change someone). Change is difficult and scary, why would you want to destroy your perfectly created loop? On September 08 2016 22:14 bloodwhore~ wrote: I don't think I've ever been so wrong. I've been talking to this girl for a while, and me being me, I made a few jokes. Which are absurdly dark for others. We were discussing if I was a psychopath yesterday, and I just told her that she would have to find out today if I was. She seriously sounded worried at that point. ... She was a very good hugger as well - a really uncommon thing these days it feels like. But are you a psychopath?  Also: hugging in Belgium is not something we do to greet someone. I'm not sure about the rest of Europe, but I think it's the same. It's a very USA thing (Canada too?) to do. If we greet someone it's either a hand or a peck on the cheek. | ||
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