Dating: How's your luck? - Page 812

On March 16 2016 10:35 CptMarvel wrote:
Another major motive I feel protective of her is, and I know I should have mentioned it before (wanted unbiased opinions first), she was abused by her douche of a father on a couple of instances and have had older guys _ especially in the modeling world she can't stop getting involved in _ consider her an object (other abuses involved, sexual harassment which I'll skip the details of) for a while.
She's messed up indeed but I'm having trouble putting the blame on her. Chinese society can be tricky to cope with when you're a woman with the right genes.

On March 16 2016 19:30 B.I.G. wrote:
You say you feel you need to protect her. How? Will you marry her? Let her live with you forever? Do you know how to undo the damage done to her by others in the past? China is a predetorial society where the strong abuse the weak, and if you don't take care of yourself noone will. If you are not planning to stay with her and care for her for the rest of her life you better not get mixed up in any of this. And besides, it's not about assigning blame. It's about accepting it's not working between you two and not dragging it out unnecessarily long.

That doesn't mean you can't help her at all though. You can maybe help her improve her english or help her get a job for example. In general though people like her often have to follow a completely different set of rules in order to get ahead in life.

On March 15 2016 17:31 CptMarvel wrote:
Alright so I'm here to share a story complicated enough for me to omit, on purpose, a lot of details. More of a self-reflective article than an actual dating question.
I've been in China, as a foreign language teacher, for almost two years now. I consider myself an okay+ looking guy, the cute sweet-talking type that only occasionally works in the western world (where girls are way more drawn to a virility I've always lacked on) but is, when you factor exotism in the equation, super successful here.
I've spent the first year messing around, getting as many chicks as I could with relative ease before growing fed up with it. Second year I figured I'd try to actually date a Chinese and go for an intercultural relationship. I passed on a couple of opportunities with girls I didn't consider worth a try (not fun enough, too traditional) before meeting, by sheer coincidence, my current "girlfriend" _ she's from one of the western minorities (meaning she looks half-blood) and is a rocket physically, cute beyond compare, part-time model, true 9/10, a girl I would just be the "fun friend" of in Europe. She's also much easier-going than her peers and doesn't mind settling for a western lifestyle. Better yet, she came on to me and hence took much of the pressure I felt away in the first dates. Anyway, it seemed like the perfect deal and I went for it head first without giving it much second thoughts.
It's been roughly four months and she's been living with me for most of it _ I realize this is a mistake to go that far that fast with any bird but we get along so well the cohabitation has really never been an issue.
Thing is, as western as she's willing to go, she's still Chinese and, as a consequence, EXTREMELY immature (note that don't mean to discriminate, I'm stating a fact, it's a societal thing).
I went back to France for a month to spend christmas with family. I'm not much for long-distance relationships and don't know how to take care of a girl from half the world away so we naturally ended up talking a lot less during that time, which pushed her to go on dates with some chinese guys (dozens queue up and wait for their turn), one of which she ended up liking a lot (led to some kissing). She told me the day before I took my plane back and I, though a little upset, didn't mind that much. First two days back in China she kept talking to that guy through the phone and telling me he was taking care of her better than I do (understand : his wallet is a lot bigger than mine), I quickly grew tired of how disrespectful she was being so I broke up with her. She cried for an hour and asked me not to. That's when I start being too kind-hearted _ I let her have a side relationship with that dude WHILE living with me as friends with benefits until she figured out what she wanted. Chinese guy quickly found out she was still living with me (she lied to him on monumental scales), told her to move out, she refused, he got rid of her.
Now I know what y'all think : that girl is a twisted little spoiled brat who wants her cake and eat it, kick her out of your place and move on. I would, I really would, but I'm 26 and I know it's the last time I'll enjoy dating such a drama queen. I'm never bored with her, she's like the cheesy soaps you feel guilty watching. She's so moody and intense about the littlest things it's almost poetic. Everything is a tragedy, she goes from tears to laughs every ten minutes when she's in shape. A true fucking champion. I see her as a 5 years old child in a woman's body (common syndrom here) and feel very protective of her. She's emotionally retarded (not her fault, being an only child and everyone's sweetheart doesn't help) and has a lot of feeling issues. I have, over time, stopped being a boyfriend and am now more of a big brother, a father and a shrink all at once _ a status I'm enjoying a lot more than I should.
I know she needs me more than I need her and that if I cut the bridges she'll get deeply hurt. So here I stand, wondering what decision to make and changing my mind ten times a day on whether I should, or not, keep her. She's as fun to hang out with as she's unstandable when she goes on her inevitable nervous breakdowns and I know I won't have the stamina to carry on much longer.
I want to end this on a good note but I don't think it can be done.

On March 19 2016 18:38 Shiragaku wrote:
The guy turned out to be bi but I was pleasantly surprised to learn he's not straight cause he certainly did not give off any signs.
And I swing both ways.

On March 19 2016 22:57 LemOn wrote:
You're trans right?
And you are making a pretty big mistake here, whatever the sex is there's no point in trying to "keep the conversation alive" over texts. Main purpose should always always be to set up real in person dates where you can build mutual attraction.
I think it's a good rule to have to never have actually consequential conversations over the phone and keep it strictly for setting up logistics, and optionally for giving the other person value without expecting anything back

On March 19 2016 23:07 GoTuNk! wrote:
I would write this as a sticky note and post it on the door frame.

I've basically lost 2 relationships over whatsapp texting fights; when people can't see their faces they "say" way harsher things than they would actually do; Also, meaning on words is lost and you can't really connect with the other person to make amends. I hope to never make the same mistake again .

On March 20 2016 00:06 puerk wrote:
Well that is not necessarily true... my girlfriend and me had some very difficult issues going from an open arrangement to a closed one, and i think it helped a lot that she started the reconciliation and gave a long hand written letter to explain in full without interruption her feelings and proposal to go forward.