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On October 24 2015 21:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: She surely still has a lot of other priorities in her life, so I wouldn't worry too much if things start out slowly. Sure I get that, Anna told me she is super active too, but answering a text doesn't really take more than 1 minute. For me it's so weird, she was super talkative on the date, however between us we only have like 40 text messages. I usually talk to a person for a few days before even considering asking them out and this is pretty much the exact opposite.
I still have tinder and I have a few people who have been pretty talkative but I abandoned tinder once I got in contact with Julia. Partly because I have exams this Monday but also because I'm not sure if I want to date more than one girl at once, however if it's like one date per week with almost zero contact in between I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I will most likely pick it up again after the second date if we don't talk more outside of the dates.
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On October 25 2015 00:13 [Phantom] wrote:
Well, I never shared the whole story...I met this girl two years ago, we went to a couple of dates, we never had sex but we kissed a couple of times. I left that school shortly after I met her for personal reasons, but we kept in touch in the first few weeks, we would talk and then I would ask her out, she said that she couldn't but maybe this other day, then she wouldn't answer, then another day she would be the one to ask me out. One day she said we shoud go to this band concert since she had some extra tickets, I said yes and I was really looking forward to that day and planned some cool stuff. Then, the night before, she cancelled. I was specially mad because I had told my friends I wouldn't go out with them cause I was going with her, and then they kept asking why I hadn't go with her and what had happene
She was always kind of childish, closing her Facebook because "she hated people" like a 14 year old would do. She talked me nice after the concert, saying how she was sorry and that she really wanted to hang out with me. Then she lost her phone and I didn't have any way to contact her.
A couple of months ago, one of my friends saw her in some tennis class, so I went on and talked to her, I wanted to know if I would still like her after all this time and we'll then the story I told a couple of pages ago happened.
Her cancelling like that brings back bad memories and it makes me think she hasn't matured at all. I really liked her, but man, I'm tired of these games of "hey I miss you lets hang out this day! Oh but now I'll won't answer for 5 days, and then say id love to go out with you. Now we have this new date we planned since one week before? Well I'll cancel the same day!"
Yeah when I read this I would definitely cut my losses and move on. She doesn't seem to be interested at all. To me it sounds like she has just used you as a back burner in case her number one choice didn't pan out.
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On October 24 2015 23:27 [Phantom] wrote:This girl...we were suppoused to go out in the evening today, she said yes that she would love to, and thn doesn't answer again to my last message. Today she says she can't go because she "forgot the day"(made it sound like she forgot that saturday is Oct 24...I guess..) And that " how about we go out next weekend, the 31  ". She has done similar bullshit before, saying hey lets met monday, then we end up not seeing until tuesday she messages "hey lets go out wednesday" and then we finally meet. Im tired of that shit. How do I tell her to fuck off and not sound too mad. I was thinking of just saying "OK" as the tipical "yeah sure whatever you say" but maybe she could interpret it as "yeah next week is fine". Maybe just write "goodbye" or not write anything at all. Or maybe say something with more words explaining why not. Dam I was really looking forward for today but this girl doesn't change.
hold on
she says let's go out wednesday
you send her "sure" with a specific date, place and time,"see you then cutie!"+ stop all contact. And she messages you out of the blue before it even happens that she forgot the day? How can that happen?
How exactly did the conversation go and why'd she have to reply in the first place?
By the way if I did it that way, she wouldn't show up or cancel at the last minute and I'd still want to give her a chance. I'd straight up invite her to my place right away where it doesn't matter if she shows up or not no matter how far we've gotten before. And if she flakes again/asks to go out somewhere else just straight up say no and to be in touch if she changes her mind.
There is never a reason to tell a girl off
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Mexico2170 Posts
I said Sunday "I'd love to meet you on saturday" she said she would love it too, then I said the "well then , just confirm me in the week!" Which she didn't answer and you said I shouldn't have said that. Then tuesday she messages me and we have some little chat where nothing worth noting was said, like 4 messages at most. I don't even remember what we talked about but I remember I told her we should see at X place at Y time satudary. Then she didn't answer again, and I already kinda knew she would come out with some bullshit. Today (when we are suppoused to meet in about 4 hours) she said" I'm sorry Phantom, I won't be able this weeked....I forgot the day (I'm really not sure about what she meant, in Spanish she said "olvide la fecha" which would mean i forgot the date, but not date of going out, but for important day. "Fecha" is usually used for important days, like Independence day or when you have something important to do that day). The she said, "but we could go out next one, it will be Halloween!"
The way I interpreted is that she says she forgot she had something important to do this day, but she never really rembered that all week?...
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See some girls put you in the "unsure" bracket, and then decide on what you do, and if you do small off putting things it can tip them from "I'm giving this guy a chance" to "meh backup" category. That doesn't mean they can't fall for you and you can't be awesome together, but if you do seemingly small things that put her off she will start being flaky like this.
I'm pretty sure that's what happened there
Next time when a girl tells you which day works just give a girl a time/date, place ASAP, "See you then!" fully expecting her to be there and not expecting a reply. And if she doesn't show up without letting you know, you're done with her for good, that confirmation request and chit chat most likely put her off. Or just go after girls with high attraction from the get-go that always reply within the hour, are never late, blow up your phone, offer multiple times... where you can make a lot of mistakes until you get good at this stuff. Although that's pretty rare in my experience right off the bat (although there will be amazing girls you can have a great relationship with where you start with just above the "meh" category in her eyes if you do all things right)
As to this one, as I said, I'd personally push the boundary and go with your place or nothing approach as you've got nothing to lose, and not invest more in her. You'd be surprised how many girls will be up for it, I had a great few months with a girl that was tremendously flaky, cancelled dates, wouldn't make plans in advance would be late often... So all I did is always tell her to meet me at a bus stop 5 minutes from my place, that I'd make dinner and that she should bring some wine. I've eventually decided that I simply want to only be with my current girlfriend that I met in the meantime and don't want to see other girls anymore, but we both had a great time, she started coming on time and still is contacting me from time to time.
Definitely do not tell her off or reply with a snotty comment, that's beneath gentleman team liquid member standards
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Mexico2170 Posts
Thanks for the advice you all. I'm planning on telling her something like "oh..too bad today would have been a nice day but oh well! I can't the 31 (I really can't), but if you want to go out another day, really just tell me and we'll arrange something."
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On October 25 2015 00:17 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2015 21:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: She surely still has a lot of other priorities in her life, so I wouldn't worry too much if things start out slowly. Sure I get that, Anna told me she is super active too, but answering a text doesn't really take more than 1 minute. For me it's so weird, she was super talkative on the date, however between us we only have like 40 text messages. I usually talk to a person for a few days before even considering asking them out and this is pretty much the exact opposite. I still have tinder and I have a few people who have been pretty talkative but I abandoned tinder once I got in contact with Julia. Partly because I have exams this Monday but also because I'm not sure if I want to date more than one girl at once, however if it's like one date per week with almost zero contact in between I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I will most likely pick it up again after the second date if we don't talk more outside of the dates.
Stop overanalyzing. Basically the reason I didn't want to get into if about your first sate is because you are treating dating as a robot would. Stop fretting and just enjoy the ride. From what you've said here, she's into you. You're into her, so just relax and let it flow. DO NOT COUNT TEXT MESSAGES. Seeing as that last advice is too late (Wtf. Why are you counting text messages? , do not try to deduce anything from a statistic as absolutely worthless as the number of text messages exchanged.
Make a next date. If she reaches out to you before then, make small talk, have fun, and stop doing robot stuff like counting text messages.
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Phantom, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you and her? She sounds very immature, and this sounds like some high school level bullshit and flakiness on her part.
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On October 25 2015 00:17 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2015 21:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: She surely still has a lot of other priorities in her life, so I wouldn't worry too much if things start out slowly. Sure I get that, Anna told me she is super active too, but answering a text doesn't really take more than 1 minute. For me it's so weird, she was super talkative on the date, however between us we only have like 40 text messages. I usually talk to a person for a few days before even considering asking them out and this is pretty much the exact opposite. I still have tinder and I have a few people who have been pretty talkative but I abandoned tinder once I got in contact with Julia. Partly because I have exams this Monday but also because I'm not sure if I want to date more than one girl at once, however if it's like one date per week with almost zero contact in between I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I will most likely pick it up again after the second date if we don't talk more outside of the dates.
Why is it so important to you to talk outside of the dates, I don't get it? You know the more you text, the less you'll see a girl in person right? 40 messages is like half of what I've sent during my 4.5 year relationship lol
If you have issues with patience then yeah, keep talking to other women! She seems like a great girl who is into you and you seem to really like her too, maybe you are self-sabotaging yourself here?
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On October 25 2015 01:20 [Phantom] wrote:
Thanks for the advice you all. I'm planning on telling her something like "oh..too bad today would have been a nice day but oh well! I can't the 31 (I really can't), but if you want to go out another day, really just tell me and we'll arrange something."
Seems like despite her flakeyness, you really like her. So instead of leaving it open, pick a day and time (preferrably sooner than the 31st) and tell her that then works for you. Basically assert what you want, rather than being uncertain and leaving the next move up to her (won't happen).
If she responds yes tell her where to meet you and experience t her to show up. If she says no but suggests another alternative, and you can make it. Same. If she proposes nothing and leaves it open, THEN tell her to get back to you when she's less busy and move on.
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On October 25 2015 01:20 [Phantom] wrote:
Thanks for the advice you all. I'm planning on telling her something like "oh..too bad today would have been a nice day but oh well! I can't the 31 (I really can't), but if you want to go out another day, really just tell me and we'll arrange something."
Okay so you willing to do that obviously means you really like this girl right? If you aren't ready to go all-in your place or nothing which is what I'd do. Then you'll have to be super direct with someone as flaky as this one if you really want to invest time in normal dates and you don't want to be jerked around.
If I wanted to go for a normal date I'd just reply. "I have plans for Halloween, but if you give me a couple days and specific times when you know you will be free and I'd love to take you out then!"
Think DPB's approach is fine, but when she's already cancelled I will want her to propose the day and time first.
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ty for making a girl blog theyre the best
definitely the lifeblood of tl
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On October 25 2015 01:23 Acrofales wrote:
Stop overanalyzing.
DO NOT COUNT TEXT MESSAGES. I'm trying not to overanalyze.. It's so hard because every person who has been interested in me has talked to me a lot.
Well I guess I'm a bit weird in that way, I'm always thinking about statistics and probabilites etc, it's the way my brain works and probably has to do with me being insecure. I just find it super odd not to want to talk to the person you're dating more than at the date.
Why is it so important to you to talk outside of the dates, I don't get it? You know the more you text, the less you'll see a girl in person right? Well if I like someone I want to talk to that person a lot, don't see why I wouldn't talk to them outside of the dates... Just some casual chit chat.
Alright so I got a date tonight. Good luck!
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Looks like I'm single for Halloweekend, this is going to be fun >
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On October 25 2015 01:32 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 25 2015 01:20 [Phantom] wrote:
Thanks for the advice you all. I'm planning on telling her something like "oh..too bad today would have been a nice day but oh well! I can't the 31 (I really can't), but if you want to go out another day, really just tell me and we'll arrange something." Okay so you willing to do that obviously means you really like this girl right? If you aren't ready to go all-in your place or nothing which is what I'd do. Then you'll have to be super direct with someone as flaky as this one if you really want to invest time in normal dates and you don't want to be jerked around. If I wanted to go for a normal date I'd just reply. "I have plans for Halloween, but if you give me a couple days and specific times when you know you will be free and I'd love to take you out then!" Think DPB's approach is fine, but when she's already cancelled I will want her to propose the day and time first.
Yeah I'm in agreement with that proposal too. When a girl keeps cancelling/ flaking out, explicitly putting the ball in her court is good... Not just her texting first, but actually having her propose ideas/ times too. You shouldn't be expected to plan everything all the time.
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On October 25 2015 01:45 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 25 2015 01:23 Acrofales wrote:
Stop overanalyzing.
DO NOT COUNT TEXT MESSAGES. I'm trying not to overanalyze.. It's so hard because every person who has been interested in me has talked to me a lot. Well I guess I'm a bit weird in that way, I'm always thinking about statistics and probabilites etc, it's the way my brain works and probably has to do with me being insecure. I just find it super odd not to want to talk to the person you're dating more than at the date. Show nested quote +Why is it so important to you to talk outside of the dates, I don't get it? You know the more you text, the less you'll see a girl in person right? Well if I like someone I want to talk to that person a lot, don't see why I wouldn't talk to them outside of the dates... Just some casual chit chat. Good luck!
It's definitely more about the quality of conversation first and foremost... They'll naturally increase in quantity as both of you become more interested in each other, and it's very hard to judge one girl's pace based on other girls. I've definitely fallen into the same attempt at a statistical dating metagame too though ^^;;
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Met a girl last night. Was easily 40lbs heavier than her recent photos. Snorted every time she laughed.
What did I do to deserve this.
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On October 25 2015 07:37 Bigtony wrote:
Met a girl last night. Was easily 40lbs heavier than her recent photos. Snorted every time she laughed.
What did I do to deserve this.
your handle is BigTony afterall...
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On October 25 2015 07:43 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 25 2015 07:37 Bigtony wrote:
Met a girl last night. Was easily 40lbs heavier than her recent photos. Snorted every time she laughed.
What did I do to deserve this. your handle is BigTony afterall...
GG no re.
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EPT
