|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 24 2015 03:50 bloodwhore~ wrote:
To make things easier in the future I'm going to call the girl I recently dated who is now my friend "Anna" and my current date "Julia" (the names are fictional).
Thanks for clearing it up. I guess I agree with most things, especially with the not asking her out directly after the date. Why I would like to talk a lot through text is because I feel like the 'dating process' would go awfully slowly otherwise, but maybe it is for the best, she doesn't seem super eager to talk over text so far.
I sent Julia a text this morning saying that I had a fun time seeing her and asked if she had any suggestion for the second date or if I should come up with something. Kind of regret saying the last thing since it didn't really exude confidence and I don't really see the point of making her pick the date either. She hasn't answered it and it was 12 hours ago, not sure what to make of it. Either she is just super slow at answering or she gave me the wrong number or she just doesn't give a fuck anymore.
Anna called me yesterday and started asking all sorts of questions about the date. For example she asked me how I thought it went, I responded with "i guess it went okay" and she immediately said something like "just okay? Julia said it went great!" and she talked about how Julia was afraid she talked to much. So I feel like it leans towards being super slow at answering. Time will tell though.
This is cool, just next time ask her when she's free and when she does just tell her when/where she should meet you in a form of a statement. You can bring up a question of "what's the best thing you've done on a date" etc. during a date to find out what she likes. DO NOT CONTACT HER AGAIN BEFORE SHE DOES! for at least 3-4 days. Don't ask her friend why she didn't contact you yet either. Just focus on whatever you focus on in life. Then just ask her out like nothing happened, either directly in the 1st text you send her, or just call her.
There's no rush whatsoever by the way, you said you want something serious. What's a few slow months compared to 60 years of being together? Me and most guys want to move things too fast at first. And then when they "lock the girl down" they stop trying. It's in our nature and girls are afraid of that. I'd say in most cases and especially in yours it's better to leave pretty much all relationship forward moving decision on the woman (by reading her hints/between the lines) and then take the action if you're ready. Which starts with letting her contact you always first in the beginning (and asking her out immediately - that's why she's contacting you!), her to drop hints how great you are together, ask about the future before you are boyfriend girlfriend etc.
Just accept her pace, don't try to speed it up artificially, and focus on your purpose in life in the meantime.
|
It's funny that you use the word "artificially", lemon, when a lot of your advice on here comes off as painfully contrived in one way or the other. People are people before they are their genders, and to act as though waiting x many hours before saying so and so is a must or that it is a bad move to ask a girl if you can see her again requires specific knowledge about the specific woman in question that you simply don't have. There are women that will immediately smell game playing when a dude waits 3 days to contact them, just as there are women who will indeed respond better to more space and time after an initial date. The person best situated to making that determination is bloodwhore, so dial it back a bit with the artificial rules imo.
|
If she's actually into bloodwhore more than just mild interest, it won't matter too much either way.
|
On October 24 2015 05:39 farvacola wrote:
It's funny that you use the word "artificially", lemon, when a lot of your advice on here comes off as painfully contrived in one way or the other. People are people before they are their genders, and to act as though waiting x many hours before saying so and so is a must or that it is a bad move to ask a girl if you can see her again requires specific knowledge about the specific woman in question that you simply don't have. There are women that will immediately smell game playing when a dude waits 3 days to contact them, just as there are women who will indeed respond better to more space and time after an initial date. The person best situated to making that determination is bloodwhore, so dial it back a bit with the artificial rules imo.
yea i completely agree with this, some people don't mind moving at a faster pace, and it's more contrived to slow yourself down "artificially" if you're inclined to contact them more. you might be viewed as clingy, idk, people like different things, but i think it's disingenuous to follow advice like "wait 3 days" if doing that doesn't feel natural to you anyway (does that feel natural to anyone? certainly not to me).
|
Sure, that's why I mentioned the most important thing is to take actions, and learn through your mistakes and how to understand women. These things are just a shortcut if you are not willing to do that/save some time
The wait 3 days is if you send her a few messages where you expect a response and she doesn't come back to you - you will come off as needy to most girls if you don't wait for her to reply and start contacting her right away, freaked out by why she didn't respond in a timely manner anyways. Again nothing wrong with not waiting and messaging right away if that's what you feel - you will just repel a lot of women and as long as you are willing to put yourself consistently out there and go through loads of girls you'll either find one that happens to like that, or you'll learn by your mistakes and eventually understand what they're thinking and won't need to "fake it till you make it", it'll be just part of who you are. These are just shortcuts you can use if you actually really like this particular girl.
|
You only repel girls who aren't that into you by messaging them sooner. Any girl who is actually into you wants you to message her.
|
On October 24 2015 08:28 IgnE wrote:
You only repel girls who aren't that into you by messaging them sooner. Any girl who is actually into you wants you to message her.
If a girl really has decided she's into you and that she can trust you, she will never wait more than a couple hours to reply to a question in the first place!
|
I agree with LemOn that waiting seems to be more effective most of the time. You don't need to hold yourself back and rush in right when 3 days are up. But there's something to be said for taking it slow, not texting that much, and letting them get back to you first. If she texts you, then reply. You just need to generally be careful not to go too desperate on the texting. If they text you first, great. If not, don't feel stressed over it or whatever. Just give them time to cool down after the date, then hit them up to set up the next one.
|
I mean it should be obvious not to keep messaging a girl that isn't responding. But if she's not responding she's not that into you. Or she put her phone down. It does happen.
|
She responded 16 hours later saying she was sorry she forgot and mentioned a bunch of date activities. I guess I'll just have to deal with super slow answers.
|
Does anybody here have any previous experience with trying to get to know/dating your sister's friends?
I don't know if it my specific case, but my sister keeps putting her feet down saying her friends are all terrible people and I should not get involved with them in any way shape or form.
How is it possibile? Why does she hang around with them then? Is it just simple sibling jealousy speaking here(if such a thing even exists..)?
Should I just sidestep her alltogether and do my own thing? She always responds very negatively to my every inquire about them..
|
On October 24 2015 20:04 PlosionCornu wrote:
Does anybody here have any previous experience with trying to get to know/dating your sister's friends?
I don't know if it my specific case, but my sister keeps putting her feet down saying her friends are all terrible people and I should not get involved with them in any way shape or form.
How is it possibile? Why does she hang around with them then? Is it just simple sibling jealousy speaking here(if such a thing even exists..)?
Should I just sidestep her alltogether and do my own thing? She always responds very negatively to my every inquire about them..
Could that be an excuse to ceep her away from her friends?
Dating or befriending a siblings friends is a pretty bad idea imo. There are allways questions of loyalty and jealousy coming up. Not worth the trouble imo.
Why do you want to befriend/date them anyways?
|
Well some of them are pretty smart, since they are all working on their physics degree. And I'm attracted to smart people, so I figured "hey, maybe those girls are worth knowing better".
But yes, so far It turned out to be a bad idea, interaction is kinda forced/restricted by the fact that when I'm around so is my sister..and well...it is not comfortable at all for everyone involved.
|
On October 24 2015 20:04 PlosionCornu wrote:
Does anybody here have any previous experience with trying to get to know/dating your sister's friends?
I don't know if it my specific case, but my sister keeps putting her feet down saying her friends are all terrible people and I should not get involved with them in any way shape or form.
How is it possibile? Why does she hang around with them then? Is it just simple sibling jealousy speaking here(if such a thing even exists..)?
Should I just sidestep her alltogether and do my own thing? She always responds very negatively to my every inquire about them..
Based on the feedback you're receiving from your sister, it doesn't look like she's going to be a viable route in terms of getting to know her friends. It might end up being a jealousy thing (if her friends spend more time with you than her), or she might just be worried that things will get uncomfortable with her friendships. Either way, you asked (repeatedly). She said she didn't want you to go there. I'd leave it at that, and try to swim in another pond.
|
On October 24 2015 19:52 bloodwhore~ wrote:
She responded 16 hours later saying she was sorry she forgot and mentioned a bunch of date activities. I guess I'll just have to deal with super slow answers.
At least she gave you date activities. She surely still has a lot of other priorities in her life, so I wouldn't worry too much if things start out slowly. I would never go out of your way to purposely wait X amount of time just to play games with the person you're pursuing, but it's certainly acceptable to put the ball in her court in terms of responding back to you, to let her know that you're putting the ball in her court, and then feel free to focus on other things for the time being. Don't overanalyze things like this, and make sure you're not clingy.
|
Mexico2170 Posts
This girl...we were suppoused to go out in the evening today, she said yes that she would love to, and thn doesn't answer again to my last message. Today she says she can't go because she "forgot the day"(made it sound like she forgot that saturday is Oct 24...I guess..) And that " how about we go out next weekend, the 31  ".
She has done similar bullshit before, saying hey lets met monday, then we end up not seeing until tuesday she messages "hey lets go out wednesday" and then we finally meet. Im tired of that shit. How do I tell her to fuck off and not sound too mad. I was thinking of just saying "OK" as the tipical "yeah sure whatever you say" but maybe she could interpret it as "yeah next week is fine".
Maybe just write "goodbye" or not write anything at all. Or maybe say something with more words explaining why not. Dam I was really looking forward for today but this girl doesn't change.
|
Well, I've always thought that dating is like playing ladder, when you get mad at a loss that's when you truly lose.
When they reschedule it is very annoying I know, but act cool and unfazed, always do.
|
Mexico2170 Posts
I know people suggest to play it cool but I don't know how that would help. On ladder when you lose being calm lets you think about your mistakes, and then go into the next game thinking and playing better and not titl. But here what does it achieve? I'm genuinely curious. If I play it cool she could either not see me at all or just keep going on with her Bullshit. I obviously won't go ape shit on her but I was thinking of saying something like. "Its a shame. I'm tired of this games, goodbye."
What would be playing cool anyway? Saying "Well that's too bad, but well it happens."
From my experience and what I've gathered from.observing other people, if you say that kind of thing it wouldn't really help. It leaves the possibility of having out oppen, but to the girl it seems that you are her unconditional, and no matter what bullshit she does you'll be behind her, and so they don't bother with you.
|
On October 24 2015 23:27 [Phantom] wrote:How do I tell her to fuck off and not sound too mad.
I'll give my perspective as someone who was sort of in this situation a while back in this thread. When it happened to me I overreacted a lot I realized in hindsight. Unless you really don't want to see her anymore I don't think you should tell her to fuck off so fast, I said some stupid things when I was butthurt over it.
If you don't have anything planned the 31 you should still go for it in my opinion, but keep all other possibilities open and don't really waste any time on her until then.
Dam I was really looking forward for today but this girl doesn't change.
Has she bailed on a date before just hours before?
|
Mexico2170 Posts
Well, I never shared the whole story...I met this girl two years ago, we went to a couple of dates, we never had sex but we kissed a couple of times. I left that school shortly after I met her for personal reasons, but we kept in touch in the first few weeks, we would talk and then I would ask her out, she said that she couldn't but maybe this other day, then she wouldn't answer, then another day she would be the one to ask me out. One day she said we shoud go to this band concert since she had some extra tickets, I said yes and I was really looking forward to that day and planned some cool stuff. Then, the night before, she cancelled. She said she was going with her brother and was sorry. I was specially mad because I had told my friends I wouldn't go out with them cause I was going with her, and then they kept asking why I hadn't go with her and what had happene
She was always kind of childish, closing her Facebook because "she hated people" like a 14 year old would do. She talked me nice after the concert, saying how she was sorry and that she really wanted to hang out with me. Then she lost her phone and I didn't have any way to contact her.
A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends saw her in some tennis class, so I went on and talked to her, I wanted to know if I would still like her after all this time and we'll then the story I told a couple of pages ago happened.
Her cancelling like that brings back bad memories and it makes me think she hasn't matured at all. I really liked her, but man, I'm tired of these games of "hey I miss you lets hang out this day! Oh but now I'll won't answer for 5 days, and then say id love to go out with you. Now we have this new date we planned since one week before? Well I'll cancel the same day!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
