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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 16 2015 09:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Yeah, I know Acrofales made the White Knight argument; I replied to him first 
Because it sure seemed to me like 90% of the posts were implying that single moms were only after one thing: a stable boyfriend who could be a daddy figure for their kid. White knight might have gone a bit far, but that's what you get for sticking the damsel in distress label on all single moms.
While I'm not saying there aren't single moms who are indeed only interested in dating potential father figures, being a single mom is such a normal thing in modern western society that it is ridiculous to jump straight to that conclusion (and therefore also suggest to our TL buddy that he should run for the hills and never look back).
Be upright and honest about what you want (and if having nothing to do with her kid is what you want, you should let her know that, tactfully but clearly), and let her decide what she wants. Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.
Oh, also, single mom was such an anticlimax. I was hoping for estranged sister. That one always works well in the soap operas.
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On October 15 2015 15:18 obesechicken13 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2015 18:42 evilfatsh1t wrote:On October 14 2015 15:19 IgnE wrote:On October 14 2015 12:18 evilfatsh1t wrote:On October 14 2015 10:42 IgnE wrote:
I don't buy this always busy stuff. time to get a real job then? What does that mean? i was taking a jab at you having too much free time On October 14 2015 15:27 B.I.G. wrote:
Regardless of obstacles GTR, don't you think it would be an interesting experience to have had during your stay in Korea? Not saying you should force it but I don't see why you would try to avoid it.
@evilfatsh1t One of the things I noticed in China is that people due to pressure from family and possibly early pregnancies get married to the first person they really date at a young age (like early 20's), then figure out later there's more to it than that and start having sex with other people. I swear that like 90% of married Chinese people I know is almost making a sport out of cheating as much as possible. Is it similar in Korea? not at all. koreas idolisation of american culture has led them to become a little too eager to have sex early. this, coupled with american porn and lack of sex education in korea, has led to a lot of high school kids having unprotected sex with each other. some kids might get addicted to the sex and keep it going throughout uni by meeting girls at clubs, then during marriage by meeting girls at 'rooms'. the problem with korea is getting laid is literally as easy as buying groceries. the availability, addiction and lack of self control leads some people to cheat even in marriage, but its no where near as severe as what you say about china. koreans generally never marry the first person they meet, they dont "find out" about sex later, and quite frankly theyre not in much rush to get married. koreans are too aware of the hardships of marriage, monogamy, leading a financially stable life into your 30s with a family etc. its one of the main reasons why korea has such a low birthrate now Yeah I think I agree with your points. IgnE's probably wrong about the marriage or late sex in life. It's so easy to take anything you hear as truth if you're too tired to contradict it or reading too quickly without thinking about it. Which is why PUA is so dangerous.
While we are all confused about who said what can you remind me of what I said about "marriage or late sex in life?"
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On October 16 2015 12:45 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On October 16 2015 09:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Yeah, I know Acrofales made the White Knight argument; I replied to him first Because it sure seemed to me like 90% of the posts were implying that single moms were only after one thing: a stable boyfriend who could be a daddy figure for their kid. White knight might have gone a bit far, but that's what you get for sticking the damsel in distress label on all single moms.
Saying that responsible moms might prioritize their children over fucking around =/= "damsel in distress".
More like "damsel who wants to make sure she has her shit together".
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On October 16 2015 13:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On October 16 2015 12:45 Acrofales wrote:On October 16 2015 09:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Yeah, I know Acrofales made the White Knight argument; I replied to him first Because it sure seemed to me like 90% of the posts were implying that single moms were only after one thing: a stable boyfriend who could be a daddy figure for their kid. White knight might have gone a bit far, but that's what you get for sticking the damsel in distress label on all single moms. Saying that responsible moms might prioritize their children over fucking around =/= "damsel in distress". More like "damsel who wants to make sure she has her shit together".
Yup, because any mom who wants to "fuck around" cannot POSSIBLY be a responsible mom. It's a false dichotomy. Even responsible moms (can organize to) have some free time, albeit not as much as someone who doesn't have a small child to care for, and if they want to have carefree sex in that free time, that is their prerogative.
And if they want to get into a more serious relationship with someone who has stated no interest at all in caring for the kid, that is ALSO their prerogative.
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Just remember...
Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. Trust me on this one, aight? For all you know, he in prison right now. Let's say y'all livin' together. Next thing you know, you the one gone on the first and the fifteenth, huh, to pick up the government check? What if he got boys that's on the outside? And they stalkin' you? See what I'm sayin? You gotta think, patna!
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Okay so a girl texted me "next week I've got a lot of tests, so almost no time at all  "
So I replied "We'll do a cool 1 hour speed date that week"
Okay. What'd you guys do - I want it to be cool, not just a quickie - an actual date without sex.
My one idea is:
- A compacted evening mini-date: Quick food somewhere in 25-30 minutes (need to figure this one out, needs to be fast with dinner-y feel. Child portions maybe? would be literally mini date:D), then jump to McD's for a dessert (she loves those) for 20 minutes, then to a bar for a shot and I will kiss her goodbye. Also I will ask a local florist to make a tiny flower bouquet, like 1/4th size of a normal one. Dinner, dessert, drinks, flowers all under 1 hour. Can you guys trump this one?
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On October 17 2015 01:02 LemOn wrote:Can you guys trump this one?
Well I don't know about trumping, it's highly personal what you feel would be trumping. It feels a bit to cheesy for my taste.
Assuming it's a first date I'd just go for a long walk somewhere, possibly grab something to eat on the way. Ice cream, crepes, waffles, something like that.
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Oh no we've been dating for like 7 months - needs to be something cool and memorable, that stuff's way too boring/ordinary.
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Take her to a movie you know you'll both hate just so you can heckle it and then walk out half-way 😉
Has to be something cheasy bad, not just boring. Snakes on a plane or Battlefield Earth bad. But I have no idea what is showing, so you'd have to check feasibility. The FIFA movie that came out this year would've been excellent 😉
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On October 17 2015 01:20 LemOn wrote:
Oh no we've been dating for like 7 months - needs to be something cool and memorable, that stuff's way too boring/ordinary.
Oh ok, since you said "a girl texted me" it sounded like she was a random grill. Are you dating anyone else at the same time or is it just this one girl?
Well it sounds like it could work then! Doing something like that for a first date would seem a bit forced to me though.
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Why not just see her the week after?
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On October 16 2015 20:35 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On October 16 2015 13:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On October 16 2015 12:45 Acrofales wrote:On October 16 2015 09:54 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Yeah, I know Acrofales made the White Knight argument; I replied to him first Because it sure seemed to me like 90% of the posts were implying that single moms were only after one thing: a stable boyfriend who could be a daddy figure for their kid. White knight might have gone a bit far, but that's what you get for sticking the damsel in distress label on all single moms. Saying that responsible moms might prioritize their children over fucking around =/= "damsel in distress". More like "damsel who wants to make sure she has her shit together". Yup, because any mom who wants to "fuck around" cannot POSSIBLY be a responsible mom. It's a false dichotomy. Even responsible moms (can organize to) have some free time, albeit not as much as someone who doesn't have a small child to care for, and if they want to have carefree sex in that free time, that is their prerogative. And if they want to get into a more serious relationship with someone who has stated no interest at all in caring for the kid, that is ALSO their prerogative.
All of this is true, but it sure isn't the most likely scenario. I think most people here are between 20 and 30 and a significant majority of single moms at that age are not people with great careers and a stable life who happen to also have a kid from a relationship that didn't work out. So while all the things you are listing can be true, it definitely is not most of the time.
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dude a mini date with a mini meal a mink drink and mini gift is really funny go for it
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On October 17 2015 01:35 Acrofales wrote:
Take her to a movie you know you'll both hate just so you can heckle it and then walk out half-way 😉
Has to be something cheasy bad, not just boring. Snakes on a plane or Battlefield Earth bad. But I have no idea what is showing, so you'd have to check feasibility. The FIFA movie that came out this year would've been excellent 😉
hahaha that's awesome
"You said 1 hour"
"No worries babe, you'll see, I don't break my promises"
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On October 17 2015 04:50 B.I.G. wrote:
dude a mini date with a mini meal a mink drink and mini gift is really funny go for it
Oh yeah, a gift!
So:
1) A miniature of something in a tiny box (but what, help!).
2) Tiny miniature flower bouquet (local florist should help)
3) A a kid's meal at a food parlor at the mall (restaurant would take too long, Happy meal at McD's is an option but that's not that funny)
4) Smallest dessert possible at McD's
5) the smallest shot they've got at a bar :D
And refer to it explicitly as "minidate" in all conversations beforehand.
On October 17 2015 03:40 IgnE wrote:
Why not just see her the week after?
Well that's an option, I'm super busy myself that week, have to prepare for a big thing coming up at work.
But this is a really cool idea, we have sex on every date (even when we don't get to go home together wink wink),so I think doing this date just because without expecting anything will be awesome. She knows how I met your mother by memory, I assume most girls like the 2 minute date idea, this is just a different spin on it
P.S. All our dates took 6+ hours. So this will be a great change of pace.
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On October 17 2015 01:02 LemOn wrote:Okay so a girl texted me "next week I've got a lot of tests, so almost no time at all " So I replied "We'll do a cool 1 hour speed date that week" Okay. What'd you guys do - I want it to be cool, not just a quickie - an actual date without sex. My one idea is: - A compacted evening mini-date: Quick food somewhere in 25-30 minutes (need to figure this one out, needs to be fast with dinner-y feel. Child portions maybe? would be literally mini date:D), then jump to McD's for a dessert (she loves those) for 20 minutes, then to a bar for a shot and I will kiss her goodbye. Also I will ask a local florist to make a tiny flower bouquet, like 1/4th size of a normal one. Dinner, dessert, drinks, flowers all under 1 hour. Can you guys trump this one?
A literal miniature dinner is pretty clever, but if you decide against it and want a normal dinner, you can always prepare dinner (cook or pick up an order or get delivery) right before she gets to your place so that you don't need to wait/ rush as much.
But I like your plan of miniature everything... It's a cool theme
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Hey guys, today the girl asked me to kiss her forehead on the bus and asked if it was alright if she leaned on me. I, of course, agreed and she received many kisses to her forehead. I think on tuesday I'll offer to buy her coffee- is the forehead kiss as significant a sign as I think or am I being rused? Please assist me, friends. I am not an exceptionally perceptive man.
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On October 17 2015 11:25 Sickel1 wrote:
Hey guys, today the girl asked me to kiss her forehead on the bus and asked if it was alright if she leaned on me. I, of course, agreed and she received many kisses to her forehead. I think on tuesday I'll offer to buy her coffee- is the forehead kiss as significant a sign as I think or am I being rused? Please assist me, friends. I am not an exceptionally perceptive man.
It depends on the person, but clearly she's comfortable with you! Ask her out, gl hf
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Yeah you need to recalibrate. You should have kissed her on the lips.
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EPT
